Because we don't think we can. We see many guys who think they can, and see the sad truth. We don't wanna be them.
So yes, for the most part it's a self confidence (or mere self image) issue for those who choose not to participate.
Besides - watching women on the Dance floor is much more entertaining when there are less men around to get in the way.
Posts: 2689 | Registered: Apr 2000
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Well, kat, from the male point of view, MOST women ARE, in fact, beautiful and graceful on the dance floor.
Plus I got made fun of, at 3 different occassions (separated by years, though I danced more often than 3 times), about my dancing. So I, in reality, can't dance
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Also, the last time I decided to actually try and dance was during a Halloween party (Over two years ago now, I think), where I was dressed as the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland. Anonymity is your friend when it comes to looking ridiculous.
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*considers* So, say, mosh pits then? Completely anonymous - there are too many people for anyone to stand out, even with egregious dancing.
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I never use to dance because I thought I couldn't. I was always very self-conscious and thought everyone was staring at me.
Then I went to a club that I went to often, but never danced, with a different group of friends. They all went out and danced. They all were really, really bad at it. But nobody noticed, nobody cared, nobody pointed fingers at them. After that, I figured if they could do it, so could I.
But the answer to the question is that most guys don't want to look stupid and they think they will if they dance.
Posts: 4625 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I was reading Turín's post about a man having female friends.
I hung out with a couple of guys in high school that were pretty close to me. We talked about a lot of non-manly stuff. I always assumed neither was interested in me because I knew about other girls they liked, even though they themselves didn't usually talk about them.
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When I dance, I feel awkward. I don't really dance much, either in private or in public. I've thought about taking dance classes to learn specific styles of dance, but I just never feel compelled to get out on the dance floor and do something freeform. It's kind of like watching sports, in my mind. I know that a lot of people enjoy it, but I'm not one of them.
Luckily, my wife feels the same way! She's incredibly graceful, took ballet from childhood through the end of high school, and took dance classes in college now and then, but she doesn't like to "go dancing". We're really perfect for each other.
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posted
No, what goes on in mosh pits is my moronic husband stomping the snot out of his glasses before he realizes he's not wearing them anymore, then running back to me in a burst of testosterone and covering me in the perspiration of two hundred very large native american guys.
Then his friends pull their sweat-soaked shirts off and pop me in the butt with them.
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Moshing is more a free-form contact sport, set to really agressive music. There are certain rules and responsibilities you assume in any decent pit:
1) When a person wants out, let them out. 2) If they don't, push them back in 3) If a person goes down, the highest priority is to get them on two feet again 4) Actual punches and kicks are frowned upon, though you get some people who like to go old school with the elbow-flailing stomp. Try to avoid them 5) Anything else goes as long as you are having fun
The problem with dancing for me is that I have a keen head for rhythm, but it doesn't translate to my body; the hips in particular. So I get _frustrated_ trying to dance, because my body won't listen to me, no matter how hard I try
Of course, now the big thing is all emo/fashioncore, and all of the guys are trying to look ridiculous on purpose while imitating really bad kung fu. At least, I _think_ that's what they're doing.
Posts: 9057 | Registered: Nov 2000
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The thing is, most guys go on the dance floor and try to imitate what the girls are doing, because they *do* look graceful and look good. But it's physically impossible for a guy to do that, they don't have the hips and their center of gravity is completely different. So, now people are doing things like "liquid" (bad kung fu) because it's all arms and they can actually *do* it. It's a lot easier for a guy to coordinate his hands and arms than it is the rest of his body. I say more power to them.
Posts: 3243 | Registered: Apr 2002
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Well, all I have to say is that here in Austin, we white guys are happy to see that most party dancing has been reduced to dance-like dry humping. Which we instinctively know how to do.
But otherwise, I dance to look ridiculous and entertain. I'm not here to dance WITH her, I'm here to dance FOR her and make her laugh. And slow dancing is just a bear hug plus uncertain pacing back and forth.
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Tell me more about this "liquid" bad kung-fu dancing. That sounds like the dancing I've seen in alternative clubs for the past 15 years.
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zgator: I don't know how to describe it besides bad kung fu. With like, strange, uncoordinated, sweeping kicks and random arm spasms. Most popular with emo/fashioncore guys who dye their hair black and wear tight girl jeans with pink belts, as far as I've seen.
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I can't dance and I know it. The few times I tried at high school dances I was OK at not paying attention to other people but I was certainly told I looked ridiculous (and I did, they were right ). However, I just can not do it now. I have niether the skills nor the will power to go out dancing.
On the other hand Annie's promised my in-home, private dance lessons, so maybe in time I'll be able to salsa and swing, though to be honest, even though I can't waltz either that always seemed like the most fun (to me).
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pH, that really sounds similar to the dancing I've seen in alternative clubs for years. The kicks aren't really uncooridinated and I guess the arms aren't spastic, so maybe that's the difference. My friends use to call it hand dancing because you would have your arms and hands and fingers all moving around.
Maybe the guys you're talking about are trying that and just really suck at it.
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quote: So is there a chance they liked me all along?
