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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The monkey's paw -- a game (Page 30)

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Author Topic: The monkey's paw -- a game
Mr. Y
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Granted! The forum sees a surge of renewed activity. Unfortunately, almost all of it consists of spam messages by bots and Clive Candy alts trying to subtly discuss all the ways that women are annoying to him.

I wish that we will finish our end-of-year tasks before the deadline.

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JanitorBlade
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Granted! Because newly self-appointed Emperor Obama decrees that this year shall never end so that he might forever safe guard the nation as long as he still draws breath. 2015 starts its trip into perpetuity. Then, because medical science also pushes back what can still kill us until there's nothing left other than assassination. Emperor Obama is never removed. And 2015 is the year the world ended. You've got plenty of time.

I wish all our politicians were required to debate issues ala Rap Battles.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted. After the first couple of hundred Mike drops, none of the equipment functions so nobody can hear them battle it out using rap or any other form of aural communication. Sadly, this doesn't end all political strife as they all switch over to interpretive dance.

I wish my kids were in their pajamas.

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Dogbreath
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quote:
Originally posted by Bob_Scopatz:
Granted. After the first couple of hundred Mike drops, none of the equipment functions so nobody can hear them battle it out using rap or any other form of aural communication. Sadly, this doesn't end all political strife as they all switch over to interpretive dance.

I wish my kids were in their pajamas.

Granted. In fact, they like their pajamas so much they decide it's the only outfit they can possibly wear. Now you have to explain to their concerned teachers why your sons keep showing up to school in their pjs, and you get weird looks everywhere you go in public.

I wish I had more time to go Christmas shopping.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted! You have another 15 milliseconds! Use them wisely.

I wish I could stop sneezing this morning.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! You died last night!

I wish I had a magic box that fills up with whatever you write on the outside.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted! I write nothing on the outside.

I wish my parents had purchased me a real drum set when I was five instead of a toy one.

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Marek
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Granted! your parents in fact buy you lots of instruments when you are a child, and videos of you playing them on you tube catch the attention of record execs, you become Justin Bieber,

I wish I had the super powers of Spiderman.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted, you are stuck to the wall, and everybody tries to stomp on you.

I wish I had the HDMI cord I ordered weeks ago.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted, but your equipment rejects it, and immidiatlly self destructs.

I wish I had a full-time maid.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted! Your maid works non-stop, around the clock, never shutting off the vacuum cleaner for more time than it takes to shake out the filter. Your maid follows you around the house picking up anything you set down and instantly cleaning it, even if you'd only just paused between bites of your favorite meal.

I wish I owned a combination used book and antique store.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted...Needful Things, Castle Rock Maine is now open!

I wish that all of humanity's monitary resources were evenly divided among its people.

P.S. I wish I knew how to spell "monetary" earlier.

[ September 10, 2016, 01:05 AM: Message edited by: Stone_Wolf_ ]

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Derrell
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I've missed this thread.
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Sean Monahan
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Granted... all people are now monitored equally.

I wish I was reading Master Alvin right now.

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JanitorBlade
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Granted! OSC drops dead, and now you are reading Aaron Johnston's version of Master Alvin.

I wish I could stop having sleep paralysis.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted, now you sleep walk CONSTANTLY, and you tend to wonder into traffic if not tethered.

I wish I had a space elevator.

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Elcheeko75
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Granted. Turns out a space ship would have been a better wish as elevators are not equipped with life support.

I wish my son didn't want to play the same level of Lego batman over and over.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted! Your son now plays the same song over and over instead.

I wish people would finish their literature reviews.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Wish granted! A new all powerful, secret group, called the Literatureinati has been formed...they kidnap your loved ones, sending home the removed body parts from them until you finish your damn review. (They start by giving them bad hair cuts and send you the bill).

I wish that all of humanity's monetary resources were evenly divided among its people.

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Elcheeko75
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Granted. Due to his new income level, Donald Trump now lives next door to you.

I wish there were Olympics every summer.

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Darth_Mauve
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Granted: Within 15 years, 15 different countries drown in the stupidendous (new word I just created) debt of hosting the Olympics, sending the world into a deep recession and financial crisis.

I wish my pets were house trained.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted...you are now homeless, problem solved.

I wish my space elevator had life support.

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Mr. Y
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Granted. Your space elevator has life support, but it is currently not functioning and you did not have the foresight to sign a maintenance contract.

I wish to find a new and exciting job.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Congratulations, you just signed up for space elevator maintenance!

I wish I had a moon base.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted! Sadly, Russia launched a moon acid to neutralize your moon base.

I wish we had faster-than-light travel for real!

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! Sadly the movie Event Horizon **SPOILERS**


...was correct and going to warp sends you to hell!

I wish my wallet refilled with money as I spent it.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted. Your wallet fills with Monopoly money.

I wish there was third day to the weekend.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted...your boss calls you...everyday is the weekend when you are FIRED!

I wish that I had the ability to turn things new again at will.

