posted
Also, viscerally and emotionally I think that a sentence on a postcard is a pretty poor excuse of an apology for the last 6 years of multi-page letters.
The cold cynical part of me wonders if it is her grasping at straws as she realizes the manipulations aren't working at all.
posted
Wow Banna, those were something else! I'm with kat, in that your grandmother seems fascinating to me--fascinating, and terribly sick. Those letters have the same feel, to me, as Grima Wormtongue does in LOTR. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with her all your life, but I'm glad that you have the strength of character to refuse to allow yourself to be molded by her.
I also feel sorry for her. I imagine that being her must be a pretty hellish expereince.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I do think, though, that the letters could be improved if she were to add doodles of the type I mentioned earlier. She could intersperse them with doodles of bunnies and flowers, maybe.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Do her happy faces ever have horns and goatees?
quote:I guess when I am in more detached moments, she fascinates me as well. How does someone become so complicated?
Well...messed up parents, along with a genetic predisposition toward being molded toward this kind of behavior, coupled with a lifetime of reinforcing feedback from her environment?
What were her parents like, do you know?
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I know her mother completed two years of medical school in a day when women weren't necesarily supposed to be doctors, but couldn't stand the sight of her own children's blood. She quit medschool to get married. There is some controversy over whether she ever wanted to go to med school to begin with or if her father Dr. Fix, made her. The think is you can't acutally "make" someone go to med school.
I seem to remember that she smoked a pipe too. I think that grandma may have been raised more by the maids then by her mother, since her mother was a socialite.
All I really know actually. The only story I know about the father is that he outlived the mother and used to throw spoonfuls of ice cream at his dog.
quote:grandma may have been raised more by the maids then by her mother, since her mother was a socialite.
My word Anna, this is my family. My grandmother (Nanny) was raised by maids and aunts and nannies while my great-grandmother traveled the country and eventually married an older, rich guy and threw parties. Thing is, my great-grandmother died young (in her fifties) and the step-father remarried a twenty-something and cut my Nanny pretty much out of the family and everything else when she objected in a no-doubt dramatic and self-righteous way to her step-father and his cookie sharing a hotel room before they were married (this was in the early fifties).
I wonder the effect this had on my grandmother and her daughters. Except for my mom (who, fortunately for her, married a man who bases his conception of success on how happy his wife is), my grandmother and her daughters all married men who treated them very, very badly.
I'm fascinated by it, but except for my two aunts, all the players died a long time ago. My mother was, I think, in your place - she married outside of the culture and shocked her family in the process. On the other hand, once she got to know my dad, my grandmother adored him. She even made my dad the executor of her will.
Maybe it wouldn't be a tragedy if grandma met Steve? The race thing is a big thing for her to get over, but my grandmother was a Southern Baptist who got over the fact that her son-in-law was Mormon.
quote: There is a tax write off for married couples, but I'm sure that wasn't the reason they got married. I can die happy now.
a) no, there isn't a tax write off for married couples. Point in fact, until this year, being married was actually a tax penalty. Now, there isn't a penalty for being married, but seeing as how they got married two years ago, I doubt they did it for the penalty.
b) maybe the thought granny of dying, happy or not, was what pushed them over the edge and made them decide to marry.
quote: "Elope" it is legal!
Elope: To run away with a lover, especially with the intention of getting married. Run away secretly with one's beloved; "The young couple eloped and got married in Las Vegas"
Why would you need to run away? I think she doesn't know the meaning of the word elope. In addition to running away being legal at your age, so is living together.
quote:It could get worse if you broke up and one killed themself.
You know what would be really bad? If a huge asteroid were heading for earth. Or if there were an airborne Ebola virus.
When all else fails, remember, it could be worse. It could be raining.
quote: God's way is [sic]promissing to love your wife or husband till death do you part.
Isn't it a wonder there aren't more suicides amongst the married?
quote: I'm sure they will visit you and hope you will be married by then.
Wait, they will be hoping we are married by then? Or they are just going to be visiting and you are hoping we will be married by then? And, as Steel Magnolias made clear, we all know that guys named "Steve" are gay, anyway. As to why Stephen and Nate (obviously, a gay couple) would be concerned about whether or not AJ is married is beyond me. Like they don't have enough trouble keeping the fact that they are a gay couple from granny.
quote: You will miss out on the big wedding you would have had, but you can be blessed by God and enjoy having children to fill your home with joy and blessing just go on & on & on as you live for Jeasus.
