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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Discussions About Orson Scott Card » Reviewer comments unlikely to be used on book jackets (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Reviewer comments unlikely to be used on book jackets
Jonathan K.
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The enemy's gate is DOWN. (You know i never fully understood the significance of that quote.)
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Danny
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- Guaranteed to be banned in public schools across America.
- I wrote this.
- Help! I'm stuck in a book-cover factory!
- MUFFIN LIKE BOOK; MAKE MUFFIN HAPPY!

[ April 05, 2005, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: Danny ]

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Meshugener
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quote:
The enemy's gate is DOWN. (You know i never fully understood the significance of that quote.)
you'll find the significance of this in this pocket watch...follow it with your eyes...youre getting sleepy...your eyelids are getting heavy....
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0range7Penguin
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WARNING: This book is known to induce commas in 73% of readers. (The other 27% died instantly)
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0range7Penguin
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The enemies gate is down is a great quote. Its great for playing Red alert becuase theirs missions where their is like two hundred baddies but you win if you destroy a specific building. So remember the enemies gate is down! Just make fifteen of the fastest tanks and go for the goal. Who cares if when your done you only have one tank left, you won!
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Zalmoxis
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As gripping a read as the tax code.

A rollercoaster ride of a novel -- without the fun and all the nausea.

This novel reminds me of that one time we went to my Uncle Dave's house and we had to sit for three hours in his living room, which smelled like stale beer and wet dog, while he told us all about his thrilling career as an MP at a Naval Air Station in Nevada.

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Jonathan K.
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fun times, fun times.
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0range7Penguin
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A must have for any Nazi book burning
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Zalmoxis
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Personally I think that inducing commas in people is much more humane than inducing semi-colons.
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Jonathan K.
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I've never seen a better editing job.
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El JT de Spang
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This book reminds me of the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.
Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...
-Grandpa Simpson

I laughed until my eyes bled!

More fun than exploratory colon surgery!

Hecho en Mexico.

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mothertree
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The Author shows grammer to impeccibly use with.

If you only read one book by someone other than Stephen King this year, this is the one!

Card weaves a tale about that wacky bunch from battle school, up to their old tricks again.

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Ryuko
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"Just put generic review number three in here, Kate, and put an exclamation point at the end of it, he paid five bucks extra."
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rivka
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Quite tasty.

*munch*

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ketchupqueen
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Sure to be read by generations of mayflies to come.

The hottest thing since borscht.

So good, I only fell asleep five times while reading it!

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kaioshin00
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Ranked #1 by college athletes.
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Orson Scott Card
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If, God forbid, God read this book, he would WISH he were dead.
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El JT de Spang
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"A great way to punish unruly children!"

"More fun than real life!"

"Now with less pronouns!"

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Zalmoxis
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Reading this book is like wading through a pool of butterscotch while wearing a corduroy jumpsuit.

A triumph of jaw-dropping mediocrity!

This is the second best book about a hazel-eyed, red-haired, hot-tempered, agnostic, Libertarian, dairy farmer of medium build ever written.

Sure to be a bestseller!*

*(in some small town bookstore where the only other choice of newish reading material is Consumers Report's Best Buys for 1983).

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CRash
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"The must-read bedtime novel of the decade. You'll go straight to sleep every time you pick it up."

"The author's ability to pepper his novel with obscure vocabulary will leave you screaming for something to drink."

"This novel made me laugh like never before. Odd, considering it was supposed to actually mean something."

An alteration of praise for Shadow of the Hegemon :
"As are all Card's books, this one is strangely strange."

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Narnia
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All your brains are belong to us!

A book you can actually admit that you like!

Now with never before read action sequences (added by the editor)!

Don't even bother opening this book!

The most beautiful blue cover, it looks wonderful next to my Harry Potter series.

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DarkKnight
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A great book to hollow out and store valuables in
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Zalmoxis
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DK:

That's hilarious. Good one.

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jeniwren
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"An excellent book to let your soon-to-be ex have in your divorce settlement."

