posted
OK, this started from a Sakeriver conversation, but I am bringing the question here because Hatrack is a more heavily populated forum (I think).
I brought up the fact that as I've been on the fora, I have heard a lot of our Jatraqueras talk about how often guys "pick up" on them, and I began thinking, "Huh. Guys don't 'pick up' on me. Never have. I don't think I am unattractive. What gives?"
It was suggested that hair color might be a major factor. I have *very* dark hair, and several girls mentioned that the more blonde they look, the more guys pick up on them.
I am kinda disturbed that hair color alone could effect so dramatically how guys perceive a girl, that I want to test this theory. So for purely scientific purposes (heh) I would like y'all to humor me. I want to find out how hair color effects this on average when all other criteria are removed.
I apologize if this poll is offensive (like asking a woman her weight or age). Feel free to answer anonymously if you like.
I am looking for female responses here, and answers to 2 questions.
1) Are you blonde, brunette, or other? (If "other," please explain)
posted
I'm male, so I don't qualify, but you might want to get an estimation of how often it occurs. Say, X number of times a week/month?
Posts: 2907 | Registered: Nov 2005
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A couple of weeks ago 3 seperate young men in their 20s all started talking to me in the grocery store. I'm quite a bit older than that and I'm heavier than I would like but I must have been giving off a glow or something. (or maybe they just wanted to talk to me? I don't know. I'm really really bad at figuring such things out.)
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I'm a "light" brunette, and I guess I get hit on now and then. I'm usually oblivious to it, and my daughters have to clue me in.
Posts: 2069 | Registered: May 2001
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Blonde. Not ones that have seen me in person. The only "pick-ups" I've had in the last 15 years have been over the web.
Posts: 4515 | Registered: Jul 2004
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No, though when I was younger, yes. Age, I think, has a factor, but part of it too is the near total lack of opportunity. I work from home. When I'm out, I'm almost always with my family. It takes a brave sort of man to flirt with a woman toting a 13 year old and a 3 year old with her. Posts: 5948 | Registered: Jun 2001
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And yes, sometimes. But I really do think it is a result of where I spend my time. And the condition of some of the men in those places. Remember sometime an attempt at pick up is a slurred, "well you're really not bad looking".
ps to Goody. At the other place I pm'd you my phone number in case this weekend works for you re: lunch.
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At the risk of starting a male counterpart to this poll, I'm more likely to try and pick up on a brunette.
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I have no problem with some men prefering blondes. As long as a comparative number prefer brunettes or redheads. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Beverly, in my experience as a guy I have noticed that a lot of women totally miss if a guy is trying to pick them up. Granted, I don't know you, but I would bet a lot of money that guys have tried to pick you up and you missed it for any number of reasons. Sometimes guys are totally lame about how they try to do the pick up, or the girl thinks they are just being nice. I'm sure it happens much more than you think it does. It's one of those "I see it happening to others but not me" things. Other women are probably looking at you and think the exact same thing.
Posts: 1918 | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:I'm sure it happens much more than you think it does.
I will admit that this is certainly possible. And this is horrible of me to say, but it is the crass and obvious attempts that I never get. Not that I want to be treated like a sex object, but I still wonder why others are while I am not. Delicate situation there.
Kate has a good point about the locations, but most of the anecdotal "pick ups" I hear about are not at such places.
And I am taking my youth into full account here, not just "me now". (I am 31, but I look better at 31 than I did at 25. Though to be fair, I looked better at 15 than I do now.)
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:I'm sure it happens much more than you think it does.
I will admit that this is certainly possible. And this is horrible of me to say, but it is the crass and obvious attempts that I never get. Not that I want to be treated like a sex object, but I still wonder why others are while I am not. Delicate situation there.
I feel exactly the same way. The one time I've ever been treated like a sex object (I overheard some guys talking about me and a friend at the mall) it made me feel dirty and used. But I still wonder if the reason it doesn't happen is because I'm not pretty enough.
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Blacwolve, I *totally* understand. It may seem like a contradiction to others, but it makes perfect sense to me.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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As I started writing this I said that I was flirted with a lot more when I was blonde (my hair has gotten progessively darker with each child I've had) but my life has changed a lot since I was blonde.
I am a SAHM who is married. I get out to go to the grocery store, my kids activities, to do things with my family or to church and that's about it. Rarely do I go out on my own or just with a group of girls where a flirt might be more common place.
So I think that this is a much more invovled than just hair color, but interesting nonetheless.
Posts: 697 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote: I will admit that this is certainly possible. And this is horrible of me to say, but it is the crass and obvious attempts that I never get. Not that I want to be treated like a sex object, but I still wonder why others are while I am not. Delicate situation there.