Okay, are you living for Jesus? Jeans? Years? I have no clue what that last word was. I would have thought that someone so taken by Jesus would know how to spell his name. All other mistakes in that paragraph are that of the authors and I don't even have a comment for them.
quote:but you can be blessed by God and enjoy having children
So, you need to be blessed by God to enjoy having them? That's what my problem is. I was only married by a JOP. God didn't "bless" the marriage, which must be why I'm not "enjoying" my teenager right now.
Married with kids = enjoyment. Not married with kids = no enjoyment.
Gotcha. I'm really glad she cleared that up for me. I thought my son was just being a pain in the ass because he was a teenager.
quote: P.S. Please return the picture after Christmas when it will be winter, or send it to your mom and dad.
Whew. Good to know she knows that Christmas is in the winter.
quote: Hope it snows when your brothers come here.
Huh? Does granny hope it snows, or is she requesting you to hope it snows? Either way, since she is so close to God and seems to pray everyday for other odd ball reasons, why not pray for it snows, rather than just hope?
Also, isn't that just foolish? I mean, is she hoping it snows once they get there, trapping them? Or is she hoping that the trip is dangerous? I usually hope it doesn't snow when I need to travel. But hey, maybe that's just me.
Kat,
quote: she objected in a no-doubt dramatic and self-righteous
I wonder if that is hereditary.
quote:Maybe it wouldn't be a tragedy if grandma met Steve? The race thing is a big thing for her to get over, but my grandmother was a Southern Baptist who got over the fact that her son-in-law was Mormon.
I bet a couple of generations ago the same wouldn't have been said. Maybe your grandchildren will one day say the same thing about "Steve and Nate." Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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quote:quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- she objected in a no-doubt dramatic and self-righteous --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
posted
Kayla I loved it. I just read it aloud to Steve and he was
Re: Drama. I'm not trying to be a drama queen here, but I think the letters are drama enough in and of themselves.
Stephen and Nate happen to be my brothers which had me because I've privately speculated that Stephen might be gay.
And yes Freud would have a field day with me because my bf has the same name as my brother. Fortunately there are dramatic differences in looks, Steve is a short fuzzy afro-cuban and my brothers look like the return of the Aryan nation.
Posts: 11265 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
No, the only Kingsolver I've read is The Bean Trees. Do you recoommend any others?
As far as the handwriting if I felt like giving an actual translation I would have typed it in.
I've pretty much burned myself out on the issue for a while. Which is why I do this in the first place. It is a safe way to vent without actually hurting anyone.
posted
B, "The Poisonwood Bible" is about a family(four girls, a mom and dad) who goes on a mission in The Congo in the 1950's. The father is a minister who is a bit off the deep end. He reminds me of your grandmother, or vice versa.
The book is, like your grandmother's letters, as funny as it is terribly sad.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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posted
I had a problem like that. One time I mailed the entire letter, unopened back to the person. The other time, I ripped the entire letter (and envelope) up and mailed that back. Amazingly, I never got another letter from them.
You have two choices. Allow them to continue treating you like this, or not. If you feel it's worth putting up with, then by all means, don't make waves. However, if that's your decision, stop complaining about it. You are the one choosing to be the martyr, so deal with it. Otherwise, tell grammy to drop dead and when mom calls to complain about grammy going on and on about you, tell your mom that she has two choices. One, put up with grammy, or two, shut up about it. That will be her choice.
Posts: 171 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
Oh Jack, I'd love to do that. I'm not being them martyr most the time. Sometimes it affects me more emotionally than other times. I post it here because it is a catharsis. If every one else says, "yes shes loony" then I can pass it off as the ravings of a loony old woman who doesn't have anything better to do with her time.
I live my life exactly how I want to and am in general extremely happy with my life. It does make me unhappy, sometimes, that they can't accept the fact that I am actually generally happy with my lifestyle choices.
If I cut my grandmother off, it would backlash on my mother the most. My mother and I have struggled with our relationship. But, right now we are actually on speaking terms with each other and things are much better than they have been in a long time. However telling her, what she already knows, that her mother is a loon, and cutting her mother off, when she has put up with Mamaw forever, would destroy the good things I have in the relationship with my mother, that I have worked very hard to develop. And I'm not willing give that up.
So I post the letters on the internet for people to laugh at and it makes me feel better. Maybe it is a little petty, but it helps me cope.
posted
Hmm. Do you think you’d have fun sending your grandmother a copy of a gushing “thank you” note from Rev. Williams for playing the piano in church on the 22nd? Or would that just encourage her?
Posts: 9866 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Don't forget, Bob the implicit threat of how AJ will end up - crying over babies because she didn't have any because of her choice to live in sin.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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posted
Did anybody else notice that she dated it September 4, 04?
