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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » It's sacrilicious!!! (Page 5)

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Author Topic: It's sacrilicious!!!
JonnyNotSoBravo
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God wants Elizabeth to know that if she continues to imply that He's gay many more times, she's going to be fired. In the literal sense.
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Elizabeth
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God understands that he needs help with his redecorating, that's all. There is no implication that He himself is gay. While He might not approve of homosexuality, He does appreciate the Fab Five.
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jehovoid
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Jesus had a Fab Twelve.
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sarcasticmuppet
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God knows who the ghost bumper was.
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Bob_Scopatz
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Not even God knows the purpose of hail. He's pretty sure it's a metaphor for something. Anyway, it seemed a good idea at the time.

While it is true that God wanted George Bush as president in 2000, it was all part of the plan to end the world soon.

Cats are God's reminder that granting man dominion over all the Earth really didn't amount to that much.

God likes Annie's pants.

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TMedina
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We're all going to hail, might as well enjoy the view on the way.

-Trevor

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Bob_Scopatz
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When God gets angry, He counts to infinity ten times. Then He smites someone.
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rivka
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quote:
God likes Annie's pants.
*chokes trying not to spew coffee at screen* [ROFL]
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Elizabeth
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Actually, Bob, God does not believe in corporal punishment. He gives end of time-outs.
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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God has a lot of fun at concerts. When the band starts playing a really good song and everyone is pulling out their lighters, He sends up a big pillar of fire.

God had to use stealth technology to hide heaven when people started using telescopes and venturing out into space. Darn scientists!

God signed the first bit of life with a DNA signature that would be passed on to every living thing that evolved from it to prevent copyright infringement.

God makes the earth spin, the sun rise, the heavens rain and the plants grow but He absolutely refuses to take out the garbage for you.

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Frisco
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God has considered showing Himself to the multitudes, but only because He's a little jealous that Jesus and Buddha both have their own bobble-head dolls.

God used to style Himself as "All-Knowing", until He was forced to admit that He has no idea why Wal-Mart stocks 179 models of ink pen, or why we keep buying them.

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BannaOj
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God knew that doing laundry would be a tedious bane of the masses on weekends.

That's why he made us naked, originally.

AJ

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Dan_raven
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God knows who will win the US 2004 election, but he's keeping it as a Christmas surprise, Christmas 2008.

God thinks people are too stressed out about the whole voting thing, and thinks rereading this thread will be good for you.

God had a pet brontosaurus, but he got rid of it when it refused to use the paper in heaven.

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JonnyNotSoBravo
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With God, it really is the thought that counts. He already has everything else.

God always knows what to get you for Christmas. Too bad your secret Santa is actually that annoying guy, Ted, from accounting, huh?

God has "billions and billions" of Christmas lights up year round. Yet somehow they're never tacky, always beautiful and often inspirational. They twinkle in place, shoot acroos the sky and move in intricate dances. That must really irk Mr. Finkle, who spends about $5000 every Christmas season on lights that he can only keep up for 2 months, tops.

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Bob_Scopatz
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When God writes in the Book of Life using a purple pen...watch out! You DO NOT want to see purple ink in your entry!
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Joldo
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God wants this thread bumped. Really, he does.
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Dan_raven
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God moves in mysterious ways. That's why he has patent #A000001 at the Ministry of Silly Walks.
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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God gets an awful lot of what we would call "prayer spam" but He has an awesome filter that detects Real Need (trademark). And no, God does not need bigger breasts, a larger penis or refinancing, so stop asking!

God would buy the world a Coke and keep it company except 1) He already does keep the world company, 2) the Coca Cola company certainly doesn't need more money, and 3) He already gives us water for free.

God thinks that if people knew the real reasons things happened, they would be a lot more careful about what they did.

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Kama
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God wrote only some parts of the bible, but he forgot which ones.
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Dan_raven
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God doesn't need a spell checker. Then again, neither did Merlin
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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God doesn't panic.

God is a juggernaut. Everyone who says juggernauts cannot exist is wrong!

God always looks on the bright side of life. This makes the dark side of life feel sad and a little lonely.

God is everywhere you DON'T want to be, but He can't use any credit cards while He's there.

You better watch out! If you aren't evil when you die, God will try to take your soul!

