Author
Topic: Reviewer comments unlikely to be used on book jackets
dantesparadigm
Member
Member # 8756
posted December 17, 2005 06:22 PM
I you're looking for a heavy blunt object perfect for beating someone unconscious, this book is perfect; otherwise... not so much. If you only burn one book this year, make it this one.
Posts: 959 | Registered: Oct 2005
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Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227
posted December 18, 2005 01:53 PM
The author was paid in copies. He refused them.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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human_2.0
Member
Member # 6006
posted December 20, 2005 02:12 AM
The author was paid with the corpses of those who read this book and promptly died.
Posts: 1209 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Hyperfried
Member
Member # 7892
posted December 20, 2005 08:08 PM
"The New York Times best-selling book that only got there because of bribery." "The new substitute to laxatives!" "Best used as kindling, not reading material."
Posts: 53 | Registered: Apr 2005
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Eva Scrye
Member
Member # 8960
posted December 21, 2005 06:35 AM
"...not...that...bad..." Here's an obscure one: "Comes highly recommended by Jack Chick!" "Just when you think it's getting good, you realize you were reading the author's bio on the back cover, but couldn't distinguish it from the rest of the book." The Guardian Eva Scrye
Posts: 70 | Registered: Dec 2005
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Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227
posted December 22, 2005 12:10 AM
This plot wouldn't thicken if you dumped a whole truckload of cornstarch in it. Reads like the novelization of the back of that tag one finds in shirts. Way beyond gripping and well into debilitating abdominal cramps. Islamic leaders have issued a fatwah calling upon the faithful to raise their left eyebrows at this author. o_0
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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davjonz
New Member
Member # 8962
posted December 22, 2005 06:57 PM
Winner of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest three years running!
Posts: 3 | Registered: Dec 2005
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Penta
Member
Member # 8950
posted December 23, 2005 11:42 AM
Winner of the Booker Award for Worst Sex in a novel!
Posts: 19 | Registered: Dec 2005
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Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227
posted December 23, 2005 12:08 PM
The author's philosphy rings through like the cheap electronic door chimes at a Chinese take-out.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227
posted December 24, 2005 01:40 AM
-- primarily because the author fell asleep and his nose hit the keyboard.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Eva Scrye
Member
Member # 8960
posted December 24, 2005 10:44 PM
Heh, nice one Bob. "Might spontaneously combust in an act of literary suicide!"
Posts: 70 | Registered: Dec 2005
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Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227
posted December 25, 2005 02:56 PM
This is a book that takes careful aim, fires, and still manages to fatally stab itself. . . Upon further consideration, I feel it is my duty to alert the reader that the above is NOT a metaphor.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Dasa
Member
Member # 8968
posted December 25, 2005 06:33 PM
Uplifting...like hot air.
Posts: 107 | Registered: Dec 2005
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Orincoro
Member
Member # 8854
posted December 26, 2005 02:05 AM
"Just when I thought I was out. It pulled me back in" "you'll be talking smack about this book for weeks" "100 weeks and still not on the Ny times best seller list" "Not as bad as Orson Scott Card" -(the logic of this one is unclear even to me, thus unlikely?)
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
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Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227
posted December 26, 2005 01:59 PM
This book belongs in a time capsule so that people in the future can open it up and wonder what the heck we were thinking. Sweetly nostalgic in a cyclamate kind of way.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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HectorVictor
Member
Member # 9003
posted January 04, 2006 10:05 PM
"A great substitute for sleeping pills!" "This...book...was...bad[great]!" "A great White Elephant gift!" "Considering suicide? Not the book for you!" The classic: "The best part was the end!" "I was suprised to find that, by the time I finished it, I had knawed off my right arm!" "What book is this again? (oh, woops, forgot the !) !"
Posts: 48 | Registered: Jan 2006
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Stone_Wolf_
Member
Member # 8299
posted January 10, 2006 08:09 AM
"My eyes have fallen out of my head, please help me!" "Better then the scrip of Oliver Stone's 'Alexander'!" "Surgeon Generals's Warning: Do not read this book if you are pregnant, breast feeding or ovulating." "This book contains letters which form words and is therefore officially considered literature." "The Library of Congress has awarded this book the prestigious award of 'ISBN: 9-076-67588-4'!" "This book is considered cruel and unusual punishment by the Geneva Convention!"
