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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Finally Here and SO Adorable! Or, the Mommies with New Babies Thread (Page 18)

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Author Topic: Finally Here and SO Adorable! Or, the Mommies with New Babies Thread
JennaDean
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I've had four kids and had to go through the cry-it-out with each of them to a greater or lesser extent. With the first one we did it at about 9 months, but with each one the age got older and older because a) I didn't want the baby to keep the other children awake and b) with more children I got less opportunity to sleep, so I was reluctant to go through the days of crying. But eventually it had to be done with each one of them.

I started by cutting out the nursing at night and just rocking them when they woke up. When they were used to not feeding I could switch to not getting them out of bed. I wasn't very good at just letting them cry alone, so with more than one of them, instead of leaving the room and only coming back every ten minutes, I would actually sit on the floor next to the crib. Sometimes I would put my hand through the bars of the crib where I could rub their back, but I wouldn't get them out and I wouldn't feed them. They would cry and throw fits but I was there to know that they were okay. Sooner or later they would get tired and lay down and go to sleep. With some of them it took over an hour at first - but the time got shorter and after a couple days I could leave for a few minutes and then come back, and then after a few more days I could leave and they would fall asleep in ten minutes or so before I came back.

It's grueling, but eventually I got to the point with each one of them that I needed them to sleep through the night in their own bed, and I had to just go through with it. I had to really commit to it though. Can't start one day and then give up the next; they won't learn anything that way.

I really think at this age it's more for mom than for baby, but yeah, eventually every child has to sleep on their own. I've had friends who never knew when to make the switch and were still having their 7-year-olds come into their bed at night. I had one friend who said that the only night of uninterrupted sleep she got was when she went into the hospital to have her next child. <shudder> I'm too grumpy for that.

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Brinestone
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Jenna, I have trouble letting them cry alone too. I can definitely see myself using your method, though. That way I can be sure my baby knows I love him, that I'm not far away, but also that he needs to go to sleep without nursing. I also relate to the idea that my kids need a new mom. I cannot imagine never having a full night's sleep unless I was in the hospital. I never sleep through the night there anyway; the nurses wake me up for vitals every four hours.
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dkw
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quote:
Originally posted by Brinestone:
I cannot imagine never having a full night's sleep unless I was in the hospital. I never sleep through the night there anyway; the nurses wake me up for vitals every four hours.

Seriously? Were you high risk for something? I can’t imagine the hospital I gave birth at doing that. Not like I got a full night’s sleep anyway, since I was nursing a newborn, but they certainly never woke me up to check anything.

On the sleeping thing, I think that going to sleep on your own and sleeping through the night are developmental stages, just like eating solids and potty training. Kids do have to learn to sleep on their own. They also have to learn to eat with silverware and use the toilet for elimination. But, like potty training, they can be forced to do it before they’re developmentally ready and it takes a lot more work that way. John nightweaned with no tears just after his 2nd birthday and started sleeping through the night soon after. I understand that some parents might not want to/be able to do two years of night nursing, but IME the oft-repeated chestnut “do it now or it just gets harder” is not true. He was ready, and it was easy.

However, I occasionally crawled into bed with my parents if I woke up before they did until well into my teens. I hope my kids will too.

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ketchupqueen
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I actually just read this yesterday posted on another board. Dr. Jay Gordon on night weaning and the family bed.

It's more aimed at co-sleepers who feel the need to "night wean" and get 7 hours of sleep a night, but I think it's worth a read by anyone for some of the ideas he puts forth. You don't have to agree with him but I think they are worth consideration.

I had one kid (Emma) who just plain had to cry it out. Had to. She still has a lot of anxieties at night time, she's a night-worrier, like me. As an infant if she didn't cry, whether in her crib or in my arms, she wouldn't sleep. She just needed that outlet.

Bridget always wanted her own space to sleep. Once she outgrew the bassinet she went down in her crib, no problems, and has ever since. She's 3 in a few weeks and actually still in the crib (though in a few weeks we'll be trying moving to a big bed, both her and Emma.)

