posted
I find that the problem is that even if other people *can* do something they are afraid to open their mouths while I'm not. Therefore I'm seen as arrogant just because I will admit I can do something when no one else will even if they are equally if not more capable. I do screw up, but when I do I try to honestly admit it, make reparations as much as possible and move on. I didn't mean to make this introspective but it is something I struggle with trying to make sense about.
Now that I have a boyfriend both he and other guy friends have told me the reason why I seemed unapproachable from a romantic standpoint is because I gave off no visible appearance of "need" even if I wasn't arrogant.
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AJ, I think that some people view true confidence as being arrogance. It isn't, and they are mistaken. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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I find that confidence is attractive to people, but it makes you less approachable. People want to be near you, but they don't know how to get close. You don't seem to need what they have to give. My way around this is to state what I need honestly and confidently. I compliment people on their strengths when I notice them. Also, I am frank about my weaknesses.
Posts: 3141 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
The confidence shouldn't be hidden, nor should one act weak. If you play a game well, play it well. If you do something well, don't say "I do this well" unless that information is directly relevant. Or, don't say anything about how good you are and just offer to do the thing you do well that needs doing. When someone needs an accurate assessment of your skills, give it.
All this is much harder than it sounds, I realize. I err both ways at different times.
posted
I have to leave the library, but I had two comments before I do.
1) I agree with about everything that has been said in this thread, whole-heartedly.
2) I was just thinking how nice it was that all the posts actually use *grammar*. And *punctuation*! And *spelling*! Truly Hatrack is a diamond in the rough of the Internet. It warms my anal-retentive soul.
Mr.Squicky, I didn't mean to sound angry with you. I only wanted to gripe about the Housewives thing. My mom was always very annoyed by that label. She preferred, "Homemaker". I actually hate them both. My house is much less cared for than the people in it. Ask CT, since she saw my sloppy house full of happy people
I actually appreciate your comments and I agree with you. I suppose I should have made that clearer. *giggle* It's the label thing again. Call it a pet peeve. It rushed to the top of my brain ahead of all the complimentary comments. Like the one I was meaning to give you about your take on Abraham and Isaac on the other thread. With the limited time I have, I guess I sort of nod at the good points and elaborate my own opinions from there.
posted
I guess I was that “nice guy” in high school. Not to say I was particularly nice (if I was I doubt that 3/4ths of the people in my classes would’ve hated me ) but almost all my friends were girls, and I certainly heard plenty about whatever boy it was they wanted. It never really bugged me because I guess that at the time I really wasn’t interested (which of course resulted in many of the people I knew thinking I was gay but that’s another story/rant). Anyways, after a good while (I hung out with a group of girls all through out high school and this was during senior year) some of them did start to get a crush on me (being that it was girls doing the “crushing” of course all this information was obtained through some sort of weird, twisted, really long chain of command that only they can understand). I don’t know, I guess I did act with confidence (mostly just because I recognized that hey, what could possibly happen? ) but my anecdotal lesson was that, being the nice guy you may be ignored for a while, but not necessarily forever. And besides, if anything ever does happen you’ll know the other person well and presumably get along with them; and hopefully your relationship will end up being more than the flash-in-the-pan variety.
And as a side note, any guy who is nice to a girl for simple dating purposes instead of because of the respect he holds for her as a person is both doomed to failure even if he manages to get a date with her and is also a fool and a jerk. Thank-you.
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I have alot of trouble about this "being yourself" thing. I act very different depending on who I'm with, but it's very rarely (if ever) conscious. I only notice it in retrospect, or in some cases, when I start to annoy myself. So am I a big fake? Or am I my real self (or selves) whenever I'm comfortable enough with the way I'm acting that I don't think of it?
I ask this, because I've been asking myself this question off and on for quite a long time. Who is the real me? Are there several of them? If you consciously try to be yourself, does that mean you're fake?
Okay, the more I type, the more I confuse myself, so I stop here.
Posts: 1996 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote: That's because a female cat is called a dam
Syn: I thought it was a queen as well. That's what it says on the back of my Kitten Replacement Milk.
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Man, confidence. My husband is the most confident guy I know. It's like, if there were a cliff of confidence, and you could get closer to the edge and become more confident, but egotism would send you hurtling over the edge...
...he's teetering right there. Right on the edge. And he's tied to a tree to keep him from falling off....
...and the tree is him tripping on things. He does that all the time.
He embodies the phrase "Those who know, don't speak. Those who speak, don't know." That's not the exact phrase I don't think, but you get the point. Hence, anytime people are saying stupid things, he never says a word.
I really can't stop talking about him. Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:I ask this, because I've been asking myself this question off and on for quite a long time. Who is the real me? Are there several of them? If you consciously try to be yourself, does that mean you're fake?
