quote:Is "Between the two of us, we have the perfect brain." some sort of uber-geek pickup line? Because it came out of nowhere, I couldn't think of a thing to say, and he avoided me for the rest of the semester.
It could be. It could also be a compliment on an intellectual level. I've stated something like this statement before to a male friend of mine. We both fancy ourselves writers, and find that some of our best work comes through bouncing off each other's ideas and concepts. We've made great breakthroughs in storytelling that neither would have had without the contrasting idiologies, ideals, and experiences that we've head. So it could just be a very nice complement.
Or he could be saying 'you complete me', and is desperate to jump your bones.
Both are very valid assessments, and would highly rely on context to differentiate.
Yor reaction, which seems to have made him uncomfortable, would also attest to either. If he thought you had figured he meant more than he did by it, he might have been embarrassed. Same also if he HAD meant it as a pick-up line.
So while this answer may not have given you the answer, it cold perhaps give you one additional view on what was meant by the statement.
Posts: 2689 | Registered: Apr 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote:Why does my dad need to find an excuse to come and see me?
This is a loaded question which would require a lot more insight than I currently have available.
I don't know his work schedule. I don't know his mindset - I don't know how emotional it is for him, and how he reacts to emotion. I know there's been a lot of drama in your family, and a lot of additional interpersonal elements that I just do not have access to. I'm sorry, but I'll have to admit I'm a blank on this one, and leave it up to others who may have more insight and experience on the matter.
Posts: 2689 | Registered: Apr 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote: Why does he say he'll call "this weekend" and then not call 'till Tuesday?
A) Because he's sensitive and stupid, and it takes him that long to work up the courage to do it again, no matter what signs you've given him. It's a big deal for him, and the fact that he does call is a big deal for him. It means he likes you a lot.
B) Because he's insensitive and stupid, and either merely forgets about it, or thinks that by calling you later, your feelings for him will intensify by the absence of his presence. He thinks he has you in check, and you better set him straight quickly.
Posts: 2689 | Registered: Apr 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
EDIT: I realized I misread the questions, as if it was a person talking to their 12yo son. Eep. That's what lack of sleep (and lack of attention to the details and ages involved) does. But I'm going to leave my answer for those who may have the kind of question that leads closer to my original understanding of it. Sorry for the confusion. and thanks to CT for pointing out the error of my ways.
quote: Last night my 22YO husband and I were talking about "that special time" in every thirteen-year-old boy's life when he finds he can't stand up in class anymore. He said it didn't help that it coincided with the girls deciding to be "fashionable" and wearing short skirts, tight shirts and the like...I asked him if he wanted to have sex with every girl in his class. He laughed nervously and said, "I didn't know what I wanted."
You're incredibly lucky that kid gave that response. Normally, the response is one of shame and dismissal with "Of course not, sheesh.", or a machosim of "Not all of 'em...only the hotties." His response seems, to me, purely honest.
During the onset of puberty guys are REALLY confused. Often times they just came out of the 'hating girls' phase, and now discover that they're find of fascinating, and even ones he still really don't like make him 'feel funny'.
This is also the beginning of the time that if a girl starts to be a friend with him, he'll immediately wonder if it means more than that, and he may develop a crush on her.
This is something that will stay with many guys throughout the rest of their adult lives.
Just understand that most guys will find it INCREDIBLY uncomfortable to talk to ANY women about their sexual feelings. ESPECIALLY their mothers. It's akward and strange. Lucky is the mother who is able to discuss this with their son openly and honestly.
And yes, this is the point where guys will start having 'fantasies' about the girls. He might not like it, and he might be ashamed of it, but it does happen. It's how he reacts to those feelings and thoughts that will show his character.
And as much as his parental upbringing will help in how he acts on these feelings, equally important (and sometimes more) is the attitude of those friends he hangs out with. This is ALSO where Peer Pressure can be the most intolerable.
Sounds like you have a good kid. Keep talking, keep being honest, and if he ever does something you think is bad and a horrible mistake - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let him know that even though you are disappointed in him that you still love him, and are still his biggest supporter. You don't have to support a person's decisions to support the person.
quote:I can sit there staring at the wall for half an hour without a single semi-leer, but getting up to unload the dishwasher seems to turn me into a love magnet.
