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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Do guys "hit on" you? A poll of sorts (Title now changed for clarity!) (Page 4)

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Author Topic: Do guys "hit on" you? A poll of sorts (Title now changed for clarity!)
Celaeno
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One of my high school teachers was at a bar and she saw a guy she thought was interesting. She went up to talk to him, and they hit it off. He revealed that he had a girlfriend. She smiled, handed him her number, and said, "Call me when you don't."

He called her the next day.

Last I checked, they were getting married.

I know this was something of a tangent, but Theresa's story reminded me of it.

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R. Ann Dryden
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quote:
quote:

My husband liked me for years and I never gave him the time of day. Well, when I first met him I'd just turned 19 and he was 30. He was already balding and paunchy, stared at me all the time in church, and got tongue-tied whenever he was actually in a position to talk to me.

This was tough for me to read, on a few levels. It's not a mark on the quality of anyone's character, and I appreciate your frankness, but there is something in your high-handed dismissal of him that's frightening. Even though, and maybe because it ended with you two together, it is still a fearsome picture. Like being in the face of a God or Devil or Whatever.
You know what, I said the above much more flippantly than what happened in reality. I was trying to shorten the story. What actually happened was that the first time I met him we were at a Halloween party, whereing we talked quite a bit and had fun. Then I'd say hi to him as I passed him in church. We always seemed to be invited to the same barbeques and whatnot, too. So, I DID give him the time of day in that I saw him regularly and even talked to him often. I just didn't think of him in terms of being interested in a romantic relationship . . . until later.

Sorry I sounded so callous. You are right, that would have been a little bit disturbing.

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Nell Gwyn
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quote:
My niece would get hit on at work, and almost daily by older men, and younger men. She was a life guard at a local pool. (she's a brunette btw) I heard enough from her about it that I guess somehow I decided that it wasn't a nice thing to do.
Yeah, I find getting hit on at work extremely infuriating.

Case in point: Today while I was at work, this guy just starts blatantly leering at me in a really obvious way, along with a few verbal comments. Did this make me want to slip him my phone number? No, it made me want to have his server pour boiling coffee in his lap after I (hypothetically) pointed out to him that I only give my number to guys with class, and that no matter how cute he thought he was, he most certainly did not have class. [Mad]

To all guys: hitting on girls who are contractually obliged to be nice to you is not okay. [No No]

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El JT de Spang
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Just for beverly, I made a valiant attempt this weekend to talk to all different hair colors in equal numbers. Or, at least that's how it started. I imagine by around 1ish it was more like me saying, "Wha color is ur hair s'posedta be, cus I gotta talk ta redhead tonight?"


^
|
|
|

This is a joke, of course. I treat women with respect, no matter where I meet them. And I never get obnoxiously drunk and hit on girls until they bludgeon me with a bar stool. But I did think about this thread when I was deciding which girls I was attracted to this weekend.

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Kristen
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Nell: When I worked as a barista, I can't tell you how annoyed I got when people took advantage of my perky yet obsequious attitude to practice flirting skills or openly hit on me. Alas, I didn't have your guts. I needed all the tips I could get!

On the other hand, a local customer got an obvious crush on a coworker and after weeks of staring blatantly at her, he summed up the nerve to ask her out, and she thought it was endearing and said yes. They are now engaged (I think).

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mr_porteiro_head
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quote:
But I did think about this thread when I was deciding which girls I was attracted to this weekend.
I think there is wisdom in what you just said. I believe that to a large extent we can decide who and what we are attracted to.
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Nell Gwyn
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Kristen, unfortunately I didn't have the guts either - at the moment, I was too disgusted and unnerved by how blatant he was being to really do anything about it other than immediately turn off the niceness. After the moment passed, I was torn between halfway hoping he'd try again so I could tell him exactly what I thought of him and thinking that if I did behave rudely towards him, my managers would probably not be too pleased with my unprofessional behavior. (Although the managers today would probably have let it slide.) Normally I can laugh it off, but this guy was really skeezy and caught me way off-guard.

