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Author Topic: Ask the 27 Year Old Male Homosexual
KarlEd
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Kwea, sorry you had that experience. As you said, though, it's not representative of gay men in general. I, too, dislike much of the lifestyle of gays who spend every weekend at the bars. But that is hardly the lifestyle of the majority of gay men, at least in my experience.

Olivet, I'm going to have to check out Decendants of Darkness on Netflix. I've never heard of Yaoi before. I'm just now getting into Anime via Chris, though he's only dabbled in it as far as I can tell, and I don't think he's heard of Yaoi either.

quote:
Slash, hon, lots of gay men like the manly men, and, soft middle or not, that's what you are.
I know that's why I'm smitten with you. [Wink]
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Olivet
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Caleb, I'll be happy to fix my pix of you, given the opportunity. We should talk sometime. I 've been wondering how you're getting on.

KarlEd, Hope you like it. I'd love to hear what you thought of it after you see it. I do reccommend seeing it in Japanese with the subs the first time. The dubbing isn't bad, but I guess I'm a purist. Plus, they call the main characters "Shinigami" which just sounds better than guardians of death or whatever they translated it as.

Beware of albino Mad Scientists in Red Earrings. *snort*

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Telperion the Silver
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To answer some questions:

Shades of being out of the closet...Yah, I think there are shades. Coming out is kinda like being reborn. You have to realize and accept it for yourself and then once you are fine with that you break out and re-teach those around you who you are. So you can be out to yourself, out to your lover, out to your friends, out to your family and then all of the above. Another step beyond that is out to the people you work with (not nesessarily being obvious or loud about it, but when people ask you tell them the truth and it's ok).

How to help a gay teen... well if you are their parent to have a family talk about sexual orientation and that whatever grade they are is ok by you.

Do I get girls trying to convert me to hetero... Heheh... yes I do. ALL the time! Girls dig me and I dig them too. There is no fear or expectation with them so I can treat them all as my sisters. I can be very flirtatious with them because I love attention and cuddles, and they are happy to share that. Of course you have grades of "fish". [Wink] You have your "icky fish" and your "nice-clean-yummy fish". Aka: fag hags and girlfriends. 'Fag hags', in a harse interpretation of the title, are gals who REALLY want a gay man as a lover and will cling to him in a very annoying and scary way. 'Girlfriends' are your good buddies who are chicks. [Smile]

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pooka
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Your parents named you beverly? I hope they aren't surprised that you turned out gay!

Just kidding. I know you started this for TtS, but it must be confusing for newbies.

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Telperion the Silver
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Story about this whole gay Karl's thing...
Growing up I had the most unique name. Not only was Carl a rare name, but I had the super cool german spelling of Karl. I never ever met another Karl, let alone a Carl, till I was about 18. Then I get to college. And there are three Karl's there. And ALL of us are gay! Crazy!

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Telperion the Silver
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*ahem*

http://profiles.yahoo.com/Pythagoras3

*cough*cough*
*whistles*

I hope that works...

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skillery
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Why the straight female fascination with male homosexuals? Why didn’t beverly start an “Ask the 27 Year-Old Wanker” thread? Do straight people actually believe that male homosexuals have a more meaningful worldview than male autosexuals?
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KarlEd
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I've only known one other Karl, and he was a "Karl Ed" also. But he was married and had a kid.
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Telperion the Silver
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Good one skillery... [Wink]
[Laugh] autosexual
That's great!

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beverly
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Hey, Telp, just want to welcome you back. I have been extremely busy these past few days and shall continue to be for the next little while. But I just wanted to pop in for a moment and say "hi" to everyone.

Pooka: Yes, it is confusing. I'm 29. [Big Grin] [Razz]

[ April 06, 2004, 02:48 PM: Message edited by: beverly ]

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Telperion the Silver
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Thanks Bev! Good to see you too!
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AnonymousNC
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Interesting Thread! I am a straight girl - girl nothing I'm 40 - but I'm obsessed with so called gay culture. Am I the only one? Why am I obsessed?

One of my best friends (a guy) that I had known since 1st grade came out to me in high school though I had already figured it out. Hence I was his partner in first going to the bars, buying his first porn mag for him, going to San Francisco, etc...Through this I made lots of gay friends and hung out with lots of gay guys for years - just a few these days. Unfortunately my good friend came out in 1979 just before the safe sex revolution and he died without seeing his 30th birthday.

