posted
Belle that was seriously hillarious the bit that had me in tears was the Gandalf finding out Saruman was evil bit.
Posts: 3564 | Registered: Sep 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
This was before I came back to Hatrack. I almost peed my pants reading these!! (And I haven't done that in a LONG time! )
Posts: 1735 | Registered: Mar 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
You know you're obsessed with Lord Of The Rings when...
You've read all three books more than ten times.
You've kept it hidden and safe.
Since you've seen the first one of the three LOTR movies you're listening to Enya all day long.
You think it is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt for so small a thing.
Words like "Yrch" make sense to you.
You dedicate all your free time to learning Sindarin or another Tolkien language.
You know when Durin IV lived.
You've become strangely obsessed with mushrooms.
Whenever you close a door, you say "They have a cave troll!"
When you come to a dead end you're still convinced that the road goes ever on and on.
There's a sign on your door saying "Speak Friend and enter!"
Whenever you get a chance, you burst into song. Preferably one that has more than 20 verses.
The only map you can read is the one of Middle Earth.
You're starting to make strange hissing noises when you speak and call all your possessions "my precious".
You change your name by deed poll to a Tolkien character and seriously consider naming your children after LOTR characters.
You have more than thirty sets of the books - and several are in languages you can't read.
You buy the bookmark with "the one ring" tied to the tassel, and then wear the ring around and pretend to be invisible.
Every time you see birds in the sky you have the urge to say "Fly you fools!"
When someone knocks on your door you grab them, pull them inside and ask "Are you frightend?... Not nearly frightend enough!"
You try to walk on top of snow like the elves do.
You think about getting toupees for your feet.
You have made up names for all the nameless characters in the movie, like various hobbits at Bilbo's party or the elves at the Council of Elrond.
You are able to reenact the whole movie in character.
Your computer's screensaver is a marquee reading, "Ennyn Durin atan Moria: pedo mellon a mino" and the password is actually "mellon".
You print out the whole movie script and religiously study it.
You've highlighted all your favorite parts of the books, and your highlighter has run out of ink.
You have a special clock that always tells you how many days, hours, and minutes are left until the next part of the movies opens in theaters.
The last five times you went to see the movie, you only went to see the preview trailer.
All day you hear words such as 'habit' and 'going', in your mind as 'hobbit' and 'Gollum'.
Whenever you see a tree you give it a hug and say "Hail Treebeard!".
You grow long hair and tie it back, and prance around delicately - and you are male.
You get someone to shoot you with 3 arrows, just so you can reenact Boromir's death scene.
You start to put 'elvish' down as your religion.
You cannot see a beer without blurting out "It comes in pints? I'm getting one!"
You manage to bring the words 'hobbits' and 'Mirkwood' into every sentence.
Your friends instantly know you are going to say something about LotR even before you open your mouth.
You get a long blond wig and give yourself an elvish name.
You learn all 25 pages of Very Secret Diary off by heart and say phrases from them at all times
You just can't keep yourself from saying "nobody tosses a Dwarf" at inappropriate moments.
You point out one word differences between speech in the film and in the book.
You notice everyone else goes "aaaahhh" at the same time when Legolas gets off his horse.
You're certain that tiny bits have changed since the eighth time you've seen the movie.
You have organized your bookmarks into subcategories "elivish" and "Legolas".
You devote free time to drawing sketches of LotR characters from the various posters around your room, then realise you don't need the poster, you know the faces by heart.
A shadow and a threat is growing in your mind.
You stayed up 'til 5am watching the Oscars (in the UK) and threw things at the screen when Ron Howard/Russell Crowe/Jennifer Connelly appeared.
You go to lordoftherings.net and spend hours refreshing the page, just to hear the actors say "Hello, I'm Elijah Wood (or whatever). Welcome to lordoftherings.net"
You start saying "a star shines on the hour of our meeting."
You're determined to refresh lordoftherings.net until you discover how to pronounce 'Viggo'.
You have more than 20 LotR sites in your favourites
posted
Yeah...I'm pretty sure this means I'm obsessed. I related to way too many of these. But boy, was it fun to read!
Posts: 2661 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
"Ai! Ai!" wailed Legolas. "A chicken! A chicken has run!" (across the road, of course)
"You desired the chicken because the thigh was succulent," said Faramir. "But I say to you that this frog leg is just as tasty."
"Hinder me! Thou fool, no living cock may hinder me!" Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm clucked, and the clear voice was like the thunk of the cleaver's knife. "But no living cock am I! You look upon a chicken."
p.s. - The first half of that script was out of hand.
posted
SQUEE! Thanks! How'd you find it? I did a search for "breadbox" and "chicken", but got no hits. I also went through pages 55-99 of the archives.
Does anyone mind if I save this to my website? I have fond memories of this thread -- I had read it days before I learned to play the TCG, which caused me to giggle constantly during that first game. My best friend and I still quote "There is a fell chicken on the road" whenever we play a Legolas card.
Now I MUST stop posting and get some work done already!
posted
Ring tones!-- The sign of a true lotr obsessive is cell phone ring tones! Or, maybe the sign a cell phone user is a LotR obsessive... oh, nevermind. Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Olivia, are you telling me that you have LotR ring tones? And, if you are, you're next going to tell me exactly where and how you got them, right?
posted
I did have ring tones and two screen savers, but I dropped my phone and broke it. When I went to the website to download them again, they were gone. I had Manny Meetings, The Bridge at Khazaadum, the breaking of the fellowship and May it Be.
They were a free download for voicestream customers.
posted
When I was younger, I had that on my closet door. My sister whenever she wanted to go in had to say melon. She thought I was seriously stupid, and informed me many times that melon did NOT mean friend, and that it was a type of fruit. It's always fun when this thread is bumped. Still funny to read....