Maggie has always slept with us and still is. She does have problems at night and nurses all the time while sleeping. So far it's not a problem but I can see doing the night-weaning in about half a year if she's still nursing at night to the extent where I'm getting this little sleep.

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Christine
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I've actually read that article before.

Co-sleeping really changes the sleeping through the night dynamic quite a lot. For those who can do it, you can sleep through night nursing (or just barely wake up). Co-sleeping actually saved my life with my first baby because I was so exhausted and with Celeste we just started in bed together. (My parents freaked out that I was going to roll on her...why do I tell them these things?)

Anyway, while it lasted, co-sleeping allowed me to sleep through night time feedings and get some much needed sleep. But my babies were early crawlers (Drake before he was even 5 months old and Celeste right at 5 months) and when they were mobile, I did not feel comfortable having them in bed with me. I know others manage somehow, but I was terrified they would crawl out of bed and hurt themselves. In fact, Celeste did crawl out of bed and hurt herself (not permanently).

So at 5 months the babymoon was over and I had to go down the hall 2-3 times a night to take care of their needs. That's when the need (for me...I totally admit it was for me) to get them to sleep through the night manifested and I took steps to make it happen.

I do continue to bring Celeste into bed with me first thing in the morning to nurse and I did this with my son until he weaned at 17 months. On Saturday and Sunday mornings when my husband and I are feeling lazy, we'll have the whole family in there with us. It's kind of nice. I don't have any plans to stop in the foreseeable future and don't think it's a problem.

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ketchupqueen
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I don't use covers but I know some of you nursing mamas like covers. If you want one free, only pay shipping ($7.95), go to the "UdderCovers" website and put in code "onefree" for a free cover, no other purchase required. Last I checked they still had pink and baby blue in stock of the covers eligible for this promotion. [Smile]
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Brinestone
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quote:
Originally posted by dkw:
Seriously? Were you high risk for something? I can’t imagine the hospital I gave birth at doing that. Not like I got a full night’s sleep anyway, since I was nursing a newborn, but they certainly never woke me up to check anything.

After giving birth to Duplo, I had a slight fever for a few hours, so they continued to check it until my temperature had been normal for . . . 8 hours? I think so. And they checked Duplo regularly too because he was so big; I think they assumed there must be something wonky with his blood sugar. There wasn't. With Lego, neither of us was at risk at all, as far as I know, but I remember them waking me at night for something. This is the major reason why I only stayed one night at the hospital after I had Duplo.
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Christine
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I had each of my kids in different hospitals. At the first one, people came in and out all night long for the stupidest things. I nearly ripped the head off of some girl who looked young enough to be a volunteer when she came in at 4 a.m. to ask me if I wanted water. I was having trouble getting comfortable as it was on their miserable bed. The weird thing was, I complained of terrible back spasms that brought me back to the ER the day after I was released but they didn't seem to care about that.

So I went to a new hospital. There really are night and day differences between hospitals. I would say without hesitation that the hospital matters more than the doctor you pick to deliver. The second hospital had jacuzzi tubs and queen size beds. The nurses were fantastic, especially the one who was with me during labor (even if she was trying to convince me to go natural when I didn't want to). They came in at 11:00 and didn't come in again until 7:00 unless I rang the little bell. They also had actual knowledge of breastfeeding, though by that time I didn't need it. Would have been nice at the first hospital. [Smile]

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ketchupqueen
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The hospital I delivered Emma at came in every 3 hours on the dot to do vitals and nag me to feed the baby (didn't need nagging; she ate every 1 1/2 hours!)

The hospital I've had the other two at only comes in during the night if you have a problem or are high-risk for complications (I lost a LOT of blood with Bridget, they were worried about my BP and checked it every 4 hours until it came back up. With Maggie, they didn't come in from 10 at night until 8 in the morning unless I called for something.)

I still had more than my fill of hospital between the three of them, and am going to ask to go home the same day if possible, or maybe after one night, next time.

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imogen
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I had one night after Toby, but my experience was like yours dkw - no checking through the night.