But back to my so called question - I seem to be obsessed with gay culture. I LOVE QAF and can't wait for the new season. Any movie with a gay theme sucks me in. The "boy meets boy" bachelor type dating show last year had me in tears for poor James etc... While I do watch "The L Word" on Showtime, it is gay men shows etc... that I really obsess on.

I feel like Debbie on QAF but I don't have a gay son to explain my obsession!

Of course, this is far from my only interest but I have noticed that any show/movie that comes out with a gay theme ends up on my can't miss it list.

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beverly
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Ok, Telp, now that you're back (and I have some spare time again, wheee!) it's time for my next question! ^_^ (Of course, anybody's insights are welcome too, but this *is* Telperion's thread after all....)

Ok, I think I know ahead of time that this is going to sound like rambling. Here goes. I am trying to understand better the mechanics of guy-guy attraction. If I understand correctly (and I probably don't) men-folk tend to be turned on by visual images. I have heard so many men talk about how being attracted to women makes sense. They're curvy, soft, and pleasing to look at. They can't understand why women are attracted to men because they just don't seem like much to look at.

In such conversations I usually go off on some explaination on how it's not so much how the guy looks that turns us gals on, but the essence of their masculinity. It's the feel of their more solid musculature, their deep voice, their rugged whiskers. Yes, the looks are part of it, but it is not so crucial to the functions of female attraction. They don't have to look so "pleasing" to have that masculine allure.

Also, a lot of guys in my life have confessed to me that in their young teens they went through a period of time in which they were attracted to guys. It often freaked them out, but subsided and the attraction to females was, in the end, much stronger. But a lot of these same guys later in life expressed a complete confusion on how a guy can find another guy attractive (or a girl for that matter, as already stated).

On the otherside, as a female, I have no trouble understanding the allure of femaleness. I was fascinated by what C.S. Lewis had to say in his book "That Hiddeous Strength". There was a married couple with a rather rocky marriage receiving sage advice. The man mentioned how the female form is so universally attractive that even other women are fully aware of it, influenced by it. I remember thinking, "Oh, so I am not the only one?" I honestly think that if I believed it were most right and proper to be attracted to women, I could do it. I have no desire or inclination to encourage such tendancies, so I don't. I don't know how common it is for people to feel this way.

So then jump to my first love who I later found out was bisexual. I had had very little experience with anything but heterosexuality before this situation. I knew he had been physically attracted to me, I had plenty of evidence of that, but years after we had gone our separate ways, it seemed he preferred pairing up with other guys. (He really reminded me of Josif in "Songmaster").

I pondered this and decided in my own mind that most homosexuality is a form of bisexuality that leans more towards same-sex attraction. It was actually an education to me reading about the OSC's character Zdorab in the Homecoming series. I hadn't considered men finding females sexually repugnant. I began pondering this new concept. The homosexuality discussions on Hatrack have further influenced my perspective on the world.

So help me out here, Telp, KarlEd, John Keats, and any others that have experience in this issue. When a man is truly homosexual, does he not find women alluring at all? Help me, please to understand this. I know it is impossible for you to fully explain, like trying to describe the color "octarine" in Terry Prachett's universe. I also realize that different homosexual individuals could have very different perspectives on this.

The female form sends such powerful messages to heterosexual men. Is that message totally lost on homosexual men when even other women can feel it? Or is homosexuality usually an extreme form of bisexuality where men are highly prefered over women? (I guess this leans over into the "women trying to convert gay men" topic.)

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Kwea
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JohnK and KarlEd: Thanks, I agree that bars are full of pushy people of various sexual orientation.

One of the thinks I learned about myself was that I don't like PDA's from anyone, at least not of that nature. I get ansy around them, even if the couple is hetro.....but more so if they are gay. I don't mean holding hands, or even a quick peck or three.....I do that with my wife all the time. But I guess it comes down to class....if you want to simulate sex, why not just rent a room and have it there??? That way I don't see it....
[Big Grin]

I think I am pretty open-minded now, but I would be lying if I said I was completely comfortable with it. I do respect others, no matter what their beliefs are, as long as they respect mine as well.

