quote: He's trying to break away from his best friend some so he can be with me a little, but his friend won't let him.
I don't understand how this is possible. Does it involve chains?
I mean, aside from the fact that they have every class together, are involved in all the same activities, and his friend constantly calls him? I was on the phone with him earlier, and when his friend called, matt hung up on him. Plus, their church activities on sunday and wednesday and certain other days(concerts and trips and stuff) place them together. His friend won't leave him alone. And here's the thing- His friend would abandon Matt for his girlfriend(who is a freshman, while we are seniors). I think it's ridiculous, but hey, I'm just an immature kid, right?
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Seriously, the issue is not whether Matt is the second coming of Linus Torvalds, but rather whether he's being physically prevented by his best friend from hanging out with his ex-girlfriend.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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As for the first, that's fine. Perhaps you could find me a link to the competition results (I'd think a statewide competition would post the winning webpages)?
As for building computers from scratch, you could do that. Its a matter of following simple directions. As for programming them himself, I think you mean installing the operating systems himself, which you could also do given a basic introduction.
I wouldn't be surprised if he were pretty decent at web design, or at building computers, or at many other things relating to information technology, but there's a difference between confidence in someone's work/pride in his accomplishments and the overstatement of those accomplishments.
Take pride in him being good at making web pages, but don't try to inflate him beyond what he is Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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If Matt wanted to hang out with you, he would. He would honestly tell his friend what is going on. His very best friend would understand and give Matt some space. Period. That is what friends do.
I'm so glad I'm not a teenager anymore. /tangent
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I'm not inflating him... my school is big on IT, and Matt's going into programming. When I say he programs the computers he builds, I mean he PROGRAMS them. He writes the programs himself. Including one operating system. A simple one, not what windows would be, but it's an accomplishemtn to be noted.
I don't know where to find the competition results, but I'll ask him sometime.
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His best friend does not want him around me. He will do everything in his power to prevent Matt from being with me. Including a few times that he's lied to me about things that Matt has "said", so I would be mad at matt, and not want to talk to him. He compains that we argued a lot. What he doesn't realize is that it was his lies that started the arguments.
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Input has been given on that issue, for Tinros to mull as she will. I think its clear that Matt would prefer staying friends with this guy rather than what he perceives the alternative to be, and that he has issues mediating between this friend's opinion of Tinros and Tinros' desires for their friendship.
Given the structure of their relationships are unlikely to change except where Tinros is concerned, I advocate she focus on Matt, and on getting him to commit to certain things as her friend -- hanging out with her when he says he's going to, talking to her with fair regularity, and not letting his friends talk guff about her (that is, he should let them know firmly that he wants to be friends, and that if they choose to talk down about her, he should leave until they stop, if they don't after requested).
Posts: 15770 | Registered: Dec 2001
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I don't know the "Matt issue" prior to this update thread. However, my advice is to not worry about it so much, mainly because you're about to go to college. Freshman year of college is all about meeting new people and forming new friendships. You might keep in touch with your HS friends, or you might not. Or you might try to but they sort of drift away anyway. It happens.
Sounds like Matt's best friend is kind of a jerk. If he'd rather hang out with the jerk than with you, you don't really need him. Put as much effort into maintaining the friendship with him as you like, but if he's not reciprocating it's probably not worth it.
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Then Matt needs to realize that his friend is not behaving as a good friend should. There's nothing you can do about that, however, except for look like a shrill ex-girlfriend who is bitter if you dare to bring it up.
Let go of Matt for a while and hang out with your other friends. Trust me, boys are like busses, if you miss one, another one will come along in a few minutes (or weeks, as the case may be ). Matt will come back when things even out.
breyerchic, don't worry, soon you will be fully cured of teenagerism! It's just a matter of time. Literally. Posts: 1545 | Registered: May 2002
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quote:Originally posted by fugu13: Input has been given on that issue, for Tinros to mull as she will. I think its clear that Matt would prefer staying friends with this guy rather than what he perceives the alternative to be, and that he has issues mediating between this friend's opinion of Tinros and Tinros' desires for their friendship.
