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Author Topic: Finally Here and SO Adorable! Or, the Mommies with New Babies Thread
theresa51282
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aww poor Emma. I hope she feels better.
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Mrs.M
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Disclaimer: I have no intention of stopping nursing the twins.

That being said, I hate breastfeeding. It STINKS. I hate everything about it and I'm not at all convinced it's as fantastic as everyone swears it is. My babies are always hungry - shouldn't they be good enough at this to be satisfied for more than an hour? I feel so angry and betrayed by all the stupid educational material that make nursing sound so wonderful. It's not. It's so uncomfortable. Everything hurts, not just my na-nas. I have to wear a giant twin nursing pillow, which is fine, but I wear it so much that my neck and back are killing me.

It's like being back on bedrest - I'm trapped on the couch. And by the way, the literature is dead wrong - bottle feeding is much, much easier. I've done both and bottle feeding is the best. The baby is actually satisfied and everyone can get more than 2 hours of sleep. The baby gains weight much faster and is happier. And breastfeeding does not make babies less gassy at all. Bottle feeding rocks. And those super-helpful websites are just filled with such useful information. Like, take a nursing vacation - take the baby to bed for 2-3 days and just nurse. Wow, that's so realistic.

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Katarain
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I imagine that those who say breastfeeding is awesome have only breastfed one baby at a time--I know that's me. And I did have times where I felt that feeding the baby was all I did. When Katababy was littler, she'd often go through stages when she wanted to eat nearly constantly. It's just that she was growing and needed fuel. Now if I were feeding TWO babies?? I imagine it would have been much, much harder.

I didn't always enjoy it, except for knowing that I was doing something good for my baby. I didn't have it as bad as you, but I have had my share of bad soreness. I think that the memory of it fades, because I have to really think about it and then I remember how uncomfortable it could be!

Now that Katababy is one (on Monday!), I'm still breastfeeding all the time. She eats some table food, but she gets all of her nutrition from me. And she has teeth. 4 on the top, 4 on the bottom. It was really tough getting through her biting stage. I had to train her not to bite. OW did that hurt! (She still bites sometimes, but it's not so bad, and it's only when she's distracted.)

But my point is, that it may get better for you, as you "toughen up," so to speak. I'm not nearly as sensitive as I used to be.

Hang in there. You're doing something extraordinary, in many ways. The obvious one is how good it is for your babies, but what I really mean is--you're nursing twins!! It sure as heck is going to be hard, and we mothers with only singletons won't really be able to understand how tough it is. But we can sympathize!

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ketchupqueen
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I think your experience varies by person. My breastfeeding experiences have been mostly wonderful. (Except after being away from Maggie for a week, that was rough.) But I know a woman who has pain every. single. time. she nurses the baby, every single SINGLE time EVER. She still does it for a year per baby but that is her limit and she puts the baby on a schedule. I would too, if it hurt that much!

Hopefully yours will not be that rotten an experience.

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rivka
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Breastfeeding experiences do vary greatly from mother to mother, and nursing twins is definitely much harder than nursing one. That said, it seems to me it shouldn't be as hard as what you are going through. Please contact a lactation consultant -- they may be able to make some suggestions that make the experience more pleasant for you.

Good luck!

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dkw
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*hugs*

Can you try nursing in different chairs? I have a hard time getting proper back support nursing on a couch, and if you can get some relief for the back and neck pain it might help. You'd need a pretty big armchair to nurse twins, though. Maybe more pillows around you? In my most comfortable positions for tandem nursing the boys I was almost buried in pillows -- supporting me, supporting them -- you're spending a significant chunk of time doing this, you don't want it putting strain on your back and neck.

In fact, I almost forgot, we bought one of those read-in-bed pillows with arms. Not one of the cheap ones that are just stuffed but a good one with back support and an adjustable headrest. That helped a lot for the first couple months.

There are some crummy things about nursing that you're just stuck with -- you're attached to the babies all the time, you might feel all touched out, you are ALWAYS the "go-to" parent no matter how much your husband and/or friends and relatives are helping. But the physical pain parts should be fixable.

Cheers to you! You're feeding babies, and that's wonderful, even though it sucks.

(I have to wonder about the people that put out the educational materials you get though. They seem to have very romanticized views about both pregnancy and nursing. Who's writing this stuff?)