The male views the female body as the Pinnacle of God's Creation. It's more fantastic than any work of art, and seeing it in motion is even more fascinating.
The idea of a woman NOT trying to attract attention is also part of it - it's the innocence of it. We're seeing you as you - not you trying to get attention. It's pure.
And a lot of us go ga ga for that.
Ask almost any guy, and most would rather admire a woman in motion than a woman at rest. And I'm NOT just refering to the 'bouncy' factor, although I will admit that it is something some guys do love.
Posts: 2689 | Registered: Apr 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote:CT- I have never encountered a feline with a voice that deep. Mr. CT on the answering machine message makes Johnny Cash sound like a castrati.
*grin Yeah, I know. *dopey look He used to DJ the blues, too.
Oh yeah, and "Dam, B*tch, you stoopid fly!"
Taalcon: Thanks for the reply. (pssst -- I think it was her 22YO husband talking about when he was 13, but still a good answer. )
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote:quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What are the first things that go through your mind when a Significant Other tells you she just started hers? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
posted
Why "Whew?" Is the cranky time usually right before the event, or is it relief at not being required to do something else? (Because we've already covered that, you know.)
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote: Sounds like you have a good kid. Keep talking, keep being honest, and if he ever does something you think is bad and a horrible mistake - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let him know that even though you are disappointed in him that you still love him, and are still his biggest supporter. You don't have to support a person's decisions to support the person.
While very good advice, Taalcon, it would be scary if I had a son old enough to talk with about this, seeing as how I am 22 years old. The male in question was my husband.
posted
Although I did screw up, PSI, I won't be editing the content of the response above, apart from the new disclaimer that I read the question wrong. Because in many ways, the mindset of 13 year old boys and married husbands aren't as dissimmilar as many would like (hope and pray) to believe.
:sigh: I need to start sleeping again sometime soon.
Posts: 2689 | Registered: Apr 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
ClaudiaTherese:"Why large speakers and loud music?"
Well, I can't be sure, because I don't really have this mania. But I think it may have to do with the physical reaction, including possibly an adrenaline rush, you can get when music is played insanely loud, particularly with heavy bass. You can feel it inside your body, in your bones and muscles.
I imagine it's related to the reason why such things as war chants/drums exist. They get you pumped up. Those kinds of physical responses can be very, very powerful in men.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
Because when the music is loud - particularly with rock and orchestral music - you can feel it.
When I'm driving down the highway on a sunny summer day and I pop in an Eve 6 record, there's no point in playing it quietly. The instant that first song starts up, nice and loud, I automagically feel good. If I was already feeling good, I feel even better. If it's quiet, it doesn't have that effect.
When I'm angry and I put in a Tool record, I want those guitars to snarl, not whimper.
Also, it helps for singing along.
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Does this kind of music make guys want to...get intimate? That's how I get anyway. Maybe that's not the right word because "intimacy" isn't the final goal is these situations.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Music just moves you more if it's played loudly. And, hey, if the music is good, why not share? Is that a guy thing? I didn't know.
(Edit to add that this was written after twinky's comment 3 posts up.)
Dear 22YOMH,
Why is it that guys don't like for a girl to beat them at air hockey, or chess, or pool, or running, or anything competitive? First of all they try to make everything into a competition, even when it's not, and then they can't stand to ever lose. Most girls deliberately lose to guys a LOT, to boost their egos. Honestly, they do. I think that's horrible and dishonest and patronizing and I refuse to do it. If we are playing a game, I play to win, even though it virtually guarantees that a guy I like who seemed interested will completely lose interest.
When you're picking the person with whom you want to team up for the rest of your life, doesn't it make sense to choose someone very capable, smart, and accomplished? Why do guys like the dumb chicks (or the ones who are smart enough to pretend to be dumb, maybe )? I never have been able to figure that out. Can you please explain it so I can understand?
[ February 12, 2004, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: ak ]
Posts: 2843 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
| IP: Logged |
posted
PSI Teleport:"Does this kind of music make guys want to...get intimate?"
