posted
See, this I do not get. Why would I want to date someone who hadn't already proven themselves as a friend?
Posts: 650 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
I don't generally date friends not because I'm afraid of ruining the friendship, but because I'm the kind of person who, should I feel the "spark" of dating potential, will act on it quickly.
quote:Girls don't want boring guys. Girls don't want guys who will just follow them around like a lost puppy. Girls don't want guys who will give up their life for them.
I would have to agree that this is my experience. When I am acting wild, it is very easy for me to catch girl's attention. But in every relationship I turn into lost puppy they quickly lose interest.
Posts: 1209 | Registered: Dec 2003
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posted
The friendzone is an unending misery. Do not go to the friendzone unless it is someone you never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to have a more meaningful relationship with. I think I have known only one couple where they went from the friendzone into a relationship. Every other instance I have seen or experienced has ended badly. I am not saying don't make friends with people of the opposite gender. I have many friends of the opposite gender. However, my lack of romantic interest in them mirrors theirs in me. The "being friends so I can scoop them up when they get dumped" plan hardly ever works, and usually requires such a degree of dishonesty that even if it does work it won't work for long.
But, yeah, once in a while, maybe it could happen. I suspect you'll have better odds playing lotto.
Posts: 218 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
Why does it seem like only guys gets stuck in the "friendzone?" Girls don't seem to have this problem.
Posts: 2064 | Registered: Dec 2003
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Cause girls can have male friends without being attracted to them. Very rarely do girls use friendship as a means of getting close to a guy. My bf has a lot of friends who are girls and only one has ever been interested in him. Their relationship went physical for awhile and then slackened back into being casual acquaintances.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
Shanna, was that one case a 'friends with benefits' arrangement? I've known girls who got sucked into that kind of arrangement against their better judgement when they tried the friendzone => relationship scheme. They both ended up pretty unhappy and pretty screwed up by the end of it. Then again, it is kind of screwed up to try that path in the first place.
Dishonesty is not attractive.
Posts: 218 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
It was. She wanted a boyfriend, he told her he wasn't interested, she tried to win him over with sex and as a guy he didn't fight it. After awhile, he got sick of the whole game and broke it off.
"Friends with benefits" without or without the hopes of starting a relationship never go well.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
My problem with meeting girls, is that everyone says "go to the bar" so I go to the bar, but the girls who go to bars aren't the type of girls I would ever have a serious or even non-serious but tolerable relationship with.
I have a low tolerance for immature girls who are obsessed with partying, which is seems the majority of girls my age seem to be. Whenever I DO find a girl with the same interests as me, we tend to become automatic friends.
I'm not really as stressed about it now as I used to be. I casually go to bars and meet new people at school all the time. If something looks or feels right in the future, I'll go for it, but I'm largely over the bitterness and self loathing that sustained me in my late teens.
Posts: 21898 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
I never understood the big obsession with having to have someone. Being single has always been for me preferable to wasting my time on guys that weren't for me. Its nice to have someone and sometimes its lonely, but having the confidence to be comfortable with being single...that can be incredibly attractive.
I don't go to bars because I know the temptation to fall for those bad frat boyos is there but I also know its not what I want. I'd only recommend going to bars in case you meet that girl who was dragged by her girlfriends and isn't feeling the vibe. And besides, not all girls that go to bars are big party-types. Its not the best place to look, but eh.
So do look for girls who you have a connection with mutual or platonic, because the only real difference is that mutual spark. And that always seems to come with a person is least expecting in. Don't look for a boyfriend/girlfriend, just meet people, lots of people, smile and let it happen.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I second what Shanna says, and add don't settle. If you have doubts about a relationship, listen to them, understand them, and realistically evaluate them. Factors that do not count in that evaluation are: a) I will never find anyone else b) This is my only chance at love c) This is the best I could hope to do
Seriously. If you want kids and they don't (or vice versa), move on. If they don't enjoy the things you enjoy and can't stand the thought of you doing those things even just occasionally, move on. If they start demanding that you break off all other relationships other than the one with them, run (do not walk) to the nearest exit immediately. I think this is good advice to anyone of any gender and any orientation. Not topical, perhaps, but important.