And I really like the fact that I can have this discussion here without having someone being offended (I hope!). Real discussions are how things like this get resolved, IMHO.

Kwea

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KarlEd
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quote:
When a man is truly homosexual, does he not find women alluring at all?
Hmmm, interesting question. This really begs the question as to what you would consider "truly homosexual". I mean, if you take that to mean "only attracted to men", then clearly a "true" homosexual does not find women alluring.

Personally, I believe the Kinsey's got it right that sexuality is a broad spectrum. I think very few people fall to either extreme where they find one sex to actually be repugnant. I consider myself homosexual, but I can appreciate a beautiful woman. And I actually find breasts to be a nice feature on a woman but even the most beautiful breasts don't get a "rise" out of me (so to speak).

Could I have sex with a woman in order to save the species? It's not inconceivable, but more likely than not I'd be thinking of Collin Farrell the whole time. Does that make me less than a "true" homosexual? I don't think so.

Your question also begs the question, what do you mean by "alluring"? If it means "want to go to bed with", then no, I don't find any women I know alluring. However, there are women I find attractive in an aethetic sense. I think Queen Latifa is beautiful and her persona always comes across and strong and sexy. I bet she'd be fun to hug, too. And given the opportunity, I'd love to hang out with her. But the attraction isn't sexual (at least not on any level obvious to me).

I could probably explain more, but I'm not sure if I'm answering your question. Care to rephrase?

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katharina
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quote:
Also, a lot of guys in my life have confessed to me that in their young teens they went through a period of time in which they were attracted to guys.
This is completely normal.

It is a completely normal and necessary stage of development to go through a time of attraction to the same sex, even for people who are wildly far into the hetero side of the spectrum. It's completely normal for both sexes. For some people it lasts one minute, for other people it can last five years, but that moment is just part of developing sexuality.

[ April 07, 2004, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]

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KarlEd
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quote:
I have heard so many men talk about how being attracted to women makes sense. They're curvy, soft, and pleasing to look at. They can't understand why women are attracted to men because they just don't seem like much to look at.

Well, I think you have to entertain the possibility, too, that many of the men who've expressed this to you are being somewhat disingenuous. Personally, I don't think that the men who buy "Men's Fitness" magazine are all closet homosexuals, but it is clear that they use male sexuality to sell the magazine to other men. And this is only one example. Shaving commercials are aimed at men and are skewed to play up the sexuality of the models. Sure they usually throw in some babe to coo over him and caress his baby-smooth face, but the male model is also always ruggedly sexy. If straight men couldn't identify with male sexiness, then wouldn't it make a better commercial to show some average joe getting the babes, presumably because he uses "X" brand razors? Clearly most healthy heterosexual men can appreciate, at least aesthetically, the beauty and sexuality of other men.

Note, I'm not saying, or even implying that most men are attracted to men in any sexual way. But any man who "cannot understand" why someone else might find a handsome man attractive is either aesthetically crippled or is too irrationally afraid of being labeled "gay" to admit they can recognize sex appeal in other men. (If you doubt this, ask the next guy who claims this if they'd be jealous if, at a party, their wife was off to the side talking with Brad Pitt. Then ask them if they'd be jealous if she were off to the side talking with Steve Buscemi.) [Smile]

[edited for clarity - I hope [Wink] ]

[ April 07, 2004, 09:14 AM: Message edited by: KarlEd ]

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pooka
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I think my husband is in his heart fairly straight because he can't keep track of the difference between Brad Pitt and Steve Buscemi. Or maybe he's just profoundly repressed. Actually, it's just an amazing lack of caring to link actors' names with faces. He has the same problem with actresses.
quote:
I think Queen Latifa is beautiful and her persona always comes across and strong and sexy.
I think Queen Latifa is a goddess! She is such a role model for voluptuous women to feel confident and powerful.

I'm not obsessed with gay culture generally, though I love Keanu Reeves (not sure if he's gay, but it's often implied by lack of speculation) and Rupert Everett. Also, when they have those photos of historical figures that they are calling gay, and their eyes look so vulnerable. I'm thinking of Alan Turing, or there was a fellow on "The American Experience" this week. Will Percy. But maybe they just choose those photos because of that look of frailty.

