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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » It's sacrilicious!!! (Page 0)

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Author Topic: It's sacrilicious!!!
Bob_Scopatz
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When God writes in the Book of Life using a purple pen...watch out! You DO NOT want to see purple ink in your entry!
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Joldo
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God wants this thread bumped. Really, he does.
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Dan_raven
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God moves in mysterious ways. That's why he has patent #A000001 at the Ministry of Silly Walks.
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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God gets an awful lot of what we would call "prayer spam" but He has an awesome filter that detects Real Need (trademark). And no, God does not need bigger breasts, a larger penis or refinancing, so stop asking!

God would buy the world a Coke and keep it company except 1) He already does keep the world company, 2) the Coca Cola company certainly doesn't need more money, and 3) He already gives us water for free.

God thinks that if people knew the real reasons things happened, they would be a lot more careful about what they did.

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Kama
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God wrote only some parts of the bible, but he forgot which ones.
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Dan_raven
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God doesn't need a spell checker. Then again, neither did Merlin
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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God doesn't panic.

God is a juggernaut. Everyone who says juggernauts cannot exist is wrong!

God always looks on the bright side of life. This makes the dark side of life feel sad and a little lonely.

God is everywhere you DON'T want to be, but He can't use any credit cards while He's there.

You better watch out! If you aren't evil when you die, God will try to take your soul!

Yes, God would LOVE a cup of coffee. Eternal sleepiness is the price of eternal vigilance.

[ May 01, 2005, 07:47 PM: Message edited by: JonnyNotSoBravo ]

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Dan_raven
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God makes a mean cappucino.

God's doodles come to us as crop circles.

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JonnyNotSoBravo
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"You see, Jimi, that's not the wind crying Mary. It's God."

God used to tell Jesus all the time, "Suck it up and take it like a God!"

What if Darwin was more right than he knew and God actually looks like a monkey?

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Dan_raven
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God fit a whole year of posts on one page, but since I'm not God, I didn't quite make it.
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Megan
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While God is tolerant of all sodas, he secretly likes Vernors Ginger Ale best.
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advice for robots
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If God wanted, his registration date at Hatrack could be A Really Long Time Ago.
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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Icarus didn't really fly too close to the sun. God just trained a magnifying glass on him as punishment for his hubris.

God doesn't believe in Might makes Right, but in His case it's true.

When humans wonder why something happens, they ask, "Why, God?". When God wonders why something happens, He asks, "Why not?"

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Bob_Scopatz
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God thinks people are thankful for the weirdest things...but you're entirely welcome!
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Morbo
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bump
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suminonA
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OMG!
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quidscribis
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[Big Grin]
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Bob_Scopatz
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God thinks diabetics are really sweet.
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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God thinks that Bob's jokes are very punny.

God likes to run around in a T-shirt that has arrows pointing in all directions and reads, "I'm with you." Most people don't get the joke.

God sometimes combines a section of hell with cockroach heaven to save space.

God knows He's getting out of shape when He bowls in the 290 range.

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Dan_raven
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God has been known to trade in his beautiful white robes for an old frayed flannel bath robe on casual Fridays.

God doesn't do too many casual Fridays.

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JennaDean
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quote:
God sometimes combines a section of hell with cockroach heaven to save space.
[ROFL] [ROFL] [ROFL] [Hat]
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advice for robots
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Here's the other one.
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Bob_Scopatz
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God is wondering what to do about this bump.
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rivka
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Have it checked?
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Dan_raven
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God doesn't worry to much about the Bump, its the Grind that gets them every time.

God loved the look on the Rabbi's face at his son's school's "Father/Son" day picnic.

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advice for robots
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God was thinking this was the only way to get Bob to post at Hatrack more.
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Noemon
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God feels like he should be offended by today's Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal strip, but every time he tries to put on his stern face about it he starts laughing.
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JonnyNotSoBravo
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God wonders if people think of the Bible as a big book of spoilers for all the God movies.

God wants you to know that although The Passion of the Christ and The Last Temptation of Christ sound like they are very similar films, theyíre not.

Spoiler alert: God found that, surprisingly, Godís Not Dead is NOT the sequel to The Passion of the Christ.

God is starting a petition to get The Passion of the Christ listed as a horror film.

God thinks there should be trigger warnings before all the movies with the Crucifixion in them.

God thinks itís funny that the movie Christine stars a car that gets resurrected a lot.

God knows all the best spoilers and Easter eggs, but His page detailing them all is impossible to find.

God is BOTH a cat and a dog Being. The explanation for this is something akin to the Trinity.

Sometimes when you yell, ďOh JesusĒ as your cousinís friend takes that corner a little too fast, itís not in vain - God actually does have to help you not die.

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PanaceaSanans
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This is great. [Big Grin] I had not found it.


Personally, I never fail to chuckle at:

... and on August 25th, 1900, God spoke: "Nietzsche is dead."

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Bob_Scopatz
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God is glad you like it!

God is still on the fence over whether or not web-based meetings are a good alternative to being there in person.

God lost his premium status on Delta's frequent flier program

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Darth_Mauve
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God will build that pearly gate, and have the devil pay for it.
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Elcheeko75
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God is really disappointed that no one got Andy Kaufman. It's just not funny if you have to explain it.
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Bob_Scopatz
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God is equally miffed about Hunter S. Thompson. C'mon people...really!
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Bob_Scopatz
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God likes to say hail with a southern accent so people wonder if he meant "hell."
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Jacare_Sorridente
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God has over 6 billion followers on twitter
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Elcheeko75
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God would have been done with creation in 4 days, but it was originally a group project and Odin just copy pasted his part straight from Wikipedia.
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Bob_Scopatz
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Lol.

God suspects some of those "pray for..." Memes are part of an elaborate denial of service attack attempting to flood Heavan's prayer banks in advance of a major recruitment drive by Satan.

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Darth_Mauve
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God has excellent Spam software for his incoming Prayer reception banks.

No, God will not change his plans for the entire universe because you asked him nicely to let the Cubs win this game.

God doesn't appreciate "alternate realities". He says, "Go with the name you can trust, Actual Reality, but by craftsmen who built to last."

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Jacare_Sorridente
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God is starting to worry that some silly silicon valley start-up company is going to ruin his entire supply chain by beating death
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Stone_Wolf_
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God loves to call up Buddha at three in the morning and ask him if his refrigerator is running.

God reads and agrees to all service agreements.

God's phone never asks him if me meant to say "ducking".

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Stone_Wolf_
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God once stood out in the rain in a tuutuu for six hours on a one dollar bet.
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Bob_Scopatz
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God invests with the long term in mind.
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Stone_Wolf_
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God loves the joke "pull my finger"...Holy Ghost is not amused.
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Stone_Wolf_
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God surfs Cyber Mondays, but avoids crowded Black Fridays.
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Bob_Scopatz
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God beeps your nose when you aren't looking.
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Stone_Wolf_
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God always has a hard candy in his pocket for you, don't mind the lint!
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ClaudiaTherese
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God is not afraid of cleaning the sink trap.
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Elcheeko75
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God did, however, design the sink trap as a special punishment for people who can't use the word "literally" correctly.
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Bob_Scopatz
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God invented 1950s science fiction movies to answer the question "what could possibly go wrong?"
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Darth_Mauve
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God isn't a fan of High Fructose Corn Syrup, but he does like to say High Fructose Corn Syrup. It just roles off the tongue.

God doesn't understand while the greatest sport ever created-tetherball--was never an Olympic Sport.

God doesn't make little green apples--but he does supervise their creation.

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