Edit: And I'm not a server myself - I'm just a host (so no tips for me), so I'm not usually mentally prepared for being hit on since I only see the people for about 30 seconds. And this guy had seen me for not even five seconds before I noticed the leering. Grr! [Mad]

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Rico
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quote:
I think there is wisdom in what you just said. I believe that to a large extent we can decide who and what we are attracted to.
I love lamp! [Big Grin]

On topic:

I've never found myself hitting on girls of a particular hair color. It's more of a personality thing for me.

I do find myself getting hit on by lots of brunettes though, it wasn't until now that I actually looked back and noticed. Weird!

Oh and yeah I guess it bears mentioning, my hair's black and I'm a guy. [Wink]

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Jhai
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I got hit on by a creepy visiting Purdue guy while playing pool last night and thought of this thread!

I've got dark brown hair (during the winter, anyways), and I've been hit on quite a bit in the past couple of months. I think it's partly because I'm going out to a lot more parties, and partly because I've been feeling much more comfortable in my own skin lately.

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mr_porteiro_head
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quote:
partly because I've been feeling much more comfortable in my own skin lately.
What does this mean?
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El JT de Spang
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Self-esteem is up 3 points.
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Tatiana
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My hair is brown, and yes I have been hit on by strangers a lot, starting from when I was 12. It's more seldom now but still fairly often. The last time was Thursday afternoon rush hour, when I was driving in traffic, and a guy in a car near me started kissing his fingertips at me. I do think hair does come into it somehow, though I've never been blonde.

I take it as a compliment, but I don't take it personally. It's as though they're saying "Isn't it the day pretty?" or "the spring flowers are beautiful". They're complimenting pretty girls in general, I think, and not me personally. I just smile and wave a sort of Princess Di wave and don't really think about it.

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Jhai
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quote:
Self-esteem is up 3 points.
Pretty much: I think that if you're comfortable with who you are, you're much more attractive to others than you would be otherwise. It's also a lovely little self-reinforcing loop - while I'm not randomly hooking up with the guys hitting on me, the fact that they're hitting on me is a nice self-esteem booster.
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beverly
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quote:
I imagine by around 1ish it was more like me saying, "Wha color is ur hair s'posedta be, cus I gotta talk ta redhead tonight?"
^_^

quote:
I just smile and wave a sort of Princess Di wave and don't really think about it.
That is a classy way to respond. [Smile] I figure girls who get hit on all the time have to develop their own unique way of dealing with it. If I suddenly started getting hit on all the time, I wouldn't have any "reflex" built in to deal with it.

So, here's a question for all you cute gals, how do you respond to guys that hit on you?

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Chreese Sroup
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quote:
Originally posted by blacwolve:
I have a question for guys. What's the difference between a girl talking to you just to talk, and one flirting with you? Is it the subject matter? The number of times she laughs? Her body language? What is it?

It's my opinion that if they are giggling overtly they are flirting. I'm really horrible gauging body language; I can tell when I'm not wanted though, or at least I think that most of the time.

Hmm. Come to think of it, I honestly don't get out enough and actually talk to women to really tell. When I do go out, and I happen to talk to someone I'm always just polite and no matter what they do, I don't respond as though it meant anything.

For a while I'd play pool daily with people, and honestly I couldn't really tell if they were trying to flirt, or if it was just how they normally acted, I'd have to ask other guys around me if 'she' would do the same stuff when I wasn't around. I really must be just thick.

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twinky
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I'm male and have no strong hair colour preferences. I suppose you could peg me on a mild preference for dark-haired brunettes (on the actress front: Elizabeth Hurley, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Monica Belluci, Angelina Jolie), but on the other hand, the majority of my girlfriends (two of three) have been natural blondes. On the third hand, there is no clear "hair colour" winner in the broader set of my various and sundry romantic entanglements, so I guess we're back to "no strong preference."

I've both "picked up" on girls and been "picked up" on by girls. I have brown hair. [Smile]

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pH
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Do any of the women have hair color preferences?

I don't limit my hitting-on to a single hair color. However, if there's a guy around who has black hair and blue eyes, he's absolutely going to get my attention.

Mostly though, I think it's the blue eyes. The black hair just makes them stand out more.

My boyfriend is dirty blonde with blue eyes.

