quote: sounds to me like his best friend is the really jealous type and is afraid that you are threatening their relationship and that the only way to protect their relationship is by having you completely out of the picture
I don't think we have enough information about the friend to come to this conclusion. But even if it's true, Matt's decisions are his own. He is responsible for his relationship with Tinros. Caving to his friend is not a good solution. And that he asks his parents about this and they encourage him to do so wierds me out.
//oh, this was written before I saw Camus' additional post. I think the lying is the real problem- so perhaps we all agree.
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
There again, who asks for advice on what is plainly a rather personal problem, on an Internet message board?
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Why can't Matt just stop hanging out with his friend to hang out with Tinros? I don't mean altogether, but seriously, you CAN have more than one friend at the same time and there's no reason why this guy should be monopolizing his time unless Matt wants him to.
Like others have said, it's not like this other guy is holding him at gunpoint, it just sounds like Matt either has no guts or he's using it as an excuse.
Posts: 459 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
Asking for personal advice in an anonymous way could be a good way to get feedback on a subject that you feel uncomfortable discussing with those close to you.
Not that I would know... *waves to Rico*
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
Matt and his best friend have been best friends since the guy moved here about 5 years ago, when we were in 7th grade. I met Matt in 6th grade, when we knew him as YodaBoy(he's a HUGE SW fan), but I never got to know him until our freshman year, when we started dating the first time.
The problem with Matt "splitting" his tiem between us is that a lot of the time, when he's not working, doing homework, or doing chores and stuff for his parents, he is working on projects for IT with his best friend. Some of them are just stupid ideas they give up on in about an hour, but when Matt gets an idea he's excited about, he goes all out for months at a time... and since his ideas are computer related, and I know virtually NOTHING about computers, he goes to his best friend.
Things are being worked out. Matt and I made a deal- he's going to teach me web design and programming languages, and I'm teaching him to play piano. We get the most important thing in each other's lives melded into our own, so we can understand each other better.
Hey, at least I didn't ask him to play flute with me.
Posts: 1591 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Matt, I think, is full of crap. He has this huge moral standing on kissing, and on being a good boy and following all the rules. But he has to ask permission to lie to his best friend so he can hang out with this girlfriend (whom apparently he has little to nothing in common with).
I feel like I'm watching a really goofy episode of Boy Meets World or The OC. Every time you try and defend him, or explain how the situation is evolving it sounds more and more childish, immature, and incredibly unhealthy.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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also let me clarify: Matt will only lie as a last resort, if his friend does the "call every 15 minutes until you give in and do something with me" approach. (Lyrhawn, if you didn't know, I'm not his girlfriend anymore, just a good friend.)
Posts: 1591 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Matt will only lie as a last resort, if his friend does the "call every 15 minutes until you give in and do something with me" approach.
Let me just point out that this is not in fact a last resort.
And let me point out that tolerating and responding to this kind of behavior from *anyone* is as good a sign as any that the boy does not understand how to maintain an appropriate relationship.
Tinros, for this and many other good reasons being put forth here (let me join those who are aghast at the idea that kissing is less excusable than lying to get someone to leave you alone) my advice to you is to run, don't walk, away from Matt.
Alternatively, do this: you say he is your best friend... let's put this to the simple, non-destructive test of letting your relationship with him be what he wants it to be. Don't initiate any contact or meeting with him. See how long it takes for him to contact you, and then how long it takes for him to suggest getting together. Just roll with whatever he wants for a couple of weeks. This should give you a good idea of how much he really wants to spend time with you.
Posts: 3846 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
So lying is preferable to saying "Look you, today I'm with Tinros; back off!"? Or even, "Well, Tinros is here, but you can come over and hang out if you like." I mean, really, how complicated can this be? Or if he absolutely insists on lying, how about "Well, Tinros is here and I think I've got a chance at getting laid, so cut me some slack, will ya?" There's a boast that any boy should respect. And incidentally, lying does not get any more acceptable because you have permission from your parents. What, your god is like a high school principal? "Dear God, Matt was sick yesterday and could not do his morality. Please excuse him from harp-playing today."
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
(I can't believe I'm actually going to say this. This has got to be a first. No, no, really, it IS a first. And probably an only. Except for the bit about getting laid. But the rest of it - yeah, absolutely.)
Yeah, what KoM said.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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quote:(I can't believe I'm actually going to say this. This has got to be a first. No, no, really, it IS a first. And probably an only. Except for the bit about getting laid. But the rest of it - yeah, absolutely.)
Yeah, what KoM said.