That could be because you don't present yourself as a 'crass and obvious' kind of woman? We men are plenty stupid about a lot of things, but we are not completely stupid about everything. We, for the most part, attempt to 'cater' to our audience. So if a woman is dressed or presents herself as 'crass and obvious' we assume, for right or wrong, that we can be 'crass and obvious'.
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I think a large part of it is that I put out a large Not Available, Not Interested, Very Married vibe. But only part. Because I've never been hit on. That I noticed, anyway.
Posts: 2880 | Registered: Jun 2004
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quote:Originally posted by DarkKnight: Beverly, in my experience as a guy I have noticed that a lot of women totally miss if a guy is trying to pick them up. Granted, I don't know you, but I would bet a lot of money that guys have tried to pick you up and you missed it for any number of reasons. Sometimes guys are totally lame about how they try to do the pick up, or the girl thinks they are just being nice. I'm sure it happens much more than you think it does. It's one of those "I see it happening to others but not me" things. Other women are probably looking at you and think the exact same thing.
This is very true. I only recently found that, in an Irish pub, "so how are you fixed?" which I always took to mean, "do you have a place to stay or a way home or enough to drink?", was actually a proposition. I believe I've missed opportunities with my self-sufficient, "I'm fine, thanks."
As for anecdotes, beverly, have I never shared my collection of really bad pick up stories?
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More than I used to...it used to be rare for anyone to offer to buy me a drink when I was out. Now, I sometimes only pay for three in an entire (10pm-4am) night.
quote:Not that I want to be treated like a sex object, but I still wonder why others are while I am not. Delicate situation there.
Tricky business. The problem is that if guys are treating women like sex objects, you should be in that number. As long as some guys are hitting on some women, then they should be hitting on you too.
I'm cutting to the quick a bit, but where does wanting to talk to a girl because she is pretty slip into objectifying women. In that first conversation, I don't know anything about the quality of her character or the content of her mind. When I was dating, mostly, I thought, "Aw, there is a nice smile, let me chat her up."
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posted
I have light brown/dark blonde hair with lighter highlights. I've also had red hair in the past.
I get attention in bursts. Either its coming in from multiple random guys or not at all. I'm not into the casual dating scene so I don't care too much whether guys are paying attention to me.
I know my boyfriend first approached me because he thought I looked cute in my skirt (a long peasant skirt, not even a mini.)
I've also been told that I'm intimidating. Guys have told me that they look for the right moment to talk to me. I've never noticed but I guess I give off back-off messages when I'm in certain moods. I'm a loner so I don't doubt it.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:That could be because you don't present yourself as a 'crass and obvious' kind of woman?
You know, strangely enough, I have thought of this as well. I probably exude vibes that say "I am not a sex object." But at the same time, I wouldn't mind objective feedback on exactly what that means.
quote: As for anecdotes, beverly, have I never shared my collection of really bad pick up stories?
Not that I've seen. I love a good story, if you'd like to share. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:I get whistled at or comments shouted at me when I wear my hair down.
Interesting. This reminds me of ElJay's hair length comment.
I usually wear my hair down--I prefer to. But when it is hot, I have to wear it up for the extra air conditioning. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote:The problem is that if guys are treating women like sex objects, you should be in that number. As long as some guys are hitting on some women, then they should be hitting on you too.
You totally get it. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Shanna, I remember one of my past boyfriends telling me that back when he asked me out for the first time he was trying to decide between me and my roommate.
I figured he found us attractive for similar reasons, so I was intrigued by the comment. She was a redhead (very red) with a "haughty princess" look to her. If I were a guy, I would find her intimidating. Maybe guys find me intimidating.
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I do get "picked up" on a somewhat regular basis, but I live in a city so I encounter a lot more people on a daily basis, and I'm young and still go out quite often.
On the other hand, I know a LOT of guys who prefer brunettes. Because so much of blonde hair is fake, they are smart enough to realize that blonde bombshell= $50+ a week of going to the hairdresser. Also, dark hair is more mysterious and elegant! If I weren't so pale, I'd totally dye my hair dark brown Posts: 484 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
Well, there was the "you're not bad looking" guy -who then promptly fell asleep with his head on the bar.
There was the guy staying at the expensive hotel who, after I declined, kept coming back every so often to say, "but I have a suite!" Like this will make a difference?
But my favorite was the otherwise charming Irish guy, "Now, come on Katie, you're not getting any younger."
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
I think the "vibe" is definitely important. I'm a friendly person...I'm a "people person." So whether I'm actually OUT and looking to be social or just going to the store, I think I generally come off as approachable. I like to strike up random coversations.
I do get "picked up" on a somewhat regular basis, but I live in a city so I encounter a lot more people on a daily basis, and I'm young and still go out quite often.