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imogen
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(((Mrs M))))

Have you tried feeding in your sling? I find it's helpful just to take some of Toby's weight, so my arms/back don't get too sore. I think it would only work for one baby at a time though.

quote:
you are ALWAYS the "go-to" parent no matter how much your husband and/or friends and relatives are helping
I find this one irritating. Just sometimes, I want a break! (Pumping helps here though.)
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ketchupqueen
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Thought this was an appropriate place to post that the AAP is catching up to "best practice" in their car seat recommendations. They just released a new position statement that children should rear face to at least 2 years (or the limits of their seats). Their old recommendation was "children may forward face at a minimum of 1 year and 20 lbs., but it is best to rear-face to the limits of the seat." This is much more strongly worded and acknowledges that rear-facing is 5 times safer through age two (it's four times safer through age 3, but most kids won't make it that far by weight/height-- unless Graco comes through with that 40 lb. rear-facing convertible we've been hearing rumors of...)
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The Rabbit
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Mrs. M., My sister had a very similar experience breast feeding her twins. She could never get her twins to tandem feed successfully so she was always feeding one of them, or pumping so she'd have milk for a bottle if they both needed to be fed at the same time. By the time they reached 6 months, both twins got so they wouldn't breast feed anymore because the bottle was so much easier. Her experience and yours seem fairly typical. Breast feeding twins just sucks.

From everything I've heard, tandem feeding twins and tandem feeding a new born and a toddler are two completely different experiences. Enough so that advice from Mom's that are breast feeding a baby and a toddler is just frustrating to Mom's of twins.

No matter what breast feeding fanatics say, not all babies thrive on their mother's milk and not all mother's are able to produce enough nutrition for one baby, let alone two. If your twins are always hungry and aren't gaining enough weight, you may simply be unable to produce enough food for the two of them. Don't give up on breast feeding, but it's not a sin to supplement.

Oh, and I should add that the advice my sister got from the lactation consultant was worse the useless. What she got was a guilt trip, a bunch of literature on the importance for breast feeding for a minimum of two years and absolutely nothing useful for the specific problems she was facing.

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Christine
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Mrs. M -- how are things going now? I missed your post last month but I know that a lot of women think BF sucks big time early on and start to enjoy it later. I know that was my experience with my first baby in particular. He never left my breast and if he'd been double -- yikes! It took me almost 3 months but I did learn to love to BF him. [Smile]

quote:
Originally posted by ketchupqueen:
Thought this was an appropriate place to post that the AAP is catching up to "best practice" in their car seat recommendations. They just released a new position statement that children should rear face to at least 2 years (or the limits of their seats). Their old recommendation was "children may forward face at a minimum of 1 year and 20 lbs., but it is best to rear-face to the limits of the seat." This is much more strongly worded and acknowledges that rear-facing is 5 times safer through age two (it's four times safer through age 3, but most kids won't make it that far by weight/height-- unless Graco comes through with that 40 lb. rear-facing convertible we've been hearing rumors of...)

I've heard this before but next month my daughter gets the flip! The seat only goes up to 22 pounds anyway and I'm not buying another rear-facing one. [Smile]
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Mrs.M
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What a difference a month makes. We have some new challenges, but things have gotten easier overall. I'm still nursing exclusively. Both babies absolutely refuse bottles and have started rejecting binkies about 1/2 the time. I'm going to return the pump - it's just gathering dust at this point. They are finally, finally eating together, which is great. Of course, they've taken it to the extreme and won't nurse by themselves anymore. It's weird and inconvenient, since I don't (and can't) tandem nurse in public. I feed them right before we leave the house and don't go anywhere we can't come back from in less time than their next feeding.

They're growing well enough that we don't need weight checks anymore. They're too tall for NB sizes, but they still swim in the 0-3 months sizes. Leni loves to nurse and will nurse in her sleep. Camille has gotten a lot better, but still prefers sleeping to eating. Not surprisingly, Leni is more than a pound heavier! We call her the Hulk. Of course, since she's one of my babies, that doesn't even put her in the 25th percentile. [Roll Eyes] The staff at my pediatricians' office is excited that they're even on the chart at all. Aerin wasn't until she was about 14 months.