Posts: 218 | Registered: Mar 2005
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quote:Cause girls can have male friends without being attracted to them.
I resent the implication, intentional or otherwise, that guys can't.
I've been friends with many, many girls in my life. I get along with girls much more easily than guys. At this particular moment in my life, I happen to have more guy friends that I see and hang out with on a regular basis, but this is basically the first time in my life that's been true. In high school I almost never hung out with guys; almost all my friends were girls. Even in elementary school, I got along with girls better than with boys. I never thought girls were "icky" or "had cooties" or any of that gibberish. I've always viewed girls as being human and my equals.
I was not in any way "attracted to" the vast majority of them. Actually, once I get as far as the "friend" stage, I tend to lose the ability to become attracted. My current longest-running female friend started out as a crush on my part, but since her feelings for me were entirely non-romantic and non-sexual, we only hung out as friends. As a result, I quickly lost my crush on her and came to view her simply as a friend. We're still friends today, and I can't imagine even trying to "go out with" or "get with" her in any way. Not for fear of what it would do to the friendship, but merely because I just don't have those kinds of feelings for her.
When I made my comment earlier about how if it were true that girls fall for guy friends then I would have lots of girlfriends, I didn't actually mean it literally. It was just my snide way of saying no girls ever fall for me. I'm not saying I would in any way accept a relationship with a girl who did fall for me if I didn't have feelings for her.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Verily, that's not what the friendzone is. The friendzone is when you are scheming to use the friendship as a launching pad into a deeper relationship. It isn't regular friendship.
I don't think there's any disagreement here, maybe just some fuzzy definitions and miscommunication.
Or I'm wrong. Either way.
Posts: 218 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
Not all girls who go to bars are the crazy party types. Especially if you're in college and have college bars near campus. It's something to do on a Friday night, and it's a good way to meet new people.
I've met some really cool people at bars. I've met some really cool people at parties and concerts, too. I don't think it's fair to say that all girls who go to bars are crazy partiers. Of course, that depends on your definition of "partier." I don't consider myself a party girl, but I like to go out, drink, and have a good time. I guess when I think of "party girls," I think of the ones who do crazy drugs and have tons of promiscuous sex.
Also, not all friends with benefits arrangements are bad. I mean, it's true that a lot of people who get into them are on some level hoping it'll turn into a relationship, but if both of you really are on the same page in that respect, they can be fun.
Of course, I'm also a big fan of casual dating. Which is very similar to friends with benefits.
posted
Yeah, Mute is right. I meant it in terms of the friendzone. I do agree that men and women can have valuable and equal platonic relationships with one another. The point I was making is that women are less likely to enter into the friendzone in order to hook a man into a romantic relationship.
Posts: 1733 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote:I mean, it's true that a lot of people who get into them are on some level hoping it'll turn into a relationship, but if both of you really are on the same page in that respect, they can be fun.
Except that it rarely works that way. Sex creates complications even beyond those which can be circumvented through contraception. One or the other partner can form an emotional attachment that they did not expect to form and that is not reciprocated just because sex itself is such an intimate act. To me, the risk would not be worth it. I don't believe in taking sex casually, though that's just me. Your mileage may vary.
quote:The point I was making is that women are less likely to enter into the friendzone in order to hook a man into a romantic relationship.
Ah. Well, quite possibly. I know I've never tried it, because I don't think it works. But like I said, once I reach the friend level, I usually can't feel attraction anyway. So it would be counterproductive, for me at least, to attempt that tactic.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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posted
Well, yes, I agree that friends with benefits are a bad idea in most cases. But for some people, it works. And I wasn't speaking exclusively of sex.
posted
Every so often I see this topic come up. I must assume that I am not a normal female, because I always fell for guy friends, unless I found them unsavory in some way. Granted, they have to have a certain level of charisma in order for me to be interested, but that is simply an important part of what attracts me. Jerkiness is in no way a requirement and has always been a huge turn-off for me.
quote:Girls don't seem to have this problem.
