Also, I hate when anyone says period of time was "the best years of my life," or "the best day of my life." I hope to have many more days and many more years, I do not want to think the "best" is behind me.
Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I don't know, it actually seems more bizarre to me to have other people present watching us do something so intimate as vowing to share the rest of our lives with only each other. I'd be embarrassed. I definitely would throw a party once we get back from Rome, though, hehe. Totally casual though, none of this dressing up stuff.
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The thing is, Bev, I doubt she ever introduced him as her husband. After being together fo 7 or 8 years, (or even 5 like me) you get used to introducing your significant other without exactly defining the relationship.
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True. I was just trying desperately to think of a casual way to "accidentally" mention it. Nothing good came to mind.
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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My family was terribly hurt when I got married, I might as well have eloped. I got married in a LDS Temple and they were not allowed. In protest, my grandfather called my husband "George" for the first 5 years we were married. His name is NOT George.
Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I dunno if I have anything that could be called a "girly-girl" gene or whatever, but I certainly (usually) care about what I wear.
I guess I have a hard time feeling sexy or wearing clothes that are nice because I feel self-conscious. I've gotten a lot better lately, but I'm still not very good.
And I didn't necessarily get the horsey-loving gene, but I do have a healthy respect and awe. And I love kitties.
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Wedding sans cousins is fine. Wedding sans children or parents who wanted to be there can really hurt.
What's worse is the selective inviting - some siblings, some children, some parents, but not all. Now that's a crappy idea.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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I never was very 'girly' either. Never planned my dream wedding or anything. AAMOF, Ron did almost all our wedidng planning, and Mom helped me pick a dress. Had to give her that, since my sister eloped.
Ron planned the food forthe reception, narrowed the invites down to two designs and let me help decide the final one *snicker* Mom helped me pick out the bridesmaids dresses and so forth. I let her and my sister take care of the pew markers and decorations. Ron and I wanted white roses and calla lillies for the bouquets. Mom wanted the bridesmaids to carry open Bibles with silk flowers and ribons in them. We said "No!" She described them again several times, as she'd seen them in a wedding and liked them. "I'm sure it was lovely, but we want real flowers." "Real flowers would make tyhe Bibles wet." ""Yeah... we're not doing the Bibles. Sorry."
She was actually very gracious and let me pick her dress for the wedding. She narrowed it down to two. One was rather flamboyant, the other very elegant and understated. She asked me which one I liked. I told her she KNEW which one I liked, but she should get what she wanted. She wanted me to pick, since it was MY wedding. I did, and she looked lovely. She gave me that dress a few years ago. Haven't worn it. She's back in ICU.
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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We seem to have gotten sidetracked (and I know I helped).
How does this "white wedding" image, effect little girls self-image, and where does it come from? How did it shape us in somewhat rejecting the status quo? It doesn't surprise me on Hatrack that we are non-traditional about this because, hey, we are mostly women that read sci-fi to begin with. I'm not saying that the married people here were rejecting marriage as being important, far from it. I think the fact is they appear to have put the Marriage over the Wedding in import.
So, do you think that the rejection of the traditional "wedding" image, actually helped or hurt the way you view your own body?
How about "Prom" did you reject or accept that image, and how so?
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I went to prom with a girl, we were not lesbians, we just both wanted to go and we did not have dates (she got rejected in a rather cruel way.) We got people talking though Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I didn't go to prom. I went to Paris the week before, and I discovered after that a guy in my ward told his mother he was going to ask me, and his mother told him I was going to be in Paris. I wasn't - I got back that morning. So he asked someone else, and I didn't go.
Of course I scheduled it that way - so I'd have an excuse for why I didn't, but could go if asked. Talk about face-saving plans coming home to haunt you. Not that I though prom would be a perfect night, but I'm all for new experiences, and that would have been one. I'm an idiot - I made the backup plan out of sheer shyness and a lack of self-confidence.
I made up for it later, though.
Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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For you newbies, I never went to a Prom, since I was homeschooled. I'm not married either, though I've been in a serious relationship for the past 5 years.
I never dated much (like 3 dates total before Steve if you stretch the definition of a date.) Even with Steve I'm hard pressed to remember an actual real "date" I can come up with 3 or 4 maybe, over the 5 years.
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Prom tickets were way cheaper if you went as a couple than if you went single, this is why we went as a couple.
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BannaOJ, you sound like me with my husband, we only went on about 3 dates, but we spent every single free second together.
Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Two guys asked me. They were best friends and fighting over me. One was a good friend of mine, the other I didn't know very well (actually he was the stalker). I didn't really like either one THAT WAY. Had a dress. Didn't go. Spent the evening onthe phone with another friend (a boy) who had just been dumped by one of my other best friends.