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beverly
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KarlEd, it is understandable that my post would come off as confusing. It was quite a bit of rambling! Let me restate the focus of my question. Men are turned on visually. Women can appreciate good looks, but it doesn't have quite the same effect. While I find my husband extremely attractive, that feeling isn't enough to, well, I don't want to be too explicit here. I am hoping that my meaning is clear enough. My point is while visual is trigger enough for a man, it is not (usually) for a woman.

Link that with the idea that in general a woman has more "eye candy" to offer. Both men and women seem to agree on this. Granted, there are severly hot men out there, but they are usually pretty far a the high end of the spectrum.

I include in the term "the male form" all the effects of testosterone, more angular facial bone structure, angluar form in general as opposed to roundness and curves. Humans in general are drawn to rounded forms, they are pretty much universally appealing. I have seen studies done on this.

So, when it comes to homosexuals, are they not as visually triggered as heteros, or do they find the male form to be every bit as much "eye candy" as a hetero finds the female form? Which is it? Or am I missing another way of looking at it?

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Telperion the Silver
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Reply time! Whooo hooo!

Slash- Why do gay men hit on you? Because we like that sexy arrogant yet teasing personality... [Wink] Heheh...No clue buddy. You cute?

Freedom Rings- Someone asked about these. Brightly rainbow colored metal rings on a chain that symbolized diversity and equality.

Kwea- Great story! I agree with KarlEd's analysis.

Gaydar- Yah... unfortunately this doesn't exist as a reliable thing. There are signs of course for pointing out the obvious, but the subtle cases are impossible to be sure on.

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Telperion the Silver
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Beverly- Well, for some reason Zborab never rang true with me for some reason, as I posted in my first post to this board in fact. But for myself, a 100% gay man, I do not find women sexually attractive at all. BUT, I do find them beautiful in the aesthetic sense. I find ALL Humans and most of creation to be beautiful. But I only find men sexually attractive. As for the forms and curves and things… I LOVE the harder edges of the male form. That beautiful jaw line and high cheekbones, legs and arms and abdomen. Yum.

As for dudes who are confused on how someone could possibly find the male form attractive are, frankly, not trying hard enough. Just like a lot of ancient (and modern) art was about the female form, because it was for the "male view". Making a building/temple? Better put up a bunch of naked women up! [Wink] Of course that's just a tiny example of things but you get the drift. When I talk to dudes who are totally confused on how I can like guys and not women I just try and get them to see it from my perspective. They tell me I just need to sleep with a women and I'll like it… then I tell them to just sleep with a man and see how they like it. They get repulsed and I tell them that is exactly how I feel about sex with a woman. And visa versa on when a pretty gal walks by they get all like "damn look at that". Then I counter when a pretty guy walks buy with "damn look at that". They get all freaked out. [Wink]

Of course, I'm a freak, and in my slut days would have orgies and the like. Ahhh… to be 21 again…. But for the "glory of the orgy" I would be willing to try new things… like mess around with a woman… but I could ONLY do it if there was a guy there too for me. I need a firm foundation from which I can venture into scary territory. I would never do anything with a female, except tease, outside of that situation. For me a woman from the waist up is ok. Anything below that freaks me out. Again, it's not that I don't love the human female form, it's just the sex with the female form that repulses me. J

So, no, I would disagree that homosexuality is an advanced form of bisexuality. And since it takes alot of energy and thought to think beyond yourself and comprehend the alien, I'm not surprised that so many straight men and writers don't see the beauty of the male form.
This reply is kind of stream'o'consciousness so I hope you can understand it! [Wink]

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beverly
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Thanks for your responses. They are helpful. Telp, I am interested in the idea that sex with a woman freaks you out as much as a hetero male is freaked out at the idea of sex with a man. I am interested in this because I know that we were all raised in the same society, one that most strongly promotes male/female attraction.

I have said in numerous places that I think I have it in me to be bisexual if I had a different upbringing and belief system. But because of my beliefs, I have never felt inclined to explore or accentuate any of those things. So it has been easy for me to go through life assuming that most people are this way.

So do a lot of homosexual men agree with the sentiment that they feel like a "woman trapped in a man's body" or does that really only apply to the few who try to "become" women as well? I have heard others refer to gay men as another "sex" all their own. I am pretty ignorant on these subjects, and I am trying to understand them better.

