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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Applications to Be a Hatrack Horseman of the Apocalypse (Page 3)

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Author Topic: Applications to Be a Hatrack Horseman of the Apocalypse
Onanism
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*checks out Lust*

I'll be right back.


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zgator
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Try not to fall off your horse this time.
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Lust
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*giggles coquettishly*

See the power I have? How can I NOT be a Horseman of the Apocalypse? Anyone we fight will just sprawl out on the ground in the throws of ecstasy.

It's what I do.

[This message has been edited by Lust (edited March 14, 2003).]


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mackillian
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Ew.
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TomDavidson
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Bah. Given the context of this particular competition, you're good for nothing but pathetically awkward Parachat cybersex. So give it up.


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Darth_Mauve
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That's just not fair. I want to fall down in the throws of ecstacy but I could never fight you--Lust. I never fight lust. Lust shows up any where, any time, any place and I just surrender to it.

I admit some people I've lusted after have tried to fight back, but I don't mind.

Smite me Lust. Smite me hard.

Darth Mauve
I put the Sith in Sissssy.


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Irony
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Lust using Freudian references that are sexually off-putting?

*ironic smile*


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Lust
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I control AOL, Onanism, and Anti-Chris.

Sarcasm, Spite, and Cynicism just try to cover me up -- but I am always there, hiding below the surface.

I am more powerful than Apathy.

Hello?? I practically invented Britney Spears.

I'm what Ignorance & Want will get when they grow up.

Greed is my puppet.

Gluttony and I work side-by-side. Me first, him after...

Procrastination is way cool. I have nothing to say about him. I'm usually what he uses as an excuse. "Sorry i'm late, i was busy..."

Flamer. What can I say about him? Where there's smoke....

Folly. He and I go *way* back...ever heard of illegitimate children?

Heresy. Evil. Fluff. All these guys -- got 'em wrapped around my finger. My beautiful, sensuous finger.

*smiles wickedly*

*but is still very sexy*

*VERY VERY*

[This message has been edited by Lust (edited March 14, 2003).]


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Sarcasm
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Apparently, some applicants are having trouble understanding the requirements to be a Hatrack Horseman of the Apocalypse.

Cynicism, shall we choose a deadline for applications? Say, Saturday at midnight, Hatrack time?


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Apocalypse
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Ahh... but, Fair Lust, you forget one thing. When the world ends, you end with it.
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Lust
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*points out, very sexily, that "Sarcasm" and "Cynicism" aren't indigenous to Hatrack*
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America Online
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Sorry, Lust, but I think Anti-Chris and I are not so subject to you as you might think. We are motivated by pure evil (and sometimes the desires for infinite wealth and power, but that's irrelevant now), not lust. Think Venus and Adonis--we're hunters, not lovers.

Am I right, Anti-Chris?

See keyword: PureEvil for more information.


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Lust
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I beg to differ....cybersex? porn? online dating services?...all of these are what AOL is infamous for

And Anti-Chris has a crush on me...didn't we already cover this?


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America Online
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Those are merely tools we use to achieve infinite evil, little Lust. We feed you to our slaves to make them love us.

I notice you have an AOL homepage. We'll see who is master of whom.


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Sarcasm
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Like I need Lust to tell me what belongs at Hatrack! Ha! And as if being indigenous to Hatrack is a requirement! If you think you're so cool, why don't you start your own little club? You can call it something really lame, like maybe "The Seven Deadly Sins."
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Lust
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I like to call them "The Seven Deadly Virtues"

If being "indigenous" to Hatrack ISN'T a requirement, why did you point out, quite snarkily:

quote:
Apparently, some applicants are having trouble understanding the requirements to be a Hatrack Horseman of the Apocalypse.

Hatrack. So you're saying a vice has to be born of Hatrack. Sarcasm and Cynicism were most certainly not.

*preens*



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Sarcasm
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Being part of Hatrack doesn't mean that you have to be born of Hatrack. You should consider changing your name from Lust to Logical Fallacy.
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TomDavidson
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You know, you're not all that sarcastic. You're more snarky.

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Lust
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Hey, nowhere in my job description does it say i have to "make sense logically."

I'm just supposed to sit around and look pretty.

You know you're only angry because you want me.


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Snarky
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Can it, Tom. Don't try to drag me into this.
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enjeeo
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Tom, you really should log in as Criticism.

Or maybe Disdain.

[This message has been edited by enjeeo (edited March 14, 2003).]


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Sarcasm
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Well, Tom, maybe you could give me some lessons or something, since you're obviously the expert.
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Sarcasm
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Well, that made sense.
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Apocalypse
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Quiet, you, or I'll have to whip out my OrgazmoRay (in a manner of speaking) and prematurely end you before the rest of the world goes.
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Dan_raven
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In defense of Lust (which is a phrase I don't use every day).

No Lust means No Porn.
No Porn means No $ on the Internet.
No $ on the Internet means No AOL.

Sorry America On Line, but you need Lust.


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TomDavidson
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"Tom, you really should log in as Criticism."

Why limit myself? Surely being Tom is enough.


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Lust
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Wow, the OrgazmoRay!! That hasn't been seen in eons!

*pats it fondly*

Ah, the good old days...


