Here are the first 13.

I like it, too. I think I could nitpick, but I like it enough that I won't.

You’ve elected me your president. For the next four years, I intend to act like one."

This seems to have a little more bite to it, because he is inferring criticism of other (deomocratic) presidents.

I only had one nit:

quote:

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asked Press Secretary Andre Sanderson

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[*] Setting: America, not-too-distant future, after a war with the Martians. The form of government isn't too different from today's (as seen by the republic/democracy talk and the titles of Abraham's staff).

[*] Conflict: Tough-as-nails President is riding high on popular support. The air is charged: anything this man touches will be potential for conflict. (Think about George W. Bush saying that he gained political capital in the election, and intended to spend it.) There lurk the possibilities of Abraham taking more power than he should, a cynical staff allowing him to be undermined, and even -- though only as a possibility -- revolution.

[*] Character: Abraham is a doer. "He beat the Martians," not "He led the army that beat the Martians." He's not afraid to buck social norms, he's not genteel, and he doesn't have patience for stupidity. When he says he intends to lead, he means it. On the other hand, Sword is pragmatic, savvy, confident, and a little cynical. He's a political machine. Sanderson is the "weakest" character -- hardest to judge -- but he seems like a worrier, maybe a little naive.

It's a great opening. It makes me say, "okay, now what?" (Oh, I already said that.)

The conflict isn't shown. Your possibilities are all possible, but I'd like to know more about the one the author is putting in this story. My reaction will be much different for scifi consequences of the Martian war than for White House staff intrigue or a power grab. My point is that there should be some indication of it in the first 13.

The character is certainly a character. That alone can be the hook. In the absence of a conflict, the hook has to stand on the character.

I feel a slight hook and I suppose with the martian mention this meant to be Sci-fi but I don't fell I know the president enough to like him, yet.

Of course this is only the first 13 but I want one more clue about the president, maybe an accent to give a cultural clue.

I can see this president being a Southerner(ala Jackson), a Texan (ala Perot); But I can also see this presdient being a brash Reagan or a cruder Kennedy.

letting the reader know where the president hails helps us to build an image of him.

if you would like another set of eyes for the story i'd be willing to look over this.

But seriously, nice hook I already like the character, I'm just not sure who our MC is yet, or our pov.

And for the record the hook is the likeable character of the president, and a curiosity of a world that has, presumable, just defeated an alien invasion. Anything that makes me want to read on is a hook, and this is a good one.

Most great characters do not have a "character arc". Tarzan is always Tarzan, Mickey Mouse is always Mickey Mouse. But in college writing class, they teach you that plot exists only in the service of character, and a character must change in the course of a story. Well, yes and no. That's one way to write a story. Heinlein called it, the man who learns better. But most of the golden age sf writers didn't have a character arc, they had a problem and a character who solved the problem. The character needed to be interesting: Dr. Susan Calvin, Nicholas van Rijn, Hari Seldon -- but the story was about solving a problem, much the way a mystery story is about solving a crime.

A novel where the MC does not encounter challenges and only succeeds at all times I would find boring, personally.

Jayson Merryfield

Not having read your story, I can't say no one changes or that no one cares but this maybe what was meant by "character arc"