I appreciate the thoughts that have already been shared, and am interested in more information as well. For instance, reflections on what it was like for you going through puberty, or even how you saw the world pre-pubescently.

I am fascinated by homosexuality, and believe that it is a complicated phenomenon influenced by many factors. One thing I have wondered is if it might (at least in part) be triggered by the hormone combinations and percentages that the fetus is exposed to in the womb in addition to genetic tendencies.

On a side note to that, I was listening to the radio one day and they were talking about a link between lesbian tendancies and hormones in the womb and its effect on the relative lengths of your fingers. It was something like that the index and ring fingers of one hand would be the same length and on the other hand slightly different lengths. I remember quickly looking at my hands at the time! [Smile] I dont' remember the specifics and I have no idea if the source of the study is valid. I am just throwing this out there.

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Telperion the Silver
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Yah, I've heard the hypothesis that homosexuality is caused by the hormone thing. In the version I heard is that we all have a biochem reaction whenever we are around another human. So the idea goes that if a woman is around a lot of people the growing fetus takes that flood of hormones signifying humans nearby as that there are too many around, so better make a baby that won't breed. Pretty much what you said, just in another way I guess... An interesting theory I think. I'm still of the opinion that sexual drive is genetic... but, of course, a hormone triggering a gene is almost the same as if the genes were triggered from the moment of conception.

I agree with you that homosexuality is very complicated, and there are many shades to it. You have your straight, bi, gay... but then you have the transgendered and the peeps who want to be the opposite sex that they are, then you have just the drag queens, then you have the straight guys who want to dress up as a woman not to be gay but to be closer to women.

I actually have a good straight friend who likes to do female impersonation (a difference from drag strangely) so he can be more in tune with the perfection he lusts/loves for in women. So I guess he's actually a lesbian trapped in a man's body. [Smile]

As for my growing up I was always more attracted to the male form and anatomy. But it wasn't really sexual at that point. I didn't think of it as sexual. But of course, I was so sheltered (Catholic upbringing no less) I didn't know the word homosexual existed till high school. I thought my near obsession with the male anatomy and masterbation during puberty was just natural for that time of development (I was such a little scientist). I just figured I'd like girls eventually. But then I just started noticing guys... that was a shocker let me tell you! When I finally realized that I might be gay...and then that I was probably gay.
[Monkeys]

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Telperion the Silver
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Btw, that finger thing is interesting! Never heard of that.... I'll try and check that out...
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Slash the Berzerker
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Being gay is so gay.
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Telperion the Silver
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...[continuing] That's why I said coming out was like a rebirth. I remember the day that something finally clicked in my head, that I was probably gay. It was very scary at the time. Mostly because of the unknown! Once I got past the fear of the unknown it became a relief because finally I knew myself! But then it became scary again because I didn't know anything or anybody that could teach me. I was totally alone. I was already a social outcast at school so this would do nothing to improve my standing. And even if it could, I was too shy and sheltered at that time to defend myself emotionaly from others.

But that time past, and actually coming to terms with this challenge actually helped me become brave and sociable. There was still the ordeal of actually finding somebody like me of course... that didn't happen till after high school graduation and I met an increadible group of people. Mostly theater and music peeps from school and the local theater guild. They really helped me come out of my shell. Acting also helped me immensely. It taught me how to wear the mask... how to layer psychic shields over my personality and ego so I wouldn't be so fragile. I could actually take teasing and laugh at and with it! [Smile] I could finally become part of the society I so wished to be a part of. The flow of life that OSC talks about.
[edit for spelling]

[ April 07, 2004, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: Telperion the Silver ]

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Telperion the Silver
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Slash, you are too cool. [Wink]
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PSI Teleport
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quote:
In such conversations I usually go off on some explaination on how it's not so much how the guy looks that turns us gals on, but the essence of their masculinity. It's the feel of their more solid musculature, their deep voice, their rugged whiskers.
Tee hee. *drools*
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JohnKeats
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I think for your idea that homosexuality is just an extreme case of bisexuality to hold any water, you'd have to say heterosexuality is also an extreme case of bisexuality.

I don't think either is necessarily true.

Women cannot turn me on. I've tried.