Posts: 6683 | Registered: Jun 2005
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Descolada Survivor
Member
Member # 9019
posted January 11, 2006 12:38 PM
"well thats 2 weeks of my life im never getting back" "looking for a intense read? read something else" "side effects: explosive diarrhea, anorexia, severe narcolepsy, and heart attack or stroke, if you experiance more than two of these symtoms at once discontinue use of this book" "waiting for a bus is more exiting" "i think it was a good book but i was only awake for the first 5 pages" "pure crap" "why he wrote a second or third book utterly escapes me" "if you read this book all the way through you deserve a purple heart" "Orsons Non-Exploding Books, Warning: book my spontaniously combust" "the only thing this book is good for is beating yourself to death after wasting half your life reading it" "makes a great paperweight" "you'd find more context trying to read a brick" (i should be doing my work right now ) [ January 11, 2006, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: Descolada Survivor ]
Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2006
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Descolada Survivor
Member
Member # 9019
posted January 11, 2006 01:07 PM
"you better buy more copies winters gonna be cold this year"
Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2006
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Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227
posted January 11, 2006 09:32 PM
The novel that killed off the Oprah Book Club "Based on a shorter book that was better written."
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Sterling
Member
Member # 8096
posted January 11, 2006 09:55 PM
"Place book in microwave for 99 minutes and 99 seconds on high, and walk away."
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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vonk
Member
Member # 9027
posted January 12, 2006 03:48 PM
"Now featuring several words!"
Posts: 2596 | Registered: Jan 2006
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oolung
Member
Member # 8995
posted January 12, 2006 04:13 PM
this thriller was so scary I had to push it out of my memory! extraordinary! Such a simple plot expressed in such complicated words!
Posts: 218 | Registered: Jan 2006
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Boon
unregistered
posted January 12, 2006 04:14 PM
"A highly unusual sequence of words!"
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Boon
unregistered
posted January 12, 2006 04:15 PM
"Makes a great Dirty Santa gift!"
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Topher
Member
Member # 9028
posted January 12, 2006 04:21 PM
The cast of Laguna Beach gave it 5 stars! (perhaps too close to the mark *scarred*) Brings the art of crayon drawings masterfuly to life. The jacket illustrations really are amazing. If you need a break from good literature, this is your book. The type is big and easy to read. It's what kept Charles Manson going.
Posts: 33 | Registered: Jan 2006
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Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227
posted January 12, 2006 06:08 PM
It is the "spork" of literature.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Descolada Survivor
Member
Member # 9019
posted January 12, 2006 07:18 PM
"an extremely imaginitive boo- wait we're talking about (insert book here)?"
Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2006
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HectorVictor
Member
Member # 9003
posted January 12, 2006 07:23 PM
"It says, 'UGGGGGGHHHHHGHGHHHHH', but why would the book reviewer write UUGGHHHH?" Gimme a smilie if you get the allusion.
Posts: 48 | Registered: Jan 2006
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Descolada Survivor
Member
Member # 9019
posted January 13, 2006 01:48 AM
" slightly more intense then watching paint dry" "if you had a choice of either reading this book or watching grass grow, choose the grass"
Posts: 110 | Registered: Jan 2006
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Bob_Scopatz
Member
Member # 1227
posted January 14, 2006 10:06 PM
Readers Digest 'condensed' this book to the essential bits...it appeared in November's issue as one of those footnote jokes they use as filler.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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IB_wench
Member
Member # 9081
posted January 21, 2006 12:37 AM
very nice. the members of Monty Python would be proud!
Posts: 32 | Registered: Jan 2006
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jaysedai6
Member
Member # 8856
posted January 21, 2006 08:09 PM
I read the book and now non of my other personalites will talk to me
Posts: 28 | Registered: Nov 2005
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