That, combined with the fact that she's bringing up stuff that happened 11 years ago (when you were what, 13?) makes me wonder a little about dementia. (Not like it's not obvious she's demented, I mean in a more clinical sense. )
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posted
I was wondering if that "retroactive sin" was a bit like "retroactive prayer" Don't get me wrong I understand consequences for actions.
However, the horrid thing about that particular section is that I know Charlene had medical problems and couldn't concieve regardless. I'm guessing that one of the very reasons she didn't marry him sooner was exactly that, because she couldn't be a mother. This adds an entirely different spin to the scene described.
posted
Actually, Dana, I noticed that too (about the date) the second time reading it.
I love the letter idea, however it isn't worth having that much communication with her. Grin, plus you'd need to sign it D. Williams rather than Dana, or I'm even more doomed to hell than before!
Anthony, who was the guy mentioned from Ventura College, was and still is an extremely devout Catholic. I defended him at the time saying that Catholics could be Christians too. PArt of the "kid sister" role I was in with Anthony included many long and interesting theological conversations. But apparently that was massive rebellion on my part.
posted
Do you know of any 14 year old that is a) actually happy and b) wishing to be seen at any sort of event with her 10 and 8 year old little brothers.
I dredged my memory banks to remember this event and it is extremely hazy. I think I wanted to stay inside and read a book, because I had absolutely zero interest in the playground and knew I would be bored out of my mind.
posted
You should have done the one thing that pisses my father's family off to no avail: Go along willingly... but bring a book. Two, if you can fit them in your purse/pockets.
They HATE that. And my mother approves, but that's another story.
Posts: 873 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
And as I recall about the low backline, (which I remember more vividly because that was an ongoing discussion with my mother, even though I NEVER wore anything extreme.) the level of the back was at least two to three inches above my bra strap.
That shirt was one of the few I possesed that actually made me look remotely attractive and not looking like I was wearing burlap sack. But of course looking attractive was a sin, because it might attract BOYS. And if boys were attracted to you, you were causing them to sin since they might look at you with lust in their eye. And the Lust of course was all your fault since women are the cause of evil. (ok that ramble went to an extreme end but you get the point)
posted
My mother wasn't there to protect me, and they MADE me leave the book behind. I'm sure I would have taken it otherwise. I used to follow my mother's grocery cart through the supermarket with my nose in a book.
posted
You know what's so darn irritating about this all?
You're defending yourself. That's not a knock against you, at all - I do the same thing.
When our family disapproves of us, it makes us defensive, even when we KNOW we are in the right and they are wrong.
That's why the letters frustrate you. Because they are your family, misguided though they are, you still want their approval on some level.
My father (no, stepfather I guess) abused me and did some terrible things to our family, even stole from us and it still hurt me and made me cry when he told my Mom he didn't give a damn if he never saw me again.
Why should I care what he thinks?
Argh!! It's so frustrating. If only we were cold, heartless people who could just stop caring what others thought.
Of course, it is the fact that you're a caring loving person that makes us like you so much.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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I do understand people being opposed to my lifestyle choice. However, there are definitely far better arguments that you could use than this mess.
On the phone with my friends, we decided that I may actually be responsible for keeping her alive. She has a reason for living in worrying about me. If she didn't have me to worry about, she could die happy and at peace with the world!
posted
AJ, are you trying to say that only a woman would be named Dana? I think this Dana, or maybe this Dana might be a bit offended.
Posts: 171 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
true, maybe it is ambiguous enough that she would be confused. Her brother is named Carroll. But, then she'd be after me to leave Steve and mary that wonderful "Pastor Dana"!
Mrs. M, Steve's response to that, was well what about a cord of 4 strands? 4-stranded cable is even stronger... hey would she approve of a foursome?!
posted
I particularly liked the "he wasn't even a Christian and you thought he was great" bit.
Anna, the offer is still out there; if you want to put up a site called "Letters from My Wacky Grandma," I'll donate the server space and bandwidth. It's at least as funny as the hamster dance.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
hmmm tom thanks for the offer! I posted on this website because it was quick and dirty now that we have comcast. I know you know how many pages I have of letters there are literally hundreds. I don't know where my binder is that has the archives. I think it may still be in a box in the garage.
posted
A classic! Thanks for posting the letter. I had a good laugh, something I really needed. I think it's terrible how your grandmother has NO RESPECT for her GRANDCHILD. That's not very VIRTUOUS of her. Oh, and the triangle was hilarious. For a moment, I thought she was suggesting a threesome!
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