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Darth_Mauve
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Congratulations, everything you touch now turns a new direction--facing Will, William Shatner that is.

I wish I could parse a sentence correctly

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Heisenberg
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Granted.

A horrific stroke renders you unable to move or communicate, but the ability to do nothing but read the things put in front of you combined with the frantic attempts of your damaged brain to regain any kind of function grant you a savant like ability to understand context in the written English language.

I wish that I was a millionaire, with nobody and nothing else losing anything due to that, and that my life after the wish would be seen as positive and happy from the viewpoint of an unaltered me from before I held the monkey's paw.

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Stone_Wolf_
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The monkey's paw withers and turns to dust in your hands. A deep, booming voice from everywhere and no where at the same time thunders in your soul.

quote:
Originally posted by Bob_Scopatz:
Here's the game:

Person 1 posts their wish.

Person 2 "twists" it into something dark and evil that backfires on the wisher.

Some simple rules:
You can't make compound conditional wishes like:
I want all the money I could ever use, but I don't want it to be inheritance as all my relatives die and I don't want it to be post-humous or to get it because I'm discovered to be a rare medical freak who gets paid to show off...

No, your wishes have to be simple things like:
I want to never have to worry about money again.

or

I want to be the most beautiful person in the world.

Simple. one verb, one subject, adjectives to your hearts content.

Points (ha, like I'm actually to score these) awarded for:

wishing for something that the next person can't twist into something REALLY REALLY EVIL.

and for

twisting the wish into SOMETHING REALLY GRUESOMELY CREATIVELY EXTRA SCRUMPTIOUSLY EVIL.

Once you've posted your evil twisting of the previous person's wish, post your wish so the next person has something to work with.

The monkey's paw reforms in your hands.

Make your wish.

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Heisenberg
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Well that's ****ing boring. Where's the fun in the game if we're not all allowed to try and outsmart the genie?

But fine.

I wish I didn't have diabetes.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! Everytime food touches your lips it turns to kale. Your diabeetus is cured in a month!

I wish I could fly like Peter Pan.

[ September 13, 2016, 01:30 AM: Message edited by: Stone_Wolf_ ]

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Darth_Mauve
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Granted. You now fly like a jar of peanut butter--mainly just falls and spill your insides in a sticky mess all over the floor.

I wish I had some Jelly with that.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! Jason DeFord, better known by his stage name Jelly Roll, appears out of no where and follows you around, laying down the beats!

I wish for a little quiet sometimes.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted, you get a little quiet. Very little.

I wish my reports would write themselves.

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Darth_Mauve
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Granted, your reports write themselves, and all come to the same conclusion--not only should you be fired, you should be prosecuted as well.

I wish they'd renew Galavant.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted. The show has been retooled as a high school musical set in New Jersey. Galavant is a burned out debate coach who dreams of winning State.

I wish I was less tired.

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Darth_Mauve
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Granted, someone stole all the tires off your car.

I wish someone keeps giving me easy ones like that last one.

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JanitorBlade
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Granted, I wish I was less tireless.
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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! Now you are tired all the time!

I wish I understood context.

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Darth_Mauve
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Granted, you now understand all the texts any con ever sends you.

I wish I had a V8.

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Heisenberg
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Granted.

You make a wonderful new friend and/or partner, and they are brutally and painfully murdered. You receive the V8 via their will.

I wish I had the mutant power of regeneration, like Wolverine.

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Heisenberg
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Guys. This is supposed to be about an evil genie fulfilling the wish in *the worst way possible*. Put some effort in, FFS.
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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted...you are now Deadpool...w/ the healing powers of Wolverene...and cancer...and multiple personalities...and a face like hamburger left out in the sun...tho not as whitty.

I wish I was a little bit taller, wish I was a baller.

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Darth_Mauve
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Granted, you are taller, 7ft 3.5 inches tall. And you are a baller, but unfortunately your ball is a bright green golf ball used in professional miniature golf, and you are required to use the standard mini-golf putter, designed for a 4ft 1 inch child. Oooooh your back.

I wish I didn't have to deal with all the paperwork.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted. You are now an undocumented alien slated for deportation.

I wish MST3K was still a weekly show on PBS.

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Elcheeko75
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Granted. Unfortunately a PBS technician mistakenly plays the previously unaired for good reason episode where the guys make fun of Schindler's List. The ensuing media firestorm gives the fiscal Hawks in the House of Representatives the leverage they need to finally defund public television altogether. As a result the annual pbs pledge drive has become a perpetual pledge drive so you only get to watch MST3K for two minute stretches between fifteen minute segments where Laura Linney warns you that programs like this Up With People retrospective will go away forever unless people like you donate now!

I wish they had continued The West Wing on through the Matt Santos administration.

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Darth_Mauve
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Granted, but they brought in new writers who wrote for the last season of Lost and Michael Bay to direct.

I wish Michael Bay would direct a remake of Bambi

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GaalDornick
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Granted! Michael Bay directs a remake of Bambi.

I wish time would go faster when I'm bored at work.

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