posted
One more thing Kat. I absolutley agree with HC, I too have that problem in sapdes. However, if someone wanted me to come visit them and I had wanted to drive around there then it would appear to me as an ideal solution to both. It would never occur to me that by doing two things in one trip that someone would feel hurt or left out, I would just be being efficent. I don't know that this is what he's thinking, but that's why i would be doing it (if I actually wanted to drive around Texas that is ).
quote:if I actually wanted to drive around Texas that is
See, there's the key. No one could actually WANT to drive around Texas for two weeks. He keeps saying he misses it. Two weeks of the same scenery should cure it. I like Texas, but I can't even imagine considering ten hours through flat prarie to be a kick in the pants of a vacation.
I mean, it was drive around Texas, or Germany. Would you believe my dad chose Texas?
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Maybe I speak only for myself, but I really don't think about them at all. Probably this is because I've never had a serious relationship with a woman, so it's never come up.
Now let's see, if my sister told me she was starting her period, what would I say? Hmmm...something along the lines of: "Oh GOD, OH GOD! WHY IS SHE TELLING ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!". At that point I would be running from the room.
...Did I mention I really don't like my sister?
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quote:So, what do guys really think about periods?
I try not to.
quote:What are the first things that go through your mind when a Significant Other tells you she just started hers?
She hasn't yet... if she does I would try and figure out if it was a friendly warning or a threat.
quote:What about a sister or other non-intimate close female?
The first thing to go through my head: "My sister often gives me too much information, I should write this down as an example of how this statment is verifiably true".
quote:When did you first find out women had them, and what was it like to discover this?
I had Sex Ed in 5th grade and I'm pretty sure it was covered there.
quote:PS. Was the above TOO MUCH INFORMATION?
Yes, but then, what's the last time you didn't give too much information?
posted
>> So, what do guys really think about periods? <<
I can't speak for other 22YOMHs (I'm one myself), but they don't bother me (regardless of who's telling me about it) unless I find myself on the receiving end of some snarkiness. As far as talking about them or dealing with them within relationships, it's never really been a problem. I found it fairly easy to work around while still having good times.
And no, Jenny, there's no such thing as TMI as far as I'm concerned.
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*grin* One of my friends has a 14-year old daughter. When we go on road trips and the daughter is along, the first things she says is, “okay you are NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PERIODS.” If she is going to have a friend along she corners us sometime before the trip to remind us that we ARE NOT ALLOWED to talk about our periods.
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Jenny Gardener:"So, what do guys really think about periods?"
Most of the time, we don't think about them at all. When we do . . . well, it depends on the guy's level of experience with it. A guy who has had little to no experience being in very close relationships with women won't know much about it, and may imagine that there's a lot of weird stuff that he doesn't know and probably wouldn't want to know, and so would probably rather not hear about it at all.
A guy who has had considerable experience being in very close relationships with women probably doesn't have the same icky feelings about it, but may still be in a state of wondering about it. He may wonder what his SO's experience is actually like. He may wonder if there is anything he should do to help out during those times, or if that would be blowing things out of proportion.
A few men with longstanding close relationships, who have also taken the time to become educated, may have reached that blessed state where they think of it as only a part of life, and no big deal, and won't even care if they are asked to run to the supermarket for a package of what my wife delicately calls "supplies."
Jenny Gardener:"What are the first things that go through your mind when a Significant Other tells you she just started hers?"
In a bad month, it's something along the lines of "Yeah, no kidding. Like I could fail to be aware of that after the last couple of days."
In a good month, it would be more like, "Really? Already? Whew, dodged a bullet there."
In some sad cases, it's "Oh. Well. I guess we try again next month."
Jenny Gardener:"What about a sister or other non-intimate close female?"
Then, it would be "Why is she telling me this?" or maybe just amusement.
Jenny Gardener:"When did you first find out women had them, and what was it like to discover this?"