I'm physically drained, which is getting old fast. I've finally stopped losing weight, but it's a pain to get the calories in. My back and neck are still hurting and I'm starting to get blinding shoulder pains.

We're all getting 5-hour stretches of sleep every night and that has greatly improved everyone's quality of life.

It's so nice to be able to vent to people who not only understand what I'm going throught, but who are lovingly supportive. It makes all the difference in the world.

BTW, both babies started smiling, which is AWESOME.

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imogen
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[Smile]

I'm glad things are going better Mrs M.

Toby is growing so fast - he's rolling around now, and quite competent at making his way from one side of the room to the other. He's also discovered his feet, which he loves to grab while I'm changing him. Makes it a challenge to see if I can whip the dirty nappy off before he gets his feet in it and then grabs them...

(Such a charming little boy.)

Toby being coy, while dressed as a cow

Reading in his new highchair

A smile. [Smile]

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ketchupqueen
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Mrs. M, that's wonderful and I'm glad to hear it!

imogen, he is sooooo adorable.

Christine, I am sorry to hear that. I would urge you to read the Kyle David Miller Foundation page on rear-facing and Joel's Journey, about a child who could have been rear-facing and was injured because he was not, before you make a decision to forward-face a 22 lb. child. There are convertible seats available that will rear-face to 35 lbs. and then should last you long enough forward-facing to get to a safe booster age, for under $200. If you still decide to forward-face, it's legal at one year, and of course your decision. [Smile] I hope you are never in a crash anyway, I've been in enough that I'm beginning to think I'm cursed. [Wink]

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Christine
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Honestly, it's not the money. We're not that tight. It's the behavior! Both of my babies were sick of facing the back wall well before their first birthdays. My son was worse since he didn't even have a sibling to play with -- he wanted to turn around as early as 6 months and driving with him became a chore...especially since he wasn't legal to flip around until 14 months! (He was just under 19 lbs on his first birthday.) Celeste lasted longer, but in the past month she has started to get fed up with her view. She's very fussy on car trips unless my son is actively playing with her. She practically jumps into my arms when I go to get her out. (Of course, I could be misinterpreting her behavior and it could be general dissatisfaction with being in a car, but my son got a lot better in the car the moment we put him in a forward-facing seat so I'm biased.)
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Christine
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Mrs M. - I'm so glad to hear that! 25th percentile seems pretty big to me, too. My son spent most of the first two years of his life around the 5th-10th percentiles. My 25th percentile daughter looks practically chubby to me! [Smile]
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rivka
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Christine, when mine were babies, they made mats and such that could be hung over the seatback (so right in front of a rear-facing child). Not sure if it would keep an 18-month-old from objecting to being rear-facing, but it helped with a 9-month-old.
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Liz B
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We got the go-ahead (finally) to flip Nathaniel at his 15-month appointment, but fortunately for us he is easygoing and perfectly happy to be rear-facing, so we'll keep him that way for at least a few more months, I'd say.

Mrs. M., I am SO happy to hear that the twins are tandeming for you...and that you're sleeping. I have thought about you and those babies often over the last month.

Nathaniel has had cold after cold since January. (And "cold" is putting it mildly: pneumonia, RSV, bronchitis, and an ear infection.) I'm praying that now that it's April he'll be able to go longer than 2 weeks without being on antibiotics. [Frown]

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ketchupqueen
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Christine, I can tell you from both experience and talking to other moms that this is something that many, many kids go through at around that age (any time between 9 and 19 months.) Here's the consensus from talking to them-- it's normal and it happens whether they're rear- or forward-facing. Sometimes the change is enough of a distraction that they stop complaining-- but usually within the time the distraction wears off they would have outgrown/got over it anyway.

Can I ask you to try an experiment before you decide to turn her, and see if it helps?

Is she still in an infant carrier? If so, you can try switching her to a convertible seat, installed more upright than for a newborn. If she's in a convertible, is it installed at the full 45 degree angle? If so, will you try installing it more upright (up to a 30 degree angle, measured from a vertical line perpendicular to the ground, with most seats-- 35 if you have a True Fit, but that's the only exception I know of.) This sitting more upright provides a better view, is completely safe (actually safer for older babies than a full 45 degree recline) and provides enough of a change that most kids will be distracted like they would if you flipped them.

