FacebookTwitter
Hatrack River Forum Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Discussions About Orson Scott Card » Reviewer comments unlikely to be used on book jackets (Page 6)

  This topic comprises 8 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8   
Author Topic: Reviewer comments unlikely to be used on book jackets
DavidGill
Member
Member # 8166

 - posted      Profile for DavidGill   Email DavidGill         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Softer than the Sears and Roebuck catalog!"
Posts: 80 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Orson Scott Card
Administrator
Member # 209

 - posted      Profile for Orson Scott Card           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Check out the ads in the back!
Posts: 2005 | Registered: Jul 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CRash
Member
Member # 7754

 - posted      Profile for CRash   Email CRash         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
For all you flower collectors--here's the book you've been waiting for! A prodigious number of pages makes it heavy enough to press your flowers, and it doesn't matter if the ink becomes unreadable--it will likely make the story better than before!
Posts: 973 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blackthorne
Member
Member # 8295

 - posted      Profile for Blackthorne   Email Blackthorne         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Winner of three awards at his local elementary school.

Something great to buy for someone you hate.

Twice as absorbant as the other leading brand.

Posts: 60 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Junkman
Member
Member # 8076

 - posted      Profile for Junkman           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Dr. Frederick Wertham's said his writing seduced me from beginning to end.
Posts: 17 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sands
Member
Member # 8344

 - posted      Profile for sands   Email sands         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by LTC DuBois:
This doesn't really fit the topic but I just read this quote from the Dude.

"The academic-literary elite prefers literature that cannot be properly understood unless you have your secret English Department Decoder Ring."

[ROFL]

he's right you know. that's why kids read Ender's game, cause OSC doesn't play games
Posts: 48 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sands
Member
Member # 8344

 - posted      Profile for sands   Email sands         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Jonathan K.:
The enemy's gate is DOWN. (You know i never fully understood the significance of that quote.)

Ender was telling dragon to reorient themselves so the enemy's gate was below them. it's a lot easier to move quickly if you think your falling instead of moving horizontally
Posts: 48 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BeanDelphki
New Member
Member # 8357

 - posted      Profile for BeanDelphki           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
If I had to read this or a French dictonary I'd choose the dictonary and I can't read French.
Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Peter Howell
Member
Member # 8072

 - posted      Profile for Peter Howell           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's the new Klingon edition
Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mary Robinette Kowal
Member
Member # 8388

 - posted      Profile for Mary Robinette Kowal           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Nice font."
Posts: 8 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Brian J. Hill
Member
Member # 5346

 - posted      Profile for Brian J. Hill   Email Brian J. Hill         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Intriguing plot, well-drawn characters, witty dialogue, proper use of the work "whom," great imagery, thought-proving themes--well, 1 out of 6 ain't that bad.

When you go before a judge, THIS is the book they throw at you!

Posts: 786 | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
llodlean
Member
Member # 2057

 - posted      Profile for llodlean   Email llodlean         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A sequal as necessary as Cruel Intentions 3.

Stories come in books now? WOW!

I never forget a good tale, but in this case I'll make an exception (with apologies to Groucho Marx)

I've been called a lot of negative things in my time. I'd now like to apply them to this work.

Posts: 9 | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Orson Scott Card
Administrator
Member # 209

 - posted      Profile for Orson Scott Card           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hold out for the abridged version.
Posts: 2005 | Registered: Jul 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Franz Plath
New Member
Member # 8386

 - posted      Profile for Franz Plath   Email Franz Plath         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Never have letters looked..... um.... so pretty in this particular order before!!!!!
Posts: 1 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jonathan Howard
Member
Member # 6934

 - posted      Profile for Jonathan Howard   Email Jonathan Howard         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
*SPOILER*

It's a 3-page murder investigation; it has two characters in it and one of them dies on page two.

*/SPOILER*

From "Throw Momma Off The Train".

Posts: 2978 | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Peter Howell
Member
Member # 8072

 - posted      Profile for Peter Howell           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Presenting the all new scratch-and-sniff review system. Just scratch the reviewer's name to get a whiff of the scent which they feel embodies this book.
Posts: 70 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PUNJABEE
Member
Member # 7359

 - posted      Profile for PUNJABEE   Email PUNJABEE         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"I read it."


"meh."

"Someone's gonna read this."

Posts: 317 | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Roseauthor
Member
Member # 148

 - posted      Profile for Roseauthor   Email Roseauthor         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So far ahead of it's time, that public schools can't dummy down enough to calculate when this will be timely.
Posts: 162 | Registered: May 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ayren
Member
Member # 7317

 - posted      Profile for Ayren   Email Ayren         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Makes a great hat!"

"Whatever Card was smoking when he wrote this will soon become the classic drug of our time"

"QWFDSAFCXZCD!!!!"

"Oh crap somebody summarize this book for me I didn't read it and I have to do a review ........... hey are you writing this down?"

