posted
congratulations, Bob! chiclets have permanently glued together all previously discabobulated parts of the universe - unfortunately, there is no known way of unsticking anything.
I wish I had a lollipop.(and that I could type faster)
posted
Pooka, you have just published the best selling diet book, but three years later it turns out that in fact, the diet you reccomend also shrinks the kidneys into unusable raisins. You, as a user of your own diet, die taking half of the USA with you.
Bob, you have no body hair. Too bad about that gorgeous woman you just met whose only stipulation for making love to a man is that he must be very very hairy.
I wish I my boss would die of heart failure.
Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
Politicians always tell the truth, leading to a massive failure of government, rioting, and anarchy. (I honestly believe that would happen, to be frank.)
I wish I were immune to all harmful diseases.
Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000
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Thousands of men and women die from inability to circulate blood efficiently due to monstrously oversized phalluses and breasts. You are forced to spend your life with self-centered, egotistical jerks.
Sure wish I could move super speedy fast.
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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I agree, that would be nice. However after five years of overusing your gift you wind up with a severe case of carpal tunnel syndrome and aare unable to type and post on hatrack, forever denying us your clever company.
Man, I dunno. Wolverine's power, how about that. That'd be nice.
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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No, see, the correct way to twist it back on me is to say that I horribly break my leg and the tissue around it heals up immediately, freezing the shattered bone in place.
Pretty sure healing anything can heal a blood infection, too.
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Carb counters consequently lose one of their staples and become very crabby, causing a 27% increase in murder and, surprisingly, a 63% rise in rape.
I wish for once I could have dinner with a celebrity who wasn't bound and gagged.
[ September 28, 2004, 12:52 AM: Message edited by: Book ]
Posts: 2258 | Registered: Aug 2003
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Congratulations. You can now get a full night's rest in 4 hours. Unfortunately, you are unable to sleep more than that, and you develop acute noctiphobia.
I wish I could see a much wider section of the electromagnetic spectrum.
Posts: 1357 | Registered: Mar 2002
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Gilded copies of the following books appear on your bookshelf.
The Holy Bible The Book of Mormon Ethics for the New Millennium: His Holiness the Dalai Lama The Book of Jewish Values: A Day-By-Day Guide to Ethical Living Cyberethics: Social & Moral Issues in the Computer Age
I wish I could eat yummy meals everyday without gaining an ounce of weight.
*edited because my first wish was impossible without divine intervention*
posted
Granted. The massive tape worm in your stomach robs you of all nutrients, regardless of how much you eat. You waste away, and eventually die of starvation.
I wish to attain enlightenment.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Wonderful. You are completely parasite free. You no longer have a single parasite, not even the beneficial ones that aid in digestion. You have an eternal case of the runs.
I wish I were TomDavidson.
Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000
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You are now Tom Davidson. Unfortunately, not five minutes ago The Pixiest decided that you had to be taken out, and even as we speak she is contracting the job out to a radical right wing militia group in your area.
I wish for a lifetime of good health.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Iocaine comes exclusively from Australia! And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, as everyone knows. And criminals are used to people not trusting them as you are are not trusted by me so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!
You have a dizzying intellect.
Wait till I get going!... Where was I.
Australia.
Ah yes. And you must have suspected I would know the powders origin. You would have counted on it! So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. ... ... ... (argument continues) ... ... ... You've made your choice?
Yes. Let's drink. I from my glass, and you from yours. (they drink)
(smirks)You guessed wrong
You only think I guessed wrong, that's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia. But only SLIGHTLY less well known is this. NEVER go in against a sicilian, when DEATH is on the line! Ahahahahahahah Ahahahahahahah Ha Ha HA... (dies)
Princess Buttercup: And to think all this time it was your cup that was poisoned.
Who can finish this quote?
Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000
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posted
You do. Now you know eery single person in your life who is living a lie. You know every public figure who has a secret. You know every politician whose career you could end with a phone call. Now you will be tempted. You will live a life conflicted by whether or not to resort to blackmail. If you ever do, you will end up being killed by your target. If you don't, you will always, always be tempted. Enjoy your living hell, my friend.
I wish I had the complete Black Adder box set.
Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000
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You now own the entire run of Black Adder. On Betamax. Good luck finding something to play it on. If you manage it, you'll discover that the whole thing is a pirated version of the series, dubbed in Cantonese.
I wish to know what the consensus of future generations will be on the events going on in the present.
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Congratulations. Although everyone looks back on the events of these years with fond remembrance, you discover everyone in the future hates you and your birthday is a day of mourning on which everyone wears black. You immediately commit suicide.
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"Welcome to the land of cotton, Dan_Raven" says your overseer, flicking his whip in your direction. "You'll be clearing half of this field before you'll be be given lunch."
I wish I'd gotten to reply to Teshi's "million dollar" wish.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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