The real you is a person who acts differently in different circumstances, which is to be expected. If you planned how you were going to act ("I'll tell the Priest, Rabbi, and Minister joke to get things started.") you'd have something to worry about.
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I'm really not all that interested in labels, even if one of them involves the word 'goddess'.
But, thanks a lot, guys. It just makes me feel good to read that people I think are cool seem to think I'm cool , too.
I've had a really bad week, for some reason. I really think I may be ill, in some fairly protracted way. I think this may be my second most successful thread ever, after the Shaven Scrotum game. (Let the newbies figure THAT one out )
I have weird taste. I have always thought NIce Guys were sexy. I mean, in movies and stuff, I usually go for a villian, or a handsome male character with menace. Real life, though... Nah, those too cool for you rebel guys just seem sort of funny to me, like a guy wearing a big pink Rabbit suit. It's all a put-on.
Confidence is cool because, lets face it, there is nothing that wears on a person so much as being around a person who constantly needs your reassurance of their worth. They're like psychic remoras, and, while not neccessarily outwardly harmful, they're still a drag.
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I wonder what OSC thought of last night's episode.
Here's a rough idea of what was said.
Pratt: (after being "informally accused of sexual harrassment) I had you in the room so I wouldn't be accused of things I didn't do.
Sam: Oh, come on, you know you wanted her. Tell me you weren't thinking what a great "rack" she had.
Pratt: I wasn't, and even if I was, it doesn't matter. She can't read minds.
Sam: We all can. It's not that hard. You're a guy. All guys think about is food, sports and sex. If they ever create a refrigerator with a wide-screen TV and a vagina, we'll never see you again.
posted
The executive producers are John Wells, Lydia Woodward and Michael Crichton. Over the last ten years, there have been 30 some odd producers/co-producer/executive producer/etc.
Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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Well, west coast liberals or not, my husband agrees with them. I told him what was said, and while miffed by it, he grudgingly said it was true. Must be true love. I found someone who agrees with me about men. Posts: 9871 | Registered: Aug 2001
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It may be (broadly) true of the male animal, but there is a male mind connected to and in control of the male animal. The male mind is not so simplistic.
Unfortunately, too many men turn the reins entirely over to the animal.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Got this in email, and thought it fit with the general theme of the thread:
quote: THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES > **** > Six married men > will be dropped > on an island with > 1 car > and > 4 kids each, > for 6 weeks. > Each kid plays two sports > and either takes > music or dance classes. > **** > There is no access to fast food. > **** > Each man must take care of his 4 kids, > keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, > complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc. > **** > The men only have access to television > When the kids are asleep and > all chores are done. > There is only one TV between them > and there is > NO REMOTE > ***** > The men must shave their legs, > wear makeup daily, > which they must apply themselves, > either while driving or > while making four lunches. > ***** > They must attend weekly PTA meetings; > ***** > clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.; > ***** > make an Indian hut model with > six toothpicks, > a tortilla > and one marker; > ***** > and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas. > ***** > The kids vote them off the island, based on performance. > ***** > The last man wins .. > only if ........... > he has enough energy to be intimate > with his spouse at a moment's notice. > ***** > If the last man does win, he can play the game > over and over again > for the next 18-25 years ... > eventually earning the right to be called > ************** > ***"Mother."*** > ***************
One of the guys my Mom sent it too, responded with the question:
"Does the TV have HGTV?"
At least he had a sense of humor.
BTW, my husband is always outspoken that he thinks my job is harder than his, and would never trade places with me.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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I'd do it in a heartbeat, but you probably wouldn't like what I considered 'clean' or 'nutritious'. Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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I always thought the best way to get over a lack of appreciation for the other spouse's job is to swap. There are lots of headaches to working full time outside the home, too. Seems like if both of you feel the other has it easy, then everyone would be happier if the roles were reversed. And no excuses about why you can't make as much money, or why you can't keep the house as clean, and the children as happy and well fed/dressed/educated/behaved. They've got it easy, right? So you do it.
Posts: 2843 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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Whenever I leave Porter with the kids for extended periods of time, I know he is just counting the minutes until I return and relieve him of those three little burdens. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Thoughts on things like the episode of "I Love Lucy" where Ricky and Lucy switch for the day, and on using the term "babysitting" to refer to dad watching the kids:
I've never thought that situation would work like it does on TV. Switching wouldn't really help much. It might help ME because I could more fully appreciate what a burden it is to be doing manual labor in the desert in the summer (read: My husband moved 2,000 pounds of flagstone yesterday by himself, just not all at once.)
