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God wants Elizabeth to know that if she continues to imply that He's gay many more times, she's going to be fired. In the literal sense.
Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
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God understands that he needs help with his redecorating, that's all. There is no implication that He himself is gay. While He might not approve of homosexuality, He does appreciate the Fab Five.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
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God has a lot of fun at concerts. When the band starts playing a really good song and everyone is pulling out their lighters, He sends up a big pillar of fire.
God had to use stealth technology to hide heaven when people started using telescopes and venturing out into space. Darn scientists!
God signed the first bit of life with a DNA signature that would be passed on to every living thing that evolved from it to prevent copyright infringement.
God makes the earth spin, the sun rise, the heavens rain and the plants grow but He absolutely refuses to take out the garbage for you.
Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
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God has considered showing Himself to the multitudes, but only because He's a little jealous that Jesus and Buddha both have their own bobble-head dolls.
God used to style Himself as "All-Knowing", until He was forced to admit that He has no idea why Wal-Mart stocks 179 models of ink pen, or why we keep buying them.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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With God, it really is the thought that counts. He already has everything else.
God always knows what to get you for Christmas. Too bad your secret Santa is actually that annoying guy, Ted, from accounting, huh?
God has "billions and billions" of Christmas lights up year round. Yet somehow they're never tacky, always beautiful and often inspirational. They twinkle in place, shoot acroos the sky and move in intricate dances. That must really irk Mr. Finkle, who spends about $5000 every Christmas season on lights that he can only keep up for 2 months, tops.
Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
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When God writes in the Book of Life using a purple pen...watch out! You DO NOT want to see purple ink in your entry!
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God moves in mysterious ways. That's why he has patent #A000001 at the Ministry of Silly Walks.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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God gets an awful lot of what we would call "prayer spam" but He has an awesome filter that detects Real Need (trademark). And no, God does not need bigger breasts, a larger penis or refinancing, so stop asking!
God would buy the world a Coke and keep it company except 1) He already does keep the world company, 2) the Coca Cola company certainly doesn't need more money, and 3) He already gives us water for free.
God thinks that if people knew the real reasons things happened, they would be a lot more careful about what they did.
Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
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God wonders if people think of the Bible as a big book of spoilers for all the God movies.
God wants you to know that although The Passion of the Christ and The Last Temptation of Christ sound like they are very similar films, they’re not.
Spoiler alert: God found that, surprisingly, God’s Not Dead is NOT the sequel to The Passion of the Christ.
God is starting a petition to get The Passion of the Christ listed as a horror film.
God thinks there should be trigger warnings before all the movies with the Crucifixion in them.
God thinks it’s funny that the movie Christine stars a car that gets resurrected a lot.
God knows all the best spoilers and Easter eggs, but His page detailing them all is impossible to find.
God is BOTH a cat and a dog Being. The explanation for this is something akin to the Trinity.
Sometimes when you yell, “Oh Jesus” as your cousin’s friend takes that corner a little too fast, it’s not in vain - God actually does have to help you not die.
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God is really disappointed that no one got Andy Kaufman. It's just not funny if you have to explain it.
Posts: 46 | Registered: Jul 2015
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God would have been done with creation in 4 days, but it was originally a group project and Odin just copy pasted his part straight from Wikipedia.
Posts: 46 | Registered: Jul 2015
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