Yes, God would LOVE a cup of coffee. Eternal sleepiness is the price of eternal vigilance.

[ May 01, 2005, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: JonnyNotSoBravo ]

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Dan_raven
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God makes a mean cappucino.

God's doodles come to us as crop circles.

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JonnyNotSoBravo
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"You see, Jimi, that's not the wind crying Mary. It's God."

God used to tell Jesus all the time, "Suck it up and take it like a God!"

What if Darwin was more right than he knew and God actually looks like a monkey?

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Dan_raven
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God fit a whole year of posts on one page, but since I'm not God, I didn't quite make it.
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Megan
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While God is tolerant of all sodas, he secretly likes Vernors Ginger Ale best.
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advice for robots
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If God wanted, his registration date at Hatrack could be A Really Long Time Ago.
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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Icarus didn't really fly too close to the sun. God just trained a magnifying glass on him as punishment for his hubris.

God doesn't believe in Might makes Right, but in His case it's true.

When humans wonder why something happens, they ask, "Why, God?". When God wonders why something happens, He asks, "Why not?"

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Bob_Scopatz
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God thinks people are thankful for the weirdest things...but you're entirely welcome!
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Morbo
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bump
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suminonA
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OMG!
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quidscribis
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[Big Grin]
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Bob_Scopatz
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God thinks diabetics are really sweet.
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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God thinks that Bob's jokes are very punny.

God likes to run around in a T-shirt that has arrows pointing in all directions and reads, "I'm with you." Most people don't get the joke.

God sometimes combines a section of hell with cockroach heaven to save space.

God knows He's getting out of shape when He bowls in the 290 range.

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Dan_raven
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God has been known to trade in his beautiful white robes for an old frayed flannel bath robe on casual Fridays.

God doesn't do too many casual Fridays.

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JennaDean
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quote:
God sometimes combines a section of hell with cockroach heaven to save space.
[ROFL] [ROFL] [ROFL] [Hat]
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advice for robots
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Here's the other one.
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Bob_Scopatz
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God is wondering what to do about this bump.
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rivka
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Have it checked?
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Dan_raven
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God doesn't worry to much about the Bump, its the Grind that gets them every time.

God loved the look on the Rabbi's face at his son's school's "Father/Son" day picnic.

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advice for robots
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God was thinking this was the only way to get Bob to post at Hatrack more.
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Noemon
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God feels like he should be offended by today's Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal strip, but every time he tries to put on his stern face about it he starts laughing.
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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God wonders if people think of the Bible as a big book of spoilers for all the God movies.

God wants you to know that although The Passion of the Christ and The Last Temptation of Christ sound like they are very similar films, they’re not.

Spoiler alert: God found that, surprisingly, God’s Not Dead is NOT the sequel to The Passion of the Christ.

God is starting a petition to get The Passion of the Christ listed as a horror film.

God thinks there should be trigger warnings before all the movies with the Crucifixion in them.

God thinks it’s funny that the movie Christine stars a car that gets resurrected a lot.

God knows all the best spoilers and Easter eggs, but His page detailing them all is impossible to find.

God is BOTH a cat and a dog Being. The explanation for this is something akin to the Trinity.

Sometimes when you yell, “Oh Jesus” as your cousin’s friend takes that corner a little too fast, it’s not in vain - God actually does have to help you not die.

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PanaceaSanans
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This is great. [Big Grin] I had not found it.


Personally, I never fail to chuckle at:

... and on August 25th, 1900, God spoke: "Nietzsche is dead."

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Bob_Scopatz
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God is glad you like it!

God is still on the fence over whether or not web-based meetings are a good alternative to being there in person.

God lost his premium status on Delta's frequent flier program

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Darth_Mauve
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God will build that pearly gate, and have the devil pay for it.
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Elcheeko75
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God is really disappointed that no one got Andy Kaufman. It's just not funny if you have to explain it.
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Bob_Scopatz
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God is equally miffed about Hunter S. Thompson. C'mon people...really!
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Bob_Scopatz
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God likes to say hail with a southern accent so people wonder if he meant "hell."
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Jacare_Sorridente
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God has over 6 billion followers on twitter
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Elcheeko75
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God would have been done with creation in 4 days, but it was originally a group project and Odin just copy pasted his part straight from Wikipedia.
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