It's just something that you might try before you decide to turn around, considering that rear-facing is something you don't want to have to do too soon! A lot of parents have found it helps a bunch.

If the convertible is already upright, the car play mat (a soft one) like rivka suggested might be another thing to try before giving up.

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BelladonnaOrchid
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We have teeth! They're finally here! Two of them, all of a sudden, after months of teething!

Yay!

Now we have to worry about teaching her not to bite Mommy at mealtime! [Angst]

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ketchupqueen
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That... and she'll probably start cutting the next two in about a week. [Wink]

Seriously, though, I've found that the pain right before the teeth break through is usually the worst; they learn pretty quickly not to bite if you take away their food every time they do!

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dkw
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John bit occaisionally until he was about a year old. I put him down every time, and he'd stop until the next tooth started coming in. I remember when he quit entirely, because it was one of the first multi-word sentence conversations we had. He asked to nurse, I said, "You want to nurse?" and he said, "Nurse. Bite? Done!" And he never bit again after that.
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Christine
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quote:
Originally posted by ketchupqueen:


Can I ask you to try an experiment before you decide to turn her, and see if it helps?

Is she still in an infant carrier? If so, you can try switching her to a convertible seat, installed more upright than for a newborn. If she's in a convertible, is it installed at the full 45 degree angle? If so, will you try installing it more upright (up to a 30 degree angle, measured from a vertical line perpendicular to the ground, with most seats-- 35 if you have a True Fit, but that's the only exception I know of.) This sitting more upright provides a better view, is completely safe (actually safer for older babies than a full 45 degree recline) and provides enough of a change that most kids will be distracted like they would if you flipped them.

Actually, we just got our new car seats in the mail today -- we got a pair of matching Graco Nautiluses for the kids. Celeste can't sit in one yet because it isn't a rear-facing seat, but she's really too long for the infant carrier so I got them early and was going to hand her down my son's Safety 1st car seat (which rear faces to 40 lbs, so if I decide to keep her that way, we're set) and put him in one of the new Gracos.

Aside from the behavior, I'm worried about the length. My son is only 28 lbs, so by the weight restrictions he could still be rear facing but his knees would be at his chin. That's not a concern for Celeste yet, but I was just remembering that when we did flip our son at 14 or 15 months, his legs were pretty cramped back there.

I'll play it by ear. If she likes the new car seat, I may leave her in it for a few months.

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ketchupqueen
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The Safety 1st 3-in-1 only rear-faces to 35 (or 33, depending on when it was made-- check the side label) lbs., just so you know. [Smile] There is no seat currently on the U.S. market that rear-faces to more. The 40 lbs. is the forward-facing weight limit.

My kids have always found ways to be comfortable. You can tell older kids to try crossing their legs, though many figure it out on their own. Most kids bend their legs, throw them off the sides of the seat (what Maggie does) or put them up on the seat back.

Here's a photo gallery of older kids RF so you can see all the things they do with their legs. I've always wondered if they're comfortable but then I observe the way they sit when they play-- they really seem to do things that adults can't! And luckily, it's not a safety concern.

If RF doesn't work for you the good news is that the Nautilus does tend to fit kids at the lower end of the height/weight requirements pretty well.

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ludosti
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That's one thing I always wondered - where rear-facing older kids put their legs. Beanie is tiny (she just had her 15 month checkup and is under 20lbs/30" still) and is just getting to the point where her feet can touch the back of the seat, so I had wondered what she was going to do as she grew. I figured she would throw them off the side (she tends to do that already sometimes) and I'm glad to know there's not a safety concern about stuff like that. I'm glad she's never been unhappy about being rear facing. I figure part of that is that we have a sedan, so she can easily out the back window (and the sides of course) and isn't just staring at a seat back the whole time, the other part being that she's just a happy person in general.

I can't believe Toby is so big already! I'm so glad to hear that the twins are doing so well! I'm so in awe of you, Mrs. M, for nursing them! [Big Grin]

I can't believe my little baby is so grown up already. She loves helping me, is practically running, and says Mama, Dada, Yeah (and signs "more"). She's sleeping well at night again finally (usually only waking up once during her 11 hour night). We're still nursing, but she's getting more into eating finger foods - her favorite right now is Cheerios (she can eat more Cheerios in one sitting than I can possibly imagine fitting in her tiny stomach). I'm really loving being a mom - not that I didn't before, but she's really getting fun!

