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AJ, I was in a wedding years ago where the maid of honor lived in Baltimore. She set up the shower as best she could, but relied on others in the wedding party to help her out with the details that could only be handled by someone local.
Actually, I ended up doing most of her legwork because she was cute and single. And yes, we did hook up at the wedding. And yes, we did start a long distance relationship. And yes, it did turn into a nightmare because she turned out to be not a very nice person. Never, ever, ever volunteer to care for a girl you barely know after they've had a boob job.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I just fired off an e-mail asking if they were registered anywhere. I mean they both have most of the basic household stuff covered, so I don't know what they'd actually need.
hmmm maybe if I got married I could wangle a Kitchen Aid mixer out of somebody...
quote: I did not know the full extent of his powers of joking at the time, but I did know that I had an advantage. You see, he did not know the time honored tradition of shoving the cake in the face. I let him be the gentleman and sweetly give me a piece of cake, biding my time, cackling my evil giggle that he didn't yet understand. And then I acted, smearing the cake all over his face.
Ahhhh, the expression on his face. I had caught him. Rare indeed was my enjoyment though. In all the thirteen years of our marriage, I don't think I've topped that one yet.
Amka, me too! Tom and I had "agreed" not to shove cake at each other. So, he fed me very politely and I returned the favor, but at the end dipped my finger in some frosting and slathered it on his nose. The look of shock on his face is one I'll always remember.
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As far as the wedding party goes.. NO ONE execept the bride and groom live nearby as far as I know. Maybe some of the groomsmen do, but none of the bridesmaids who would be in charge of the girly stuff are.
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Anna, all you really need to plan a wedding shower is a cake, some punch, some games and a place to hold the shower. I'm pretty sure you can arrange all that long-distance. Use the yellow pages to find a place and perhaps a caterer or bakery.
I love the idea of a Victoria's Secret trip. Otherwise, a themed shower -- i.e. bath/relaxation products, unique kitchen tools, lengerie -- is fun.
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You could plan a couples shower. I've been forced to, I mean, been lucky enough to attend several. I see know reason why men all over the country shouldn't have to suffer, I mean enjoy them as well.
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BTW, AJ, you weren't serious about an "online shower," were you? That'd be worse than not having one at all.
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I think it's vitally important that people actually be PRESENT at a shower, and that there be a decent mix of planned activities/icebreakers and general chatting (I include shopping in "general chatting," by the way, unless specific shopping-related games or embarassing escapades are planned, like requiring her to have herself "sized" by a clerk.)
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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See I personally LOATHE icebreakers and all of those stupid cutesy games. I'm going to have to have a serious talk with her and see what she wants or expects.
Sometimes she's a little more into stupid cutesy than I am but most of the time we generally agree on that sort of thing.
I think I should just pack you into a suitcase and take you along Tom (well if Christy wouldn't mind) you are by your mere presence, a quintessential icebreaker!
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Storm, I know. At a couples baby shower, I had to play some stupid game where the men have to drink beer out of a baby bottle. I just stood there and waited for the contest to be over because there was a cooler full of beer in much-easier-to-drink-out-of adult bottles right there.
BTW, sometimes shopping with your wife for drapes is the only way to make sure your credit card stays under the limit.
edit: You can't delete that and make me look stupid Storm.
quote: See I personally LOATHE icebreakers and all of those stupid cutesy games.
I hate these too, regardless of the intent or occasion. The only thing they do is give people something in common...they are all equally annoyed or embarrassed.
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The valuable thing, however, especially in a group where not everyone knows each other, is that they all ARE given a chance to bond over the same humiliation.
No party should rely entirely on the willingness of strangers to sit around and talk to each other. *grin*
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Banna, they suck, but you have a group of strangers getting together.
AND....
You can have everyone write down their first, first kiss, or their last first kiss story, read them out loud and guess which belongs to whom. I did that at a shower last Saturday, and it was really fun. You can also do Bride and Groom trivia.
They are still games, but they are not unbearable no is required to use a baby voice. Yay!
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I once played an icebreaker game with a group of women who were all at least 15 years older than me. The game was to write one fact about yourself on a slip of paper, and everyone had to guess who it refered to.
Doesn't sound too bad, except that every time something silly or rebellious was read out loud, everyone assumed it was me.
"I have a giant tattoo." "MAUREEN!" "No, it wasn't me," I'd say.
"I once got married, then divorced 48 hours later." "Maureen!" "NO, I didn't DO that," I'd say.
My fact? I scored 1550 on the SAT's. Pretty boring. Why would everyone assume I was the freak?
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Well I don't agree with Tom and kat *grin* but I see your point about strangers getting together. If worse comes to worse I'm going to contact her mother and see if she has ideas on what exactly we should do. But that is a last resort.
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Kat, I just can't picture swapping stories about a first kiss as something most men would get into. Call me crazy.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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lol, you don't understand, the free honeymoon at her shore house doesn't cost her anything...
Sorry I stopped posting. I went home from work just after lunch because I had the sinus headache from hell. I took a nap til 6:30pm and now feel much better.
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Oh, I understand that, AJ. Tell 'er you can be bribed -- but she's gonna have ta really make it worth your while! Put her money where her mouth is, as it were. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Just got a message from my friend. She says they already have enough household stuff. What they would like to do is have people donate to a charity in their honor.
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AJ, I think that's great. Some people I know have chosen to make a less-lavish wedding and donate money to a charity like this one.