I know the nurses did come in, but I was asleep. Tony was awake (we had a private room, with a sofa bed he could stay on), and they left me my pain medication for when I woke up.

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Katarain
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Wow, Christine. Queen beds and jacuzzi tubs? Now I want to move there and get pregnant again just so I can experience giving birth there.
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Christine
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I know! I don't want to have another baby and knew it when I had Celeste, but after that hospital stay I was tempted. [Smile]
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Brinestone
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I had a jacuzzi tub in the delivery room and used it during labor. It was lovely.
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Mrs.M
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They were in every hour after Aerin was born, but that was because of the whole nearly dying thing. They came about every 4 hours after I had the twins, which was fine b/c I was awake anyway. I think it's standard procedure for C-Sections.

I am very blessed to have good sleepers. Aerin slept through the night at 2 months in her crib and has ever since. I'm worried about transitioning her out of the crib, which I hope to do before she goes back to preschool in the fall. She has to come home for naptime now because she just won't lie down if she's not in her crib. We're going to try this summer.

The twins are pretty good sleepers. Right now we have an decent arrangement. They sleep somewhere (Pack N Play, bouncey, crib, or bassinet - depending on the night) until about 4 a.m. Then we all just fall back to sleep together until it's time to get up for the day - them on the nursing pillow with me on the sofa or loveseat. It's not ideal, but it's not forever. All the moms in my twin group agree that twins sleep better than singletons because they have each other. My girls have never slept apart and I'm not separating them until they ask me to.

Swaddling makes a HUGE difference - the twins love it and Aerin did, too. I keep music or white noise on all night and I keep the room pitch black - no night lights at all. We make sure the half hour before bedtime is very calm - no t.v. or roughhousing, etc. We've always had a very consistent routine and I think that's key. Everyone has to figure out what works for them, but these things have worked really well for me.

kq - thanks for the code! I got mine in pink. I have a Hooter Hider, but I can always use an extra. Actually, I have to use a receiving blanket in addition to the cover when I'm nursing both of them at once. We have our first out-of-town trip in 2 weeks and the new cover will come in very handy.

More video of the twins: here and here. Camille is on the left and Leni is on the right. They're 3 months old today.

I always try to watch my accent because someone once told me that I sound like a redneck on video, so now I am super self-conscious. I know I sound silly cooing at the babies, but that doesn't bother me for some reason.

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ludosti
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Ugh - I've not been having much fun this weekend. Beanie is sick (for the second time in her life). I took her in on Friday (after a couple days of fever on and off that spiked to 101.6 and scared me) and she had some sort of throat infection. She hated the exam so much we decided not to torture her with a throat culture and go ahead with antibiotics. She seems to be feeling a lot better after a couple days of antibiotics and ibuprofen, but her waking up 5-10 times at night has been hard on me. To add to the misery of a sick child, I seem to have pinched my sciatic nerve (just before it branches, so both legs hurt too) in my sleep Friday night and I'm only semi-functional. And to add to the pity party our water heater died sometime yesterday. Not wanting to pay up the wazoo for a plumber on a holiday we're holding off until tomorrow, but having to boil water if we want it hot gets old fast. At least Beanie loved her tiny Easter egg hunt in the living room (with 4 plastic eggs and 4 little stuffed animals hid conspicuously). [Smile]
/pity party

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Brinestone
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After a VERY long day talking to doctors and lab techs and basically doing all the same stupid stuff we did three weeks ago, Duplo finally was referred out of the student health center to a pediatrician in town.

The doctor looked in his ears and, like the other doctors, found lots of wax there. So (drumroll, please), he cleaned it out and found that his eardrums were a little pink and didn't "wiggle like they should." He thought Duplo had a moderate ear infection and prescribed amoxicillin.

I was a little dubious because several doctors at the aforementioned student health center had mentioned that his ears looked a little pink over the past few months and done nothing about it. But I figured that since nothing else seemed to be helping, and he did seem miserable, I'd try the antibiotics.

