posted
What you need, MLFK, is a wholesome dose of CT's Matchmaker thread.
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Edit:
My own last first kiss was probably a mistake. Even if it wasn't, I still regret it. I brought a girl home after a big shindig at the middle of the term, but I did not bring her home to make out with her. She came on pretty strong, though, but I got the impression that she wanted more than I was willing to give... I resisted for a while, but what tipped the scales was when she said that she was a biter.
...please understand that I'm a sucker for nibbling and biting and that sort of wholesome goodness, and it had been altogether too long since I'd kissed someone who would also bite (Train Cutie #1, for those keeping score).
So anyway, I bit her. (Well, it was more of a nibble.) One bite led to another and soon we were kissing. She was a pretty good kisser, too, which was somethine else I'd been missing.
She stayed the night – no, there was no sex in either the champagne room or my own, but I definitely confirmed my suspicion that she wanted to do more than I was willing to do. I scored the spare mattress and slept on that. She snored (points off, I'm a light sleeper). I nabbed my headphones and iPod and was eventually able to get to sleep.
Having been reminded of how much I miss these things, though (that is to say, kissing and biting), I'm looking forward to my next first kiss.
I had some relatively deep-rooted self-esteem issues when I got into my last serious long relationship, but by the time she broke up with me I was past them, thanks to her help. Relationships can help with emotional problems but you have to make sure that you don't let the relationship become a crutch.
The other thing, too, is that I think you're much more ready for relationships when you've got your own life sorted out and are relatively happy; a relationship can be like a monkey wrench in that you might not want to throw one in to something that isn't already working well.
I dunno, though, it's past 3AM and I'm flattened, so I could just be spewing random garbage. Sorry I'm not more useful Posts: 10886 | Registered: Feb 2000
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posted
MLFK- One thing that is certain is that Mr. Right won't bust into your room looking for you.
You need to be out, visible and interacting with people to meet someone.
As for the self-loathing; something that works wonders is to make a list of all your weak points, then, and this is the tough part, make an equally long list of your strong points.
For most of the people I've known who have fallen out of like with themselves, the act of trashing one's self has become easy and comfortable. When you force yourself to acknowledge the good and the strength in yourself, it is terrifying and liberating.
Gather together your courage and start writing. Posts: 2425 | Registered: Jan 2002
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posted
MLFK, You need help way beyond what this forum has to offer. Way beyond. You need serious counselling starting now.
Please make the next post that you put in this thread one that says that you're already in some kind of therapy or you've picked up the phone and have made an appointment for it.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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It was one of those situations where nothing is spoken; the energies involved were enough. It came to us naturally to meet each other's needs. It started with an all-too-natural embrace, the kind where your bodies line up with one another in such a way that says: this fits. And while you're lying there trying to figure out what the rules might be for this ultimately fleeting moment of your life, while a thousand new songs are writing themselves into your fingers as if you had been playing them for years, while your mind is absurdly trying to figure out whether or not it would be possible to simply stay in this position for the rest of your life, and while the voices you're accustomed to hearing over your head as they tell you that you are unlovable over and over again are finally and eternally silent; in the midst of all this contentment he leans in close to your face as if asking--no, begging--for permission to taste and drink your mouth and the raging passions that have been locked there for thousands of years.
We were so close that there wasn't much more ground to cover, but I made up the rest of the distance myself. With speed and accuracy, I might add.
I later decided that the entire event--and believe me, there was more --was going to be on the DVD of my life, under Bonus Materials. Reserve yours today and get $5 off the purchase price.
posted
That happens to me, but I'm usually in a "We are friends" sort of mode. And the people that I date know that i am saving my virginity so it doesn't matter that are first kiss may occur on a bed.
Posts: 197 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Actually, I thought the description was pretty tame... sort of the preview version, you might say.