Perhaps the invitations might say something like, "In lieu of gifts, [insert bride's and groom's names here] request that you make donations to [insert charity name and contact info here]."
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Anne Kate and I have been duking this out on IM. She says Mrs. M will agree with her that it is rude, and I'm pretty sure she's right.
She says it is because you are implying they *should* give something any time you put a note like that in. I've been looking at wedding etiquette sites and they basically agree with her. They say that guests should find out even where the bride is registered from the wedding party or the family.
However all of my friends who have gotten recently married, have put a little buisness cardlike thing in with the invitation saying at least where they were registered. One of Steve's cousins, put in lieu of gifts please donate to defray honeymoon expenses and nobody blinked an eye, especially because they were poor college students (as is my best friend... she's a starving graduate student, he's working as a lowincome post-doc.)
Also the bit about contacting the family or the bridal party totally doesn't work given the geographic spread of the guests invited. I'm of the opinion that putting it in the invitation, on a separate card is extremely practical.
This sort of etiqutte thing is one of those "polite fiction" deals that totally pisses me off about weddings.
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AJ, in general I'm in favor of "proper" etiquette, but I'm with you on this one -- it's taking the polite fiction too far.
Now, shower invitations that have a list of stores at which the couple is registered do bug me a bit -- but this is for charity, and I think that should count for something. Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Then it's not really in lieu of gifts, I guess.
In that case, it's just hitting up party guests to donate to a good cause? *grin* That does seem kinda tacky.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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People may still feel like bringing gifts, but they aren't required at anything that's not called a shower. Unfortunately there isn't any polite way to officially channel or direct people's spontaneous generosity, because that makes it sound expected and not spontaneous.
The only exception is at funerals, the next of kin, on behalf of the departed, can request donations to a charity in lieu of flowers. Basically, being dead gives you some lattitude. Posts: 5509 | Registered: May 1999
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quote:I always picture Mrs. M at one of those with the lovely white gloves and afternoon hat. Tea gowns, of course.
jexx, that's exactly what I wanted. It ain't what I got. My shower was a disaster from start to finish. My maid of honor was in the same position as AJ - I was living and getting married in NYC and she was living here in Richmond. So Andrew's aunt offered to co-host the event at her apartment. Cara hand-made beautiful invitations with topiary (which I especially love) and started experimenting with gourmet cookies. Andrew's aunt is a lovely person, but very, very different from me. She and Cara spoke on the phone and Cara called me up right after and said, "You're going to hate your shower and it's not my fault. She wants to serve tuna salad."
I really don't like Tuna Salad on an ordinary day, but I certainly didn't want it for my bridal shower. Cara tried to tell Amy that I don't like tuna salad, but Amy insisted that Tuscan tuna salad would be fabulous.
It wasn't.
Nor was the fact that Amy didn't clean the thousands of toys she keeps in her living room. Nor was the presence of her three small, screaming children (whose roles in my wedding party gave me nightmares), who were supposed to be at Andrew's parents' house. I could go on and on about the things that weren't fabulous. The Tuscan tuna salad was particularly vile.
I had my bridesmaids' luncheon at the Russian Tea Room, though. It was beautiful and elegant and perfect.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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so what is your whole opinion on the presents/charity ideas Mrs. M.
This is the thing, I think it would be better to do a sort of informal get together, probably both sexes attending, than to deal with a formalized shower. Gwen isn't as picky of an eater as I am, but I could see things going the way of Tuna Salad all to easily.
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I think donations in lieu of gifts is a wonderful idea and increasingly common. It's not rude at all, but very nice (in the Southern sense of the word).
What about having a wedding shower, as opposed to a bridal shower? It can be a nice way for all the out-of-town guests to meet and relax before the wedding. You can have it the same weekend - maybe the day before the rehearsal. You can do a barbecue or have it catered by a place that serves regional cuisine.
Posts: 3037 | Registered: Jan 2002
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Yes just sort of having a wedding party get together and icebreaker on Thursday or friday evening would be perfect The wedding is at 8am sunday morning July 4th, so early because it is going to be out of doors and blazingly hot any later in Tucson.
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I think giving a charity donation instead of a gift is lovely, it's asking for charity donations instead of gifts that I find a bit objectionable. Because it assumes people are going to want to give you gifts, then tries to channel their generosity into the direction you prefer. It seems to presume a lot, in other words. Posts: 5509 | Registered: May 1999
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There is a terrible trend around here lately of holding showers at restaurants - where the guest has to buy their own food. That's right - you get invited to come to an expensive restaurant, buy your own food, and give her presents. All told, that shower costs each guest $40 - $50. The sum total of the hostess' work consists of filling out e-vites.
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<grin>but Anne Kate that brings us back to the whole connundrum of how do you let people that want to give gifts know that you want donations to a charity instead, without putting it somewhere in the invitation materials. The whole "word of mouth" ask the wedding party or the relatives thing that the manners types proclaim, isn't going to work in this case given the distances involved.
What should the wording be?
"If you feel so inclined, please donate to charity X in lieu of presents?"
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Otherwise, a themed shower -- i.e. bath/relaxation products, unique kitchen tools, lengerie -- is fun.
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At a couples baby shower, I had to play some stupid game where the men have to drink beer out of a baby bottle. I just stood there and waited for the contest to be over because there was a cooler full of beer in much-easier-to-drink-out-of adult bottles right there.![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
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