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Onanism
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The OrgazmoRay should be your worst nightmare...it provides the end without having to go through the means...which, in this case, is you.
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Onanism
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I, personally, don't like it because I like the calories I burn the old fashioned way.
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Fine Print
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~ahem~

I shall make a bid for one of the coveted spots. I trust I need not justify my qualifications.*


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Lust
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Hey, Fine Print...i think you need me, buddy.
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zgator
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In addition to what Dan said, I would like to point out that the power of Lust has increased immeasurably due to the internet. Before the internet, Lust was confined to magazines behind the 7-11 counter and the backroom of the video store. Lust has run rampant now thanks to providers like AOL.

So, in effect, AOL is the tool of Lust.


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Jon Boy
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It seems to me that it's more of a partnership between the two.
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Kayla
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Oh Dear God. Fluff and Fine Print are funny!
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Onanism
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According to Thor and his short-lived(about five minutes before deletion) thread, I support terrorism! How could I not be one of the Horsemen now?!
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Insomnia
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*YAWN* I would take the post if nominated its not like i got anything better to do with my time *YAWN*
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Addiction
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I doubt Insomnia is what keeps you all up so late posting...
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Dan_raven
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Inflation called. He's interested in the position, but before he sends a resume he wants more money.

Taxation sent an IRS agent to check into it. Before he applies the IRS wants to know if riding to the destruction of the world is deductible.

Conservative just denounced the whole Hatrack rider change. She prefers the original riders from the good old days.

Liberal will only join if you do an environmental impact study of what the new horsemen will be doing. Ending the world is fine, just don't destroy anything natural while your at it.

I heard from Wits agent. He's busy with a three picture deal but suggests sending Lavalamp in his place till he gets here.

I tried contacting Existentialism for you guys. He doesn't think a position exists.

[edited, because Edit-ted wants the job]

[This message has been edited by Dan_raven (edited March 14, 2003).]


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Spam
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If its the HATRACK signs of the Apocalypse that you are looking for, I usually tend to show up right before it dies. Im also refered to as Spammer and Troll. Thats right, Im the guy that sends in the Trolls.

All hope for Hatrack is about to be lost when Troll's reign free, spreading me across the board. I have shown my face numerous times before, usually in your mail. Sometimes a couple of people have used me to wreak havoc but since they couldn't coordinate their attack with OTHER posters, they just got banned.

Lets face it. The last thing you want to see on your computer, or in Hatrack is Spam.

[This message has been edited by Spam (edited March 14, 2003).]


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America Online
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I like this SPAM fellow...

Hey Lust, baby, how about we get together after the auditions. We seem to be made for each other (see keyword "PerfectMatch").

Question for Sarcasm: If Lust and I join forces, can we be considered for the position as one, hideous, two-headed monster of a rider?

[This message has been edited by America Online (edited March 14, 2003).]


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Procrastination
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I really need this, guys. The bills are really piling up. I put in to be a Deadly Sin back in the day, but they told me the positions had already been filled.

I tried to push them to expand the field to eight, but they weren't buying it. I mean, I had a doctor's note and everything - it wasn't like I could have interviewed with that, um, *cough, cough* cold...

And then, frustratingly enough, my wagon got a flat on the way to the temple. Wouldn't you know, the one time I really needed it.

So a Saturday deadline? I think I can handle that... but I'm going out of town on Thursday, and I hear there may be weather. I'll try to get it in Friday night before bed... Insomnia and I can work on stuff over AIM.

Um...

...what time Saturday?


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Deirdre
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<closes blinds>


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DEEP DESPAIR
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Monstrous, stormy thunderclouds spewing rain that is more acidic than any acid ever was is pouring down upon you all. I am melting into slimy gobs of craven goo and burning the very life-giving ground into a waste below me.

Fie! Can you not feel it burn your eyes and hair?

Do you not have eyes with which to see? Ears with which to hear? Noses with which to smell - - - argghhhhhhhhhhh - the smell - NOOOOOOO, stop - quick - the clothespin.

Oh - it is too much. How can I hope to triumph against such contenders as "fine print" - when has anyone EVER read the fine print to any deal they've made? How can frail and puny mortals pass up the seductive wiles of LUST?

*Much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth*

Join me - all of you contenders - what is life but death relived? Join me and suffer not alone . . .


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Onanism
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Jeez, if it comes down to self-promotion, I could go on all night.
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Addiction
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And you will, as I've got you hooked on Hatcrack.
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Jomtuuv
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I am Dry Wit. Fear my parch-ed witticisms as they cut through your soul like a desert wind!
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DEEP DESPAIR
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"Nobody loves me
Everybody hates me
Guess I'll go eat worms.

Fat ones
long ones
short ones
skinny ones

Guess I'll go eat worms."


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Lust
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I've been using you as my minion for YEARS America Online -- just because you're suddenly aware of the fact doesn't mean we should join forces. It works better the other way -- with you convincing the masses that these "Spam Blockers" And "Pop-Up Stoppers" are going to expell the porn and other goodness from your borders.

*phew*

That took a lot out of me, I don't know why.

There's only one way to make it All Better...


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Irony
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Lust with a higher purpose. Interesting.
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Lust
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I've always had a higher purpose. Why would I be so influential, otherwise?

And the answer to that?

42.


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