posted
Many desirable women enjoy hanging out with gay men precisely because they find their attention unthreatening.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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posted
Clearly I can't speak to the specifics of the case you mentioned above, but I find that many many women are just more comfortable around gay men than they are around straight men. I know a few women who are much more physically demonstrative of general affection with me than they are with straight guys we both know. I think this is because they know that with me a hug or a hand on the arm while talking won't be misconstrued as a pass. I have even had women ask me to help them with a loose bra-strap or some such similar thing when no other girls were present. One time a female coworker was complaining about a bruise on her lower back/upper buttocks that she got from some home injury. One of my male co-workers made a comment about how he thought she was faking and he'd have to see it to believe it <wink, wink, nudge, nudge>. She replied something along the lines of "Fat chance, I'll show Karl and he can verify it for you." Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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quote: I know why women like gay men, just not why women like nerdy gay men.
Well, I think a lot of people withhold affection/attention from people that are sexual possibilities that they are not attracted to. This is very common in bar situations where a great looking guy won't talk to anyone he doesn't want to go to bed with because he presumably doesn't want to have to deal with rejecting you (if you can imagine the ego ). I've had straight male friends who complain of the same thing from some women. They don't even want to talk to you if they think you might want more than friendship. Maybe some (or many??) of the women who like your friend give him the time of day because he's like a "girlfriend" to them. (I dunno, like BTL said, you'd really have to ask them.)
Posts: 6394 | Registered: Dec 1999
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posted
Yah... often while talking on the phone with my friend Heather I will hear this *FLUSH*.... "Heather?! Did you just use the toilet while talking to me??" Chicks love me. How can you get more comfortable than that?
[ April 08, 2004, 01:31 PM: Message edited by: Telperion the Silver ]
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
Ew... it sounds rude to go to the toilet while talking to someone! I've never done something like that... Nerdy guys can be somewhat appealing. They wouldn't glare at me for liking anime and RPGs so much.
Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
Or maybe all those girls are getting sucked in by 'the agenda'.
...
The kid is popular because he appeals to those girls in some way. For any number of them it could be physical, emotional, or sympathetic appeal at work here. Hard to say without more intimate knowledge of the characters. Yeah, it's pretty much impossible to say. The real question is: why is it that you EXPECT this kid to be unpopular? What about him makes you figure that he's doomed to be disliked?
And if you find your expectations to be rational, then you should look to his friends to determine how it is that he overcomes that barrier with them, even though you probably already know why he broke it with you.
Yeah, they can. I just never see super "popular" girls liking them.
I think the reason I expected him to be unpopular is the same reason most of my friends, my husband, and myself are. He's got a big brain, doesn't talk much, and insults people easily (in the fact that he's kind of intolerant of stupid people). he's sort of the classic "I'm-smarter-than-you-so-you-are-inferior" type. The reason he broke it with me is because I was left alone with him long enough to realize that he doesn't really mean it, even though he comes off that way.
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
Also remember there are levels of friendship, acquaintances, friends, best friends, etc... I go out to my clubs and I feel like it's my own personal Cheers. But most of them are "club friends". Great people to hang out with and party, but you probably couldn't count on them when the going gets tough. Many of them I would never invite over my house.
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
I mean the things that make someone a social outcast in high school don't count as much as adults, and other things count more. The whip-smart thing versus the cool musician scenario plays in the opposite favor when the musician is still living with his mom and the brain is taking business trips to India and dates to the opera. The flashy car and ability to look cool counts a lot less than the ability to be an incredible friend. It's nice.
"Popular" doesn't really exist as adults (outside of Hollywood anyway), because adults are not forced to share the same social milieu like high school students are. There's no such thing as an "in" crowd if there's no one watching, and who's going to watch if they are not thrown in with them?
---- Edit: Of course the best ones, like twinky, do both.
posted
Okay, Kat, that's what I thought you meant.
*falls out of chair* *dies*
Just so you know, I have always known this.
To make things more clear, I am an adult and operate on this adult system (and always have).
HE is still in high school, however, and most of the girls we are talking about are, as well.
Not that you're implying that I am a CHILD or anything... ...I've just never had someone explain to me how "adults" work, since I have been an adult in a child's body for my entire life.
Sorry, it's just that you told me something that no one who's ever met me would have even attempted.
I know, I asked you to explain yourself. I just wanted to make sure you were saying what I THOUGHT you were saying.
Besides, you can't tell me that adults value "know-it-alls" anymore than kids do.
posted
<vigorous edits to avoid offending, because it just occurred to me that it might>
I do. Very much. I really don't think that's just Hatrack.
I wasn't implying that you weren't an adult. I'm sorry if it came off like that. You asked the question, but mostly I was delighted to expound on a theory that I like.
Maybe that older-on-the-inside thing applies to his friends as well?
posted
Eh, I doubt it. But I may be judging unfairly.
And yes, I like Tom. But he's broken it with me, too.
And BTW, I don't mean "know-it-all" in the sense that they are smart and confident. I mean "know-it-all" in the sense that they look down on you and think you're pathetic.
On the judging unfairly... My step-mother has five nieces. One of them was the head cheerleader at my high school when I was there(her aunt wasn't my stepmother then). All five size six, natural blondes, perfect Utah Mormons who married A.P. jocks that became wealthy businessman. Two live in Manhattan. They all have college degrees and the perfect children. And they are so nice. It's as annoying as hell. It's nice to think no one that has all of that could be anything but shallow, but it's not always true. It's possible his friends ARE mature enough to ignore the geek signifiers.
posted
Well, he comes off that way. But after being forced to hang out with him for several hours one evening, I realized that he didn't really feel that way, but has a hard time because he always seems to give that impression. Does that make sense?