I beg to differ. Girls *do* have this problem. They just don't whine about it as much as men do. (Actually, they whine about it plenty, but they also tend to be girls who in general have a hard time getting a date for whatever reason. In other words, they aren't the same girls that guys are wishing they could get lucky with.)
Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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posted
Physical intimacy. Right. Everything I said about the complications of sex still applies. Physical intimacy has the potential for complications that ordinary friendship does not typically have.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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Jerks usually are ones that you can communicate with and understand from a womans point of view, or at least predict somewhat of what will happen. But you can usually work things out without it being completely lopsided.
I can't say any more.
Posts: 189 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
I think the key is finding that special someone who is operating on the same wavelength you are. If both people want to be just friends, that's good. If both people want to be cuddling, good. Both casual sex, good.
Where you run into problems, obviously, is where one person wants to be friends, the other doesn't. Or the one person lies about wanting to be friends because they don't want to look like a bitch, but they really don't, and the other person can't get over their feelings for them, etc.
I rarely have straight female friends. I find most straight women pretty boring and irritating. On the other hand, I want to screw them.
I do best with bi or gay women, if I'm going to have friendships with the opposite sex. They're just more dude like, as lame as that sounds, and I can have fun with them. Maybe it's just so many otaku-type girls are that way. Dunno.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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quote: I think the key is finding that special someone who is operating on the same wavelength you are. If both people want to be just friends, that's good. If both people want to be cuddling, good. Both casual sex, good.
While I agree, I think this needs to be amended to say that it only works if both parties are mature enough to truly know what it is they want. I think when getting into these more casual relationships, people frequently "settle". They would like a serious relationship with somebody they care about/ see a future with, but right in front of them is somebody that they don't really care about but they can have fun with. So they settle for the less while they still want the more. Add on to this the emotional complications of physical intimacy, I don't think such a situation leads to happy things.
Posts: 1947 | Registered: Aug 2002
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quote:I'm wondering what else "with benefits" means. A salary? Health insurance?
quote:You know, all those other fun physical things that don't include sex. Making out, cuddling, sharing a bed, uh....you know. Things.
You know, being fairly recently single I can say that I do miss the fun physical things. But as a grad student, I have to admit that if a relationship comes along that includes health insurance, that would be good, too.
I guess I'm looking for friendship, companionship, kissing, and physical intimacy together with a reasonable deductible, limited exclusions and limitations, and full dental.
Is that so much to ask?
Posts: 1068 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
First off, I'm glad as heck after reading some of these that I am single by choice right now. I'm not a jerk, but I (as recent evidence has shown) am also not that nice of a guy. I try to be nice, but I guess I come out a little sarcastic/a-holeish. People that know me well don't seem to have a problem with that.
quote: I would also like health insurance.
And perhaps a personal chef. Cook for me! *cracks whip*
Hmmm, I have been known to cook up some really good meals. In fact, I was supposed to go down to Ft. Lauderdale 2 years ago for a friend's birthday. She was going to let me stay at her place as long as I cooked for her. Cheaper than paying for a hotel.
posted
quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If we're so hard to find, why the heck are we all single? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Because you're so hard to find?
Interesting on a few levels. Do you mean hard to find as in staying at home alot and not going out? Or hard to find as in when you do find them they are shy and sort of hard to get to know?
Also, does anyone else have this problem: They try to hard. Sometimes I think I turn people off in certain situations (not just dating) by seeming fake when really im just trying to be nice. It makes some people feel awkward, and others have told me that I can come off as arogant.
One more thing, how do women feel about kids? I have one on the way, and sadly things didn't work out betwean my ex and I. Even though I'm not really looking right now I was wondering if girls view it as extra baggage and drama like some guys do?