And Kama, it is not OFTEN that you find yourself lying down next to someone in a bed that you've not kissed before, but it does happen occassionally. Usually in friendly situations.
posted
The year was 1968. I was five years old. I caught a grasshopper and put in in a jar. My mom poked holes in the lid with an icepick. She accompanied me to our next-door neighbor's house, where I gave the grasshopper to the neighbor girl - her name was Carol Wood. I seem to recall that she was into bugs. I gave her the jar, and she grabbed me and planted a big wet kiss on me, full on the lips.
I was completely caught off guard, and my mom thought it was hilarious.
I just wish I could still elicit that type of response.
Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Zotto... there's room enough for all of us, don't you think? (plus, we are talking about MY bed, here)
Kama, I don't always discriminate... especially if you're good at it. In fact I've done a heck of a lot more stage kissing with the ladies than I've done with anyone else. I'm practically a pro.
That said, I don't think I've had enough practice to be good at it. I've only been kissing for a month or so.
Posts: 5700 | Registered: Feb 2002
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posted
Okay, this is sort of a derailment, why is kissing something that sounds like it's rated? I mean, it's not a performance, and if you like someone, how can you screw it up?
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
My last first kiss and first kiss ever was a little over a month agowhen BlackFox came home from Iraq. To say the least, it was VERY nice.
...Which would be why I kept kissing him after just a moment's pause soo... Yeah, more memories of just really enjoying myself for a bit than of a specific kiss. Posts: 1548 | Registered: Aug 2002
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Also a kiss can easily serve as an indicator for the relationship. You can like somebody a lot and then, when kissing them, discover that you just LIKE them a lot. On the other hand, you can walk away saying "wow, he's a really good kisser!" and still just LIKE them a lot, but the feelings would be totally different. But that's just my experience.
Posts: 4350 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
And then there's someone you like a lot whose kiss makes you fall for them for some odd reason. That's just how it works. My last first kiss was on my bed w/ my last girlfriend while listening to The Best of Times by Styx, coincidentally. I just had a random playlist on Windows Media Player and it was on. In case you don't know what that song is, the chorus is like "The best of times are when I'm alone with you, some rain some shine, we'll make this a world for two." Sounds really stupid, but Styx is a great band. Posts: 40 | Registered: Mar 2004
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Honestly, there's got to be a difference between the kiss you give your girlfriend/boyfriend and the kiss you give your fiance/spouse. Your wedding kiss is different than your honeymoon kiss. The kiss you give to your boyfriend that you're only seeing because your families set up the relationship will be undoubtedly worse than the kiss you get from the guy you asked out because YOU were interested in him. Prom night kisses between folks who are only promming together because there was no one else to go with will be different than high school sweethearts who have been together for years. Rating them is not such a big deal, is it?
posted
A spin-the-bottle (or in my case, flashlight) kiss with my then-girlfriend with a whole gang of friends did not feel the same as the ones she gave me when we were alone. Posts: 1595 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
Sure kisses can be different, and some are more memorable than others. I was objecting to the idea of skill, I think.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Hm. Fair enough. Maybe you just need to kiss me to figure out what I mean.
I do believe that there are people who really stink at kissing. They are bad kissers. They have no kissing skill. Usually, however, the "skill" involved has many related factors, such as self-confidence, mouth-cleanliness, proper-level-of-wetness... all of which can change as the person evolves throughout their life.
I mean, if someone were to kiss me and they were really passionate about it, but all that meant was press-your-lips-against-mine-really-hard, they would be a "bad kisser".
I personally don't see any difference between this and saying "he's a really good dancer", or "she's a really bad driver" or "he's a bad hugger" (you know the kind, arms reach around the back, double-pat, no real embrace).
quote:I mean, if someone were to kiss me and they were really passionate about it, but all that meant was press-your-lips-against-mind-really-hard, they would be a "bad kisser".
Maybe it's too dark in the room.
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Caught it. *grin*
quote:Maybe you just need to kiss me to figure out what I mean.
In all seriousness, though, this is just what I mean. I'm not in love with you. It doesn't matter how much practice you've had - there's just no way that a kiss from you would be better than one from someone with whom I am in love.
There's the kiss that pushes all the right buttons and then there's the kiss that is so meaningful that it touches buttons no one else can push. The best thing to have is both, naturally, but they are different qualities.
