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GRANTED! your house burns down, taking your old newspaper with it, and to prevent further pile up, any paper you touch, including money bursts into flame.
I wish I never needed sleep.
Posts: 2332 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Granted! Unfortunately none of them have any legs or arms, so basically they are just very high tech dust which is at your command, and has microscopic blinking lights. It is a vast army, this will lead to a lot of sweeping.
I wish I could move things with my mind.
Posts: 2332 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Granted! You find yourself suddenly included with this year's Antarctica meteor-finding trip. Too bad you didn't have time to pack. See you in two months! (And you'll probably thaw out just in time for next summer.)
I wish I had a higher-paying job, without working more hours than I already do.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
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Granted, you now make twenty-cents an hour more and the co-worker who stares at you when you aren't looking but doesn't stop when you notice is now your immediate supervisor. You now share a work space.
I wish the two Monkey's Paw threads were one.
Posts: 2302 | Registered: Aug 2008
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Granted! they magically fuse into one thread, but all the other threads become part of it too, so you are completely unable to avoid any subject, no matter how dumb the show is they are discussing or how repetitive the political arguments are, etc.
I wish I were royalty. "Lord Marek" has a nice ring to it
Posts: 2332 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Granted! You have that car. But your neighbour now has a 1982 Trans Am with artificial intelligence and the ability to voice its thoughts; it continuously disses you and your car.
I wish I could find new house with ample room for all my stuff, in a convenient location for commuting, with a low rent.
Posts: 1100 | Registered: Apr 2008
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Granted! You have the budget, and you also have cancer. Chemo is expensive.
I wish I had never seen World's Greatest Dad, while the movie was great the end showed me something I never wanted to see.
Posts: 2302 | Registered: Aug 2008
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Granted! All poop smells like fresh roses thereby giving no one obvious incentive to observe proper sanitation and the human race is wiped out through disease.
I wish I could find another audiobook to listen to.
Posts: 258 | Registered: Jul 2006
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Granted! You take a nice long nap, though most people would call it a fifteen year coma, but hey after it you are well rested, by the way, watch out for the alien overlords, they are not big fans of people who have yet to be trained.
I wish I could buy one video game system, that could could play every video game.
Posts: 2332 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Granted! In this DIY shop, you 'could' buy the parts for mere 10 000$! But then, the game system only 'could' play it, so you got to figure it out for yourself.
I wish my wife didn't cheat on me.
Posts: 723 | Registered: Dec 2004
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Granted! instead of destroying your relationship via infidelity, she stays married to you until you die lonely tortured and absolutely unsupported.
I wish that a paternity test would prove Paul Ryan to be the illegitimate son of Mitt Romney.
Posts: 2302 | Registered: Aug 2008
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Granted! it is subsequently proven that President Obama is Romney's son from when he was 13 and knocked up his teacher, and that Romney is Ron Paul's son from when he he was 13 and knocked up his teacher. Also Romney wins, using the this as a new gimmick for his campaign.
I wish I had a real world Iron man suit.
Posts: 2332 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Granted! You are now either Ryan Reynolds or Blake Lively, and you can see how fantastic Green Lantern really was.
I wish they didn't remove the Joe Poturno statue, but instead altered it so it was looking the other way.
Posts: 2302 | Registered: Aug 2008
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Granted! they make the Statue turn to look the other way, continuously, and it turns so fast, that no one can tell who it is, or even that it is a person. So the joke is ruined.
I wish I could get paid for wasting time online.
Posts: 2332 | Registered: Jul 2003
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Granted. Go to page 855 of this forum. You were a Jatraquero. You are still a Jatraquero. You will probably still be a Jatraquero for the foreseeable future. Congrats.
I wish I could find more friends.
Posts: 292 | Registered: Jun 2006
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Granted. You are now stuck in a purple dinosaur suit. This will get you lots of friends, but you will perish from heat exhaustion before you can fully explore these friendships.
I wish this ache in my right shoulder was gone.
[ May 16, 2014, 03:20 AM: Message edited by: Mr. Y ]
Posts: 1100 | Registered: Apr 2008
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After the surgery to replace your shoulder, you are relieved to find that it is entirely free of pain. The new shoulder is the first FDA approved cybernetic shoulder replacement, and in almost every way it's better than the biological original--stronger, more durable, even, dare I say...sexier. Unfortunately, the NSA built a backdoor into the software that facilitates the brain/machine interface, and clever hackers have found their way in through it, and can (and often do) now take control of your shoulder anytime you're within range of a wifi signal. It is now sadly common for your first dates to end with your horrified prospective partner shouting "you're hitting yourself! Why do you keep hitting yourself" as hackers jerk your shoulder in such a way as to bring your hand slamming into you face, neck, and chest. You cannot drive for fear of hackers forcing you to wreck, and using cutlery in your right hand is simply a terrifying prospect.
[Edit - forgot my wish. Hmmm...I wish that Hatrack were running the most recent stable version of SMF rather than the antiquated UBB software it's currently making use of]
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Granted! The first and only planet we can reach is surprisingly like our own. The only notable difference is that the location of Finland on a map is more commonly known by North Americans.
I wish my new job goes well, I start Monday.
Posts: 2302 | Registered: Aug 2008
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Granted, you prove the Riemann hypothesis. But the stress gets to you and you suffer a nervous breakdown and end up taking your own life. The Nobel prize is awarded posthumously.
I wish I my hair grew faster.
Posts: 1100 | Registered: Apr 2008
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Granted, the sun doesn't set at all and you live in perpetual daylight.
I wish we will get two competent, intelligent US presidential candidates to choose between next year.
Posts: 2054 | Registered: Nov 2005
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Granted. There are two equally competent and charismatic candidates for the 2016 elections. They are however so equally matched, that the country is totally divided and by some fluke the electoral votes for each each candidate total 269. It is a stalemate and since none of the voters is going to change their mind about their preferred candidate (the candidate in question being so perfectly qualified)... civil war ensues.
I wish that the computer/network at my job did not have so many performance issues.
Posts: 1100 | Registered: Apr 2008
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Granted! You develop a pill that increases hard drive performance. (Be careful if it lasts for over four hours.) But unfortunately, your computer leaves you and your job for a better, younger, user.
I wish I didn't have so much stuff to do.
Posts: 468 | Registered: Mar 2008
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