But I can definitely appreciate the beauty of a woman. For me this usually is an appreciation of what you might call the 'sacred femminine'. I flirt with women often, as well, because they are fun to flirt with. Especially when they know you are unattainable. I can love and admire Woman for the great things that She is, but I am driven and drawn to masculinity and the features that come with it. Even this is something you can have a spectrum for, however, as there may be distinctly femminine qualities in a man--whether gay or straight--that I could find appealing as well. In fact I am pretty much not interested in anyone male or female who is too exclusively relegated to one end of traditional gender identities. Marlboro men are boring and Sansa Stark is everyone's least favorite Fire & Ice character. I do not enjoy romantic notions of righteous heroes with shining armor showing up just in time to save the damsel in distress.

But this stuff is all very complicated. Though I know what my body tells me about who I find attractive, there are peronality traits common to women and men that can be taken into consideration as well. One of the reasons I couldn't pull off having a girlfriend or a wife is that I often have very little patience for the inner-workings of the female mind. Once you get sufficiently close to a woman, you find out the inevitable truth: she is a LUNATIC.

Or maybe that's just the ones I've met. [Smile]

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Telperion the Silver
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Very good JohnKeats! I second your article...
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Slash the Berzerker
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No, it's true of all of them.

We only put up with it for the sex. If you aren't interested in the sex, there is literally no reason to hang out with women. [Smile]

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beverly
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JohnKeats, on many occasions I have argued that heterosexuality is an extreme of bisexuality. [Smile]

Oh, and JohnKeats, my husband can sympathize with your frustration with women. He grew up with all brothers and his mom isn't your average female. They are in all, a very masculine, sensible, practical family and have little patience for the "irrationalities" of most females. He has often said that this is one of the great advantages to homosexuality, not having to deal with the opposite sex!!

[ April 07, 2004, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: beverly ]

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PSI Teleport
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I think you're kidding, Slash...but isn't that pretty much true? Why would a guy want a girl to be "pals" with, when his dude friends understand him much better?
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katharina
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Y'all remember that one of pooka's arguments against sanctioning gay marriage was that it would give respectability to misogyny?
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Slash the Berzerker
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Exactly.

Which is why we invented garages, lawn chairs, and beer. Ah.... sweet escape.

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mackillian
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Okay. Silver ring? Someone splain, please.
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skillery
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quote:
Keats:
I often have very little patience for the inner-workings of the female mind.

quote:
beverly's husband:
...one of the great advantages to homosexuality, not having to deal with the opposite sex!!

Great. We should all adopt lifestyles that enable us to avoid people who irritate us. When I'm reincarnated, I'll choose to be born into a fluffy, pink, Pepto-Bismol world, whose god is a fuzzy stuffed bunny.
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PSI Teleport
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I choose not to be insulted by those misogynistic statements. Men can't tolerate our minds because we exist on such a high plane. Only another woman has the ability to understand our superior intellect and thought processes. [Big Grin]
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Kwea
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:::pats PSI on the head:::

You keep thinking that dear.... [Taunt]

Kwea

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PSI Teleport
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The last guy that patted my head lost a finger.

[No No]

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JohnKeats
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Skillery, there's a difference between loving men and avoiding women. That they are complimentary is just a side-effect. [Smile]

Your fuzzy pink god has little interest for me, but if you want to go ahead and start that religion in this lifetime, you can count on me to defend your right to believe in it.

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Slash the Berzerker
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quote:
We should all adopt lifestyles that enable us to avoid people who irritate us.
That pretty much sums it up for me. What exactly do you find wrong with this lifestyle choice?
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mackillian
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I would've taken more than his finger.
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JohnKeats
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*slips slash a pride sticker under the table*
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Kwea
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Mack: We've got to stop meeting like this.....

[Taunt]

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KarlEd
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quote:
Y'all remember that one of pooka's arguments against sanctioning gay marriage was that it would give respectability to misogyny?
I can't tell to what degree, if any, you are joking here, so I'll address the implied charge. I personally have great respect for most of the women I've known. I consider myself very far from a misogynist. From what I can tell, most of my gay friends have no animosity towards women, nor do they make negative comments specifically about women, except maybe when it comes to discussions about having sex with them (which are rare, believe me). I doubt misogyny has any greater occurrence in the gay population than among straight men, and my experience leads me to believe it is actually less. I think gay men are more likely to empathize with women. Most of my gay friends have close female friends and are supportive of them as women.