Posts: 278 | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Ladder Theory explains this entire phenomenon pretty well.
(Edit: Profanity warning for above link!)
I have my own theory on it, though. The female fascination with the crude, rude, jerks of the universe is the manifestation of a woman's implicit need to be mistreated.
Physically, psychologically, it doesn't matter - clearly women who go after the bad boys really just enjoy being abused. Why be nice to a woman when all it does is make them uncomfortably comfortable, or scared you'll cross the line into obsessiveness?
Abuse her instead. Really, it's the simplest solution.
Here's my advice, nice guys of the universe: be huge jerks, and you will be successful in romance. To start: walk up to the most beautiful woman in the bar and tell her that her shoes look like something a dog ate and crapped out and ate again. Tell her you're buying her a drink just to make her feel better about how stupid she is. Then, when she tells you she wants you to take her home (and she will), do so, but pause to grope her in the alleyway outside the bar while waiting for the taxi. Take sexual advantage of her - always remember to leave her unsatisfied with an excuse like "I'm sorry, I had too much to drink" or "I'm really tired tonight." Refuse to use protection: sell/eat/sacrifice the resulting children. Ignore her phone calls, except when you want sex or need to feel wanted by someone (which will never be the case since, well, you're the MAN). Wash, rinse, repeat until married.
Be unfaithful. Don't worry, she won't care - or at least, won't care enough to leave you. If she gets out of line, well, that's what wine bottles are for. When you're 40 and unemployed while she works 60 hours a week at a job that crushes her soul to support your cocaine and hooker habit, luxuriate in your comfy easy chair (which she probably paid for) receiving sexual favors from the naive 18 year old girl next door, whose dad is probably just like you.
You're living the dream, buddy, being the man, and all the world's men wish they were you.
quote:Originally posted by blacwolve: I think it's because relationships with jerks are exciting. You rarely see good, strong relationships on tv because there's no drama to it. What people want to see are the exciting relationships with lots of pain and anguish and hot sex. I think a lot of girls don't get that what is fun and makes great tv doesn't really make a great relationship.
I was with you until you started talking about buffy, then I recoiled in shock and horror at what I had done.
Yes this is essentially the crux of the thing isn't it? "Nice Guys," if they call themselves that are very often seen as tools. Not only that, but the guy that asks the "nice guy" question is by definition too desperate to be attractive to an innexperienced young woman looking for adventure.
I've been there as the "nice guy," and now I realized that this is a TOTALLY flawed image. The "nice guy," is probably not any more nice or humble, he thinks of himself as smarter and better than "the jock," and whether he is or not, he appears less attractive because he is self conscious and clingy. "The Nice Guy," though I once thought of myself as one, we must all admit is not the guy to be. This doesn't mean "be mean," you can still be nice. But if ALL you are is the "nice guy" then your just lame. Be something and be it well, have a skill and make that work for you... just BE SOMETHING
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
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quote:I was not in any way "attracted to" the vast majority of them. Actually, once I get as far as the "friend" stage, I tend to lose the ability to become attracted. My current longest-running female friend started out as a crush on my part, but since her feelings for me were entirely non-romantic and non-sexual, we only hung out as friends. As a result, I quickly lost my crush on her and came to view her simply as a friend. We're still friends today, and I can't imagine even trying to "go out with" or "get with" her in any way. Not for fear of what it would do to the friendship, but merely because I just don't have those kinds of feelings for her.
Now, see, think of one of those girls (one that's at least somewhat attractive). Now imagine that you guys just had a GREAT night together: everything clicked, your conversation was startlingly excellent, you had a great all around time, and it's time to go home. You walk her to her door, she gives you that sultry bedroom look and says "I really want you to come in."
Tell me that you'd say no.
And before you answer, reasons for saying no like "morals" or "saving the friendship" don't count, for obvious reasons.
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
There is no second part to "I'm a Nice Guy."
