posted
So it seems that the end is near, and everyone knows that the world can't end without the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Two of the four positions have been filled by myself and Cynicism. If you would like to be a Horseman, please apply and audition here.
Posts: 276 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Um, hello? Where's your resume? What about your audition? Also, Horsemen of the Apocalypse don't use smilies. And until you're hired, you should change the occupation in your profile to read "Horseman wannabe."
[This message has been edited by Sarcasm (edited March 13, 2003).]
posted
The positions here aren't limited to Bitterness and Pessimism. Make up a suitable username (capitalized, people!) and apply here.
1stHorsemanofApocalypse, I regret to inform you that we can't accept you for the position at this time, as we are looking for applicants who don't suck.
Yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in our humility.
Where graceful youth should have filled our features out, and touched us with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted us, and pulled us into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread.
We are Man's children.
[This message has been edited by Ignorance & Want (edited March 13, 2003).]
posted
Hello. This will be my first time as a rider of the apocolypse.
For the past couple millenia, I've been working as one of the 7 deadly sins. Its been a good life, but I believe that my experience as a deadly sin is ready to be transfered into a rider of the apocolypse.
I have experience with horses. Many of the people that I have worked with owned horses and camels. Unfortunately, there was alway a problem in breaking the camel's back.
My cousin, Famine, was a rider of the Biblical Apocolypse. Just like her, I am food related. Too little of food, famine, will kill you and too much of it will kill you as well.
Recently, productivity has gone up. In the past 100 years, we suffered terribly, as girls began to take notice to looks. But within the past 20 years, I have steadily increased our productivity by 20 pounds every 10 years.
I am very good with children, especially teenage boys. Im a very good comforter, always around when breakups occur. I can be very rigorous and I am absolutely horrifying to look at.
posted
Pssh. All I know is that 64% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Apathy? Greed? Gluttony? You think you're all that 'cause you're in on the Big Seven. Well, get lost.
And no, you're not getting an application from me, just 'cause I know it'll piss you off. This is all I'm offering, take it or leave it.
posted
Yeah, I must say that I'm a little disapointed with the turnout so far. We've got a set of Siamese twins and some deadly-sins-type people. Keep 'em coming, folks.
Posts: 276 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Yeah, you sit on your high horse (yes, pun intended, thankyouverymuch), Mr. I'm-Already-A-Horseman. Hope it bucks you off the next time you try to come thundering over the horizon.
Posts: 16 | Registered: Mar 2003
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The day my brother was brought home from the hospital, two days after his birth, I immediately sat on his head to express my displeasure.
I think all your favorite sports teams are wimpy and pathetic.
I write into networks to get your favorite shows cancelled, and encourage your favorite TV actors to demand raises and/or attempt movie careers.
I will often tell you that you are wrong, then smugly provide no hard data, claiming laziness. If you provide hard data, my eyes will get blurry and I'll ignore you.
I am physically unattractive, but behave as if I am devastatingly handsome.
When I was four years old, I tried to control fish with my mind.
posted
That's all very nice, Mr. Davidson, but do you have a cool pseudonym fitting for a Horseman of the Apocalypse?
Posts: 276 | Registered: Feb 2003
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I do not need your approval Sarcasm. I am what I am and I come baring "facts" the one thing most certain to cause any hatrack thread to dissolve into a battleground of name calling and ad homonim assaults.
Posts: 2 | Registered: Mar 2003
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You most certainly do need my approval. Cynicism and I are the panel that shall decide who will fill the remaining slots. Sorry, but it takes more than an unimaginative and visually unappealing name to make you a Horseman of the Apocalypse.
Posts: 276 | Registered: Feb 2003
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And so we're supposed to seek the approval of Sarcasm and Cynicism? Yeah, right. As if.
No wonder Apathy didn't put in more of an effort.
My name's perfectly apocalyptic, thank you very much. If it was good enough for my grandfather, an incarnation of doom who could, with a mere scowl, convince grown men to wash dishes, it's certainly good enough for me.
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Keep in mind that these are the Hatrack Horsemen of the Apocalypse. We're a very specialized bunch.
Posts: 276 | Registered: Feb 2003
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I'd apply, but I have a feeling that the horsemen of the apocylpse are generally more highly regarded than lawyers. That just won't do. I have a reputation to uphold, after all.
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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If wit were all it took to be a Horseman, Procrastination would have it in the bag. Too bad it's not.
In the past, I've also been known as Revenge. Just to take credit for some of the mayhem that is rightfully mine. Cheese-eating glory-stealing surrender monkeys.
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Hey, I'm the real bane of Hatrack. The rest of you are just pathetic losers and Nazis to boot. If you think otherwise, you are stupid and EVIL!!!
I should be one of the Horsemen because I'm completely superior to everyone and my IQ is 374 and because I have a link that proves my point.
Also, I'm the best at misquoting, misunderstanding, and misanthropy.
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Maybe I'll come up with something about Trolling... or Memes... or Dobies... I dunno. I can't make up my mind.
Posts: 75 | Registered: Mar 2003
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One more thing. If I, THE ALMIGHTY ANTI-CHRIS, had to pick, I would pick Procrastination, Sarcasm, Lust and Cynicism as they are the best things for getting people to quit listening to Jebus. Gluttony comes in a close second, though.
America Online, you can't be a horseman of the apocolypse. You are a TOOL not a rider.
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