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On the way home from work tonight, I remembered one of my favorite parts of this year's Wench Con: Olivetta's Operetta, a sordid tale of The Boy She Didn't Like (Much). Friday night she had had a skinful (which for Olivetta is apparently one margarita!) and while hot-tubbing regaled us with a rambling yarn about a persistent but rather rude suitor who pursued her from grade school until her junior year of college, when she finally gave the cad his comeuppance.
Before the epic was over, Olivetta had brought into the plot a Beamer ( or was it two Beamers? Apparently, though frightfully rude, her suitor was well-to-do), a loyal girl friend who pretended to be susceptible to carsickness so Olivetta could scatter McDonald's french fries in the back seat of the bounder's Beamer during a non-date, her parrot, a sympathetic priest and his cleaning lady, roommates, teachers, a lawyer who ran off with the family jewels, and a disreputable highway man with a heart of gold.
I confess, I nodded off a bit in Act IV, but was later told I missed a duel, the stampede, several tavern brawls, and the naval battle. I cannot confirm this as I dropped my libretto in the hot-tub.
But some helpful wench elbowed me awake for the climax: the bounder had finally pushed our Olivetta too far! He set upon her in the library and asked her for a stick of gum. Olivetta rolled her eyes (she's quite good at that) and said, "I don't have any with me, but I have some in my room," hoping he would Take A Hint. But if scattered fries on leather seats didn't do it, this hint surely wouldn't suffice for a fop as dense as this. And it didn't. The villain demanded, "Well, go back to your room and get the gum!" The audience in the theatre-in-the-round-wetness gasped at his impertinence and breathlessly awaited our heroine's response. And we weren't disappointed! She went back to her room with him, got the pack of gum, and boldly told him, "If I give you this gum, will you please leave me alone, please??"
Finally, finally he Took A Hint. Heartbroken, he forswore our shores forevermore and was last seen boarding a tramp steamer for the Orient, where rumour has it he was set upon by Gypsies then, penniless, was eaten by one of the last bears in Far Samarkand.
All of us to a wench or attendant gave Olivetta an enthusiastic standing ovation for her rollicking tale, except for one wench who had lost her bikini bottom and (for some reason) remained seated.
Parts of this tale were shortened for the Made-for-Hatrack version.
If anyone else had told such a rambling tale, I'm sure I would have been begging for those minutes back on my death-bed, or for one of Dave Chappelle's Wrap-it-up boxes. But Olivia told it so charmingly and wittily that I couldn't resist aggrandizing it here. Morbo
Yeah, so last night I told him I had a margarita with dinner on Friday, since we walked to the restaurant. He says, "Oh, was that what they menat when they said you got drunk and nibbled Eddie's ear?"
But I never nibbled anybody's anything, and you were the only person I could think of cheeky enough to try to get me in trouble. Didn't work, of course, since Ron is the coolest guy in the universe, but it left ME speechless for a second(hard to do).
Come to think of it, it may have just been Ron teasing me. He knows that whatever I may be, I'm not the dirty old woman who molests younger men (no matter how delectable they may be ).
It certainly didn't bother him that Jenny Gardener smooched me on the lips, though. *gloats*
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Don't be ashamed, Olivia, we all mightily enjoyed your story, honestly.
I hope you liked my spoof, it was fun writing it.
Some people get mean or depressed when they drink-- you become engagingly entertaing and desultorily droll. This is a good thing.
But I am afraid I let the cat out of the bag: the real reason why Jenny missed her pickkup was The Show Must Go On! Posts: 327 | Registered: Oct 2003
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I had a good night's sleep, but I am still a little brain-dead, so I won't post a full summary of events right now.
I think I may have the dreaded Wenchcon Plague.
Plus, JaneX and I had a very long day yesterday - 6 hours of me driving to the airport in Jacksonville while she kept me awake by feeding CD's of J-pop, oldies, and Israeli dance music into the CD player. We got to the airport way too early, returned the rental car, had dinner, and went shopping (I almost bought some flamingo stuff for my sister, but decided it was too tacky and overpriced). Our flight left at 9:05 for a quick (one-hour) flight to Ft Lauderdale, where we were left wating at the curb till 10:30 while my husband and Shlomo watched the latest episode of 24.