Posts: 19 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MandyM
Member
Member # 8375

 - posted      Profile for MandyM   Email MandyM         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Just read your tea leaves instead.

Better than watching the grass grow.

Almost as good as Spongebob!

No actual 6-year-olds were injured in the course of writing this book... oh wait, except one.

Harry Potter is not in this book.

The butler did it.

She runs off with his brother at the end.

Buy it on ebay.

This review has been censored by the FCC.

Posts: 1319 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
El JT de Spang
Member
Member # 7742

 - posted      Profile for El JT de Spang   Email El JT de Spang         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Fits nicely in your back pocket.

This prose makes Kant read like a first grade primer.

Made from 100% non-recycled paper!

Written entirely in the passive voice!

All pages are numbered for your convenience!

Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Treason
Member
Member # 7587

 - posted      Profile for Treason   Email Treason         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The cover is a lovely shade of blue!

Read to George W, who said he loved it!

The story reminds me of that wonderful movie Plan 9 From Outer Space!

Written while the author was naked!

Posts: 870 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
andi330
Member
Member # 8572

 - posted      Profile for andi330           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Orson Scott Card:
This book does for sex what Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle" did for meat.

[ROFL]

I couldn't eat meat for a week after reading that book!

Posts: 1214 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
andi330
Member
Member # 8572

 - posted      Profile for andi330           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"I Loved It!" Fred Phelps
Posts: 1214 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Uprooted
Member
Member # 8353

 - posted      Profile for Uprooted   Email Uprooted         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A veritable YawnFest!
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Mark
Member
Member # 6393

 - posted      Profile for Mark   Email Mark         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
"Brings to mind Bradbury's Farenheit 451. For all the wrong reasons."
ROFLMAO

I just thought that one deserved repeating.

Posts: 94 | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dread Pendragon
Member
Member # 7239

 - posted      Profile for Dread Pendragon   Email Dread Pendragon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Finally someone wrote "The Infidel's Guide to the Koran." Don't be thrown by the subtitle, IED stands for "improvised explanatory device."

(God is great)

Do NOT open this book unless you are an infidel pig.

(Praise Allah)

[ September 20, 2005, 02:57 AM: Message edited by: Dread Pendragon ]

Posts: 159 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Paco_The_Insane
Member
Member # 8263

 - posted      Profile for Paco_The_Insane   Email Paco_The_Insane         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Every citizen of the PRC give it two thumbs up.

Exactly like when you wake up in the middle of the night and know something so important you have to write it down. Then in the morning it says "not the food, the dog!" and you have no idea what it means. Only starting at the second sentence. [Wink]

They should get the makers of Napoleon Dynamite to make this into the sequel.

The main character is the king of the fairies!

Posts: 18 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hiro1000
Member
Member # 6905

 - posted      Profile for hiro1000   Email hiro1000         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
So dam bad, you have to read it.

Who wrote this crap?

Its so bad, its actually written in french! ( I am french by the way)

This book is so great, it makes High School Kids go nuts.

Posts: 37 | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Irregardless
Member
Member # 8529

 - posted      Profile for Irregardless   Email Irregardless         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Countless vowels, and even more consonants!
Posts: 326 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dread Pendragon
Member
Member # 7239

 - posted      Profile for Dread Pendragon   Email Dread Pendragon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I read this in braile and my fingers are showing signs of leprosy.
Posts: 159 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JemmyGrove
Member
Member # 6707

 - posted      Profile for JemmyGrove   Email JemmyGrove         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
quote:
Is on a par with a Florence Foster Jenkins concert!
You know Florence?!? I'm so impressed. Truly a classic in its own right. There are things in this world whose enormous value lies in how truly, uniquely awful they are. It's something like the circular universe model: if you go far enough down the scale of bad, you eventually come out the other side as good.

Maybe someone should work that into a review. Nevermind. Someone probably has already.

Posts: 270 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Treason
Member
Member # 7587

 - posted      Profile for Treason   Email Treason         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Adverbs! Lots and lots of adverbs!"
Posts: 870 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Will B
Member
Member # 7931

 - posted      Profile for Will B   Email Will B         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
MAILBOXES: A Celebration! is exactly what it sounds like!
Posts: 1877 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dread Pendragon
Member
Member # 7239

 - posted      Profile for Dread Pendragon   Email Dread Pendragon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
From the moment I picked it up until I sat it back down I couldn't stop laughing. Someday I intend to read it. (Groucho Marx?)
Posts: 159 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dread Pendragon
Member
Member # 7239

 - posted      Profile for Dread Pendragon   Email Dread Pendragon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wait for the audiobook to come out, and hopefully before then you'll die an untimely death.
Posts: 159 | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dannighe
Member
Member # 7831

 - posted      Profile for Dannighe   Email Dannighe         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The first chapter made me skip right to the end!
Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cagreat1
Member
Member # 8511

 - posted      Profile for cagreat1   Email cagreat1         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Thank you God it was only 200 pages!
Posts: 18 | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dannighe
Member
Member # 7831

 - posted      Profile for Dannighe   Email Dannighe         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I'm sure the writer has a nice personality!
Posts: 9 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SpEeDMaSTeR
Member
Member # 7568

 - posted      Profile for SpEeDMaSTeR   Email SpEeDMaSTeR         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Full of Portuguese phrases that you won't be able to understand! [Wink]

A book that is 100% guaranteed to yellow with age!