Two days into the round of amoxicillin, he's sleeping longer periods at night. He's falling asleep on his own again. He's always been a happy baby, but now he's almost too happy, if you know what I mean.

Months I've been living with a baby who had suddenly stopped sleeping well. I wonder now if he's had a little ear infection all this time. [Frown]

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Christine
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I'm sorry your little guy had to suffer but glad he's feeling better now. It seems like the most obvious thing in the world to diagnose, but I've heard of other people having trouble getting their kids' ear infections properly diagnosed. Finding the right pediatrician is huge.
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Brinestone
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Yeah. Unfortunately, because my husband is in school, our hands are somewhat tied. We have to use the student health center unless referred outside it.
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Brinestone
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First steps!!!!
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BelladonnaOrchid
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Congrats, Brinestone! That's got to feel so great! I'm sure that working on the ear infections helped Duplo get his balance so he could get those first steps in. It's so exciting to get to this stage!

As it is, we're looking at possibly having first steps in the next month or so-baby c is letting go of the furniture and 'testing' standing. We're already cruising furniture at an alarming rate and trying to (unsuccessfully) climb up on things.

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ketchupqueen
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Congratulations!

Maggie figured out running today-- on the bed. She ran right off the edge! [Eek!] (Luckily she landed in a pile of laundry...) She copies EVERYTHING the rest of us do. She was trying to help build the older girls' beds the other day and was correctly matching pieces by shape and color! (Emma and Bridey have been sleeping in their beds, in their room, for a few days now, btw. [Big Grin] ) My mom says we should blindfold her for a few days so we can get a little rest from her picking up new skills, words, and tricks. [ROFL]

I can't believe Maggie will be one on Friday. [Embarrassed]

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rivka
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I have a new nephew.

And a new nephew.

And a new niece.

[Big Grin]

Not triplets -- three SILs, three babies. In one week.

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ketchupqueen
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WOW!!! Congratulations to them, and you! (I thought triplets at first, lol!)
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Brinestone
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Holy cow. I bet they'll be close. It's fun to have cousins your age.
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Christine
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quote:
Originally posted by BelladonnaOrchid:
Congrats, Brinestone! That's got to feel so great! I'm sure that working on the ear infections helped Duplo get his balance so he could get those first steps in. It's so exciting to get to this stage!

As it is, we're looking at possibly having first steps in the next month or so-baby c is letting go of the furniture and 'testing' standing. We're already cruising furniture at an alarming rate and trying to (unsuccessfully) climb up on things.

You'd think so, wouldn't you? But I've given up trying to predict when Celeste would walk. She was crawling at 5 months so I figured she'd be an early walker, like my son. At 7, 8 months she was cruising like a pro, so right on target. At 9 months, she was able to stand alone if she didn't notice she was doing it. At 10 months, she started doing it on purpose. Now, at 11 months, we're still waiting...she did a sort of sideways shuffle while standing the other day, but I'm not holding my breath. She'll walk when she's ready and in the meantime, she gets into plenty of trouble on her knees! [Smile]


quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
I have a new nephew.

And a new nephew.

And a new niece.

[Big Grin]

Not triplets -- three SILs, three babies. In one week.

Wow, that may be stranger than actual triplet! [Smile]
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Lissande
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I thought my family's string of three girls in six months was good. One week shows true planning and dedication. [Smile]
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kmbboots
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COngrats, Rivka!

Christine, my sister babysits for a little boy who is just barely at the taking a step and falling down stage and he is 18 months old. To be fair, my sister hasn't been sitting for him very long and he has made a lot of progress since she's had him.

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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by Brinestone:
Holy cow. I bet they'll be close. It's fun to have cousins your age.

The two boys will be -- they're relatively near each other, in Israel. But their cousin is in Ohio.