I think there's a big chance that at least one of them, if not all, liked you, if I remember correctly what I was like a couple of years ago There wasn't usually very much communication between boys and girls in our high school, except, of course, for the couples. Then again, I was in a computer science class with only eight girls and twenty-three boys, where almost all of us guys were talking about computer games / programming... You know, the kind of stuff computer-geeks talk about. And from the eight girls in the class, five had boyfriends, two of them were the silent/shy type, and one of them was ...uh... not interesting As for girls from other classes I talked to, there were the two that I went to karate with (see my earlier post), and I really liked one of them. Except my brother got to her before me And of course, a girl that was in my class since starting school, then moved to another town, than reappeared in high school. I liked her before high school, and again when I saw her in high school. "Of course", I never told her that (good comunication skills, ha ?!). That's about all my 'computer-geek' experience with girls during high school. It all changed when I came to France, but that's a different story, and I must go now.
Posts: 4519 | Registered: Sep 2003
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Why won't guys throw anything away? My hubby has a closet full of clothes, but he won't get rid of the old geeky stuff he used to wear. We also have a really crappy bed that our daughter sleeps in, with a bad bad mattress, but he won't let me get rid of it!
Why don't some guys ever want to go out?
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Cool, I become a 22YOMH in ten minutes now. As soon as the surgery is finished I'll get on these.
Posts: 317 | Registered: Aug 2001
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Alright, now that I'm properly qualified...
quote:Why don't some guys ever want to go out?
*shot in the dark* Some guys put up with things they don't otherwise enjoy on the basis it may bring them girls. Once they have girls, why bother?
quote:So is there a chance they liked me all along?
Without any actual details, I'd put it at about an 85% shot.
quote:What makes some guys get angry at girls for being attractive? Is there any way to make sense of that?
I remember thinking once or twice something along the lines of "she shouldn't be allowed to walk around all hot like that," reflecting a bit of annoyance that someone's presence was making it difficult to function normally. It's mostly a joking thought though.
Posts: 317 | Registered: Aug 2001
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[ Note: Answer by a 19 year old heterosexual male, may not be as full of wisdom and experiance as the 22 year old promised in thread title]
I haven't seen We Were Soldiers, or Saveing Privet Ryan, but have seen Black Hawk Down and several other rather gorey movies. I can stand to watch them multiple times because for the most part the gore doesn't bother me that much. I'm not sure if that is the case with most guys, or just me, but the blood and gore, even when very realistic usually has little affect on me.
Posts: 733 | Registered: Sep 2003
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That could be a sign that he wasn't really a great guy for her after all. I guess it's about as bad as breaking up with somebody on Valentine's Day.
Posts: 1592 | Registered: Jan 2001
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Ryuko:"Since when would it be OK to break up with a girl on her birthday??"
See, this is why every girl needs brothers/brothers-in-law or some close, non-romantic male friends. Our job in such a case is to gang up on the little twit and beat the living crap out of him.
It's not mature, but it sure feels good.
Posts: 1652 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Not a XYOMH, but I suspect it's because milestones are also evaluation checkpoints, and he REALIZED he wanted to break up with her BECAUSE it was her birthday, and he did it as soon as it occurred to him.
In one way, jeez, that sucks. In another way, it's understandable that big things happen around milestones, and you don't want him to lie... It would have been more sensitive to wait a day, but I doubt he planned it maliciously.
----
Although I do have a "friend" (an acquaintance with whome I'm currently annoyed) who deliberately broke up with his girlfriend after calling her and saying he was coming from four hours away to talk about something. She thought he was proposing; nono, he broke up with her AT HER NEW OFFICE - where's she's a LAWYER at her first job in a big firm, and her first major memory of the place she lives out of during the day is being dumped when she thought she was being proposed to. I'm glad they broke up instead of getting married when he had so many doubts, but that truly sucks, and I suspect it was partly a power trip. Jerk.
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Yeah, that would be my job if it weren't for the fact that the guy is my friend too and has three or so years of being a black belt on me. I'm waiting to get mad at him until I hear the whole story...
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Jenny, Ron does that too. I can't stand it. My house has been taken over by old electronic equipment AND the boxes that nearly everything we have came in.
It's insane. Stacks of old magazines, a pen shaped like a fish that doesn't work anymore, several ancient computers, guh I don't know what all. I say, "Lets get rid of this crap." He says, "We need a bigger house." Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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I won't let my wife get rid of the boxes things came in until I'm 100% sure the thing works like it's supposed to. There have been too many times where the box gets thrown out before trying the new toy out. Stores aren't cooperative about returns without the box.
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Just asking.
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Heh. Well. I'm just trying to keep up with Jes.
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There wasn't usually very much communication between boys and girls in our high school, except, of course, for the couples. Then again, I was in a computer science class with only eight girls and twenty-three boys, where almost all of us guys were talking about computer games / programming... You know, the kind of stuff computer-geeks talk about. And from the eight girls in the class, five had boyfriends, two of them were the silent/shy type, and one of them was ...uh... not interesting ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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AJ
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on behalf of my friend.