Given the structure of their relationships are unlikely to change except where Tinros is concerned, I advocate she focus on Matt, and on getting him to commit to certain things as her friend -- hanging out with her when he says he's going to, talking to her with fair regularity, and not letting his friends talk guff about her (that is, he should let them know firmly that he wants to be friends, and that if they choose to talk down about her, he should leave until they stop, if they don't after requested).
Thanks for the advice, everyone. I think the point I was trying to make, is that his friend is pressuring a "her or me" decision, indirectly, and there is no possible way Matt could avoid his friend, unless he gave up everything he loved, including computers.
However, I will talk to Matt(and I already have, once, about "detaching" himself for five minutes during school so I can actually see him). I might just tell him something like, you see this guy every day, and you and I have no classes together, so why don't we hang out saturday nights? Matt's mom has one scheduled night a week that her and her friends from high school go out and get dinner, play cards, all that stuff, and they've been doing it for, I dunno, 25 years? I might see if I can start something like that with him.
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very soon, then it's all fixed and the drama walks away right (I have a bit of relationship drama in my life too but it's not getting discussed on hatrack right now )
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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That is a good place to start. You might see about involving some mutual friends who don't try to break the two of you up, to add some variety and keep it from seeming too much like dating.
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I have a few friends like that, very supportive... unfortunately, they're all female, and I doubt Matt would want to hang out with 6 females, especially during PMS.
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Tinros, Matt sounds like a very intelligent and talented individual. I have every confidence that he will eventually realize that he is the master of his own destiny. You are also that talented.
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Our cycles are VERY synchronized. It happens a lot with women who are around each other a lot. You should see our marching band's color guard. We avoid getting on their bus every few weeks.
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they do don't they? And we don't lose too many guys that way, a few but not that many.
Yeah three PMSing girls isn't too bad, it's when it gets around ten that the room starts to shake and it rains outside.
Posts: 5362 | Registered: Apr 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tinros: Our cycles are VERY synchronized. It happens a lot with women who are around each other a lot. You should see our marching band's color gaurd.
posted
sorry, tante. I'm kinda tired after practice, and my brain isn't functioning properly, especially due to the fact that I'm currently doing French homework. Spelling has been corrected.
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Umm Tinros, hate to say this, but I think Matt has already decided on the "it's her or me" thing from his friend...
Posts: 2848 | Registered: Feb 2003
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fugu it's a little late but this page makes me want to claw out my eyes.
Steve (a Native Daytonian): "ohhhhhhhhhh, ahhhh, eeeeeeeeeee, eeeeeeeeeewwwww, *blech*, *pphhhbtttt*" "If it wasn't coded in wordpad they are pretending. Badly. Business is a good backup plan when their coding career tanks."
Posts: 11265 | Registered: Mar 2002
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quote:During my free time I like to go out to places, such as the movies, the malls, and cruising with my cousins. Other things I like to do are going on the internet, watching TV, listening to music, chilling with my friends, talking to my beautiful girlfriend, who I like very much, and I like being with her.
We look for things.
We look for things that make us go.
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
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posted
Here's the orginal "repository" article. One wonders about a town with a "three pronged approach" and a "repository" for a newspaper. http://cantonrep.com/index.php?ID=238435
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Blame the guy who made it. Who apparently won second place in a web design context supposedly covering a good-sized region of Ohio (though not with that page, I hope beyond reason).
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(Stick to New Jersey, where the women are virtuous, and the two local newspapers, "The Home-News" and "The News Tribune" merged to form "The Home-News Tribune")
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I've been blinded. I'm suing with Icarus. Let's all get a class action against that alien monster from a far away planet...er, person.
Posts: 870 | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:I have a few friends like that, very supportive... unfortunately, they're all female, and I doubt Matt would want to hang out with 6 females, especially during PMS.
My six best friends are all female (and by the way, Colleen, Colleen, Kara, Kelsey, Nicole and Megan, if you ever read this, I disavow all knowledge of of what I'm goin to say now!).
I'd recommend to Matt that he NOT hang out with your friends. Six women, all at once, is a whole lot of estrogen unless you have other guys around to offset it. I'm happiest when THEY are dating people, then I'm not alone in a sea of ovaries. When I'm dating someone, there's six girls to tell embaressing stories about me, which is especially torturous since one of them is my ex-girlfriend.
