FacebookTwitter
Hatrack River Forum Post New Topic  Post A Reply
my profile login | register | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The monkey's paw -- a game (Page 3)

  This topic comprises 31 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  ...  29  30  31   
Author Topic: The monkey's paw -- a game
mr_porteiro_head
Member
Member # 4644

 - posted      Profile for mr_porteiro_head   Email mr_porteiro_head         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
To respond to Teshi's wish, you go back in time. Unfortunately, this causes a rift in the space-time continuium, and you are stuck in a bad Star Trek TNG episode for all eternity.

I wish I could control the speed that time flows for me, as in the book Treason.

Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Noemon
Member
Member # 1115

 - posted      Profile for Noemon   Email Noemon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Hey, as long as there isn't a malfunctioning holodeck in the episode, I consider myself fortunate.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mr_porteiro_head
Member
Member # 4644

 - posted      Profile for mr_porteiro_head   Email mr_porteiro_head         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I said it was a bad TNG episode, so there has to be a malfunctioning holodeck.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Teshi
Member
Member # 5024

 - posted      Profile for Teshi   Email Teshi         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
m_p_h, this you now have the power to do. But, er, not very well. While dreaming of your powers you mistakenly age yourself rather quickly, and well... rest in peace, my friend.

I wish I could emit light from my hand just by willing it.

EDIT: I also wish I had grammar skills.

[ September 28, 2004, 01:19 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]

Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Noemon
Member
Member # 1115

 - posted      Profile for Noemon   Email Noemon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[Mad] Curse you, MPH! Truly, you are an evil genie!

Teshi: An ultra-secret branch of the NSA takes an interest in your glowing hand, and kidnaps you. You spend the rest of your (brief) life being vivisected by government scientists.

I wish that I knew what Book's background was in Firefly.

Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mr_porteiro_head
Member
Member # 4644

 - posted      Profile for mr_porteiro_head   Email mr_porteiro_head         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You find out about Book, and realize that if they had continued, Firfly would would become the greatest work of cinema, art, and literature in the history of mankind. It would have issued in a new era of world peace, eliminated poverty, and given everybody a purpose to their lives.

But you can't get anybody to make it. [Wall Bash]

I wish that I had access to a library of all works of art, all books, all TV shows, all movies, etc. through all time.

Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pooka
Member
Member # 5003

 - posted      Profile for pooka   Email pooka         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
*poof* You have all works of stuff, but only this life in which to read it. Also, a lot of it is either in a language you don't know or translated by a darned Yalie.

I wish I could play guitar.

Posts: 11012 | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Noemon
Member
Member # 1115

 - posted      Profile for Noemon   Email Noemon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
A dizzyingly alien, dizzyingly beautiful spaceship descends gracefully, landing in Porter's back yard. With a quiet hiss, the airlock opens, and a ramp descends to the ground. Down it, a being that can only be described as "angelic" strides purposefully. Although her lips do not move, Porter hears, in his head, a voice saying "Take this, brother; may it serve you well," and hands you a storage device which contains all works of art, all books, all TV shows, all movies, etc. through all time. As Porter watches in stunned silence, she re-enters her craft and disappears into the heavens, having completely forgotten to provide a reader for the storage device.

[Edit--pooka develops an uncanny ability to play the guitar. Unfortunately, she'll now spend the rest of her life with hellhounds on her trail, since she happened to find the "genie" who granted her this wish loitering at a crossroads.]

I wish that I had the ability to observe history as the characters in Pastwatch do.

[ September 28, 2004, 01:42 PM: Message edited by: Noemon ]

Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Space Opera
Member
Member # 6504

 - posted      Profile for Space Opera   Email Space Opera         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Noemon, you observe your parents in the act of creating you and are totally squicked. Not only is observing history wrecked for you, but so is any thought of a normal sex life.

I wish I could write a great book.

space opera

Posts: 2578 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carrie
Member
Member # 394

 - posted      Profile for Carrie   Email Carrie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
45,383 pages later, no one's reading. Too bad no one actually picked it up in the first place!

I wish I could sight-read ancient Greek well.

Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Noemon
Member
Member # 1115

 - posted      Profile for Noemon   Email Noemon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
[Laugh] Space Opera!

Carrie--you pick up a copy of The Illiad in the original Greek, and are delighted by your ability to sight read it. Well, for the few moments you have remaining before macular degeration claims your ability to see, anyway.

I wish I were capable of voluntary telekenesis.

[ September 28, 2004, 02:00 PM: Message edited by: Noemon ]

Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kaioshin00
Member
Member # 3740

 - posted      Profile for kaioshin00   Email kaioshin00         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Granted. Though every time you teleport, you lose a limb (of your choice).

I wish that I could bake cookies. Good ones.