I think I just loves me some blue eyes.

-pH

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Irami Osei-Frimpong
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quote:
What's the difference between a girl talking to you just to talk, and one flirting with you? Is it the subject matter? The number of times she laughs? Her body language? What is it?
Body language and the ease of her smile, but mostly it's giddiness, which is a dead give away. I know how charming I am at any point in time and any reaction that provokes too much or too little response tells me quickly whether the woman is interested.

Now some people flirt as a way of exercising. I think it's healthy, mostly. I was working at a grocery store and I got in trouble for not flirting with a customer. I got good at my job, such that I could ring up groceries at a good clip while exercising my mojo. Two lovely women came through my line I was doing that thing that I do, then the third woman came, she wasn't my type, and I simply rang up her groceries with a polite smile.

She complained to customer service, not because I was slow or ineffectual, but because I didn't flirt with her as I had flirted with the other two.

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ElJay
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Wow. That's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. What was customer service's reaction? Did you really get in trouble for it?
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Jeesh
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...

[ROFL]

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Irami Osei-Frimpong
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The woman was pissed. She made good-sized stink of the matter at customer service. She also made it clear that I was a fast cashier, but if I'm going to flirt with one customer, I should flirt with them all. I felt bad because I do like pretty women and this also ran has probably had to do deal with guys like me all of her life. Life is hard on unattractive women, and guys like me don't make it any easier.
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kmbboots
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Honestly, I think I would die of embarassment before making an issue out of the fact that someone didn't flirt with me.
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Uprooted
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Ditto, kmb.
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beverly
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quote:
Do any of the women have hair color preferences?
Yes. The darker the better. [Smile]
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Jeesh
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quote:
Originally posted by twinky:
On the third hand

You have three hands? [Eek!]
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mr_porteiro_head
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What book is that from? I've seen references to it on and off through the years, but I've never read it myself.
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Olivet
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I like blondes, or light haired men, all other things being equal (my big thang is a pretty face [Razz] ). My celebrity crushes bear this out as does RL, I think. (Ewan McGregor has the same natural hair color as my beloved, a dark, reddish blonde/light, reddish brown.)
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Tatiana
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As for hair color preferences, if I like someone, I like how they look. That's just the way I respond. I love how they look because they remind me strongly of someone I really like, i.e. themselves. [Smile]

But if any guy friend of mine happened to ask my opinion about how his hair looked best, I would probably say fairly long. Long hair just begs to have hands run through it, to be played with. I always think it's attractive.

I don't think I like guys for hair color or length or any other reason other than because I think they're a cool wonderful person, but long hair is just really nice on almost everyone. I also think facial hair looks good on most everyone. The exception, for some reason, is moustache with no beard. That look has bad associations for me, or something. I think short beards in general look better than long beards, but scruffy beards that are just growing in look really good.

But the things I find truly attractive are all to do with personality (stuff like intelligence, humor, kindness, tenderness, altruism, greatness of soul). So I don't tend to notice how guys look very much until I know them fairly well. Then I always like how they look almost exactly as much as I like them as people.

I guess I don't ever hit on guys, even those I know well, but I think they can tell if I find them attractive, so they would know whether or not a closer, warmer friendship would be welcome, should they be interested in developing one.

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pH
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I'm not a big fan of facial hair...I prefer thin/skinny guys.

What do you mean by "long" for hair length?

I like 'em to have enough hair for me to play with. But shorter than the shoulders. Like maybe 2-3 inches? I'm not sure; I'm bad at estimating how long hair is.

-pH

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twinky
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quote:
Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head:
What book is that from? I've seen references to it on and off through the years, but I've never read it myself.

The Chrysalids, by John Wyndham. [Smile]
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Kristen
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I am like Tatiana--I really can't think of any specific physical trait which draws me to a particular guy, but numerous personal ones come to mind: witty, polite, loyal, funny etc. If anything, I like a guy to be taller than me (which isn't hard, I'm 5'5").

In terms of hair color, I can't think of any permutation which is more appealing than another, although I'm not so much a fan of the gel. Bonus points for the hair being well-groomed, tho. So many college guys just go with a shag under a baseball cap until they go home and their moms force them to get a proper haircut.