Posts: 4350 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
I can't imagine any situation where a kiss from someone I didn't love would be better than a kiss from someone that made me light up just to see his name.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I'm not trying to pull an innocent-as-pie thing here. My first kiss (back when I was in high school) was, unfortunately for my principles and the biography but just fine for my memories, with a player who knew exactly what he was doing. That's an interesting story that I might tell someday except I feel a little bad for how I treated him.
Anyway, I've been kissed by someone I didn't object to who knew exactly what he was doing, and I've been kissed by someone who made my heart fly. There is absolutely no comparison.
quote:There's the kiss that pushes all the right buttons and then there's the kiss that is so meaningful that it touches buttons no one else can push. The best thing to have is both, naturally, but they are different qualities.
quote:Anyway, I've been kissed by someone I didn't object to who knew exactly what he was doing, and I've been kissed by someone who made my heart fly. There is absolutely no comparison.
quote:The best thing to have is both, naturally, but they are different qualities.
posted
Let me go back and qualify that every time I was speaking of BETTER kissing I was talking about the physicality involved in the act rather than how much you loved the person(s) participating.
posted
That's exactly what I meant. I don't like the idea of rating by level of skill something that's meant to be an expression of affection and love.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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posted
Right. Well like I said, you wouldn't be kissing anybody that didn't already make your heart fly with their presence alone, so the idea of skill would probably be foreign to you.
Consider yourself lucky then that you've never had a bad kiss. It's not a hard skill but it is easy to screw up. I'd wager you'd find a lot more people who've had bad kisses than people who've only had good ones.
But like you said, different experiences. Lucky you.
Posts: 4350 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Okay, don't...think more of me than I deserve. Added: Some of the principles come as the result of experience.
I have had bad kisses, but that had everything to do with the person kissing me. I'm usually oblivious to intent, and was for most of my dating career too much of a Nice Girl to hurt anyone's feelings by pulling away. I have had kisses that were not good experiences, but it wasn't a matter of skill level. I was just dumb enough to let it happen when my heart wasn't in it.
posted
Why wouldn't you be able to enjoy a good kiss from somebody that you found attractive but from whom you knew there was no real romantic possibility? Assume that intentions from both sides are simply to enjoy each other. You trust the person and they trust you and neither of you want to go further than a kiss. Could you enjoy it? And could you then rate it?
A kiss is just a kiss, as the song goes.
Posts: 4350 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Kat - I know exactly what you're saying. I was shocked a couple months ago to hear a group of LDS friends talking about going on dates just for "action." (granted, the action they were referring to was undoubtedly just kissing) I was shocked. Why on earth would you date someone you weren't interested and - much less - kiss them? I was totally heartbroken once by a guy who held my hand and then told me he wasn't going to date me exclusively.
If your kisses don't mean anything, if you're only enjoying someone, then you're being dishonest with the manifestations of love.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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posted
Annie, that's just what I mean. It's hard enough that dating has implications.
My last summer in Logan, I spent about two months dating this guy - because he was nice, because he asked, and because, frankly, he was drop-dead gorgeous. 6'2", built like a model, dark eyes, dark skin, dark hair - oh my word.
Anyway, we just hung out, played pool, and rode bikes. It was fun, and I knew he thought of them as dates, but I was just enjoying the activities and the view. Which was fine. Until he kissed me when I wasn't looking, which confused me but I just sort of let it happen and didn't say anything. I was leaving for Dallas soon after that, and the next time I saw him, he took me to a park and proposed. Oh dear. I definitely should have said something earlier. It turned out to be a much squickier and a much harder situation because I HADN'T pulled away when I realized what was happening.
posted
Annie, for me, kisses=commitment. But apparently there are tons-o people out there who do not feel thusly. Hence the term NCMO (Non-Commital Make-Out).
Not long ago, there was a website called NCMO.com created by BYU students for BYU students to find and get together with others who wanted to make-out. I was, um, rather annoyed. Funny thing, there were tons more guys than girls on it.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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