[ April 04, 2009, 07:05 PM: Message edited by: ludosti ]

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Mrs.M
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Thanks, y'all. We've been hit by one bug after another. The babies aren't even 3 months and they're on their 3rd cold! Aerin keeps bringing them home from preschool.

Liz B, that's rough. We haven't needed antibiotics or even doctor visits, so I can imagine how grueling it's been for you. Summer is coming!

I bought a Weego carrier so I can hold both of them at once for extended periods of time. It hasn't arrived yet, but I'm really looking forward to it.

ludosti, I can't believe she's that big, either! And her helping looks like it actually helps. So cute! Aerin is also a Cheerios nut - a lot of the smaller ones seem to be.

Here's video of Camille's first smile. I got one of Leni smiling, too, but it's not up yet.

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ketchupqueen
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Those babies are soooo precious!

Maggie got her first shoes this weekend. Stride Rite. Didn't fit in the Payless ones, she's got my fat-up-top feet. Size 5 Wide. We got these (in white) for Easter (and thereafter church) and these (in white/pink) for everyday/play shoes (basically anywhere but inside at home that she might be walking that is not a dressy place.) The second pair was on sale for $30 and also they had a buy one, get one half off promotion, so the second pair was only $15. We did pay full price for the first pair, though. *wince* KPC was not too thrilled that I managed to spend $70 on shoes that will be outgrown in less than 3 months, probably, but what can I do? She's wanting to walk everywhere now and Stride Rite is really all that will fit the fat-top feet, at least that I've found.

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BelladonnaOrchid
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quote:
Originally posted by ketchupqueen:
That... and she'll probably start cutting the next two in about a week. [Wink]

Seriously, though, I've found that the pain right before the teeth break through is usually the worst; they learn pretty quickly not to bite if you take away their food every time they do!

I haven't had a bite yet, but am dreading it a bit. I've heard to take it away once she starts, but I've been doing that when she gets rough, so maybe she just hasn't had the chance to?

I'm going to miss toothless baby grins! Luckily we had family portraits done right before they were gone!

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Lissande
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I was consistent with firmly taking it away from the first time she clamped her toothless gums down, but that didn't stop her going through a major biting phase at about 9-10 months (about the time she got teeth on bottom AND top and learned about pincer action...). After the first time she drew blood it took 1-2 weeks of very strict nursing rules (i.e. you bite me and I take it - and myself, when possible - away for an hour, not a minute) for her to learn. Now at 16 months she has only bitten me once or twice since then and never hard.

All of this is to say, I hope all of your children are faster learners than mine. [Smile]

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rivka
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Sounds less like a slow learner, and more like a stubborn rules-tester.

I've got some of those too. [Razz] They just find other ways to demonstrate this tendency post-weaning.

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Lissande
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She is also that. Surely she gets it from her father...
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imogen
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Such a beautiful little smile, Mrs M!
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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by Lissande:
She is also that. Surely she gets it from her father...

[ROFL]

You keep telling yourself that. [Big Grin]

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Lissande
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[Big Grin]
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ludosti
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Mrs. M - Camille and Leni are so beautiful - that smile is just precious! Let us know how the Weego works out. It looks like such a great idea.
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Mrs.M
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Thanks! They're such smiley girls. It's so funny when they smile at the same time. The other day Camille smiled at Leni - it was beyond precious. They really love each other.

Lissande, ouch! I'm really dreading teething. Aerin didn't get teeth until well over a year, but who knows with the twins.

Tummy time is an utter failure at our house. Camille sobs until I can't stand it and pick her up (less than a minute). Leni just rolls herself onto her back. [Roll Eyes]

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ludosti
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That sounds a lot like tummy time was for us. Usually after 1-2 minutes she was done. I can think of only 1 or 2 times when she was happy for more than 5 minutes. I hated making her miserable so I didn't do it often and was happy that she turned out fine. [Smile] The funny thing is that she loves sleeping on her tummy and has ever since she could roll that direction.

I'm glad we haven't had too many issues with biting so far (hopefully I'm not jinxing myself since her top teeth will be in any day now). I always hate having to set her down and basically ignore her for a minute after she's bitten me. She wails like I've abandoned her and it just breaks my heart into a million tiny pieces.