*slaps a blue ribbon on KoM's post*
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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posted
I think Matt, who is purportedly in tune with modern technology, should be able to figure out how to turn off the telphone ringer, or change it to one ring only. Caller-ID is also cheap.
It is a myth, and one that I was held hostage by for many years, that one has to answer one's phone (whether cell or home phone) when it rings. Learning that is a liberating step.
posted
I feel so freeeeeeeeeeee now that I am not a slave to my phone. Ring little phone... Ring ring ring. I know where the silence! button is.
Posts: 2880 | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
Learning to say "no" to people asking you to do something you don't want to is an important step in life that I'm afraid some people (like my mother-in-law) never quite take.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Matt has caller ID. However, he has to keep the phone "ring-able" at all times, because his dad is a firefighter, and they never know what might happen while his dad is at work.
He calls me almost every night now.
And he told his friend today to back off.
Posts: 1591 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
I think Matt just takes two days to figure out what the appropriate response should be in any situation. Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
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Also phones these days can still be set for a maximum number of rings. 2-3 should be sufficient to alert the family to check the ID to see if Dad is in distress... In fact, if you get the right kind of phone, you could set a unique ring for "Dad's work" and turn everyone else off.
posted
well, yeah, he has an answering machine, and his phone is set to 4 rings. But if he's on the phone, it starts beeping at him when someone is calling, and with his phone, there's no way to get it to stop unless you switch over and back, hanging up on the person, or wait for them to hang up.
Posts: 1591 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
When I had my own cell phone, I used the "composer" feature to set my own ringtones. It played "Let me Call you Sweetheart" when Jeff called, "Old Folks at Home" when one of my parents called, and "I am a Child of God" when someone from my YSA group called. For everyone else, it played "Banks of the Ohio"-- one of my favorite murder ballads. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
There's been much speculation about Matt's sexual orientation. Tinros has been very adamant concerning this issue and I'm willing to accept her assertion, but perhaps we've not questioned the proper party in this Peyton Place triangle.
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I don't get why a guy who seems as religious as Matt is would have such a problem with lying that he has to take a vow to prevent himself from doing so. He could take a vow that would actually help someone; like vowing to volunteer at a homeless shelter or donate money to AIDS.
Second, I don't get why he had to ask his parents to break that vow. What a wimp.
Posts: 155 | Registered: Apr 2005
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OK, it's a nitpick, I know it's a nitpick, but... Might I suggest that you actually meant "donate money to AIDS research?"
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
I thought she said earlier that Matt's friend has a girlfriend.
I'd love to know how THAT is still a functional relationship. Is this town littered with girls who have no standards when it comes to how they are treated by men?
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
Matt's friend has a girlfriend that he is VERY VERY "active" with. I'm surprised he's still a virgin. It got so bad we had to ask them to save it for when they were alone.
Matt's friend treats her just fine. He and his girlfriend are the typical, depressed, somewhat-gothic teenagers. Funny, they go to Matt's church. And they have wonderful families, large houses, anything they want. But they complain that no one cares about them. Hmm, I wonder why.
Posts: 1591 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Matt's hiding behind his best friend, or nutless, or a little of both.
[/blunt]
If you don't believe me, try this little exercise:
Ask yourself, "If I was Matt, and I didn't want to see Tinros anymore but didn't want to hurt her feelings, how might I go about doing that?"
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:Originally posted by Tinros: He and his girlfriend are the typical, depressed, somewhat-gothic teenagers. Funny, they go to Matt's church. And they have wonderful families, large houses, anything they want. But they complain that no one cares about them. Hmm, I wonder why.
Um, a little judgmental, are we? If Matt's friend can pick up on how you feel about him at all, I'm not surprised he doesn't like you and is trying to keep you away from Matt.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Gossipy, then? But seriously, when did this thread turn into a bash-Tinros-over-the-head-with-her-immaturity free-for-all?
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote: And they have wonderful families, large houses, anything they want.
This may be all that you've observed but if they feel like something is lacking in their lives, there's a decent chance that there is. Money doesn't equate to happiness and other people's families are never as wonderful as they seem. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt.
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002
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posted
Wait a minute here. Do I actually agree with KoM on something? I couldn't be. There's gotta be some other reason why I would have a similar thought as KoM. Posts: 1256 | Registered: May 2005
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Camus, I know what you mean. I'm not sure what's happening here, either. Is it possible that KoM is actually becoming *gasp* reasonable? It's either that, or the fabric of the universe is unravelling at an alarming pace.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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