Posts: 3493 | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
"I do not know what strength is in my blood. But I swear to you, I will not forget to buy the tickets."
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hey! I posted those chicken crossing the road ones when FOTR came out!
Belle...
----------------
Fellowship of the Ring - Abridged version ---- Frodo: Hi, Gandalf! Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring. Bilbo: Okay. Bye! Gandalf: See you at the pub, Frodo.
Frodo: Doo-de-do. Nazgul: Boo! Frodo: Eeeek! Merry: (pops up out of nowhere) Eeeek! Pippin: (ditto) Eeeek! Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now!
Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends! Frodo: No time for you, weirdo. Tom Bombadil: (disappears)
Saruman: See, all I had to do was cross out "Good" on my business cards and write "Bad," and I'm all set. Gandalf: I never saw /that/ coming. Saruman: Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of evil orcs and war machinery which were in plain sight. Gandalf: Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the top of a high tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not prevent a giant eagle from rescuing me, instead of in the canonical dungeon deep underground. Oh, wait.
Frodo: (whispering) Keep a low profile. Pippin: (loudly) And don't mention your real name, right? Merry: (loudly) Or the ring either, right? Strider: Right. Don't mention the ring. (laughs) It's okay, I'll save you.
Pippin: (whining) Are we there yet? Nazgul: Bwa ha ha ha. Give us the ring, little worm. Frodo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names- Sam: Hmm, looks like swords work too. Strider: Go away, bad men! Nazgul: The five of us must flee, for we are outnumbered by this one Ranger!
Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell! Merry: That was easy. Pippin: Don't knock it. Sam: Elves are cool! Elrond: Get the hell out of my place, I don't need trouble. Gimli: You can't throw them out while I'm here! Legolas: Same for me! Elrond: Right, all of you wankers leave now. Gandalf: But I just got here. Boromir: I'll just invite myself along. No real reason. Certainly not because I have larceny on my mind. Nope. Strider: Look, they fixed my sword! (swish) Wheeeee!
Frodo: Such beautiful scenery. The green grass and leaves are so- [THUD] Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from? Gandalf: Don't blame me. Who knew that mountains could be cold on top? Gimli: Told you we should go through the mines. Strider: Let the dwarf have his way. Legolas: Fine, whatever, just open the door. Gimli: Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside. Boromir: What a bunch of dicks. Gandalf: Of course! (applies C4 to the problem) [POOF] Sam: Such magic.
Merry: Ooooo, dead dwarf over here! Gimli: Boo hoo. Pippin: HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!! Gandalf: Twit. Orcs: Oh good, we were getting hungry. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep an army fed in these abandonded mines? Boromir: (Slash) Legolas: (Pfft) Gimli: (Whack) Orcs: This is definitely putting a damper on our relationship. Frodo: Ouch! Strider: Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished! Our quest has failed! Frodo: Just kidding. I did the slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest trick hile I was standing in profile to y'all. Pretty funny, eh? Balrog: Dammit, I was sound asleep. That really ticks me off. Gandalf: We are so doomed. Strider: Not if we run away! (does so) Boromir: First good idea you've had. (follows) hobbits: (already in the lead) Gandalf: (trailing) It matters not! You cannot outrun the demon! Legolas: We don't have to . . . Gimli: . . . we just have to outrun *you*. Balrog: Your ass is mine, wizard. (drags Gandalf down with him) Strider: Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has fallen! Frodo: I'm over it. Sam: Yeah, let's go, there's no food here.
Legolas: Wondrous are these woods! Gimli: And full of cutthroat elves. Celeborn: We were told of your coming. Well, "warned" is more accurate. Galadriel: I know you better than you know yourselves. Sam: You've got nothing better to do with your time? Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror. Frodo: Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around here? What mirror are you babbling about, there's just this birdbath full of water. Galadriel: But it shows magic pictures of things that may or may not be! Frodo: I'm guessing you're a day trader. Here, you take the ring. Galadriel: I will not. (hangs her head) I lost the instructions. Frodo: Great, I'm still stuck with it. Celeborn: Check-out time!
Pippin: (singing) Row row row your boat, gently down- Gimli: Shut the hell up. Seven hours of that is enough. Strider: All this beautiful scenery is giving me a very bad feeling.
Boromir: Give me the ring. Frodo: Notice as I put it on that it not only makes me invisible, it also apparently teleports me away from your clutches. Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my kingdom! Where is a rake I can step on, that it might strike my head? Ah, this will do nicely. (whack) Frodo: Best thing for me to do now is head for the most dangerous place in the world. Sam: Works for me. (they leave) SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill! Merry: Help, help, Auntie Em! (waves his tiny sword pathetically) Pippin: Christ, look at the size of these guys, we're dead meat. Boromir: Fear not, little hobbits, I shall blow my special horn and we shall be rescued by soldiers... who are... hundreds... of... miles... away... guess we are pretty stuffed after all. (dies) SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill! Legolas: Look at my form. Damn, I'm good. Gimli: I'm environmentally friendly --- blood makes the grass grow. Strider: Looks like Frodo got away. Well, there's no chance in hell I'm going to step one foot closer to Mordor, so let's go the exact opposite direction. Legolas: Okay. Gimli: Sure.
posted
Ethics, obviously your thread didn't have the same amount of appeal as mine, because mine keeps getting bumped. Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Ethics I may have to email your story to a friend of mine who, upon reading it, will hunt me down and slay me for blasphomy. Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Toretha I got it from the old imladris.com site - but that site went under. I don't think it's active anymore. I'll look around though. Posts: 14428 | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
LOL!!!! Wow Belle that was funny and awesome. 
How'd you find it? I did a search for "breadbox" and "chicken", but got no hits. I also went through pages 55-99 of the archives.