Didn't go, didn't care. Not a big deal. I hated high school, and most of my best friends were not going. No big deal. I went to a few other people's proms, as a date. Didn't get the prom thing. *shrug*
Posts: 1664 | Registered: Apr 2004
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My mother wouldn't have liked it, but my family would have been OK with me eloping. Of course, the fact that they would be OK with it means that I never would need to do it.
My family is *extremely* laid back about a lot of things.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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I didn't go to prom. My friends and I had an anti-prom where we went to a fancy restaurant and dressed up. It was this really good Japanese place... Mmmmmmm... Then we went book shopping. It was fun. We took pictures.
I am 19 and have never been on a date. :/ (sadness) I have been asked... But I never got a chance to go out with the guy who asked me because we ate lunch together and I realized that I didn't want to go out with him while we did. Also, neither he nor I drove, so it would have been hard.
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MPH Your family is like DH's family. My family is very uptight.
CT - your family is HUGE. My family is very small, I only have 4 cousins. Most of the cousins I talk about are my husband's.
Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Ryuko, I did not get my license until I was 21. I know about feeling unloved, I felt the same way. I made a deal with one of my friends that if either of us never got married, we would get married when we turned 30, we had absolutely no feeling for each other in that way. Kind of sad huh?
Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Our prom was on a ship, that is why I wanted to go. It was so nice to stand on deck in the fresh air and look at the stars.
Why do parents have to discuss menarche? I was 10 and my mother decided to discuss it with all her friends, and those of her friends who had daughters my age told their daughters. Then their daughters, some of whom did not like me, would come to me and ask me about it.
Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:Sometimes they were mighty caustic (in that oh-so polite way), especially when comparing you to their own kids.
Oh my stars, I know what you mean. For the longest time, I had a DREAD of groups of women because of the way they compared their daughters to each other (even my mom did it, and I HATED it). I remember being in a Relief Society meeting and a woman (the mother of the guy who was going to ask me to prom, no less) stood up and talked about how All Women Compete For Men's Attention and Tear Down Each Other To Do It. I wanted to run for the hills - that's the crappiest thing I've ever heard of.
I've encountered it in real life a few times - a few roommates and "friends" who, if there was male around, would run down the other females in the room and claim it was joking. It was not attractive, and it's too bad, because the company of other women can be wonderful and necessary, but the need to kill in self-defense will get in the way.
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Heh. My grandma and aunt on my dad's side are constantly on her case about raising us wrong... Of course this from my aunt, whose son won't respond to her, but responds to the threat, "Do you want to go sit by your aunty Paula!?" (my mom) and my grandma, who raised my aunt...
Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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No, I did not kill them off, for some reason I can't figure out, most people stayed inside. The people smoking pot did have thier own place staked out on the deck, maybe the others did not want to get caught if those people got caught.
Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I have "The View" on in the background, and they are talking about having two wedding dresses, one for the ceremony and one for the wedding. Man, that would be expensive.
Posts: 188 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I watched "American Wedding" the continuation of the American Pie series over the weekend. While the situations the characters found themselves in were over the top, at the same time I thought it was far more true to life than most of the movie weddings that have ever happened.
It showed the predicaments of the characters, that happen with any wedding. In a strange way it kind of seemed like the "wedding for the people" in spite of and including the sexual inuendo. I know people will think I'm crazy but the movie actually struck a resonant chord in me about weddings in general.
AJ
I think the character that may have made it the best is the coolest "Uncool Dad" ever that Eugene Levy (I think that's the actor) plays.
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Ack! Female society nastiness! Half of my family (the numerous half) is from Texas, and I swear the debutante crap is the center of female existence for them. I was always the "sweet girl," which meant I had no physical value and they had to say something pleasant about me. All my "smart people" attributes didn't help either.
Here's some helpful advice, though. I was the ugly nerd girl in high school. I never got asked out, and though I had the guts to ask a guy to take me to my senior prom (I really really wanted to go), he stood me up the night of. My first couple years of college were spent in utter self-loathing and paranoia. I'd develop awful crushes that would consume all of time and energy. My sophomore year, a newly returned missionary boy who was a ski bum fit type asked me out and we had a whole day-long date adventure thing and he held my hand and everything. After a couple more casual dates, I think he got intimidated by my constant babbling about everything (he commented while we were watching Jeopardy and I was answering all the questions that shows like this were all about "useless knowledge") and told me he wanted to date a lot of different girls. He was married two months later. I was convinced I was a horrid hag.
It wasn't until a year or so later that I finally got to a point where I could let go of my paranoia and obsession about boys. I stopped getting mad crushes, and I was actually very content and happy and not looking for anyone.
Then... the weird part... I started attracting all kinds of attention. I could go to parties and be my laid-back funnygirl self and be the center of attention. I could have normal conversations with boys in classes. I started dressing a lot more feminine, actually, since I wasn't trying to adopt an image that I thought would appeal to guys (I had tried cowgirl, rock girl, outdoors girl) and I became a lot more of what I think my real self is. I have a totally different look every day.