Some comments on others' summary of events thus far:
quote:We all made shameless use of [Trevor] this weekend, and it took two days for us even to get him to let us cover a meal or something.
Yes, I stole his tab right from under his nose, while he was busy talking.
After about 5 minutes, he looked at me and asked, "Did you take my tab?" Me: "Yes." Trevor: "May I have it back?" Me: "Nooo." I then got everyone to chip in to pay for Trevor's lunch - which was really inadequate thanks for all he did this weekend.
quote:It was truly amusing the things that came out of that man's mouth while he was wearing t-shirts with scriptures and other Christian slogans on them.
Look who's talking, KQ! I will never again believe you are a sweet, innocent Mormon girl!
quote:Now comes sappy shoutouts from Ben
Ben, you are such a nerd.
It was great seeing everyone I knew from before and meeting new Hatrack faces. (Previous Wenchcon particpants were missed.)
In closing, I just want to say the following:
JaneX and I had the best room, rooming with the Head Wench Jenny and Hobbit Wench Olivetta. Others,apparently, agreed - our room became the "hang-out" spot.
posted
Wow, sorry to hear you got sick, Ela. If it's still in the early phases, take a hot shower, hot as you can stand it, and let the hot water beat down on your throat, face, and chest. Then gargle with mouthwash when you get out. Sometimes this cuts back a sore throat before it gets bad.
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Even the wenches with sore throats? Hobbes, dude, what happened to you, man? You used to be cool...
We missed you this year, Hobbes. I wanted to see you again, we didn't have enough time to talk last time.
Posts: 327 | Registered: Oct 2003
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I may not actually be that sick. I feel a bit better after having some hot liquids and breakfast.
Oh, I forgot to mention. While JaneX and I were having breakfast in the hotel lobby yesterday, we saw the hotel staff cleaning out the meeting room that we had used all weekend. It looked like they were setting up for a "serious" meeting.
When the staff walked off and left the meeting room door open, Jane snuck in and opened the white board cover to see if the nonsense we had written on it was still there.
It was.
So, when the serious meeting presenter opens the white board to use it, they will see the following profound messages:
Hatrack was here All your foil are belong to us and Ben is a whipped sugar butt
Wish I could be there to see their faces. Posts: 5771 | Registered: Nov 2000
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Hey, Nathan and I are going to be in Hotlanta this weekend, from friday morning till monday night (I mean night, 'cause our flight doesn't leave till 9:30 pm). We're crashing with Ben and Lindsay, per no noseblows because I'd have to hurt Ben and it would be very sad.
The reason we're there is a wedding of a best friend from my childhood (I'm IN it) on Saturday. So we'll be really busy from Friday night (rehearsal) till Saturday (wedding, reception, whee!). But we've got all day/night Sunday and all day/evening on Monday. We've got a rental car (it was cheaper, oddly, to get a package deal with tix and car than to get them separately. We even got better flights on a better airline!).
This is part of what caused us not to be able to attend W3. I had had all of this week off (spring break) but then my research job got a focus group with some active drug users on the 15th (oh, today's the Ides of March!), which meant I had to return to NH between weekends. We couldn't afford the cost of TWO trips, and my friend's wedding won out 'cause 1. it's a very important event in her life and 2. she'd kill my ass dead if I didn't show. Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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KQ, if you email ludosti, she can give you a Foobonic account that you can upload pictures to.
And Olivia, if by "got drunk and nibbled Eddie's ear" Ron meant "were repeatedly pelted with a ball of foil the size of a human skull by Eddie", I think I remember that. Have you no shame, woman?!?!
So I think it's getting old, me going to Hatrack gatherings only to find out that all of you are awesome. It's hurting my image, coming back with only nice things to say about you people.
But I guess while there were no painful personalities, there were painful moments.