Posts: 2756 | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Noemon
Member
Member # 1115

 - posted      Profile for Noemon   Email Noemon         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
pssst! That's teleportation, not telekenesis!
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Polio
Member
Member # 6479

 - posted      Profile for Polio   Email Polio         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Kaioshin: Your future senile mother-in-law spends three weeks with you to teach you to bake good cookies. Then, because she is a mother-in-law and thus conniving and manipulative, she moves in with you so she doesn't have to bake and eats all your cookies.

I wish I knew how to fix my car.

Posts: 165 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Turgan
Member
Member # 6697

 - posted      Profile for Turgan   Email Turgan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Granted. But you will forget how to breathe.

I wish I got an A in Spanish.

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Polio
Member
Member # 6479

 - posted      Profile for Polio   Email Polio         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You get an A in Spanish, travel to Cuba, and are killed by the government.

I wish I looked better in my yearbook photo.

Posts: 165 | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
IdemosthenesI
Member
Member # 862

 - posted      Profile for IdemosthenesI   Email IdemosthenesI         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Granted, but you will forget how to breathe.

That one works for freakin' anything! I mean, even Hitler could use that one.

I wish Goodwin's law didn't exist.

Posts: 894 | Registered: Apr 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Turgan
Member
Member # 6697

 - posted      Profile for Turgan   Email Turgan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Granted... but you soon wish it was Murphy's law that didn't exist as you get hit by a truck after exitting your house.

I wish i didn't have to shoot that mountain lion.

[ September 28, 2004, 04:15 PM: Message edited by: Turgan ]

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Teshi
Member
Member # 5024

 - posted      Profile for Teshi   Email Teshi         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You don't. But perhaps you should have; he just ate you.

I wish I could write with only my mind thinking the words.

Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dagonee
Member
Member # 5818

 - posted      Profile for Dagonee           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You can, but you can't stop - wherever you go, everything you thought is written in large letters.

I wish I'd gotten the job I wanted.

Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Turgan
Member
Member # 6697

 - posted      Profile for Turgan   Email Turgan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
damn.. i was foiled...

Granted: unfortunately you die the very next day because your face gets smashed in the copier. O_O.

I wish i had my own company that could successfully compete with Starbucks.

[ September 28, 2004, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Turgan ]

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dagonee
Member
Member # 5818

 - posted      Profile for Dagonee           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
But now Starbuck's is taken over by the mob in response to your competition.

I wish I had a Moller Skycar.

Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carrie
Member
Member # 394

 - posted      Profile for Carrie   Email Carrie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You did.

I wish I had someone to buy my ticket.

Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Little_Doctor
Member
Member # 6635

 - posted      Profile for Little_Doctor   Email Little_Doctor         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
They pay in monopoly money!

I wish I had uncontrollable heat vision that will destory everyone I see.

Posts: 1401 | Registered: Jun 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Turgan
Member
Member # 6697

 - posted      Profile for Turgan   Email Turgan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
you DID??? what kind of grant is that?

Granted. Unfortunately, you kill too many people, get the governments attention, and they kill you. Because, hey, you're an alien. Or so they think.

I wish i would go to Heaven when i die.

[ September 28, 2004, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: Turgan ]

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Carrie
Member
Member # 394

 - posted      Profile for Carrie   Email Carrie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
It's a very short one. See, you had it, then... POOF! - you didn't. Sorry.
Posts: 3932 | Registered: Sep 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Eruve Nandiriel
Member
Member # 5677

 - posted      Profile for Eruve Nandiriel   Email Eruve Nandiriel         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Turgan- Unfortunately, you step on a duck.

I wish I had some fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.

(edit: I doubt anyone will recognize the joke...)

[ September 28, 2004, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: Eruve Nandiriel ]

Posts: 4174 | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pooka
Member
Member # 5003

 - posted      Profile for pooka   Email pooka         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You get to heaven and it is full of people who also wished their way there.

I wish I had a bowl of rice pudding.

Posts: 11012 | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Turgan
Member
Member # 6697

 - posted      Profile for Turgan   Email Turgan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I recognize the joke, amazingly.

Granted. Except you soon realize that the gods misunderstood you and you are actually eating LICE pudding.

I wish i had a number one from Burger king. With no onions.

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Teshi
Member
Member # 5024

 - posted      Profile for Teshi   Email Teshi         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Number one has recently changed to a single pickle. One pickle, with no onions, coming right up.

I wish I could get away from this thread.

Posts: 8473 | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annie
Member
Member # 295

 - posted      Profile for Annie   Email Annie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You leave this thread and step out your door and are immediately devoured bya gelatinous beast.

I wish my cat had short hair.

Posts: 8503 | Registered: Aug 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Turgan
Member
Member # 6697

 - posted      Profile for Turgan   Email Turgan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Granted. Unfortunately, the barber also cut off your ears. Can you hear me now? Good.

I wish I had some cheese sticks.