Regarding visual versus other types of stimuli, I know that certain visuals can really get me excited, but so can certain smells, and certain personality traits. What I like about men goes way beyond what they look like. And for me, the visual prospect of arousal generally fades over time. I can see Chris naked or even lie with him naked and not alway get aroused. We can get a really cute co-worker in the office and for a couple of weeks I'll have to work to keep my mind out of the gutter, but that, too, will fade as time goes on. I think visuals lose their impact with familiarity. I think that's one of the reasons passion dies in a relationship (gay or straight) if the fires are not stoked in other ways.

For me, once the visual loses its initial impact, it is much more the personality and other more subtle physical senses that turn me on. And some of those things can override the visual pretty quickly if they are negative. I have met absolutely gorgeously sexy men who hold no appeal for me after a 5 minute converstation with them. And for me, if a guy is too feminine or has blatantly nelly or swishy mannerisms it really doesn't matter how cute or sexy they are physically. They will do nothing for me in terms of arousal.

quote:
So do a lot of homosexual men agree with the sentiment that they feel like a "woman trapped in a man's body" or does that really only apply to the few who try to "become" women as well? I have heard others refer to gay men as another "sex" all their own. I am pretty ignorant on these subjects, and I am trying to understand them better.

Well, I for one do not feel like a woman trapped in a man's body. I feel like a man in every sense of the word that is important. I might want to be wanted by a man like a woman is wanted by a straight man, but I don't want to be a woman. There are people who feel like women trapped in male bodies. We call these people transexuals (pre-op, or post-op). Most of the gay men I know, even the more nelly of them, are very happy to have male bodies (both their own and their partners' [Wink] )

Are gay men another sex? I dunno. You have to define the word. Gay men are XY just like straight men. They like a lot of the things, sexually, that straight men like. (And actually, there are very few things that gay men do sexually that at least some straight men don't do as well). But if you're talking about emotional sexuality, on the one hand I can think of some plausible arguements for gay men being a separate sex, but in my own opinion emotional sexuality is probably a more nebulous spectrum than even physical sexuality. I mean, I think the variations on what people want/need emotionally from their sexuality are far broader than man/man, man/woman, woman/woman, to the point where separating emotional sexual needs into groups (sexes, genders, whatever) would result in thousands of sexes and thus be practically meaningless anyway.

[Edit for typos]

[ April 08, 2004, 11:56 AM: Message edited by: KarlEd ]

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katharina
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[Smile] I believe that there are women friends. What prompted the comment was the bonding before about the "irrationality" and "looniness" of women.

When pooka was talking about eliminating half of the partnership was implied disrespect before, I didn't get it. What the heck? I still don't think it's intrinsic, but it seems like an easy pattern to fall into. Like the board Farmgirl was talking about - where there was a great deal of male-bashing, albeit good-natured. I don't like it. People don't fit stereotypes enough to warrant any kind of stereotypical bashing.

[ April 08, 2004, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]

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JohnKeats
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See. I told ya women were nuts.

[Cool]

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PSI Teleport
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*bashes everyone*

Okay, here is a serious question about homosexuality.

My friend is gay, and he seems kind of nerdy. I really like him a lot, but I tend to hang out with people who are unusual and have only one or two close friends. He seemed like one of those kinds of guys. Anyway, we went to the Fourth Avenue Street fair together, and he was waving and talking to almost everyone there. He has a cell phone, and gets calls constantly.

This kind of confused me. I mean, in reality he's kind of a goober. Not because he's gay, but just because that's the kind of guy he is. How is it that he has a MILLION friends? I can't go anywhere with him without being stopped by people who want to hug him. They are mostly girls, but there are some guys among them.

The girls that are hanging on him are the kinds of girls that wouldn't give a straight guy a minute of their time, if the straight guy had a similar personality to this guy.

What is it, is it just that gay dudes are "en vogue" or super-cool? Do girls just like gay guys? I am really stumped.

I hate to be bashing on my guy, because I really like him. It's just that I have an odd taste in friends, and I've never had a "popular" friend before. I'm trying to figure out what makes him popular.

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Bob the Lawyer
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Seems to me you should be asking those girls.
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