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Brinestone
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I hear so often about babies who hate tummy time. Apparently my children were freaks; both loved it almost from day one.
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luv2bfishin
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Hi all! Grandpa here, and putting in my 2 cents on the rear facing discussion.

Some of you may have seen the blogs I posted last September 2008 regarding my grandson, Joel. He was 18 mos / 33lbs and front facing. Pretty big, sturdy boy huh? he was in the back seat, when in a front impact collision. Joel, in his FF car seat, broke his neck. The EMT's removed him ,car seat and all, and transported him.

The story, and a video , can be seen at his website, www.joelsjourney.org.

My opinion is this: if you want your child to have a view....pray they're not staring at the ceiling of an intensive care unit for a month, wearing a halo, unable to move! They don't know what's best for them. YOU make the decision for them. If you want to increase their odds of severe injury in a crash by 5.32 times, then let them have their way, and turn them forward.

If you're worried about leg discomfort or a broken leg from rear facing, think about this. Broken leg or broken neck? You can choose.

The links on Joel's website show that ERF has far more benefits than FF. Take some time and READ THEM.

As Joel layed in the pediatric intensive care for 21 days, in a self induced coma so he wouldn't move after they fused his neck, I kept thinking about how he would come to my house and drive me crazy running around. And now he was still. Very still. Totally quiet.... lifeless. 21 days.....And I prayed every day that he would make it through this horrific accident, to come to my house and drive me crazy again.

Had his spinal card stretched just a 1/4 of an inch, he could have been dead!! or possibly totally paralyzed. Just a 1/4 of an inch between life and death. Think about it.

What kid's want, and what is best for them,are two very different things. These decisions remain to be determined by the parents. This isn't something you can get a second chance with.

On another note, the AAP NEWS realease did not say that AAP has changed their policy statement. Just that they acknowledge that RF to 2 yrs old is better. I emailed AAP after this statement was released in AAP News, and they responded that their (AAP) policy has not changed . If you'd like, you can email AAP to see for yourself.

Safe travels to you all.........

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ketchupqueen
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Emma used to roll to her back, too. Bridey always loved tummy time. Maggie was okay with it-- as long as she took it on my lap! [Roll Eyes]

Grandpa, I totally respect you and your story, and have interacted with you on car-seat.org before. But I need to let you know, your tone in your last post was not in line with what is the norm in our community here on Hatrack, especially in a support thread for parents with new babies.

We have a car seat question thread, where perhaps that tone would be more appropriate, but in this thread it was a little out of place.

Yes, the AAP has been recommending RF to the limits for years. But adding acknowledgement of how much safer it is until 2 is an important concrete step in the right direction. [Smile]

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dkw
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That may be the first completely altruistic public-service spam I've ever seen. Interesting.
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theresa51282
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Eliza turned 1 this week. I never thought I would be the mom who was sad my baby was growing up. It always felt like that was the point and what they were suppose to do. But now that it was my baby, I totally felt the twinge of sadness that she'll never be a baby again.

She had a great time at her party! She is almost walking on her own; talks up a storm and has all sorts of fun tricks she can do. She is visiting grandparents next week and then after that it is time to get rid of her last two bottle feedings and formula!

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Brinestone
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Duplo used to be so good at going to sleep without help. I would rock him or nurse him until he was drowsy, put him in his crib with a pacifier, and he would just go to sleep without crying. In fact, this was his preferred way of falling asleep. If I tried to be involved more than that (just because it's fun to rock a baby to sleep sometimes), he'd just get frustrated.

But one day he decided he didn't like the pacifier anymore. He wouldn't take it at all. After that, I cannot get him to sleep without nursing. Even then, I sometimes have trouble. And he's been waking up a lot at night. Since he doesn't know how to fall back to sleep alone anymore, he'll just cry and cry unless I step in (which I almost always do now). *sigh*

How do I get him feeling safe and comfy in his own bed without the pacifier?

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theresa51282
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Ellie likes to pet her one of those blankies that has a stuffed animal on them and are really soft. It seems to help her fall asleep. She also does well with this turtle that plays music and has fish that swim in its tummy. She'll watch that until she falls asleep. The kids in my preschool class also did well with some back patting. Although that would involve you in there with Duplo so that might not be what you want.
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Christine
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How old is he?