I first listened to an tape on the subject in my school library in about sixth grade, but I didn't understand a word of it. Not a word. I think it didn't come together until a Health class in tenth grade. I know I was clueless as late as ninth grade, when I went on a trip to Mexico with a school group, and I asked some of the girls why one of their friends wasn't in the swimming pool that day, and they said something about "girl stuff," which I didn't understand but which made me so embarrassed I couldn't look at any of them for the rest of the day.
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pH-- Did you consider the horrendous time difference? Maybe by the time it occurred to him to call you, it was three o' clock in the morning where you are.
Jenny, Ron could always tell if I was on my period or about to be on my period just from kissing me. He said my breath smelled different. He can actually STILL predict it based on this method, even when it isn't time for it, or there are no other warning signs. It's kind of spooky.
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quote:So, what do guys really think about periods?
Very little. I am glad that men don't have hormonal cycles though.
quote:What are the first things that go through your mind when a Significant Other tells you she just started hers?
No sex for a few days at least. At first anyway. I'm not angry about it, its just something to deal with. I actually enjoy the making out better knowing that no sex will follow for some reason. Other than that I just know to be especially nice for that week.
quote:What about a sister or other non-intimate close female?
Doesn't happen often, but I usually just sypamthize with the cramps they are normally complaining about.
quote:When did you first find out women had them, and what was it like to discover this?
It was fairly late that I learned. In sex-ed class, they had the girls go into a seperate room to talk about it. I'm not sure why. I knew of them for a while before I knew what they consisted of entirely. I remember a girl had her period in the middle of class one day, and half the guys knew what was going on, and the other half had no clue.
quote:So, what do guys really think about periods?
Not much. I mean, what is there to think? What do you think of exfoliating? It's just the body getting rid of unneeded tissue.
quote:What are the first things that go through your mind when a Significant Other tells you she just started hers?
Whew!
quote:What about a sister or other non-intimate close female?
And?
quote:When did you first find out women had them, and what was it like to discover this?
I was pretty small. Maybe three? My parents got me a book on reproduction from the library and read it with me. I expect I thought it was pretty interesting, but I don't have any concrete memories of it.
quote:Jenny, who is sadly going to be "on the rag" for Valentine's day.
PS. Was the above TOO MUCH INFORMATION?
Naaah. Menstruation is just one of those things that half the people I know do. Share all you want.
I am curious, though, why "sadly"? Unless the flow is unmanagably heavy, there isn't really any reason not to have sex when a woman's on her period.
Now oral sex will probably have to wait until after the period, but regular sex of the penile/vaginal variety? No problem. Am I in the minority here?
posted
Periods are no biggie, but I had a grant example growing up. My dad, who did all the grocery shopping, also bought the pads. My mom, who had rather strong periods became noticeably different for about 3 days every month. I figure before I was 10, I knew more about periods than most 20 year-olds (although I knew the details only rudimentary). I embarassed my girlfriend by knowing almost as much as she did about them, and not being weirded out by it.
I have a vivid memory of mentioning cramps around my brothers as a teenager, and their being skeptical. They were about 10 and 12 at the time, so I had them stand next to each other and clench all their stomach muscles. All of them. Then I started poking their stomachs to make sure everything was clenched, then dug my fingers into their sides and said, "Good. Now, hold for three days."
quote: I am curious, though, why "sadly"? Unless the flow is unmanagably heavy, there isn't really any reason not to have sex when a woman's on her period.
I don't know about that. The only girls I've been with (admittedly very few) it wasn't even negotiable .
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Several women I've been with have been more aroused during their periods than other times of the month, actually. Others have been repulsed by the very idea. It doesn't matter much to me one way or the other.
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Re: Sex while on your period. I've actually done a bit of reading on this, there isn't anything medically wrong with it. If anything it is the one time you most likely NOT to get pregnant if you don't use protection.
Practical reasons: Blood is harder to get out of the sheets, if you have er, messy sex.
Also the bit of abstinence can make the "heart" grow fonder.
