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When God writes in the Book of Life using a purple pen...watch out! You DO NOT want to see purple ink in your entry!
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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God moves in mysterious ways. That's why he has patent #A000001 at the Ministry of Silly Walks.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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God gets an awful lot of what we would call "prayer spam" but He has an awesome filter that detects Real Need (trademark). And no, God does not need bigger breasts, a larger penis or refinancing, so stop asking!
God would buy the world a Coke and keep it company except 1) He already does keep the world company, 2) the Coca Cola company certainly doesn't need more money, and 3) He already gives us water for free.
God thinks that if people knew the real reasons things happened, they would be a lot more careful about what they did.
Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
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God wonders if people think of the Bible as a big book of spoilers for all the God movies.
God wants you to know that although The Passion of the Christ and The Last Temptation of Christ sound like they are very similar films, they’re not.
Spoiler alert: God found that, surprisingly, God’s Not Dead is NOT the sequel to The Passion of the Christ.
God is starting a petition to get The Passion of the Christ listed as a horror film.
God thinks there should be trigger warnings before all the movies with the Crucifixion in them.
God thinks it’s funny that the movie Christine stars a car that gets resurrected a lot.
God knows all the best spoilers and Easter eggs, but His page detailing them all is impossible to find.
God is BOTH a cat and a dog Being. The explanation for this is something akin to the Trinity.
Sometimes when you yell, “Oh Jesus” as your cousin’s friend takes that corner a little too fast, it’s not in vain - God actually does have to help you not die.
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God is really disappointed that no one got Andy Kaufman. It's just not funny if you have to explain it.
Posts: 46 | Registered: Jul 2015
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God would have been done with creation in 4 days, but it was originally a group project and Odin just copy pasted his part straight from Wikipedia.
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God suspects some of those "pray for..." Memes are part of an elaborate denial of service attack attempting to flood Heavan's prayer banks in advance of a major recruitment drive by Satan.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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God has excellent Spam software for his incoming Prayer reception banks.
No, God will not change his plans for the entire universe because you asked him nicely to let the Cubs win this game.
God doesn't appreciate "alternate realities". He says, "Go with the name you can trust, Actual Reality, but by craftsmen who built to last."
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
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God is starting to worry that some silly silicon valley start-up company is going to ruin his entire supply chain by beating death
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God did, however, design the sink trap as a special punishment for people who can't use the word "literally" correctly.
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God invented 1950s science fiction movies to answer the question "what could possibly go wrong?"
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