There's actually another new cousin. One of my SILs has a new nephew (I think it was a boy!) this week too. Not related to me, exactly. But close enough. [Wink]

quote:
Originally posted by Lissande:
I thought my family's string of three girls in six months was good. One week shows true planning and dedication. [Smile]

Heh. The due dates were actually farther apart. But this is how it all worked out. [Smile]
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ketchupqueen
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I can't believe my baby is one. [Smile] [Frown]
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Christine
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Happy birthday!
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hansenj
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quote:
You'd think so, wouldn't you? But I've given up trying to predict when Celeste would walk. She was crawling at 5 months so I figured she'd be an early walker, like my son. At 7, 8 months she was cruising like a pro, so right on target. At 9 months, she was able to stand alone if she didn't notice she was doing it. At 10 months, she started doing it on purpose. Now, at 11 months, we're still waiting...
This is us almost exactly. Crawling at 5-6 months, pulling to stand and cruising at 7-8 months, and standing alone for a few seconds at 10-11 months. He took his first unassisted steps at 12 months, but they were basically a fluke. James is now almost 15 months old, and crawling is still his primary mode of transportation. He takes a few steps at a time, but mostly only at home. Walking must not seem like an improvement to him from crawling. He's probably all, "Hey! I don't fall down when I crawl!" He's making progress, but it's very sloooooow progress.
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Christine
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Celeste turned 1 yesterday.

At the party, people kept saying they couldn't believe she was a year old already. After a while, I said, "Am I the only one who can believe it?" I mean, it's been about a year...time is still passing at approximately the normal rate for me. I don't know, it's a common sentiment and it seemed like the sort of thing I was supposed to agree with, but I just don't. She's exactly as old as she's supposed to be and I'm happy for the steady, gradual progress she makes.

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Lissande
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Other people's kids always grow much faster than your own. I'm sure this is documented somewhere or other.
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ketchupqueen
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I don't know, the older my kids get the faster time seems to pass for me. [Frown]
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rivka
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Christine, time flies when it's someone else's life. [Wink]
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Lissande
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I actually agree with you too, ketchupqueen, but what I was getting at is what rivka said. [Smile]
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Christine
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Yeah, I guess it would seem fast if I only saw a baby once a month or so. [Smile]

On a different note....and possibly not belonging in this thread but I'm going crazy here and I would love some parenting advice for my 3_1/2-year-old.

Not that I have a lot of experience since he's my first, but Drake seems like a bit of an odd child. He's in pre-school on an IEP for speech delays, which seems to be helping. Six months ago, when he turned 3, he was speaking rarely and in mostly one or two word sentences. Now he's speaking far more often and in 4-5 word sentences. So communication is getting better, but he's still 3.

We've been basically trying the "Love and Logic" approach with our kids. It's hard to do all the time, but we don't spank, we aim for natural or logical consequences, and we give choices. The trouble is, more often than not when I give my son a choice his answer is, "No, don't want it."

He gets in these patterns of unstoppable no's that I can't fathom. You could ask him if he wants ice cream or a million dollars (and we have) and he'll just keep saying no. I really don't think he's listening.

But it's getting worse than that...and this is the part where I'm going to struggle to bring in as many relevant details as possible...he's moody, he's often tired though he sleeps plenty, he does not transition from activity to activity very well at all, he's obsessively clean and quiet. And I mean it's really weird. He gets very upset if he drops a bit of food on the table and freaks out if he drops it on himself. He can't stand any noise and is always asking, "What's that noise?" even about things that aren't making a lot of noise or that he hears all the time, like the dishwasher. He's frankly rude to me and asks me to stop talking and especially to stop singing. I know I don't have the best singing voice in the world but I really don't think that's the issue. It seems to upset him more than that.

Meals are awful. I've been extremely consistent with meals from day one because I was determined not to have a picky eater. I say when, where, and what. He says how much. i don't force him to eat (I tried that for the space of a month or two about a year ago at the urging of a friend who makes her kids take a bite per year of age but that blew up in my face.) I do make him come to the table, though. This makes him so upset. "Don't want it." (repeating several times) or "Can't like it." (repeat). He doesn't eat much. I think he'd be perfectly happy not to eat at all some days which is his choice but what I can't understand is why he's still giving me such a hard time about coming to the table, even before he knows what's for dinner. I could be serving ice cream for dinner and he'd never know it because he's too busy throwing a fit.

