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Somehow I think I'll never tell my daughter that I got the idea for her name from a character on a soap opera. >_<
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I remember her last name, do you want me to email it to you. (I am a wacko freak who has all the ward phone directories from the time we moved in there to the present - sometimes we visit, and they give me a new one )
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Yeah, I would like to remember her last name. If you had any contact info for her, I would gladly accept that too, but perhaps I might even be able to find it with the last name--I know approximately the area that they moved to.
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I got the name Ivy from Piers Anthony, so I actually gave it up because I did not want to tell a child I named her after a character in a Xanth novel.
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OK I'm female, but I know I'm missing a substantial part of the "girly" gene. I honestly have never, ever understood the whole planning and dreaming about the wedding from the age of 5 on that girls seem to do. I mean as an adolescent all my friends seemed to have it planned out, and I was sitting there mystified drawing a total blank. I simply couldn't imagine it.
Maybe this is part of the reason I'm not married now. I don't know. I mean now I could see the advantage of having a wedding to get the wedding presents but doing the cost benefit analysis makes me really wonder if the hassle is worth it, especialy given the fact that I would have to deal with far more familial hassle than most.
Is it tied into the appearance thing, that on the wedding day you are the most beautiful in your life or what?
quote: I got the name Ivy from Piers Anthony, so I actually gave it up because I did not want to tell a child I named her after a character in a Xanth novel.
Nor would I, S4E, nor would I!
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I don't know, I never planned for a wedding, I did not think I would get married. I just made up kids names. I guess I planned for the wrong part since I can't have kids. Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I never really planned for my wedding, but I did plan for being married. From the time I was about five I couldn't wait to get married. I never thought much about the wedding though.
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Oh excellent questions, AJ! Hmmm, I haven't been one to be overly sentimental about my wedding, but certainly I was more so than Porter. Way more so. We didn't have brides maids or men or whatever. We didn't have a "line". We had our reception outside so that most of our decorations were the beauties of nature rather than things we spent money on. It was our day, and we wanted it to be a happy celebration of all that marriage means to us.
For the girl, I do think that there is a certain deeper symbolism than for the guy. I have not fully put my finger on what it is though. Something ancient and primal. I do think it has to do with being beautiful. Perhaps for a woman who intends to have children, there is the inner knowledge that having children will change her body and appearance. She will never be quite the same. If she has chosen to "save herself" for her wedding night, there is a symbolism there also. It is as though the bride is inviting all to witness the passing of a major season in her life, one that will effect her more profoundly than it will the man.
But weddings of today do not necessarily have those connotations. Being a female virgin at one's wedding isn't important to society these days, and many women getting married to not really want children.
I am thinking aloud, though. I don't really know.
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I am not a girly-girl either. I don't do the make-up thing, I don't dress really feminine. It does help me fit into my husband's family better, since there are so many boys in his family. His sister is not a girly-girl either since she was influenced by having so many brothers.
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Like I said, I know I'm wierd. Even though I grew up in a culture that strongly emphasized family, I've never wanted one. I never wanted to be "married." I basically planned my life never including the possiblity that I'd have someone else to love, because they would just get in the way and think I was crazy with the things I wanted to do. The fact I do have someone that loves me and lets me be who I am is still suprising to me.
I don't know if this sort of thing ties into self image to everyone but it definitely does for me. I thought I would never be desirable, because desirable most of the time implies looks. I could look in the mirror and it would tell me that I was as physically attractive as anyone else. The problem was fairly obvious though it took a couple of years to figure it out, and I did doubt my physical attractiveness as a result. To most guys, once I opened my mouth and spoke two sentences, my personality was extremely intimidating to them, and they instantly ruled out "romantic" in the relationship. I could see in their face as it happened.
But even when I was small, I didn't dream about weddings, and fairy tales like most little girls seem to.
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I did not really care what happened with our wedding reception, since the important thing to me was being married. I did want to look pretty in my wedding dress (the dress was a huge disappointment). We did not have bridesmaids or groomsmen, but we did have a line. Since we come from two very practical families, our line was sitting down. There is no need to wear everyone out by standing the whole time. We pulled off our wedding, dress, tux, invitations, rings, decorations, food, plane tickets, everything for less than $1000. We are not only practical, but cheap.
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<=== Thinks AJ is very beautiful from the pictures she has seen.
AJ, I think I know what you mean about opening your mouth and guys being turned off. I always felt that way too. I never was one who's personality men found inviting that way. I was "raised" by my two older brothers and imitated them. So I often come across more masculine than feminine, at least to my own mind.
If I go into "feminine" mode, it is more likely to be while talking to other girls who are feminine, because I tend to mirror the talking style of whomever I am speaking with.