I've had so many more guys interested in me since I started acting like myself. I spend my time and energy improving my own interests and talents. I found workout options that weren't torturous group sports. I learned to cook. I learned to sew. I write and make art and it's not about desperation and unrequited love. I think my school work is a lot better and more profound since I can give it its required mental energy.
So, the moral is: if I can do it, become mysterious artsy-babe to at least some guys (and to one who matters ), so can you. Especially you, Abby - you've got such a great personality and you are (despite what you may think) totally beautiful. Just because you're surrounded by that weird early college contingent that doesn't know how to appreciate your contributions doesn't mean they're not there. I think you're entirely capable of posessing the feminine mystique Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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As for the 'white wedding' thing, I got into a tiff with my bf last night about it. My daughter is getting married the end of next week, and he made the comment that " most people give more notice when they get married, and most people are engaged for much longer".
My daughter has not been officially engaged for very long, but she has dated this fellow for years and they decided to get married now so that her sisters (who live with me here in Hawaii) can be there. (It's kind of a long story).
I just went off, mostly because I keep being told that "You can't POSSIBLY plan a wedding in less than a year" - from folks all over.
If the most important things are the dress and the caterer and the location and the band, I suppose maybe you can't. But if the important thing is the marriage, it really doesn't take that long at all to plan a wedding.
Posts: 2069 | Registered: May 2001
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quote:You can't POSSIBLY plan a wedding in less than a year
heh- they haven't been to many Mormon weddings, have they? You're considered ancient if you've known the person for a year.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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That was precisely my point Annie. I'm being told how most people do things, like I'm doing it WRONG somehow, when my experience is that MOST PEOPLE have very short engagements and very simple weddings.
Of course if you believe the magazines, most people spend tens of thousands of dollars on weddings too. Posts: 2069 | Registered: May 2001
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I worked at a florist in Big Sky, Montana, a resort town where people from Ft. Lauderdale get married. It wasn't rare to have a family spend $25,000 on the flowers alone.
Having to see all the chaos that these people go through makes me much more skeptical about the value of a really big extravagant wedding.
The weddings we'd do at the local Lutheran church with a bride's bouquet and some rosebud boutonnieres were always much more pleasant events, and the people much more pleasant to be around.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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Early college = TONS OF ANGST. There's been more breakups and angst around me than I had in the entirety of high school. Granted, high school wasn't that much...
Otherwise, meh. I don't think I really try to change myself to be more appealing to guys, I'm just me. But they still ignore me. Ow. Posts: 4816 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I remember right before I started dating my husband, a girl came to my room and wanted me to set up a date with his roommate, so I called DH, he talked to his roommate and we set up the date. I had so much fun - I had never done anything so junior highish in my life. I think High School/ College angst is funny. But that is because I am past it.
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Heck, no. I was up until 3 am sewing the last bridesmaid dress the night before, and we got up at six.
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We considered it. The girl was on the plane to Tucson when they announced that the flight was overbooked and offered free miles to anyone who would give up their seat. My incredibly helpful best friend did so, and took a later flight, (as in days later) which put her getting here the day before my wedding. Wasn't that SWEET?!
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Count me in as another woman who never got the "girly-girl" gene. Never planned a wedding, never have cared much about clothes - don't wear dresses unless forced, if I wear make-up two or three times a year it's a lot, rarely played with dolls as a child, and when I did Barbie was definitely not planning her wedding, either. And I most especially never, ever went through the "horse phase". I'm the only female I know IRL who didn't.
Now, that said, I love being a girl. The main thing is, there were too many more interesting things to do besides playing with make-up and hairstyles when I was an adolescent. I've always much preferred reading a good book or doing something that is actually interesting. I remember one time I was stuck in a van for five hours with a group of women who only wanted to talk about babies and weddings. Just about went mad that day. Not, you know, that those are bad topics; I just don't understand how anyone can talk about them for five hours straight. Just me, I guess.
Posts: 2454 | Registered: Jan 2003
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But the amusing part is, I had absolutely no interest in them either. If someone didn't find me interesting, that right there makes them a whole lot less interesting to me.
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We said "No!" She described them again several times, as she'd seen them in a wedding and liked them. "I'm sure it was lovely, but we want real flowers." "Real flowers would make tyhe Bibles wet." ""Yeah... we're not doing the Bibles. Sorry."![[Frown]](frown.gif)
She's back in ICU.
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at me.
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LOL! No -- I think IvyGirl would kill me....![[Smile]](smile.gif)
), so can you. Especially you, Abby - you've got such a great personality and you are (despite what you may think) totally beautiful. Just because you're surrounded by that weird early college contingent that doesn't know how to appreciate your contributions doesn't mean they're not there. I think you're entirely capable of posessing the feminine mystique ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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