When he does come to the table, he sits there and mopes until we're just about done eating, and then he decides to start eating. This is particularly a problem at breakfast time because there isn't much time before he has to get on the bus for school. This morning (and many other mornings) I had to pull him away from the table in the middle of eating because the bus had come.

He also likes to be by himself a lot. Even on Sunday, when we had some friends over for Celeste's birthday, he played with them for a little while then went up to his room to play alone.

He's not a bad kid or anything. He can be a sweetheart, but I just don't get what's going on in his head sometimes. And he wants to cuddle so much lately. That's the only one I do understand...he absolutely hates the attention his little sister is getting even though I don't think she gets all that much attention.

Wow, this has gone on for a while. Sorry for the novel. I guess I just needed to vent. I've got to figure out some new strategy here because what I'm doing isn't working. I'm just not sure if he needs more discipline (like taking away toys or something) or if there's something I'm not understanding about his personality. I know this is normally something a person gets much later, but sometimes I swear he's got an early form of OCD...the mess, the noise, the hand washing. Or maybe this is jsut him being 3.

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dkw
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The noise and food bits make me think sensory issues. Have you seen the book The Highly Sensitive Child? It's got a checklist that might help you figure out what's going on.
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Christine
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I've heard of that book before, but from someone whose child had pretty different symptoms so it didn't register. (Her daughter didn't seem to register pain in normal ways.) I just asked my husband to grab a copy from the library so I can take a look tonight. THanks.
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dkw
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And now that the nursling is asleep and I'm not typing one-handed, here are a few other thoughts.

First, I've seen Love & Logic presented and implemented several different ways, so this might not be relevant to you, but don't expect a 3 year old to respond logically. You can still be logical and consistant, but don't expect him to be. His brain isn't capable of that yet, and it isn't something you can discipline into him. (In the short term, I mean. In the long term, consistency in discipline will pay off.)

Second, we've had some luck using the contrariness to our advantage with choices. Example: "Would you like to walk to the changing table or be carried?" "I don't want my diaper changed." "Okay, carried." "No! I wanna walk!" or "Do you want to wear the tiger shirt or the dinosaur shirt? -no answer- "Okay, the dinosaur shirt." "No! No! I want the tiger shirt!!!" It doesn't always work, but we've avoided several melt-downs that way.

The speech delay must be very frustrating for your little guy. Two and three year olds have such strong opinions about how things should be, not being able to express them would be tough. Tough for you and your husband too, of course. *hugs*

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scholarette
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dkw- that is totally my 2 year old (the which shirt do you want? No shirt, fine this one, no I want the blue one!!). Mine also gets mad when I sing to her.
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theresa51282
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My own little one is only 13 months but before I had her, I worked as a teacher in a 2-3 classroom. We used the consicious discipline approach which is similar to love and logic. I found the natural consequences worked well. I don't have a ton of training working with special needs children but what you are describing sounds a bit like a sensory perception issue which seemed common in the preschool age.

I did have some suggestions on the behavior and food issues. On choices, it was really common for the kids to get a case of the no's. Our remedy to this was to offer the choice, would you like milk or water. Then if I got neither or no answer I would offer again Would you like milk or water and add if you decide not to chose thats ok. I would be happy to chose for you. All while being pleasant. If still no choice is given, I would say I see you decided you didn't want to chose today. I'll get you some water. If after I poured the water I got but I wanted milk. I would say. I'm sorry you wanted milk. I didn't know because you didn't tell me. So now we are having water. If next time you want milk, you should tell me. Any additional wailing complaining was met with a calm. Perhaps next time you can make a different choice. In general the kids started to make their choices clear if they knew that we would stick with our choices after they refused to pick.