But back to the "matt issue." I wonder what is at the root of his attachment to his best friend. Everyone here probably has a best friend that spend time with, but any healthy friendship includes the ability for both parties to know how to spend time away from your best friend. Best friends who aren't in a romantic relationship are two people who share a common bond, and they know how to be separate people. Matt doesn't sound like he's hit that emotional maturity level, or he's just BSing you. Since you claim he isn't BSing you, I'm left with the belief that he isn't emotionally mature enough to balance both friendships.
I'd also question his judgement, if he feels so strongly for you, and his friend is making obviously outlandish "her or me" demands. Matt should shut that kind of behavior down immediately, and he should realize that any true best friend wouldn't behave like that. If I were you, I'd get together with Matt's best friend's girlfriend and have a heart to heart on how she deals with his behavior, might give you some insight, for I wonder how she deals with his always spending so much time with Matt.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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quote:Originally posted by Tinros: Matt isn't the problem. He's trying to break away from his best friend some so he can be with me a little, but his friend won't let him. Hence the problem. And Matt has taken a vow of honesty, so he can't lie to his friend and tell him he's doing yardwork or whatever to get out of stuff.
It's not Matt that's the problem.
Uh, yeah, it is. Matt can make his own decisions, including the decision to take no action. If Matt is hanging out with this other guy to the point of excluding you, that's his choice, and short of bondage or gunpoint, Matt's friend has no control over him unless Matt allows it.
The other part of the problem is you and how you're taking this. You can decide how you WANT to react and take it from there. You can't control Matt or his friend, or his friend's girlfriend, but you can control what you read, who you interact with, and how you deal with this.
There's no "should" or "have to" about this, but there are choices.
posted
I talked to Matt, and he talked to his parents... and they've given him permission to lie to his best friend, saying that he can't do things with him because of "chores", so he can have me over, or vice versa. He's also agreed that on the days I have band practice(and I have a little free time after school), if he doesn't work, he'll break away and talk to me.
As for that article...
"School officials are not sure what has contributed to so many pregnancies,..." What contributes to pregnancy other than sex? I didn't think there was another way, unless a lot of girls are experimenting with the newest drug, "invitro"...
Posts: 1591 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Wow, Matt's relationship with his friend sounds horribly unhealthy. If his parents think he needs to lie to this guy to stay friends, something is wrong.
quote: unless a lot of girls are experimenting with the newest drug, "invitro"...
posted
Not to be crude, but. . . oh heck, who am I trying to kid?
I cetainly hope you don't end up marrying this guy after college if you want kids, Tinros, 'cause apparently he doesn't have any balls. He's getting permission from his parents to lie to his friend so he can hang out with you? 'Tain't worth your time.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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I'm not sure why, if I were determined to lie to my best friend, I would seek my parents' permission to do so.
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Since so many are sharing the negative perspective, I thought I'd try out some positive thoughts.
Has Matt been best friends with this guy for a really long time now? (forgive me if I missed the answer somewhere in this thread) It sounds to me like his best friend is the really jealous type and is afraid that you are threatening their relationship and that the only way to protect their relationship is by having you completely out of the picture. If Matt has invested a lot in his friendship with this guy (like say 15 years of his life), he's going to have a hard time mentally and emotionally detaching himself from his friend, or worrying about hurting his friend. Don't do anything that would give the impression that you are making a similar "me or him" demand. Be supportive of Matt's situation without pressuring him too much to change. Tell him how much you appreciate the time that you are able to spend together. Ask him if he has enjoyed your time together, and what he likes about the time you spend together. Get him thinking about your friendship without making it seem like your making demands or forcing certain expectations upon him. It's important that he feels your supportive of him, not part of the problem. He'll eventually be able to separate himself from his friend and his friend will gradually accept that. It might take a while, but Matt will eventually find a healthy balance.
Posts: 1256 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
oh, and lying about it will just postpone the problem, and make the resolution more difficult.
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). Matt will come back when things even out.![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
Tinros