Both my kids needed different methods, so my first bid of general advice is that you know your own baby best and you'll have to experiment to see what works.

My second bit of general advice is that sleep training works best if you stick with it. When you stop and change course midway through, it's confusing and creates worse problems.

More specifically, the things I did:

With my son, I put him down drowsy but awake and went it every 3 minutes so long as he was awake, to rub his back and shush him. I played tag team with my husband. If he got hysterical I would pick him up until he calmed a bit, but I would not nurse him and I would continue to put him down awake. This took nearly 3 hours the first round. You continue to do this for every nap time and night waking. So round 2, middle of the night, I fed him, changed him (so he would be awake when I put him down), and put him down. Took 30 minutes. After a day or two, he would usually only fuss for a few minutes before going to sleep. I would not go in for fussing.

My daughter was not comforted at all by our presence in the room -- it made things much worse! The interesting thing about her is that she won't even nurse to sleep. Never have. So with her, I put her down when she was tired (always put them down at the first sign of being tired, never wait until they are too tired) and then I walked away for 15 minutes at a time. After 15 minutes, I would feed her again and put her back down. This worked for her, though it took much longer and was a struggle for many months.

I did straight CIO with both my babies at about 9 months to eliminate night wakings entirely. My first cried for 20 minutes and never woke up again. My daughter cried for hours for many nights and still occasionally wakes for a few minutes.

Good luck! [Smile]

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Brinestone
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He's 10.5 months old.

I'm at a hard place because he's the kind to get totally hysterical the minute you put him in his crib and continue crying at the top of his lungs until he is picked up, whether or not I am in the room. The minute you pick him up, he's happy.

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ketchupqueen
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That's an age when a lot of stuff is changing in their awareness of the world.

I hate to say it but maybe he needs you there right now, at least until he gets through this phase.

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ludosti
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We've had lots of sleeping issues with Beanie (her best period was from 9-12 months and she's finally been doing better at night again in the last couple weeks). It is so hard to figure out how to help them sleep. One thing that we have that she really likes is the Fisher Price Seahorse. She loves music and the light is soft enough to be nice and not jarring. And I think it's just adorable (plus it was inexpensive - you can get them for $10-14 at places like Target or ToysRUs or Amazon). Good luck finding something that works for Duplo!
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Brinestone
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quote:
Originally posted by ketchupqueen:


I hate to say it but maybe he needs you there right now, at least until he gets through this phase.

I've been kind of thinking the same thing. He does seem to be going through his separation-anxiety phase.
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ketchupqueen
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Yeah. I'd let your knowledge of your baby and your instincts guide you on this one.

No matter what people say, staying with him for a few months is not going to cause him irreparable harm. [Wink]

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Christine
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Well, let me just put another spin on this and ask:

1. How is he sleeping?
2. How are you sleeping?

If you are both ok with the current sleeping arrangements, then I don't see any harm in continuing the way you have been. If this is basically a few middle of the night cuddles that you are both enjoying, then that sounds great -- at least for now.

Personally, I couldn't survive it. I was becoming a bit of a terror for the interruptions in my sleep. Neither one of my children would have had any problems continuing to night wake for a few more months, but they might have needed a new mom. [Smile]

On the other side of this, I've known babies whose sleep is so poor that they are in real need of some help. These babies are overtired, get cranky a lot....there's a book on sleep called "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" that puts it in perspective and if you haven't read it, I recommend checking it out of the library and at least skimming it a bit. It has a lot of good advice, including the bit about putting babies to bed when they are first getting tired as opposed to waiting until they are overtired.

It is my opinion that sooner or later, a child needs to learn to fall asleep without mommy, and that hysterical babies can become hysterical children. I have a friend who is working through problems with her 3-year-old right now. He refuses to nap and he is getting only about 9 hours of sleep overnight. He is frightened of not being near her and will not even accept quiet time on his own. If she tries to leave him, he gets so upset he throws up. I don't know all the details, but I have a feeling that this problem developed over time. I know she still rocks him to sleep.

Anyway, I didn't find that a little bit of hysterical crying hurt my second child. My first wasn't prone to hysterical crying. I don't think that meant he needed me less, I just think he wasn't as loud.

[ April 10, 2009, 05:51 AM: Message edited by: Christine ]

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