Actually the idea squicks him out while it doesn't bother me at all. I suspect it has something to do with seeing his penis covered in blood.
Re: periods. A wonderful boyfriend will offer to give lower back massages during that time. There are two spots where the back muscles tense up somewhat near the kidneys during the period. Even if you don't have severe cramps they still feel wonderful. Of course once he starts taking you for granted, you have to ask unless he can tell you are absolutely miserable and volunteers.
posted
I used the word "sadly" or something similar to refer to fertility problems, but it has also been used in this thread in another context. I think that was the one that was referred to.
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Olivet: I did! But it usually is worse on his part...he ends up staying up till 2am, and for me it's only 8pm.
But I did get to talk to him, and he _was_ really busy. I guess he had to get some thingy done by Wednesday...I ended up calling him despite telling myself not to, and he dropped everything to talk to me until his friends got extremely pissy. *feels better*
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When I get focused on getting something done (washing dishes, organizing a pile of books, usually tidy-up-the-house type stuff), I seem to become more attractive in the smoochy way. Why does my being on a set path make distracting me a more inviting prospect? (I'm not complaining, mind you -- just curious.) I can sit there staring at the wall for half an hour without a single semi-leer, but getting up to unload the dishwasher seems to turn me into a love magnet.
Is this biased recall on my part (maybe I just remember those times, and not the others)?
posted
Yes CT, you've obviously been duped into a romantic relationship with a cat. Happens all the time, I'm told.
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Yes, why is dishwashing so sexy? I get this too. It's rather nice, but it means that when I do get my butt in gear to work on the house, I am not left to complete my tasks...
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quote: Is he really a cat? (My cats do this too. Hmmm.)
I don't know.. My cat drooled on me when he wanted attention. Cat drool is pretty yucky.
Edit: Also, I don't think this works the other way. I've done my share of dishes to help my girlfriend out with her chores and stuff, but I never get any special attention for it. Should I wear tighter pants?
[ February 12, 2004, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: Nato ]
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quote:Yes CT, you've obviously been duped into a romantic relationship with a cat. Happens all the time, I'm told.
Noemon, that is humorous in ways that can't even be imagined. Not icky-humorous, just cute.
It would explain a lot, though.
I get a lot of cat drool. But they seem to know when I'm about to get up, and they get a smug little look of anthropomorphic satisfaction in nixing the deal.
[Jenny, I need to write to you today. I need matchmakery help, and I've finally crawled my way back into the world of the functional again.]
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ClaudiaTherese:"When I get focused on getting something done (washing dishes, organizing a pile of books, usually tidy-up-the-house type stuff), I seem to become more attractive in the smoochy way. Why does my being on a set path make distracting me a more inviting prospect?"
I think it is twofold: First, it has to do with the way your body moves when you are performing a physical task, and being really focussed on it. Second, it allows your SO to see your body from many different angles, including some that he can't see if you're just sitting. If it did bug you, there are certainly some ways you can dress that would minimize both of these effects. But on his behalf, I have to ask you to please not do that.
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And there's something satisfying about distracting your SO from something she was doing. "Ha HA! *I* control what you pay attention to!" So long as the thing isn't so important you think you'd get in trouble for interrupting.
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I like to stare at him when he's utterly absorbed in something. That's why I try to get him to play more computer games. It's just a different approach, you know?
As a more general reply to a side topic very briefly touched on earlier: I cannot discuss this in great detail, as I would get the vapors. However, should one wish to be engaged in certain creative intimacies during times which might at first seem inconvenient, one might find that actually such times (properly supplied, one could say) might make such intimacies rather more convenient than other intimacies at that time, especially as some persons have different (or more focused?) goals at different times lunarily, so to speak.
I'd also say it's a matter of attention. If you're sitting there then you're not really doing much to draw attention to yourself. But if you get up and start moving around suddenly you become much more interesting. It's partly a predatorial thing I think. Stationary targets are less likely to be noticed by a visual hunter. I find myself watching whoever happens to be moving, which I'm sure has gotten some strange impression of me from strangers, but so far nobody has said anything, so it's all right.