Lindsay whapped me with a plastic sword and left a welt, which hasd since turned into a festering bruise (do bruises fester?); ketchupprincess cried every time I tried to pick her up, without fail (they're learning younger!); Jenny laid me on her bed and had her way with me, resulting in fake bruises, which were nearly replaced with real ones when I slung her over my shoulder in the Macaroni Grill parking lot; Jane shot me a look that I swear took five years off my life when she saw me giving Ela a backrub (isn't that what I was supposed to be doing?); my sandaled toes were trodden upon by numerous pairs of Sexy Boots at the club. Anne, Abby, Me-Gun, Vana, Melody, Judies...you were all very nice...didn't abuse me at all. Try harder next year, or else the Man-Wenches will become lazy and untamed. Fear will keep us at your beck and call.
Because of our collected fear, I think, the Man-Wenches were the best company (okay, I'm lying, but only partly). Once I got over Morbo's Georgia accent (he didn't call me a Puny Human! once), he was a great guy (and the only reason I saw anything historical in Atlanta). Ben, despite what probably everyone on Hatrack believes from reading his posts, is really cool (don't let me forget to send the tape of our foil hurling to Guinness). Trevor, though he doesn't dance, is, too, and took a lot more abuse from the Wenches than I did with less whining. Lime...well, Lime is just about the hottest man I've ever seen wear a foil bra. For reals. Like, it's not even a contest.
Okay, so...same place and time next week?
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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I remembered another amusing exchange between me and Ben earlier. The day before, we had worked on the number one rule of baby safety: if the baby's mother says not to do it, don't do it. He was doing pretty well with that, but on our way to lunch Sunday, we finally wrestled the car seat into the back of his car, and were all getting in, when he began to drive off without the baby buckled in!
Quoth I: "Ben, it's usually not reccommended that you drive off without the baby buckled in to the baby seat."
Ben (slamming on breaks): "I'm sorry!" (short pause) "Usually not recommended as in you're telling me not to?"
Me: "Yes, usually not recommended as in the baby's mother will kill you if you do it."
Well, it amused me. Also, we thought it was adorable that Emma loved whatever the crazy music was that Ben had on and was kicking to it and grinning.
I'm sorry now that I missed most of the saga of The Boy Who Wouldn't Leave Olivia Alone. I'm glad she stood up to him in the end, though. It's always best to stand up to boys, you know. *looks solemn*
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote: KQ, if you email ludosti, she can give you a Foobonic account that you can upload pictures to.
D'oh! See, I'm stupid and uneducated... Didn't even think of that! *goes to look up ludosti's e-mail* Trevor, you've done enough; I'll get an account and post my pictures on Foobonic.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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We're staying in Athens with the wonderful Ben and Lindsay, visiting the fantastic Fowlers in Woodstock, the wedding is in Stratham ( I think that's the name of the town), and our flight arrives/leaves from Hartsfield (which I know is actually SOUTH of Atlanta). I'm thinking on Monday we'll do something in Atlanta, since it'd make us closer to the airport. Or something. Got any ideas?
Posts: 14745 | Registered: Dec 1999
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Liam's home from school today, sick. I think most of my household, including the BIL have had a bit of the Wenchcon plague.
Still, it was worth it.
Why is it I look so much better in Lime's and Vana's pictures than I do in my own? Maybe I should rub vaseline on my lens. Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Oh, no, Olivia! I am so, so sorry. I sincerely regret bringing a plague upon your house! Poor little guy. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Me, too. Especially as it looks like there's at least a 50% probability that I'll be back out in CA in a couple of months, so it will be a lot harder to get out to see you all. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Well, I just informed my aunt that our lease is up May 1, so she's getting moving on Jeff's resume and stuff. We can go month by month if need be, but we'd rather not sign a year's lease when we don't know we'll be here that long.
