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Author

Topic: Uruk-Haiku

ae
Member
Member # 3291

posted

Amon Hen

Swift feet over hills
Soft mud squelching underfoot
Halflings make good meals.

Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

Toretha
Member
Member # 2233

posted

ROLF!!!!!

Darn you! now everyone in the bloody library's looking at me!

*giggles* uruk haiku

Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001 | IP: Logged |

ae
Member
Member # 3291

posted

Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

Diosmel Duda
Member
Member # 2180

posted

*gives ae a thousand gold stars for starting this thread*

Shagrat swings his sword
another head falls in mud
blood sprays on my wrist

[This message has been edited by Diosmel Duda (edited January 08, 2003).]

Posts: 537 | Registered: Jul 2001 | IP: Logged |

Dragon
Member
Member # 3670

posted

Fun!

Many marching feet
Created by Saruman
They destroy all life.

Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002 | IP: Logged |

ae
Member
Member # 3291

posted

No, no! It's a joke, see?

Assembly at Isengard

Forest of black steel
Thund'rous voice from balcony
Saruman looks gay.

Seige

Countless pounding feet
Walls of grey stone are no shield
Forward Uruk-SQUISH.

[This message has been edited by ae (edited January 08, 2003).]

Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

advice for robots
Member
Member # 2544

posted

White hand on forehead
pretty good insurance plan
two weeks off a year

Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001 | IP: Logged |

ae
Member
Member # 3291

posted

White hand looks quite lame:
Occupational hazard!
I applaud your joke.

[This message has been edited by ae (edited January 08, 2003).]

Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227

posted

Made from orc and man
Goblin blood is in there too
Evil biotech!

Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000 | IP: Logged |

ae
Member
Member # 3291

posted

Reading Bob's post, eh!
Act of breeding mentioned there...
Not a happy thought.

Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

Dan_raven
Member
Member # 3383

posted

We fear no day light
White Hand is no Onanism
We are Urukai

Goblins are our slaves
Sauron breeds none who can touch us
We are Urukai

Helms Deep, not that deep
We can throw your dwarves back to you
We are Urukai

One thing to make clear!
White Hand is no onanism
We get no respect.

Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

advice for robots
Member
Member # 2544

posted

We look death in face
Men run from our fell glance, but
ugh! Can't stand orc-wives!

Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001 | IP: Logged |

Dan_raven
Member
Member # 3383

posted

We slash the big trees
Entertaining it is, until
We are Ent-(err)-maimed.

Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

Dragon
Member
Member # 3670

posted

All Uruk-Haikus great
I especally like Dan's
About the White Hand

Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002 | IP: Logged |

ae
Member
Member # 3291

posted

I echo that thought
Except for one thing: first three
Stanzas are not needed.

Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

Narnia
Member
Member # 1071

posted

Saruman does not
include dental care in our
plan of insurance.

Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000 | IP: Logged |

Nato
Member
Member # 1448

posted

"Aragorn"
Stubble on his face
He chops us up with a sword
It's long and pointy

"Legolas"
Uruk-hai look ugly
Not like dreamboat Legolas
He's one real hot elf

Sunburned Uruk-Hai
They didn't put on sunblock
besides the white hand.

[This message has been edited by Nato (edited January 08, 2003).]

Posts: 1592 | Registered: Jan 2001 | IP: Logged |

Toretha
Member
Member # 2233

posted

*laughs more*

The librarian caught me on Hatrack because of this thread Wow, Dan, that was great!

Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001 | IP: Logged |

Shigosei
Member
Member # 3831

posted

We are the fighting
Uruk-Hai! Twenty of us
Lose to just one guy.

I left my arm in
Amon Hen. I would like to
Have it back again.

Got my head cut off
By Aragorn. Told him it
Was just a flesh wound.

We chopped down trees. Some
Environmentalists came,
Stomped us flat. Darn Ents!

Let’s play hide-and-seek.
Where are you, little halflings?
Aha! We caught you!

We are strong and brave.
Look, little guys throwing rocks!
They have knocked us out.

Over the river
And through the woods to find some
Hobbit with a ring.

Ten thousand foot-pounds
That is the work needed to
Climb the Deeping Wall.

White hand, flaming eye
We work for guys with body
Parts as their mascots.

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002 | IP: Logged |

Toretha
Member
Member # 2233

posted

ROFL!!!

sorry! TYPO

[This message has been edited by Toretha (edited January 10, 2003).]

Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001 | IP: Logged |

Taberah
Member
Member # 4014

posted

It's all kill, kill, kill.
I know it is my purpose.
But my dream job: macrame.