Now contains Splenda!

¿Habla Engles?

An incredible example of a book for those looking to compare books on opposite ends of the writing spectrum. We won't let you know which end.

Great for losing weight! The constant breaks I took while being forced to read this book gave me more excercise than the past month!

You won't be able to put this book down... due to the long lasting glue that you just put your right hand in.

Posts: 62 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
chuck7
Member
Member # 8645

 - posted      Profile for chuck7   Email chuck7         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The last one was better, but this one give alot more context.

Once you get use to the bad dialog its really not that bad.

Trucks could not drive through these plot holes... they are only man sized!

Posts: 17 | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ThePygmalionEffect
Member
Member # 8649

 - posted      Profile for ThePygmalionEffect   Email ThePygmalionEffect         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Will change your life the way the bible never could"
Posts: 40 | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kasberg
Member
Member # 8651

 - posted      Profile for Kasberg   Email Kasberg         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"A perfect gift for your mother-in-law!"
Posts: 11 | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DavidGill
Member
Member # 8166

 - posted      Profile for DavidGill   Email DavidGill         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Best book on the remainder table."
Posts: 80 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nomolos
Member
Member # 7703

 - posted      Profile for Nomolos   Email Nomolos         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Budget edition: Only includes the best chapters."

[ September 25, 2005, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: Nomolos ]

Posts: 27 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sterling
Member
Member # 8096

 - posted      Profile for Sterling   Email Sterling         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Soon to be a major motion picture from Uwe Boll"
Posts: 3825 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227

 - posted      Profile for Bob_Scopatz   Email Bob_Scopatz         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
<insert filler comment here - Ed.>
Posts: 22496 | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sterling
Member
Member # 8096

 - posted      Profile for Sterling   Email Sterling         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
"Jaw-dropping, mind-bending, hernia-inducing, appendix-bursting."
Posts: 3825 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227

 - posted      Profile for Bob_Scopatz   Email Bob_Scopatz         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Reaches a climax at the point where they tell which font was used.


I cared so much about the characters, I felt sorry they had to be in this book.

I tried to mail this to someone "book" rate and the postal inspector came after me for mail fraud. I pled guilty.


Hey, ever notice how when you're staring at a page of text, and your eyes go all out of focus, you'll start to see jagged lines running up and down the page. Check out p. 54 -- it's really cool.

This just goes to show what one monkey, on one typewriter, working for 15 minutes can be expected to contribute to the world's literary tradition. (sorry, a slight variation on one from p. 1 of the thread).

Once a generation a story like this gets told, and then everyone realizes why it just isn't done and we can relax for another twenty years.

I learned a lot about myself by the time I'd finished this book. I learned I have the patience of a saint and that my IQ is not nearly as high as it was when I began.

I would recommend blasting this book into space, but I'm afraid some advanced culture will get ahold of it and, quite understandably, decide that humankind should be eliminated for the good of the Universe.

On my doctor's advice, I have had the neurons that participated in reading this book surgically removed. They were dead already.

Who knew anesthesia came in paperback form?

I drilled a hole in it just to see the sap run out. Imagine my surprise when the author emerged.

This is the best murder mystery I've ever encountered. How it can be that no one has yet ended the life of the author is the profoundest mystery of them all.

I'm mailing this to my aunt Gertrude. I'm sole beneficiary and this should just about do the trick.

I left this book on the train and the rest of the passengers hunted me down and made me take it back.

Now we know why lemmings leap off cliffs in such large numbers. For the sake of the species' survival, please don't show them this book again.

Sentences so twisted they actually cut through the middle of the pages and leave an exit wound at the back of the book.

If we quickly invent a new language and all switch to it without letting the author know, there may be hope for civilization yet.

This book proves that machines can write books. This one was written by a lawnmower. With a mulching blade.

I had a friend who liked this book. We can't be friends anymore.

I had to chain myself to the desk to force myself to read this thing. I gnawed my own foot off to get away.

I heard a quite believable rumor that the first draft was written in crayon.

Expressing enjoyment of this book is now listed in DSM IV as one of the warning signs for serious mental illness.

My cat peed on this book before I had a chance to read it. That cat's a lifesaver.

Light bends around this prose.

This book has done wonders for my outlook on the future. I now look forward to the world-wide paper shortage.

It caused me to change all my dreams and aspirations. Now, I just want to be like Helen Keller...long dead.

Posts: 22496 | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Treason
Member
Member # 7587

 - posted      Profile for Treason   Email Treason         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[Eek!]
Goodness!
Nice.

Posts: 870 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 8 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2