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at the idea of CT with the vapors! I know you aren't nearly as prim and proper in person as you are in writing! AJ
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AJ, I am a model of virtue. I have no idea what you are talking about. *prim look, wink
HC, the predatory stalking thing goes with the cat theory. Doubtlessly, he is feline. So, in other words, if I were to crawl around under the carpet, I'd be irresistible.
Huh. Well, I know what I'm doing on Valentine's Day.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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CT- I have never encountered a feline with a voice that deep. Mr. CT on the answering machine message makes Johnny Cash sound like a castrati.
I have noticed this behavior in Ron, too. It seems to be worst first thing in the morning, as I get up and walk to the bathroom, but also when tending the dishwasher or the laundry. He usually makes comments, too. Like, " I think there's another sock in there, waaaay down at the bottom" and the sometimes humorous but always shocking jive-talk, "Dam, B*tch, you stoopid fly!"
He also tends to do it if I'm doing something that occupies my hands, so that fending him off is inconvenient. What could possibly be so attractive about a woman brushing her teeth? Wait two minutes and I'll be more receptive.
About the period thing... I read somewhere that women in some study or other claimed to want sex more, on average, while menstruating. They made a big deal about this because it seems to serve no evolutionary purpose. Most species want to mate most strongly when they are most fertile, but not humans. Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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22YOMH-- about the breast thing... I have noticed that my sister encounters that a lot (I even teased her about one of the shirts she wore at WenchCon "If you ever rob a bank, wear that shirt. No one will look at your face." ). I was thinking about getting her a t-Shirt with "I'm up here" and an arrow pointing up at her face.
But, as far as I know, this has never happened to me.
Does one have to have a lot up there for this to happen? I mean, I like my body fine the way it is, and I can get away with showing more shoulder etc. than my sister because I'm not so busty. Judy got most of the mammary tissue in our generation, I guess.
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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There have been some very good and very valid answers given here. Which is one of the reasons I love Hatrack so much.
But that's not gonna stop me from going through the questions I missed and giving my own POV.
:Cracks his knuckles, and goes to work:
quote:Why is it that young males so often feel that the only emotion that is proper to be shown outwardly is anger?...Is there a way to teach a young male that it is okay to express above said emotions through words and not anger? And that doing so does not make one a wimp?
Because in many cases, they don't know WHAT they're feeling, and the confusion manifests itself in frustration, which in turn leads to anger at oneself. This is often times taken out on others, and can leave the guy ashamed at having done it, which makes him even MORE surly.
The things most likely to get him to open up to you are Patience, honesty, Patience, Communication, Patience, and more commnication.
Noticing a trend here?
Resistance to communication often WILL come first. The fact that he's confused is not easy to admit. Let him know that you do want to help, and that you don't look at him any less for feeling confused. Let him know that talking helps, and that bottling it up inside will only make the situation worse. It may take some coaxing, but hopefully you should be able to crack through the surface and get him to do some talking.
And once you do, LISTEN, and be HONEST. Don't tell him what's easy to hear, tell him what he NEEDS to hear. Boosting his ego will only make things worse in the long run. Boosting understanding and confidence is better. Boosting trust, however, is best.
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Olivet:"Does one have to have a lot up there for this to happen?"
No. It's just one obvious way for the attention to be drawn there. Another is the wearing of certain kinds of clothing that show off what you do have, even if what you have isn't much. Posture makes a big difference, too.
Olivet:"I mean, I like my body fine the way it is, and I can get away with showing more shoulder etc. than my sister"
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![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
I don't know that this is what he's thinking, but that's why i would be doing it (if I actually wanted to drive around Texas that is ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
).![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
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"Oh GOD, OH GOD! WHY IS SHE TELLING ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!". At that point I would be running from the room.![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
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CT!
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
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). I was thinking about getting her a t-Shirt with "I'm up here" and an arrow pointing up at her face.