The One Ring so pretty
But I hope it doesn't clash with
My finger bone necklace.

Posts: 224 | Registered: Aug 2002 | IP: Logged |

TomDavidson
Member
Member # 124

posted

ROLF? Rolling on Laughing Floor?

Or were you actually calling for some Swedish guy?

[This message has been edited by TomDavidson (edited January 10, 2003).]

Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999 | IP: Logged |

Vána
Member
Member # 3262

posted

Shigosei, you have an amazing talent!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

Rolf Singer
Member
Member # 3972

posted

So seriously were you Rolling on the Laughing Floor or were you after me???

Posts: 90 | Registered: Aug 2002 | IP: Logged |

Shigosei
Member
Member # 3831

posted

And as a sequel to my last haiku:

An alliance ‘twixt
Orthanc and Barad-dur: Eye-
Hand coordination?

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002 | IP: Logged |

Shigosei
Member
Member # 3831

posted

Whee, this is fun!

Saruman the White
Is looking rather dingy.
Must be all the smoke.

I carry the torch!
Olympians have more fun
They do not blow up.

We are the Uruks.
You will be hacked to pieces.
Resistance: futile.

Will Rohan survive?
Quoth the Uruk, “Nevermore.”
“No dawn comes for men.”

We are the stealthy
Uruk-Hai. Our footsteps can
Be heard far and wide.

Saruman said we
Would taste man-flesh; all we got
Were lousy halflings.

What kind of weapon
Is this L-shaped iron thing?
Surely not a sword!

My face, only a
Mother could love. Sadly I
Don’t have a mother.

Our armor is strong!
Then why do elves kill us with
One arrow? Cheat codes!

(From Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli’s point of view)

Rohirrim killed orcs,
All we got was this lousy
Orc head on a stick.

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002 | IP: Logged |

Chuckles
Member
Member # 2865

posted

I love this thread! I look forward to finding a moment when my brain is sharp so that I can compose something!

Take care
-Justin-

Posts: 999 | Registered: Dec 2001 | IP: Logged |

Dragon
Member
Member # 3670

posted

Shigosei, you're a genius!!!!

I always wanted
to have another hand but
not on my forehead!

Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002 | IP: Logged |

Mr.Funny
Member
Member # 4467

posted

Saruman's white hand
Is upon our ugly heads
We are so unique.

Ten thousand of us
Cannot beat three hundred men.
Are we good or what?

[Edit: Added second verse]

My first post!

[This message has been edited by Mr.Funny (edited January 11, 2003).]

Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

Kama
Member
Member # 3022

posted

Hello Mr. Fun
Welcoming you at Hatrack
Is a true pleasure.

Posts: 5700 | Registered: Feb 2002 | IP: Logged |

ludosti
Member
Member # 1772

posted

Sauruman "the White"
shrouded now in rainbow hue
commands his legions

Aloft in Orthanc
white hand grasping greedily
the shadow spreads far

Breeding new evil
commanding his Uruk-hai
mighty fighters fierce.

Posts: 5879 | Registered: Apr 2001 | IP: Logged |

Mr.Funny
Member
Member # 4467

posted

I am powerful.
Running into a small drain
Makes the wall go boom.

Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

Dragon
Member
Member # 3670

posted

Silly elf on shield
Shoots us while sliding down stairs
Why will he not die?

Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002 | IP: Logged |

Mr.Funny
Member
Member # 4467

posted

Stupid little dwarf
Violently hewing with axe
Why do short guys win?

Spilling off the bridge
How come they get the horses?
Life is just not fair

Legalos is cheap
He never, ever misses
Turn off aimbot, please

Gandalf is too bright
Making us all look away
Ouch, he whacked my head!

Orcish warriors
Waxing poetic is bad
Ai! Now my ears hurt

Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

MoonRabbit
Member
Member # 3652

posted

Modified orcs born
from hastily constructed
Axlotyl tanks

"Because someone decided not to show the Goblin men holding the camcorder in the delivery room."

Posts: 173 | Registered: Jun 2002 | IP: Logged |

Mr.Funny
Member
Member # 4467

posted

Being an orc stinks
We never get a shower
Ugh... my nose it burns

The diaries of an orc:

Journal Entry One:
We started to march away
To Helm's Deep I'm told

Journal Entry Two:
Passed through the Gap of Rohan
Bought some better clothes

Journal Entry Three:
We arrived at Deeping Wall
Must prepare for fight

Journal Entry Four:
The battle failed terribly
Curse the evil horse!

Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

Shigosei
Member
Member # 3831

posted

We are NON-fighting
Uruk-Hai! All we're saying
Is give peace a chance.

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002 | IP: Logged |

Mr.Funny
Member
Member # 4467

posted

Democratic Orcs
We will decide who rules us
Let's oust Sarumon

Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

Dragon
Member
Member # 3670

posted

Urukai must fight on
thread cannot slip off page, more
please Shi and Fun -bump-

Posts: 3420 | Registered: Jun 2002 | IP: Logged |

ae
Member
Member # 3291

posted

I think Uruk-Hai
Have been played out at this point
Try some other ones.

Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2002 | IP: Logged |

Mr.Funny
Member
Member # 4467

posted

Uruks like this thread
We must never let it fail
Haikus are much fun

Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

EnderSHR
Member
Member # 4224

posted

"Ode to Legolas"

I wish the girls liked
Me as much as Legolas
Man, what a player.

Posts: 32 | Registered: Sep 2002 | IP: Logged |

Shigosei
Member
Member # 3831

posted

We are the sneaky
Uruks! Only oliphaunts
Make more of a trail.

I am Saruman
The Wise. I will put Gandalf
Where he can escape.

Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002 | IP: Logged |

Chris Kidd
Member
Member # 2646

posted

This was funny

angelo
Member posted January 12, 2003 08:31 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is the funniest thing I've read so far...
Sample:

HELM'S DEEP

LEGOLAS: This is going to be most unpleasant. Hundreds of people will die.

ARAGORN: Thank you, Captain Obvious.

LEGOLAS: You're just jealous because I'm pretty.

ARAGORN: You're just jealous because I'm going to be king.

LEGOLAS: You can bite my @ss.

ARAGORN: Hey, blow me.

(Ten minutes later)

LEGOLAS: I didn't mean that.

ARAGORN: It's okay. Me neither.

LEGOLAS: Kiss and make up?

ARAGORN: How about I squeeze your shoulder in a very special way?

ITHILIEN

SAM seasons their rabbit stew as GOLLUM watches.

GOLLUM: Ssstupid fat hobbit! Using sage in stew like thisss!

SAM: What's your problem? Sage brings out the flavor.

GOLLUM: Smeagol would use nice mix of rosemary and lavender, yess, precious.

FRODO: Hey, you guys? Something's out there in the forest.

SAM: Rosemary? Hm, maybe. But you know what WOULD be good with this, is a basic bechamel sauce with some dill.

GOLLUM: Sssimple hobbit; anyone makesss bechamel. Vichyssoise much tastier and more difficult; yes...

FRODO: Hello? Guys? Seriously, someone's coming.

SAM: Now, if you only found us some eggs, I could make crepes, wrap up the meat, drizzle the juices over it with a little bit of blackcurrant chutney...

FRODO: Hey, you guys, look! It's Martha Stewart!

GOLLUM: Where?

SAM: Where?

FRODO: Now that I have your attention, may I point out the Oliphaunt that's about to step on us?

FARAMIR: Look! Strange little men! Let's take them home.

FARAMIR blindfolds SAM and FRODO and hauls them away.

For more idiotically funny things go here and laugh your butt off.

[This message has been edited by angelo (edited January 12, 2003).]

Posts: 513 | Registered: Oct 2001 | IP: Logged |

JaneX
Member
Member # 2026

posted

*falls off chair*

These haikus are great. I especially like this one:

quote:
An alliance ‘twixt
Orthanc and Barad-dur: Eye-
Hand coordination?

Eye-hand coordination...hehe.

~Jane~

Posts: 2057 | Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged |

Toretha
Member
Member # 2233

posted

Chris-go where????

Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001 | IP: Logged |

Leonide
Member
Member # 4157

posted

I was wondering the same thing!

Posts: 3516 | Registered: Sep 2002 | IP: Logged |

narrativium
Member
Member # 3230

posted

I am alergic
To the paint of the white hand
Now I have a rash.

Posts: 1357 | Registered: Mar 2002 | IP: Logged |

Leonide
Member
Member # 4157

posted

oh I'm a good Orc
and I'm okay -- I like to
dress in women's clothes.

[This message has been edited by Leonide (edited January 12, 2003).]

Posts: 3516 | Registered: Sep 2002 | IP: Logged |

Mr.Funny
Member
Member # 4467

posted

Silly Leonide
Cross-dressing is not the thing
Back to Orc armor

Posts: 1466 | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged |

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