One of the things conscious discipine does is a safe or quiet spot. It is different than time out in that there is no enforced time on the spot and it isn't there to act like a punishment but to give kids the time to find their composure and communicate. For example, if you want to go to the store and your child refuses to put on his shoes and a showdown with tears ect is occuring. You would say I see you are having a hard time getting ready to go to the store and get your shoes on. Is there anything I can do to help you? If the child is still having a hard time. Tell them perhaps they need to sit in the quiet/safe spot. Equip this spot so that the child has things that can help him calm down such as a favorite blanket, or squeezy stress ball. After the crying is a bit less hysterical you can go to the child and talk about the problem. This worked wonders with a lot of kids. I will say for some kids it did not work at all and only escalated the problem. You have to figure out what works for what kid. It sounds like your son though might do well having a safe quiet space to go to work out frustrations.

Another suggestion I have for dealing with the dinner table frustrations is using a five minute warning. Before a meal or activity is through, give a five minute warning. Say you have five minutes left and then we are going to clean up and read a story. Then when there is one minute left you can give a one minute reminder. Then when the time is done the activity ends. Any complaining is met with, I gave you the five minute warning, now it is time to be done. It can also help if you let the child give the five minute warning. This is especialy disarming if you remind them that they have already given the five minute warning. Specifically with food, we would occasionally let five minutes become longer without letting the kids in on it if the five minute warning seemed to inspire eating. If this is the case for you consider giving a longer ten minute warning before the five minute warning to see if you can get more eating in. We did what you are doing in regards to you don't have to eat but you do have to sit at the table. Unless there is a nutritional problem, kids usually can be pretty good self regulators of what they eat as long as they are offered healthy options. One other word on the five minute warning. It also helps to place clocks or timers around. This takes some of the childs blame off of you. Say I'm sorry you don't want to be done playing with playdoh but the timer/clock says its nap time or lunch time. We can make a plan to play again later. It is much harder for a chid to argue with a clock than a person.

Kids this age can really get frustrated easily. One of the things I have noticed with some parents is that they tend to see things from their own perspective and not see how it really is frustrating for the child that they can't wear the dino shirt for the 10th day in a row. I really tried to be sympthetic without being a pushover. Be on their side. I know you wanted to wear the dino shirt and I wish you could but its dirty. Maybe you can make a plan to wear it tomorrow after it is washed. Goes over much better than you wore that shirt ten times already you are not wearing it again!

Sorry this turned into a novel. I hope something helps. Preschool can be a tough age even without a child with speech issues.

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Mrs.M
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I want to stress at the outset that I am not a professional. That being said, it sounds to me, Christine, that your son might be somewhere on the autism spectrum. These are the things that made me think that:

quote:
...he does not transition from activity to activity very well at all, he's obsessively clean and quiet. And I mean it's really weird. He gets very upset if he drops a bit of food on the table and freaks out if he drops it on himself. He can't stand any noise and is always asking, "What's that noise?" even about things that aren't making a lot of noise or that he hears all the time, like the dishwasher. He's frankly rude to me and asks me to stop talking and especially to stop singing. I know I don't have the best singing voice in the world but I really don't think that's the issue. It seems to upset him more than that.

He also likes to be by himself a lot.

These are all very typical behaviors for children on the spectrum. You mentioned that he has an IEP for speech delays, so I'm assuming that he's been evaluated. I would get him evaluated again, either by the county or privately (or both). He's obviously very, very high-functioning if he is on the spectrum, but this does sound to me like more than just speech delays and toddlerhood.
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Christine
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theresa51282: I don't mind the novel. The five-minute warning is definitely something I should do, and I like the idea of a quiet spot. Time out is absolutely useless for him. He won't come out, actually. [Smile]

Mrs. M: That's not the first time someone has brought up that possibility and the biggest reason I am resisting is because he socializes fine...at school he's got a couple of friends and the teachers say they play together well. He does like to go up to his room when he comes home, though. When other kids are here, he does great for an hour or so, then he wants some time alone.

