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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The monkey's paw -- a game (Page 29)

  This topic comprises 29 pages: 1  2  3  ...  26  27  28  29   
Author Topic: The monkey's paw -- a game
Marek
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GRANTED! your house burns down, taking your old newspaper with it, and to prevent further pile up, any paper you touch, including money bursts into flame.

I wish I never needed sleep.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! You are dead. No need to sleep one bit.

I wish I had an army of nanobots under my control.

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Marek
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Granted! Unfortunately none of them have any legs or arms, so basically they are just very high tech dust which is at your command, and has microscopic blinking lights. It is a vast army, this will lead to a lot of sweeping.

I wish I could move things with my mind.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted, but unfortunately the "things" you can move are neurons.

I wish I had unlimited resources.

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BlackBlade
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Granted! You are crushed under the weight of your resources, somewhere between your limitless iron ore and paper.

I wish my cat could dance a jig.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! Your cat -can- dance a jig...but chooses not to.

I wish I didn't need glasses.

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Marek
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Granted! you are completely blind, but not the kind that seems to require sunglasses.

I wish I could win the lottery.

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Raymond Arnold
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Granted! You can! (But won't)

I wish had a pickle and a flashlight.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Wish granted! Everything you own is gone, your car, your cloths, everything...except one kosher dill and a mag-light.

I wish that I had replicator like STNG.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted. You are sadly allergic to even minute traces of Earl Grey.

I wish I could include carbs in my diet without instantly gaining weight.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! Simply mix any carbs you wish to eat with raw sewage and you will very quickly loose weight from vomiting and/or the trots.

I wish it wasn't so bloody hot!

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rivka
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Granted! You find yourself suddenly included with this year's Antarctica meteor-finding trip. Too bad you didn't have time to pack. See you in two months! (And you'll probably thaw out just in time for next summer.)


I wish I had a higher-paying job, without working more hours than I already do.

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AchillesHeel
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Granted, you now make twenty-cents an hour more and the co-worker who stares at you when you aren't looking but doesn't stop when you notice is now your immediate supervisor. You now share a work space.

I wish the two Monkey's Paw threads were one.

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Marek
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Granted! they magically fuse into one thread, but all the other threads become part of it too, so you are completely unable to avoid any subject, no matter how dumb the show is they are discussing or how repetitive the political arguments are, etc.

I wish I were royalty. "Lord Marek" has a nice ring to it

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! You are now King of the physiological ward. All hail Lord Marek, and his bedpan crown!

I wish a I had a 1986 Transam, black, v8, t-tops, perfect condition!

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Mr. Y
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Granted! You have that car. But your neighbour now has a 1982 Trans Am with artificial intelligence and the ability to voice its thoughts; it continuously disses you and your car.

I wish I could find new house with ample room for all my stuff, in a convenient location for commuting, with a low rent.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! Unfortunately someone rents it while you are trying to get reception on your cell to call the realtor.

I wish I had the budget to design and build my own house.

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AchillesHeel
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Granted! You have the budget, and you also have cancer. Chemo is expensive.

I wish I had never seen World's Greatest Dad, while the movie was great the end showed me something I never wanted to see.

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Stone_Wolf_
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I call foul! Getting cancer isn't an "evil twist", it's just plain unrelated and unfortunate.

Granted! You were never born, therefore, you never saw World's Greatest Dad. Easy peasy.

I wish poop smelled like fresh roses.

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happymann
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Granted! All poop smells like fresh roses thereby giving no one obvious incentive to observe proper sanitation and the human race is wiped out through disease.

I wish I could find another audiobook to listen to.

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Marie
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Granted! Unfortunately, the audiobook you found is this. You paid $100,000 to listen to children's Bible stories...

I wish cockroaches couldn't run so fast

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! Now they can fly!

I wish I had a lifetime supply of Oreo cookies.

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rivka
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Granted. Here's 5 boxes. We'll miss you, man.


I wish I weren't so tired.

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Marek
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Granted! You take a nice long nap, though most people would call it a fifteen year coma, but hey after it you are well rested, by the way, watch out for the alien overlords, they are not big fans of people who have yet to be trained.

I wish I could buy one video game system, that could could play every video game.

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Szymon
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Granted! In this DIY shop, you 'could' buy the parts for mere 10 000$! But then, the game system only 'could' play it, so you got to figure it out for yourself.

I wish my wife didn't cheat on me.

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AchillesHeel
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Granted! instead of destroying your relationship via infidelity, she stays married to you until you die lonely tortured and absolutely unsupported.

I wish that a paternity test would prove Paul Ryan to be the illegitimate son of Mitt Romney.

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Marek
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Granted! it is subsequently proven that President Obama is Romney's son from when he was 13 and knocked up his teacher, and that Romney is Ron Paul's son from when he he was 13 and knocked up his teacher. Also Romney wins, using the this as a new gimmick for his campaign.


I wish I had a real world Iron man suit.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! But without Tony Stark's power source, you have a two ton paperweight.

I wish I won the Mega Millions jackpot!

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Marek
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Granted! Of course it turns out to win you had to buy an illegal ticket, and get arrested for fixing the lottery, have fun in jail!

I wish the green lantern movie was better

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AchillesHeel
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Granted! You are now either Ryan Reynolds or Blake Lively, and you can see how fantastic Green Lantern really was.

I wish they didn't remove the Joe Poturno statue, but instead altered it so it was looking the other way.

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Marek
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Granted! they make the Statue turn to look the other way, continuously, and it turns so fast, that no one can tell who it is, or even that it is a person. So the joke is ruined.


I wish I could get paid for wasting time online.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Granted! But so is everyone else, the economy fails utterly and society as we know it falls into barbarism.

I wish my knees and ankles didn't pop alarmingly as I went up stairs.

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Mr. Y
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Granted! Now your knees snap and your ankles crackle.

I wish moving into a new house did not take so much time.

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AchillesHeel
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Granted! Your new house is more like a walk-in closet on a plot of land. But you prefer your living room set on the lawn anyway don't you?

I wish that eating delicious food didn't make me fat.

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