But for him, it wouldn't work. Case in point: Leaving Jes alone with my son for a week left him tired and stressed, but not nearly as much as I would have been. Why? Because they'd been eating out and doing "fun stuff" for seven days, which are things I wouldn't normally do. Now, hamburgers everyday for a week won't kill my kids, but you can't keep it up forever. The only way for them to fully grasp it is to have to do it longterm, so that they can become as neurotic about every detail as WE are. *I* have to consider my child's nutrition over a long period of time...Jes can feed the kids junk until I get back without permanently damaging them. He can give the kids a total of two baths the entire time I'm gone, but I have to scrub them twice a day for a week to make up for it.
My husband is kind, and cares about our kids. He loves them, plays with them, and rewards and disciplines them fairly. But there is a grain of truth to describing dad's day (or week) with the kids as "babysitting" because all the really important stuff gets put on hold until Mom gets back. If he has a question or isn't sure what to do, he can save it for me. (And that builds up.) When *I* have a question or don't know what to do, I have to make an educated decision and keep trucking.
If moms and dads switched for the day, the work would still be unequal because there would be things that mom would have fix or figure out when she got home.
(This, of course, would work the other way around for stay-at-home dads.)
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Oh I agree. It has to be a for-the-forseeable-future type switch. The same thing is true in the other direction, too. The person who works outside the home has to think of how the economy is looking, what is the long term earning potential in their industry, is it worth while to put up with this very unpleasant boss for a couple of years with the potential for promotion around him at the end of that time, and so on. There is much more to all jobs than one day's effort will bring home.
Posts: 2843 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
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posted
I completely agree with PSI and anne kate. A day where you have to think about long-term consequences will be very different than a day when you can forget about them.
When my mom died, I still had two brothers at home, and it's remarkable how many things fell through the cracks. They hired a housekeeper to do the cooking and cleaning, and my dad bought the boys cell phones that they were required to keep on (didn't anyway), but things like...well, report cards. My dad didn't even look at their report cards or ask about grades for two years. My brothers picked up a habit of skipping school because there were literally no immediate consequences.
I don't believe that any intelligent person is incapable of doing what needs to be done, though. I think its just easier to ignore it and hope the issue goes away.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
I hate how most guys today associate slobness with masculinity. As an overly obsessive, appearance based man I can't stand a few of my roomates. Fat, drunk, eating hotdogs with mayo and watching football is not "manly." That's just "dumbassery." (Can you figure out if I made that word up or not?)
People like that are guys. Not men. See Dave Barry's book comparing the two for more information.
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
My husband works at night, and has always been the one to be with the kids in the day.
Sometimes, if he is out of town, and I have to put the kids on the bus(which I have to call in late to do), I thank heaven for him.
He is definitely more fun and more fast food oriented than I am, but he is every bit a parent in time, energy, and love, as I am. He is no babysitter.
My dad raised me alone in a time when it wasn't often done, as I think I have mentioned before. I am so thankful he raised me, and not my grandparents.
Sometimes, I think men are intimidated by women's style of parenting, and figure they cannot do that, so why try? I try not to give my husband any crap when he is in charge. We work well together that way.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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quote: Sometimes, I think men are intimidated by women's style of parenting, and figure they cannot do that, so why try?
This may be true with some men, but I think alot of them just honestly have no clue what's going on in our minds. On the outside we're fixing dinner, but on the inside we're planning dinner for the next week, thinking about whether the food groups were covered, wondering how cranky the kids will be (since they didn't get a nap), planning the best timing for getting them in bed without a fight, trying to remember if Son likes cabbage, kicking ourselves mentally because we forgot to rinse the ammonia of the bathroom floor, wondering where all the small spoons have gone, thinking about the cool picture Daughter drew that morning, wondering if you're going to get lucky later, trying to remember if you paid the electric bill, and so on.
Think we talk alot, guys? Compare that to what we're thinking about, and it's a drop in the bucket.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:wondering where all the small spoons have gone
No kidding! Where do they go? And why don't silverware sets have three times as many small spoons as anything else? I've bought entire sets simply in an attempt to always be able to have yogurt. I don't know where they go. I haven't played in the sandbox in ages, so my old hiding place can't be the culprit.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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See, I have done both. At one time my job carried more responsibility and brought in more money than Wes. Plus our insurance was through my job, the family depended on my working.
It was a heckuva lot easier to work outside the home than it is to stay home with the kids.
It's hard for people to understand that if they've never stayed home with kids. Like Olivet, I believe there are times when Wes thinks I have it much easier. That if he stayed home all day things would run smoother, the kids would behave better, the house would be cleaner.
*shrug* He can't trade places with me, because his is the only income and now his income is much, much higher than mine ever was.
Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
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