"Eight hundred and thirty seven pages of epic drivel."

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CRash
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"Will keep you entertained for hours...throwing up after reading it!"

"What does this author do with his spare time? Now we know! He plays with his keyboard all day!"

"Leaves readers anxiously waiting for the next installment so they can finish feeding the fire!"

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Frangy.
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I had to read the books 4 times to understand it a bit

We don't know in that language was written

And never Orson Scott Card (it is a joke , is enough to see his name in that for I buy it)

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estavares
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"Now with 25% more fiber!"

"I laughed. I cried. I kissed six bucks goodbye."

"Voted Most Winning Smile among its fellow Fall releases."

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CRash
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"The novels of this series are an intriguing combination of two parts snores, one part despair, and three exciting waves of nausea."

"The fast-paced action features one eyebrow-raising episode after another."

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Jonathan K.
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It's like a party in you're mouth and You're not invited!
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El JT de Spang
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Curling this book twenty times a day will result in beach-ready biceps!

I haven't laughed this hard since I saw Taxi!

My cat pees on this book almost exclusively!

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sarcasticmuppet
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"Best Doorstop I ever had!"

"More fun than a barrel of air"

"I cannot say enough good things about this book"

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El JT de Spang
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This is the greatest literary achievement since Mein Kampf

It will make you long for your days as an inveterate mouthbreather.

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B-HAX
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"Study shows, reading Orson Scott Card makes you attractive to the opposite sex"

...or same sex...lol, just had to throw that in to reference the recent hatrack gay debates.

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Orson Scott Card
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This book is even better than dressing up in women's clothing and singing Streisand songs.

This book will make you feel as creepy as finding out that a pervert snuck into your room every night during your senior year in high school and watched you sleep.

This book does for sex what Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle" did for meat.

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Boon
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This book's plot had me tearing my hair out! Big clumps of it, all over my head!
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Boon
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New Edition! 20% less "be" verbs than before!
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Telperion the Silver
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So grand a journey your legs will be tired!
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kaioshin00
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Now with paragraphs!
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El JT de Spang
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The best thing to happen to literature since semicolons!

Almost as heavy as the phone book!

This book will make you rich...in the post apocalyptic world where paper is the new currency!

Characterization so good, it's 4 dimensional!

No sentences longer than 11 words!

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CRash
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"It's a book you can't put down! You'll scream! You'll cry! You'll look for something to pry the flypaper pages from your hand!"

"So good I traded it to Billy Joe for two beans, some whiskey, and a cow pie."

"An ideal substitute for ipecac!"

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Hobbes
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Move over Tolstoy, there's a new author whose books will collect dust on every intellectual's bookshelf.

It makes Tom Jones look like a Vegas act.

Hobbes [Smile]

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ketchupqueen
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Guaranteed to be the newest-looking book in the house!
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Grisha
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If Shakespear had written this, we wouldn't still be studying his work today.

Better than the Illiad and Odyssey combined, I judged solely by number of words.

Sure to be the subject of many failing book reports.

It's the fith best book about termites I've ever, and is still the only book I've ever read about termites.

Full of names that are longer than Schwarzenegger.

Proof that not all words have to have vowels.

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Scott R
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The heir apparent to Jim Theis' 'The Eye of Argon.'
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Haloed Silhouette
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quote:
Proof that not all words have to have vowels.
That's Czech! Anyway...

"The best book in its series since the predecessor!"

"A great source of employment for your shredding machine."

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Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged
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"If you have sleep problems then this is the book for you!"
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Dread Pendragon
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"Since you get to fill in all the adjectives Mad-Libs-style, it's like the novel you never wrote."
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Lacerta
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" The most improbable book of all time!"
" I dont remeber waht it was about, but I know it is good."
" This book most likely to attract you towards the same sex."
" Insomniacs will finally find some sleep."

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kaioshin00
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"One thumb up!"
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Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged
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"If you loved reading the dictionary, you'll love this book."
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