No. Not usually. Instead, I think it tends to make a man want to do something dangerous or violent. He probably won't actually do it, but that's the kind of rush he gets.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Because it's very driven into males (nature or nuture, it doesn't matter how) that winning is what you should do. You can't win if it's not a competition (not true I know, that's how most guys see it) and if you lose... well that's certainly not winning.
quote:Why is it that guys don't like for a girl to beat them at air hockey, or chess, or pool, or running, or anything competitive? Why do guys like the dumb chicks? I never have been able to figure that out. Can you please explain it so I can understand?
Because a lot of guys feel like they are 'less of a man' when they're not in control. They also like to have the idea that they are stronger than the woman, so he can feel comfortable about his abilities to stand up for her, and defend her if something goes wrong. For those people, a woman seeming to be smarter than him, or better as physical activities, makes him look down upon his own abilities, and question his ability to be a Protector for his woman.
It's not logical, but this is a thought process that some have.
Some guys also like the idea of Power, of Being In Control for the sole reason that he's the man. He doesn't like women circumventing him or being smarter.
But then there are the guys who love mental stimulation, and wouldn't want a woman who isn't close to an equal to him in mental capacity. I know that I LOVE getting into deep discussions with people - many guys don't, especially if the person is more knowledgeable then they, and they are risking 'looking dumb'.
And quite frankly, guys hate losing to other guys too. It's not just you. We just like to win in general.
Posts: 2689 | Registered: Apr 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I agree, Taalcon... I much prefer dating women who challenge me. I would love to date a woman who could run intellectual circles around me, actually.
AJ -- I would find that unbelievably hot. Sadly, not many women fit the bill (I'm 6'3"). But being almost as tall as me in heels is good enough (say, 5'10" and up, plus heels). (Add dark hair to the mix and it's insta-lust ).
posted
ak:"Why is it that guys don't like for a girl to beat them at air hockey, or chess, or pool, or running, or anything competitive?"
I think most guys are competitive. So we all tend to make things into competitions, and we don't like to lose a competition. But some do feel even stronger about "losing" to a woman. I think it's because their role models and peers suggest to them (often subliminally) that there are some things at which they should naturally be better than women. So if they're not, they are a failure, and less of a man.
ak:"Why do guys like the dumb chicks?"
Most don't, really. But those that do probably think that a smart woman is more likely to be resistant to the man's will, not let him do whatever he wants, nag him, criticize him, and push him to be a better man than he is (which is uncomfortable for a slug like him). On the other hand, a "dumb chick" will just think he is wonderful and go along with whatever he says. He is delusional, of course, but that is what he is thinking.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Does being beat at bowling or boggle by a girl make her less desireable? It clearly seems to have that effect. And would the same effect come into play if she beat OTHER people? Like if you watch your gf kick the winning goal in the soccer tournament, does that enhance her desireability, or decrease it?
I've always figured the really cool guys will admire success but I can't actually say my experience bears that out.
Posts: 2843 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
| IP: Logged |
quote: Does a guy mind if his gf is much taller than him in heels?
To be honest, most men can't even fathom the reason women want to wear heels in the first place. I understand now that it has something to do with elongating the look of the legs - but unless you tell us, we don't get it. We just thnk of it as another wierd thing women 'just like to do'.
and I know there have been some who mind (once again liking to be the 'dominating figure'), but most shouldn't have much of a problem with it, unless the natural height difference is already stated as an issue, and the heels only make it worse.
Posts: 2689 | Registered: Apr 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
twinky I'm sure I would like your 6+ feet. I was raised to be a height bigot. I never thought I would fall for a guy under 5'10". (My mother is 5'10". My dad and my brothers all 6' plus, my grandfather is 6'6" and having a tall family often intimidates shorter guys. I'm 5' 8" But I realized that that was my main hangup of the entire relationship, and it was pretty darn good otherwise, so I got over it.
I think I actually still have more of a hangup about it than he does. If I was a guy I would want to be talller than my gf. Though he claims likes it... since that puts him at nearer my chest level than eye level so he has an excuse for "looking". But I'm not convinced he isn't just saying it to make me feel better.
posted
BannaOj:"Does a guy mind if his gf is much taller than him in heels?"
If he is already a confident person, then no, although he might joke about it, and he could very well take some flak from his friends. If he has confidence problems already, then it may bother him a lot.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Like if your gf wins the Nobel Prize or gets elected president, would that bum you out and make you feel like an also-ran?