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annie
Member
Member # 295

 - posted      Profile for Annie   Email Annie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
I took my cat to the barber?
Posts: 8503 | Registered: Aug 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pooka
Member
Member # 5003

 - posted      Profile for pooka   Email pooka         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Granted, but the barber bill is $80.

I wish I knew how to wear makeup.

Posts: 11012 | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annie
Member
Member # 295

 - posted      Profile for Annie   Email Annie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Here you are - a big bowl of our special - cheese sticks and pus.

I wish my toes weren't cold.

Posts: 8503 | Registered: Aug 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annie
Member
Member # 295

 - posted      Profile for Annie   Email Annie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Pooka - you're the best made-up hooker in the state of Utah.

I still wish my toes weren't cold.

Posts: 8503 | Registered: Aug 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
advice for robots
Member
Member # 2544

 - posted      Profile for advice for robots           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Wish granted! No more toes!

I wish I could call evil good, and good evil.

Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annie
Member
Member # 295

 - posted      Profile for Annie   Email Annie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
afr: Celia is elected Pope.

I wish chocolate wasn't fattening.

Posts: 8503 | Registered: Aug 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
advice for robots
Member
Member # 2544

 - posted      Profile for advice for robots           Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Fine. Chocolate isn't fattening, but it is now against the Word of Wisdom.

I wish I had a million wishes.

Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annie
Member
Member # 295

 - posted      Profile for Annie   Email Annie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Ok, you get a million wishes, but you've suddenly developed Tourette's.

I wish I had pink hair

Posts: 8503 | Registered: Aug 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Turgan
Member
Member # 6697

 - posted      Profile for Turgan   Email Turgan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Granted. Unfortunately, the only way to get pink hair was to stain it with your own blood. Do you feel feint?

I wish i had green eyes.

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Eruve Nandiriel
Member
Member # 5677

 - posted      Profile for Eruve Nandiriel   Email Eruve Nandiriel         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Turgan- You also go blind.

I still want fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies.

Posts: 4174 | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pooka
Member
Member # 5003

 - posted      Profile for pooka   Email pooka         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You get fresh baked chocolate chip cookies but someone was in such a hurry to make them for you they put in double soda and you have no milk.

I'm enjoying my rice pudding, by the way.

I wish for all the veal calves to be freed.

[ September 28, 2004, 05:05 PM: Message edited by: pooka ]

Posts: 11012 | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annie
Member
Member # 295

 - posted      Profile for Annie   Email Annie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
The veal calves are freed, but have a nasty run-in with a rabid skunk. And they're milling about your backyard.

I wish Pedro Sanchez could be our President.

Posts: 8503 | Registered: Aug 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mr_porteiro_head
Member
Member # 4644

 - posted      Profile for mr_porteiro_head   Email mr_porteiro_head         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Now that veal calves are free, prices for veal plummet. For a while, it is the cheapest meat you can buy. The entire world develops a taste for it, and within a year there are ten times as many veal calves in cages as there were before.

edit: ignore my wish

[ September 28, 2004, 05:07 PM: Message edited by: mr_porteiro_head ]

Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Turgan
Member
Member # 6697

 - posted      Profile for Turgan   Email Turgan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Granted. Pedro Sanchez becomes president. But is assassinated the next day and Carlos Santana succeeds him... he is then assassinated and we all have to deal with Ricky Martin as president.

I wish Eruve could get a chocolate chip cookie

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Annie
Member
Member # 295

 - posted      Profile for Annie   Email Annie         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
Eruve gets a chocolate chip cookie laced with cyanide and you get your ears boxed for being insolent.

I wish I talked with an exotic accent

Posts: 8503 | Registered: Aug 1999  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Eruve Nandiriel
Member
Member # 5677

 - posted      Profile for Eruve Nandiriel   Email Eruve Nandiriel         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You talk with the accent of a Klingon, and no one can understand you.

I want to be a really good artist.

Posts: 4174 | Registered: Sep 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Turgan
Member
Member # 6697

 - posted      Profile for Turgan   Email Turgan         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
GAH! DOES IT NEVER END!?
*hates being foiled*

[ September 28, 2004, 05:21 PM: Message edited by: Turgan ]

Posts: 529 | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
mr_porteiro_head
Member
Member # 4644

 - posted      Profile for mr_porteiro_head   Email mr_porteiro_head         Edit/Delete Post   Reply With Quote 
You are now the worlds best artist in your chosen medium.

Unfortunately, your medium is piles of dung.

I wish that I could retire right now.

Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 31 pages: 1  2  3  4  5  6  ...  29  30  31   

Quick Reply
Message:

HTML is not enabled.
UBB Code™ is enabled.
UBB Code™ Images not permitted.
Instant Graemlins
   


Post New Topic  Post A Reply Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Hatrack River Home Page

Copyright © 2008 Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.
Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited.


Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classic™ 6.7.2