It's both a good thing and a bad thing; I'll be glad to be back where I grew up and feel like I fit in more, but my relationships with my family have improved so much being this far away from them... Plus, you know, I had my first child here, my OB/GYN is here, I feel like I'm finally starting to make friends... And let's not forget Bluebell ice cream, I'll miss that. And Bob's, the best steakhouse I've ever been to. And I'm supposed to be planning DallasCon. And Jeff's mom is the only babysitter Emma has ever known (and she doesn't charge).
So, mixed feelings on the move. But I think it would be good for me to be back where I can participate in some of the things I used to do (like the choir I sang in) that made me feel more myself and less detatched from life.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Trevor, I've got an album all set up for me, so I'm going to go ahead and post the pictures today. Thanks anyway, but you can delete the huge e-mails if they ever come in!
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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Morbo will devour ya'll puny humans! Yes, fear of the wenches brought us together. I was very glad to meet you too, Frisco.
But you're too kind. We mostly sped around the poor neighborhoods east of downtown, during a massive manhunt , looking for Col. Grant's house, the oldest in Atlanta. I couldn't find it.
Then I couldn't find the King Center, just an elementary school named after MLK,jr.
After that I took him to a grand old house owned by the Woodruffs, one of the major owners of Coke who helped build Atlanta. But it may have been owned by someone else, Frisco saw a sign.
At least you saw Little Five Points, that's a funky neighborhood. But not the greatest tour, I wasn't prepared.
quote: I'm thinking on Monday we'll do something in Atlanta, since it'd make us closer to the airport. Or something. Got any ideas?
I've wanted to go to the Atlanta Historical Society for years but can never get anybody to go with me, it's supposed to be a good museum. It's on West Paces Ferry, near the Governor's Mansion and the most expensive houses in GA, they make a great driving tour. I'll try to think of other fun stuff to do.
Posts: 327 | Registered: Oct 2003
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Olivia - I hope the $10 we left with Trevor covers our portion of the conference room bill. Lemme know if not; we weren't sure so we just guessed. And I've got more pictures sitting on the flashcard at home; I'll post 'em on Thursday when I have more daylight time.
quote: Lime...well, Lime is just about the hottest man I've ever seen wear a foil bra. For reals. Like, it's not even a contest.
Flattery will get you everywhere.
Posts: 753 | Registered: Mar 2001
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By the by... don't know if I mentioned it...
Everyone rocked. I really wish that we lived closer so that we could have stuck around for some of the Sunday/late late Saturday fun.
Posts: 753 | Registered: Mar 2001
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Lime! Geez, I almost forgot about that check. I was so tired by then It slipped my mind. Actually, five would have more than covered your share of the Meeting room, which came out to $1.50 per person, give or take. Negligible, really, though if I'd been stuck with the whole bil it would have stung a bit.
Hey, could you email me your mailing address so I can send you your change?
As a matter of fact, I think I should get the addresses of everyone who did extra driving for group things (Trevor, Abby(especially Abby, who circled the airport for, like, an hour or two), Morbo... Ben) so I can re-imburse you on some gas money. Most people insisted I take more for the meeting room than was necessary.
So email me those adresses!
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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Frisco (and Ben) - I really don't get why I was such an attractive target for the Foil Ball Fight. Maybe it was the story, since anyone who will go out of her way to give a guy she doesn't like some gum (in the hopes that he'll leave her alone) must be an easy target. And the fact that I didn't have good aim.
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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I have to say, Olivia, if it had been me being followed around and harrassed, that guy would have gotten a talking to and/or slap in the face long before it came to gum.
I'm just not as nice as you.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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I'm home, I'm home...and finally on a connection that isn't a slow-as-sin dialup. I'll be uploading my photos probably tomorrow (not tonight, cause I...am...tired.). And, out of curiousity, did the WenchCon plague begin with a queasy stomach for anyone? Cause if so, I've got it, too. Blech.
And, just in case I hadn't mentioned it, that was fun! Let's do it again! Again, again, again! Posts: 4077 | Registered: Jun 2003
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But I think it would be good for me to be back where I can participate in some of the things I used to do (like the choir I sang in) that made me feel more myself and less detatched from life.
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