On the other hand, I know a LOT of guys who prefer brunettes. Because so much of blonde hair is fake, they are smart enough to realize that blonde bombshell= $50+ a week of going to the hairdresser. Also, dark hair is more mysterious and elegant! If I weren't so pale, I'd totally dye my hair dark brown
You'd be surprised; a lot of times being pale and having dark hair can go nicely together. I'm naturally a dark ash blonde, but anything from red to dark auburn looks pretty good with my skintone. My natural color kind of makes me look pasty, whereas the red makes me look...porcelain, I guess.
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I have *extremely* light skin and *extremely* dark hair. Add to that green eyes and unconcealably rosy cheeks.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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I put myself in the "vampirically pale" category. When I buy foundation, I buy the lightest one on the shelf, and it's still sometimes too dark.
As I've said before, when I go out in the sun, I burst into flames.
posted
From age 12 to 21 I got hit on constantly. And I didn't date, so I couldn't have had a reputation as being 'easy'. I could always point to at least 6 guys at a time that liked me. But it helped that I never liked them back, or maybe I would have dated more.
Total strangers used to hit on me all the time, including old men. I never went to bars or clubs either, but I'd get asked out while in line at a drugstore, while stopped at a traffic light with the window down, all kinds of times.
I've been hit on by waiters while having dinner with my parents and siblings (I'm the oldest of 8). I caused a traffic accident when I was 13 - some guy was staring at me so hard he drove into a semi truck.
And yet, with all that, I was a virgin on my wedding night. It was tough, but I made it.
And after I put on the ring, I almost never got hit on again. Maybe twice, and I've been married five years now. Of course, I have gained weight and I don't think I'm attractive anymore, but that wouldn't have been true right after the wedding. Oh well. It's just as well, really.
I think part of the reason guys liked me is that I was real. I never pretended to be something I wasn't. I was kind of a nerd, but I was nice. I didn't belittle guys for daring to ask me out. I always took it as a compliment. I almost never wore makeup or did my hair, either. Though the strangers were more likely to hit on me on days when I took the time to look nice. With guys I saw at school or work it didn't matter.
Posts: 180 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
Rachel--if I had that sort of experience growing up, I would feel pretty confident than men in general found me attractive. I'd like to think I'd have a lot less insecurities, even if I didn't look as good now as in my youth. But how can I really know that? Grass is always greener, I guess.
Oh, and BTW, what color is your hair? Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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I do know that it never worked on me. I don't/didn't like it when guys liked me for what I looked like, and no one ever came up with the killer pick up line of "You seem like you read Orson Scott Card."
Now that would have worked.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Beverly: Your coloring is gorgeous! If guys don't hit on you, it's probably because they think you are TOO pretty.
pH: Good point. I know plenty of beautiful pale brunettes, but my eyebrows are blonde and I don't think my eyes are dramatic enough to offset the "Morticia" look. And I can totally relate to always buying the lightest shade of everything...
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posted
I'm brunette and wear my hair up in a bun or in a braid 99% of the time. When I wear it down, it's to my lower back and wavy/curly. Since I'm hardly ever seen with my hair down, I can't comment on whether or not I feel that makes any difference in my being picked up on.
As for being picked up on, I'm not sure that what happens to me counts. I get the most comments from guys when I'm walking and they're driving by. They hardly ever see the front of me, they just know I'm a female and make their comments.
More often than not, I'm told by friends and family that I don't look very friendly. I hardly ever smile when I'm walking around unless I'm thinking of something funny or in a really, really good mood. However, I do make a point of smiling and saying hi when approaching another person who is walking toward me. Every other time I'm out, I'm either with my mom -at which point I smile all the time- or I'm with my nieces/nephews. I think people tend to think my nieces and nephews are my children. A young, and from the looks of it, single mother with 2-5 kids hanging off her? I wouldn't think that's attractive to most guys.
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posted
I've got pretty fair skin given my hair colour, too. I suspect that when I do get hit on it has something to do with the fact that I sing.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: I have no idea why I got hit on.
I do know that it never worked on me. I don't/didn't like it when guys liked me for what I looked like, and no one ever came up with the killer pick up line of "You seem like you read Orson Scott Card."
Now that would have worked.
I had a guy ask me out the other day (the 3rd time I've been asked out in my life) because he thought it was cool that I liked OSC.
It didn't work for him, though.
Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
My hair has varied through the years from blonde to light brown to reddish, and I'm not very pretty. My weight has also fluctuated over the years. I haven't noticed any difference in attention from males based on hair color; however, I will say that when my hair is longer and I am thinner I have been more likely to be noticed.
It's almost unheard of for men to hit on me "out of the blue"; I remember one time this guy in a grocery store was trying to chat me up and then asked my friend questions about me and my reaction was "who is this psycopath?" It was only later that I realized that this is what beautiful women are accustomed to as part of their daily lives.
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