It doesn't really matter. Heck, once I even dated a guy with a blue mohawk [Evil]

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foundling
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Man, I wish I'd seen this thread earlier, Bev. What you said had been puttering around in my mind and I just posted this big ol' reply at sake. Full of things that have been already said here, and said better.
Oh well.

Now, to actually contribute to the thread.
I've had kind of curly chestnut hair most of my life, but it's now a blueish black. It's always been long, and right now it's past my butt and more wavy than curly. I get alot of comments on it, but I dont know if the length gets me more male attention because my hair has never really changed other than to get redder or darker. I do know that I get more attention now, with my hair black, than I did when it was red. I think thats because it matches my skin tone much better (white white white with annoyingly pink cheeks), and it makes me look more... exotic, I guess. Plus, I go out and socialize alot more now, and the places I hang out ::cough barsanddanceclubs cough:: tend to encourage more open interaction with men.

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sydneybristow
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quote:
Originally posted by beverly:
quote:
I imagine by around 1ish it was more like me saying, "Wha color is ur hair s'posedta be, cus I gotta talk ta redhead tonight?"
^_^

quote:
I just smile and wave a sort of Princess Di wave and don't really think about it.
That is a classy way to respond. [Smile] I figure girls who get hit on all the time have to develop their own unique way of dealing with it. If I suddenly started getting hit on all the time, I wouldn't have any "reflex" built in to deal with it.

So, here's a question for all you cute gals, how do you respond to guys that hit on you?

Brown hair.

Yes. From the time I was about 14 until fairly recently. Although I do think there is something to that "married" vibe. The funny thing is that I never thought (growing up) that I was attractive and yet I never lacked for boyfriends. Go figure- teenage insecurities! Looking back I can definitely say that older men hit on me but at the time I wasn't sure.

How do I handle it? Well, when I was unmarried and if I wasn't interested, I would be polite and kind but not really be encouraging. A few times I had to really spell it out- but these guys STILL didn't get it and I avoided them. I was in the military for 3 and a half years so I got used to being one of the few women around and being in demand so to speak. And I get along really well with guys so even if they weren't interested, that was fine by me. Now that I am married, I just subtly show my ring off or act aloof. Truth be told, I rarely speak to men on my own due to the fact that I mostly stay at home with children, go to church, or help women with make up.

There you have it. [Cool] Anything else ma'am?

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Tatiana
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Being hit on by strangers used to creep me out at first, because they weren't treating me like a person, and it was just embarrassing as well as being sort of scary or threatening to a young girl, particularly when it was older men doing it. Sometimes, for instance, when I was walking home from school or to a friend's house or something (I had to walk a lot before I was old enough to drive) guys would ask if I wanted a ride and I would say no thanks. Then they'd say "are you sure?" and not take no for an answer, and follow along beside me in their car at a walking pace, for blocks and blocks. I would stick my nose in the air and pretend they weren't there, but it was pretty frightening.

So my main response when I was very young was to try to act very haughty and ignore it when that happened. The thing that was so creepy is that they seemed not to even realize you were a person at all.

Then at some point I realized that celebrities get treated that way by their fans all the time, and that you aren't supposed to be interacting on the level of personal connection, because they aren't friends, they're strangers. I realized that it's extremely impersonal, like saying it's a pretty day or aren't the trees beautiful or something. Obviously it doesn't relate to me personally, because they don't know me. It's not even really a compliment. It's just sort of a natural phenomenon like geese cackling when you walk among them.

That's when I noticed how gracious people treat their fans, by giving them just a brief moment of interaction, like a smile, wave, maybe an autograph or brief friendly remark, without really engaging them on a personal level more than that. I realized that the model of fan/celebrity fits this interaction much better than the model of friend/friend. And since then it's not annoying or scary at all to me. I just smile and wave my Princess Di wave and that seems to work out well, the fans seem satisfied. If anyone were to get more friendly than I feel is appropriate, of course, to the point that I felt I were in danger or anything, I would poleaxe them.

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Tatiana
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quote:
Originally posted by pH:
What do you mean by "long" for hair length?