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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posted
I think there is some truth to the idea that women like gay men. And as some of the guys here expressed, while they are not interested "that way" in women, they love flirting with them because they are safe.
I think a lot of girls look at gay guys the same way. You can have such a fun time flirting and there is no chance of getting "burned" in any way. You see, if your friend were straight, there's a chance he might get "ideas" from their flirting. From what you described, it sounds like they wouldn't want to encourage such a thing. But since they can "play around" without harm, why not enjoy it? Even with a "geeky goober". Risk-free flirting. What's not to like?
The only danger is if the girl genuinely falls for the guy. That just makes me sad. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Speaking of gals falling for gay men... I really really hate falling for straight men... so disapointing.
Posts: 4953 | Registered: Jan 2004
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posted
I don't think I asked this before but my memory may be off. It was touched on in some recent threads but never really explained to my satisfaction. I went back and read my posts in this thread to see if I already asked it and I don't think I did, but if was answered already please point me that way.
Why are there some gay men who aren't attracted to women, but then go out and date men who dress like women and look almost entirely female?
Like, what would be the point of dating Rupaul? Why not just a girl?
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Am I getting this right, male homosexuality centers around interest in male genetilia more than about not liking women?
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I'm going to have to agree with Fugu here, sexuality is normally defined by attraction, not lack there off, bi-sexuals being another good counter-point example.
posted
I was trying to respond to the comment about gay men who date effeminate men and dating women with penises, but I think I was commenting on something that wasn't said.
So afresh: I'm pretty much straight, and much of that is due to an appreciation for the penis. So I like men with penises. But I have found myself liking girls with girlness, too. But I don't want a girl with girlness and a penis. That's just weird. (YMMV)
Edit: I don't want a manly girl with a penis, either. Just so you know.
I used to watch this show called "An Adoption Story" or some such, mainly because I intend to adopt. One of the gay male couples were talking about how they love their child, and how they have had to make new friends because their old friends kept teasing them about being straight now that they had adopted. Does anyone know why these "friends" would say such things? I honestly don't get it because I don't think adopting says anything about homosexuality or heterosexuality.
Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:I guess I am just wondering if a woman's attraction to a man and a homosexual man's attraction to a man are the same thing. It has been my experience that for the most part women don't really care all that much about a man's penis until it comes to the actual use of it.
Bev, I think I can't figure out what a gay man would find penis-oriented-but-not-the-action attractive that a straight woman wouldn't. The thought of a penis, with little care as to the body attached? Easily find either a gay man or a straight woman for that.
Posts: 1892 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Well, as a heterosexual woman with very small breasts, I guarantee that some men are butt and leg men, or I'd never have gotten a date.
That said, I suppose women would be more interested in penises if they were more obvious. I shall never forget my first water polo match. O_O I can also say that some women past a certain age or with a certain level of experience, DO talk about penises. Ceck out some Ewan McGregor fansites, if you don't believe me.
But penis size or whatever can't have a lot to do with who we chose to date, just because once we see the thing, chances are we're fairly committed. I've only ever had intimate knowledge of the ONE (though I have come to understand that my beloved is a man of unusual proportions) and it hardly had any bearing on my choice. By the time I met Ron JR I had already made my choice.
Also, I did once get flashed on a walk through my neighborhood, and immediately became incapacitated with laughter, not disgust. I was still a teen, and didn't really see any implicit threat in the gesture. It was just shocking. Yuo're right, though, in that it didn't DO anything for me.
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:Most women don't particularly like to look at them or think about them. They only care when they are in the thoes of passion.
I think this is the part that I question and disagree with. Unless you can find a study that says this outright, I'm just going to say that I think it's an unfounded stereotype.
Posts: 1261 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Would it convince you otherwise if I could get half a dozen female hatrackers to raise their hands on being visually stimulated and particularly interested in penises? Seems treading the line on family-oriented forum, but if you'd be willing to accept that as enough other-side anecdotal data, then it might be worth it.
posted
You know, dabbler has a very good point. Just because I am curious about this doesn't make it an appropriate conversation for a family-oriented forum. While I do wish to discuss it at some point with a group, this is *not* the proper place to do it.
I deleted three of my posts, which may make some other posts here look out-of-place. Feel free to delete them also. We can just pretend this conversation never happened. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
I dunno. I feel that abstract, non-descriptive discussion would be okay but I'm not a mod/owner.
How about this. Would you be perfectly happy to marry a man with no genitalia? Or lets just take Porter and subtract that part of him. Would you be just as happy/contented?
I think that similar numbers of men and women would prefer their mates with genitalia intact, indicating an interest in those genitalia apart from other gender-specific characteristics.
Posts: 1261 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Heh. I told somebody the other day that I did track and feild events in highschool, like the dashes and highjump. I said I didn't like team sports, because i hated having to deal with/depend on other people.
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). I've had straight male friends who complain of the same thing from some women. They don't even want to talk to you if they think you might want more than friendship. Maybe some (or many??) of the women who like your friend give him the time of day because he's like a "girlfriend" to them. (I dunno, like BTL said, you'd really have to ask them.)
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