Posts: 2843 | Registered: A Long Time Ago!
| IP: Logged |
posted
>> I understand now that it has something to do with elongating the look of the legs... << (Taal)
Yes. Makes the calf muscles more... calfy, among other things. Mmmmmmmm.
>> ....since that puts him at nearer my chest level than eye level so he has an excuse for "looking". But I'm not convinced he isn't just saying it to make me feel better. << (AJ)
I believe him. Any excuse to look is a good excuse
I like tall women because I like being able to look them in the eye, oddly enough.
>> Like if your gf wins the Nobel Prize or gets elected president, would that bum you out and make you feel like an also-ran? <<
No, that would put me in the mood. In a big way. Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
ak:"Does being beat at bowling or boggle by a girl make her less desireable? It clearly seems to have that effect. And would the same effect come into play if she beat OTHER people? Like if you watch your gf kick the winning goal in the soccer tournament, does that enhance her desireability, or decrease it?"
I think there are a lot of activities that men don't naturally expect to be better at than women, and so he wouldn't mind losing to a woman any more than to a man (although he still will hate losing.)
However, the rest of your question does bring up a point that I hadn't though of, and am not proud to admit, but does play a role at some instinctual level with most men, I think. Men tend to think of themselves as protectors and providers, and so they can be drawn to a woman that seems to need protection and to be provided for. On the other hand, a woman that seems to be able to take care of herself just fine may make a man feel a tad useless or superfluous.
This feeling is easily suppressed for most men, and their feelings of admiration for a woman's acheivements will normally be much stronger. However, it is still there, lurking underneath. Many women that have successful relationships with their SO's have found ways to make sure their man feels powerful and needed.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
incidentally twinky, I'm blonde, not dark haired and already attached. I don't mind being attached but I can't help looking and drooling sometimes <grin>
posted
High heels also cause the subtle protrusion of the derriere and breasts due to balance compensation.
Posts: 172 | Registered: Jun 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Taalcon:"To be honest, most men can't even fathom the reason women want to wear heels in the first place. I understand now that it has something to do with elongating the look of the legs - but unless you tell us, we don't get it."
What?! What are you smoking?
Okay, I would never insist that my wife wear high heels, because I know how painful they can be. But I do recognize (how could I not?) that they do amazing things for the shape of the legs and the butt. Have a girl stand in front of you, with her back to you, barefoot, and then have her do the same thing with high heels. You can't tell me there's no difference.
It doesn't mean it's worth the agony. But it has a very real, powerful effect.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
That requires thought, and memory, and making connections. We may notice she looks extraordinarily GOOD in the heels, and not make the connection that this it what enhances it.
Posts: 2689 | Registered: Apr 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
>> incidentally twinky, I'm blonde, not dark haired and already attached. I don't mind being attached but I can't help looking and drooling sometimes <grin> << (AJ)
It's funny -- ask any of my friends, and to a one they'd all tell you I go for blondes. All of my girlfriends have been blonde. So maybe I'm just trying to deny the truth
The last time I posted a picture here, though, I got in trouble (and not only because the only thing I was wearing in the picture was my guitar ).
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
| IP: Logged |
Do guys feel insecure when their SOs work out and are in better shape than them?
What makes some women intimidating...meaning, if you found them attractive/likeable, but would never approach them because she is intimidating?
Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
Attractiveness makes women intimidating. It's much harder to talk to a woman you're attracted to than it is to talk to just about anyone else.
Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
| IP: Logged |
Not in my (limited) experience. I was actually under the impression that women generally have more issues when their SO is in better shape. Heck, a woman who's in good shape is great to have around. One can tell about a woman who takes care of herself, as they're generally more energetic, for instance. Many of them have more apparent self confidence without the (I really don't want to use this word, but my mind has frozen) bitchiness.
As for the intimidation factor, it's a matter of percieved importance. It's a whole lot easier to go into a conversation where you don't care what the outcome is. If you go in wanting something specific, such as a phone number, a date, whatever, then suddenly you get nervous and will avoid it to prevent the negative outcome.
Posts: 609 | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
I stand by my answer. ![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