-pH

Two to three inches is good, but longer is good too. Ponytail long is cute, and so is just "needs a haircut" long and a bit floppy. I like hair that looks somewhat overgrown. There's something really appealing to me about it.

However, if I really like someone, then gradually I begin to find however they look to be absolutely the most gorgeous cute swoonful way to look that anyone could possibly ever look, and everything about them becomes beautiful to me. So then however they want to look is how I want them to look, whether it's shaved head or knee-length or whatever. [Smile]

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Ryuko
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I rarely get hit on as in "Hey, how you doin," but I get awkwardly hit on by nerdy guys all the time. They act like they're trying to keep you there, or that they're just so excited about what they're talking about and the fact that you understand it. (especially in, say, a comic shop) I can tell when awkward young men are attracted to me, though I've never really percieved attraction from a guy I was interested in more than in the back of my mind.

I think that it has something to do with the concept put forth in this comic. I don't think I'm very pretty, so I'm not confident. It doesn't help that I'm overweight.

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beverly
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quote:
Obviously it doesn't relate to me personally, because they don't know me. It's not even really a compliment. It's just sort of a natural phenomenon like geese cackling when you walk among them.

That's when I noticed how gracious people treat their fans, by giving them just a brief moment of interaction, like a smile, wave, maybe an autograph or brief friendly remark, without really engaging them on a personal level more than that. I realized that the model of fan/celebrity fits this interaction much better than the model of friend/friend. And since then it's not annoying or scary at all to me. I just smile and wave my Princess Di wave and that seems to work out well, the fans seem satisfied. If anyone were to get more friendly than I feel is appropriate, of course, to the point that I felt I were in danger or anything, I would poleaxe them.

I find this whole take on it fascinating, ak! It must be rough being a demigoddess at times. [Cool]

quote:
The funny thing is that I never thought (growing up) that I was attractive and yet I never lacked for boyfriends. Go figure- teenage insecurities! Looking back I can definitely say that older men hit on me but at the time I wasn't sure.
I can relate to this statement. I didn't feel confident that I was attractive to the average male, but at the same time I didn't really lack for boyfriends. I used to joke that I wasn't the sort of girl that guys wanted to date for fun, I was the sort of girl guys wanted to marry.

quote:
I do know that I get more attention now, with my hair black, than I did when it was red. I think thats because it matches my skin tone much better (white white white with annoyingly pink cheeks), and it makes me look more... exotic, I guess.
I was pondering this when I was out the other day. I was looking at a classic "attractive" blonde. Her hair was styled in a very lovely way and had a lot of depth and range of color (perhaps due to expensive color treatment.)

I was thinking that maybe it is all about contrast and what "stands out" visually. Of course, it isn't *just* standing out, since many things we perceive as unattractive stand out as well. But I think contrast really helps, whether it is deep reds or very dark hair as well.

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katharina
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I don't think it is necessarily looks.

As long as someone isn't hideous, then it has more to do with approachability.

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Ryuko
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Yeah, it's definitely approchability and contrast both. Both contrast in the way you look and in the way you stand out from the people around you. I find I become much more gregarious and outgoing when around people who are nervous, I always subconsciously try to make them feel less uncomfortable. I get a lot more attention from the gentlemen at those times. Since I'm both approchable and I stand out, I get more attention.
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jennabean
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I usually like boys with short, dark and straight hair, but this gorgeous Greek god came into work yesterday and I think I may ONLY date boys with curly dark hair from now on.
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pH
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jennabean, you're cheating on me? [Frown]

I bet it's not even my baby!

-pH

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jennabean
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What baby? I just said that so you'd pay my rent.

Now that's what I call a love note.

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breyerchic04
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I think the idea of only dating Greek and German guys with dark curly hair sounds good. Raia, Pascal?
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Tatiana
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beverly, I hope nothing I said sounded like I was being bigheaded or anything. With my geeky engineer's brain I tend to analyze every phenomenon way too much. So I've probably given this way more thought than it deserves. Believe me, I'd rather have the trait that guys found me attractive after they knew me. [Smile] And one reason I seem so approachable is probably because I'm so often alone. [Cry]
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