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BannaOJ- That is exactly why I did not think I would get married, I am not pretty. I did not even go on my first date until I was 18, and he kept talking about how wonderful this other girl was all night. My second date was six months later. My third date was 8 months after that, and person is now my husband.
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I apparently turn off a lot of people when I speak, especially women. I can't seem to say things in a genteel, round-about way. I am straight-forward and tell it like it is. I got fired from a job because of this.
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We tried to keep our spending on the wedding way down too. Porter tried to talk me out of making him wear a tux, but I wouldn't budge. He looked dang good in the one I picked out! Dark and light greys. Tall men in tails.... Mmmmm mmmm!
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Yes, to me being "girly" is a somewhat fun luxury, not a necessity. I mean I have fun with a "Girls day (or night) out" but it is fun exactly because it isn't my norm. I've tried to be "feminine" day in and day out, and I just can't keep it up, because it feels too artificial to me. Even though I know for some people it is totally natural and what they want to be.
I'm not saying that women who look more feminine and spend time on their appearance are vain and artificial, because I have good friends that do, that are anything but that. Yet for myself, it just doesn't quite gel 90% of the time.
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I am glad I got married, because I can not imagine life without my husband. I am glad I got fired because I was in a state of constant stress trying to figure out what I was saying wrong to these people. Example: The final incident that led to my firing. Someone accused me of getting really angry with her and yelling. I was so confused when I was told this because I wasn't angry, and I wasn't yelling, I even have people who will vouch for me that I wasn't yelling. Trying to figure out how to say things was too hard. It still means I am in constant fear of offending someone.
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AJ, I couldn't keep up the image either. It is not "me". I only "make myself up" at most every other day. I do it out of pity for others, mostly.
Fortunately, Porter doesn't like "girly girls". But he does seem to like me. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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Banna, I'm with you. I NEVER planned out my wedding, never dreamed about getting married, never played bride, never picked out flowers. Maybe it's the lack of sisters? I don't know. It didn't seem important in the grand scheme of life.
I'm orders of magnitude more girly now than I was as a kid, and having been through the beginning stages of planning two weddings and having paroxysms of panic about everything from the venue to the participants, I've reluctantly concluded that SOMEONE has to think about it if it is ever going to happen. Since I'm not marrying a girl, that probably has to be me.
That's as far as I've gotten. Although I did get my dad to swear on his last visit that it didn't matter how old I was when I got married, he would pay for the wedding. I figured that was a good start.
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S4E, some people are just waaaaay too sensitive. They find offense everywhere because they are looking for it. It sounds like you weren't doing anything wrong. But a lot of employers are very picky about their people being able to "charm" the customers. They have very high expectations and not everyone is comfortable trying to fulfill them.
I know that sometimes I live in fear of offending others, partly because I'm not entirely socially adept and partly because the idea of offending someone is painful to me.
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I agree, girls nights out are fun because they are different from the norm. I loved getting a pedicure because I thought it was funny to be so girly. My cousin is trying to turn me into a girly-girl, so I have had all sorts of new and girly experiences. I hate shopping, so I don't really get that bonding experience. Actually, I still like shopping too much for my husband's tastes. I can spend about 30 minutes window shopping, but he has a 5 minute threshhold Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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AJ, I completely relate. Are you my alter ego who I don't realize I use while I sleep? That would explain the strange narcoleptic moments...
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Dude, I can't go shopping with other females. I shop *alone*. (Or with kids if I have to.) And I don't shop for clothes, not much anyway. I do find shopping alone theraputic, though.
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quote: I got the name Ivy from Piers Anthony, so I actually gave it up because I did not want to tell a child I named her after a character in a Xanth novel.
This sort of thinking has caused a lot of arguments between Mary and I. Each time we have a kid, we have a nine month long argument about what to name it.
Repeatedly, I'll come up with a name, and Mary will say "no, that name reminds me of ________".
"Big deal!" I say. "The name might remind you of them right now, but it won't for long. It will just be the name of our child."
But Mary always refuses to budge, and it drives me up the wall.
Our oldest is named Sanford. To me, that name was always associated with the show "Sanford and Son", but it didn't take long for Sanford to just be the name of our son.
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S4E Steve has to force me to buy clothes for myself. I simply don't think to do it. He still has more shoes than I do I think, though we bought a bunch so I'd have the right shoes for special occasions.
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I actually wasn't offending customers. In fact, a lot of people would tell me I gave them the best service they had ever had. I asked them to write letters to my boss, but no one ever did.
The problem was, I was mean to one person once (another employee), I admit it and I know it. But after that, word got around that I was mean, and so everyone interpreted my actions that way. I honestly did not understand the complaints after that one. I wish I had not been mean the first time.
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Can't stand shopping with others either, but I agree that when you're shopping alone, because it's something that you do solely for yourself, it is extremely theraputic.