I actually wouldn't mind getting him fully evaluated by someone, but I'm not sure who. I tried to do this back in January through a local Children's Hospital but they ended up basically doing another speech evaluation which we didn't need. I must not have asked for the right thing. The trouble is that when you call looking for a screening, they want to know what's wrong, and if I knew what was wrong I wouldn't need the screening. [Smile]

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Mrs.M
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quote:
the biggest reason I am resisting is because he socializes fine...at school he's got a couple of friends and the teachers say they play together well.
This is a huge misconception about ASD (autism spectrum disorder). Many kids with ASD are friendly, happy, social kids. The director of our county won't give Aerin an autism diagnosis because she's happy, social, makes appropriate eye contact, responds to her name, etc. We've gotten the ASD diagnosis from the Kluge Center at UVA, though, and we pretty much agree with it.

I like ASD as a classification, rather than autism, because every single child diagnosed with autism is vastly different.

It's so hard getting the proper diagnosis for young children. We actually have 4 diagnoses for Aerin and have recently had a 5th suggested to us. We don't care about the diagnosis, but we care about getting the proper services for Aerin. We're extremely happy with what we're getting through the county and we're starting private consulting with a new program this summer.

I would tell the testers that you think your son might have developmental delays. That will get you seen, but it's vague enough not to influence them. The only reason I would pursue a diagnosis is to get you on the path to receiving services that will help your son.

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Christine
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I think Celeste is trying to wean. She refused to nurse before bed last night and before her nap today. Since her first birthday, or more specifically since I started offering her whole milk, she's gone from 6-7 times a day to 3-4...in the space or 3 weeks! I really didn't expect this, even though I knew she was never as attached to nursing as my son was...she's too antsy, but still. I'm tempted to stop giving her cow's milk but she really likes it. I think to her nursing was always more about food than comfort and now that she sees an alternative she's all over it. I was perfectly prepared to nurse her for 2 years and really expected to go at least 18 months. [Frown]
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ludosti
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Hopefully you can develop other ways to bond with her (providing the comfort you both need) if she's weaning herself.

I'm kind of torn about weaning myself. I really want for Beanie to wean herself when she's ready, and I'm still prepared to keep nursing her until he's at least 2 (she's almost 18 months now), but there is a little part of me that's tired of nursing (and I feel guilty about that). She's nursing probably about 6 times a day still (usually for comfort) and sometimes it just wears on me and I feel horrible for sometimes not wanting to nurse her.

Anyone have any suggestions for encouraging her to eat things from utensils? For the last 3-4 months she's insisted on eating everything with her fingers, which usually works fine (cleaning her off after pasta and tomato sauce is the most obnoxious), but she screams bloody murder and cries if I offer her something from a spoon or fork, even if it's something that she likes. Should I just forget about utensils or should I keep trying?

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Christine
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Celeste doesn't use utensils either, but she manages to get plenty of food in her. I offer, and she'll kind of play with it, but she's just not ready yet. It kind of surprised me, because my son was using a spoon by 11 months. I figure if she's eating, though, there's no reason to push. She sees us using a spoon/fork and will want to do that when she's ready.

I weaned my son at 17 months, mostly just because I didn't want to anymore (also because I wanted to get pregnant again). Sometimes I feel guilty about that but other times I think, Why? Nursing is good for as long as both mom and baby are into it. [Smile]

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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by ludosti:
Should I just forget about utensils or should I keep trying?

At that age, I'd definitely drop it for a while. Whenever possible, avoid power struggles over food. And 2 or even 3 is plenty old enough to learn to use utensils.

Does she drink from a cup, sipper or otherwise?

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ludosti
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Yeah I try really hard not to struggle with her over food, which of course means that some days all she eats is Cheerios, but her food tastes are pretty varied so I'm not worried about her not getting a balanced diet. I just can't figure out how to get her to eat things like yogurt or applesauce (that she loved when she was in the spoon phase). Maybe I should make popsicles out of them?

She's been drinking from a straw cup for quite a while now (since she was maybe 10 months old or so) and will drink from a regular cup when I hold it for her (she's learning how to help hold it, but she's not quite ready to wield it on her own). She loves getting to have a drink of whatever I have in my cup (milk, juice, smoothie, etc.), even when she doesn't want to drink the same thing from her cup.

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