posted
I'm glad I was away for a few hours while this whole drama played out. It's difficult to make sense of it, now that so many of the crucial posts have been deleted, but:
1) I recall a few separate instances in which someone urged suicide upon someone else, all of which happened during the Great Immoderation. To my knowledge, none of the posters in question are still here, and all but one of them actually wound up being actively banned at least once.
2) Kat and rivka should not be enemies. That is not how the universe works, and it is dumb. Please stop being dumb, universe people.
3) Kat, honestly, I do not believe that you are consciously brittle and bitchy as part of an active strategy to force unreal Internet-only people to hold you at arm's length; I worry that this is a justification that you will seize upon and use in the future to justify this behavior to yourself, because it's certainly more plausible than many more alternatives I've heard in the past. That said, I certainly owe it to you to take that claim at face value. I would point out that we have other posters on Hatrack -- Scott R springs to mind -- who have long espoused a similar "arm's length" approach, but who over time have become gradually more willing to engage with us in MeatSpace; there are others -- I think Ralphie is the classic example here -- who became so involved with the forums that they felt the need to completely disassociate to protect their real lives (but without blaming the forum for that desire.) If you truly believe you need your space, I think that's a fine and respectable position and wholeheartedly support your attempt to stake out any territory that you think is best for your own mental health -- but I like a lot of people on here, and it pains me to see them slandered as a potential by-product of that process.
Posts: 37375 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
I've posted here on and off through the ages and I've always felt that people were respectful, kind, and intelligent. I post a lot on Top-Law-Schools.com (TLS) and people on Hatrack are angels compared to them, but then it is a forum board for future lawyers.
Posts: 1752 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged |
quote:who have long espoused a similar "arm's length" approach, but who over time have become gradually more willing to engage with us in MeatSpace;
While I'm not completely confident of this interpretation, I don't think the issue was MeatSpace, it was more about sharing personal information in general (with random internet denizens as well as random meetspace folks you might come across). I recall a post a while ago where I talked about the way I introduced myself to random strangers, which kat criticized. There was no previous drama in that thread, so I'd take that at face value.
Fake Edit: Mispelled Meatspace, but I think my new way is better.
[ August 05, 2011, 07:17 PM: Message edited by: Raymond Arnold ]
Posts: 4136 | Registered: Aug 2008
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: the Great Immoderation.
Lol.
quote: I post a lot on Top-Law-Schools.com (TLS) and people on Hatrack are angels compared to them, but then it is a forum board for future lawyers.
I just get this vision of a forum comprised mostly of neophyte aspiring law school students. 'moreover, you suck, ergo heretofore concordantly, you are a butt, qed'
Posts: 15384 | Registered: Aug 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: 2) Kat and rivka should not be enemies. That is not how the universe works, and it is dumb. Please stop being dumb, universe people.
If it helps, Tom, I don't consider Katie an enemy. I don't dislike her; I do dislike a lot of her behavior on Hatrack. (I have every reason to believe that her behavior IRL is very different.)
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
kat, your last post makes me sad. I think what made the Hatrack I joined so special to me is that we WERE friends. People had personal conversations, got to know each other, cared about each other and like each other enough to meet up in person. I'm glad that you have real life friends and are happy with your life, and I know that this place has changed and people have moved on and it's not the same community, and neither is anywhere else. But the fact remains that I will only ever be friends with you on line, and if you're not being friends with people online anymore that means we'll never be friends again.
I do think I understand where you're coming from -- there have certainly been times when people crossed my boundaries here, probably unintentionally but who knows. And I'm glad you said it again, because if you have before I've missed it, and it does make some of your posts make more sense. I don't think it's going to be a particularly effective strategy, but that's not my business, so whatever.
But my reaction when I got to the "I have a boyfriend" part of your post was, since it was news to me, to get happy and excited for you and want to ask you about it. How long you've been seeing each other, how you met, etc. But you don't want that here anymore, which I respect, and I'm not going to join livejournal just to stalk you, if you still even update there.
So I guess I'll just say I'm happy for you and I wish you well. And go back to lurking. Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Aerin: Some of it is seriously MEANT to be distancing and offputting. There's an ingratiating, entitled assumption of familiarity here sometimes that I find tremendously invasive and creepy, and I'm not being insulting when I say I'd rather some people stay far away and quit thinking I want a personal conversation.
I admit that when I can attach a face to a name, I tend to view further interaction on a slightly more personal level. I can't speak for anyone else, but in case you hadn't thought about it yourself, I do want to make mention that your having posted a link to your picture in a different thread may have the unintentional consequence of people viewing their conversations with you on a level more personal than you are comfortable with.
Posts: 161 | Registered: Aug 2010
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: the Great Immoderation.
Lol.
quote: I post a lot on Top-Law-Schools.com (TLS) and people on Hatrack are angels compared to them, but then it is a forum board for future lawyers.
I just get this vision of a forum comprised mostly of neophyte aspiring law school students. 'moreover, you suck, ergo heretofore concordantly, you are a butt, qed'
The language is not quite that flowery, but it does get terrible. There are various factions of "douchery," but pretty much most of the regular posters don't consider you a viable breathing human being if you didn't score in the top 10% on the LSAT. Then there are people who don't think you're a really lawyer unless you went to HYS ( Harvard, Yale, Stanford). Great people : )
Posts: 1752 | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
I remember Hatrack being a more thoughtful, civil place as well. At the same time, I remember many times over the years being so upset about something or other at Hatrack that I would carry the cloud with me back into Real Life--until I realized what was happening and could dismiss it. I do think a lot of the pillars of the Hatrack community have long since left, or don't put much energy into the place anymore. That's very sad to me. However, it's not yet a ghost town. Hatrack still has plenty of potential. I love this place. I've always been a wallflower here, but I prefer riding the pine at Hatrack to doing the same most other places. Long live this beautiful board.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
What an amazing thread. I think historians in a thousand years' time ought to read this, and figure out what it says about... something or other. Our time, maybe, or social dynamics, or something.
Hatrack is indeed a unique place in my experience. I probably got more enjoyment from it than hurt, through the years. But things change and life moves on. I spend much more time on the nacle now, which though less personal is more civil. Being part of groups is fun. And being able to get away from those groups when they turn ugly, upon occasion, is also nice.
Groups can become toxic, too, at times, and in some circumstances. It's a good thing for each of us to assess when that's happening and separate ourselves from bad situations. Life is too short. And individuals only have limited power to change group dynamics. Sometimes the best path is simply to walk a different way.
Maybe at times too much talk can be improved by a bit more action. I loved the holiday charity gifts, the cookie chains (even though they always were shortlived) and other group actions that changed the world, even in tiny ways, for the better.
I want to build in more service in my life, to do more for others. I want to accomplish more before I die. I want to feel that nourishing joy of actually making a positive difference with my time. The life of the mind is wonderful. I love the thought, the learning, and the struggle to express my ideas that I experienced here. But it's amazing how good things can tip over into the negative. As I get older I hope I'm learning to identify when that's happening and disengage. I hope I'm learning a better balance between learning, thinking, expressing, and planning, doing, creating. I hope to catch the trick of hanging at the sweet spot, being more open but less ouchy, finding the right wavelength to surf so as to affect the world in maximally positive ways, to change myself in positive ways, and cut out the waste, the damage, reprogram the anger, the annoyance, the grumpiness into more joy.
Posts: 6245 | Registered: Aug 2004
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