[ August 09, 2004, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: from Cythera ]
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I won't buy clothes for myself. I won't, I won't, I won't. That is right, I am 28 years old and my mother still buys my clothes. As you can imagine I dont get very many new clothes. I get 2 pairs of pants and 2 shirts every Christmas, and that is all I need (along with the two pants and two shirts from the year before and so on. I still wear some clothes from when I was a teenager.
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The problem with me shopping alone is I tend to buy lots of books, lots and lots of books. It is like I can't control myself in a book store.
MPH and Bev- I remember when you named him Sanford. I was surprised because the first thing I thought of was also Sanford & Son, but I got used to it after a couple of months.
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Well my mother buying me clothes is totally out. She missed the "girly" bus too. I still remember the look on my friend from college's face when she saw my mother get off the plane and realized she was my mother. I believe that day she was wearing light aqua ill fitting cullottes (the image is burned on my brain) with a matching print top (also ill fitting) and puke green sneakers(to describe the amount of clashing going on is impossible) She gets all her clothes as handmedowns from her mother, my grandmother, so they are always about 4 years out of fashion as well. Mom wearing jeans and t-shirts is a vast improvement over her so-called "dressy" wardrobe which generally has the appearance of curtains, tableclothes or burlap sacks.
AJ (It's so bad that I notice, and I'm NOT girly or into appearances myself)
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As long as Ralphie's pissing and moaning, I'd like to register the fact that I hate my body.
Though if I could change anything, I don't know that I would, except for I'd like to not be such a butterchunkmonkey.
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In my 22 years I've purchased a package of socks and a t-shirt from the juggling festival I went to a few years ago. That's the sum total of clothing purchases. This, of course, leaves me susceptible to the whims of my mother who buys all my clothes for me. And if she, say, decides to burn all my old pants while I'm skiing over the Christmas holidays leaving me with nothing but brand new pants I wear the new pants or I wear nothing.
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My mother dresses better than I do, much to her consternation. She believes in wearing pantyhose or trouser socks at all times. To me that is an only if I have to thing to do. She can't complain about my shoes because they do not make girly shoes in my size, only sneakers.
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Actually I did get the horse-crazy gene <grin> It kind of got transferred to dogs, but I did a lot of riding when I was younger. But as far as reading books went, I almost always liked the boy and horse stories better than the girl and horse stories.
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I like horses, but I never really had the opportunity to ride one. Now I am afraid I would break a horses back. I know this is silly because I weight the same as a slightly heavy man, but still, I don't want to hurt any horses.
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The bit of romantic that is in me CT, thinks it would be very cool to get married and not tell anyone. Because then it is about us and not what everyone else and their brother thinks.
I actually have a dear friend (though she is much older than me) that did exactly that. Her family was much less traditional than mine to begin with, and she and her significant other had been together for 8 or 9 years before they married. They married because they had decided they wanted a family and strictly to simplify the legal issues involved with children. She didn't realize she hadn't told her family til 15 or 16 years later! (At the time it was deliberate in not telling them but over the years you forget.)
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You know, I never did read horsie-books or watched horsie-movies. But I did write stories where the main characters were unicorns. (How corny is that?) And I loved drawing them. Someday, if Porter lets me, I intend to own and care for my very own horse.
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Ha, that's hilarious. I daydream once in a blue moon of a wedding, but in actuality I am dead set on eloping. Not to Vegas or anything, but like going to Rome and finding a justice of the peace or something in a really small town. Then going back to visit the town every once in a while. That to me is romance at its best.
Edit: I actually think that statement just proved myself to be very girly Oh well.
Beverly, not at all corny. I am constantly making up stories and then drawing them, it is one of my favorite things to do. Unicorns rock. Ever read The Last Unicorn ?
[ August 09, 2004, 12:00 PM: Message edited by: from Cythera ]
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That's pretty funny! "My husband... oh you didn't know we were married? Yeah, we got married 20 years ago...." Imagine the reaction!
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It sounds romantic, but I've discovered how incredibly hurtful it is to other family members to elope. What you're saying is that they are not important enough to you to be part of your life. If that's true, then I guess go with it, but if you have people who didn't know they were being sent off into the good night, eloping is a fabulous way to burn bridges.
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Down below the reply window are a series of grey "buttons". The one that says "quote" pulls up an html code that you can paste a quote into. It makes the nice format you see commonly on this forum. You can also do urls packed into a word or phrase of your choice. Pretty cool.
Edit: If you feel like experimenting, the other side of the forum is slow enough that you could do whatever then erase the message and no one would be the wiser.
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That's pretty funny! "My husband... oh you didn't know we were married? Yeah, we got married 20 years ago...." Imagine the reaction!
