I am looking for reviewers for the completed story. I am hopeful it's in a final polished state, but seek input specifically on those "notes to self/reviewers" and how well the overall story works. I don't need a lot of feedback on this first 13 other than if I've messed something up.

Thanks!

"Sylvia, you're getting worse." Nate said, trying to mask the worry in his voice. His sister was in the midst of a coughing fit and didn't answer him. When the coughs subsided, she looked up at him with those blue eyes. Today they were ringed with red and dark circles swam underneath them.

"I'm not letting you leave on some hare-brained scheme to save me, Nate. No way. I couldn't do this without you, and it's too dangerous outside." Sylvia dabbed at the corners of her mouth with a tissue and tried to hide it in her hand, but not before Nate saw the tissue was tinged with blood.