No, "I'm a Nice Guy, but ... [I don't get laid, nobody likes me, I never get what I want, I only get treated like dirt, etc.]" The "but" shouldn't even be there.
Being a Nice Guy (or, more accurately, a Nice Person) should be a goal in and of itself. When you start crabbing about how you didn't get what you expected for being a NG, then -- by definition -- you were never a NG.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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quote:Being a Nice Guy (or, more accurately, a Nice Person) should be a goal in and of itself. When you start crabbing about how you didn't get what you expected for being a NG, then -- by definition -- you were never a NG.
You're making the assumption that all nice guys were jerks to begin with and are only trying to be nice guys in order to get something, when in reality there are several nice guys who have always been nice guys and don't get girls/sex/promotions/tax breaks. And while being a good human being is certainly the goal of many people, I don't think anyone (especially on THIS forum) should be objecting to a periodic whine.
Posts: 4313 | Registered: Sep 2004
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quote:You're making the assumption that all nice guys were jerks to begin with and are only trying to be nice guys in order to get something, when in reality there are several nice guys who have always been nice guys and don't get girls/sex/promotions/tax breaks.
Nope. I know NGs when I see them. I married one.
Edited to add: In clarification, I can tell the dfference between Nice Guys and guys who only call themselves Nice Guys. Fundamental decency doesn't guarantee you perks, but if you were/are in that game for the perks, then there is something off-kilter about your fundament.
quote:And while being a good human being is certainly the goal of many people, I don't think anyone (especially on THIS forum) should be objecting to a periodic whine.
I object to nothing on this thread or forum. Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
If you think you're one of the "Nice Guys", watch some freakin' John Wayne movies, man up, and start asking the lady you're pining over out. Or just man up. But it's beyond absurd to blame women you've never asked out for not seeing you as something you've never been.
Posts: 17164 | Registered: Jun 2001
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posted
1) You guys all have a much better handle on this than I did in high school (when I was a Nice Guy).
2) Friends with Benefits always ends badly
3) Nice guys must be defined to truly have this conversation. Some guys say they can't get girls because they're nice, but 'nice' is just a nice way to say 'boring'. Some guys are interesting, but 'nice' is actually code for 'clingy'. I think the main issue is too often 'nice' guys are shy. And girls aren't typically attracted to guys with low self-esteem.
Not that I'm saying that shy == low self-esteem. But I do think they're related.
4) Even when I was a Nice Guy, I didn't really have much trouble with women. In fact, because I always had a steady girlfriend girls practically threw themselves at me (it's a well known fact that girls are more attracted to guys who are in relationships). I think this was because I was an actual nice guy, ie I wasn't boring or shy. I was outgoing, funny, and nice.
5) In college, I made a conscious decision to put away the 'nice guy' persona and experiment with being a jerk. Not all the time, but just when I was out at bars (which was where we met girls at the time). Shockingly, it worked. Girls were attracted to the jerky version of me, moreso than the nice version (at least in college -- in high school, the nice guy did all right). And it wasn't that I was outright mean or anything, I just joked around with everybody. I ripped on the girls, but with a smile. I basically talked to them the same way I talk to my close guy friends. I made it clear from the outset that I was single and planned on staying that way.
Girls seemed to like that. Of course, once we'd been out a few times, the nice guy peeked through and they saw that I wasn't serious about staying single. And once they saw there was no taming to be done, they quickly lost interest.
So my read on the whole thing is that if you're single, and a nice guy, you need to meet a girl who's smart enough, and mature enough, and secure enough to recognize you for who you are. There's nothing wrong with being a nice guy, in fact, it's admirable. But you have to realize that a lot of girls will cross you off the list without consciously trying to -- they're just not attracted to nice guys. You've gotta tell yourself that that's their loss, and move on.
And if you meet a girl who appreciates you for you, do me a favor -- email me and tell me how you did it.
Posts: 5462 | Registered: Apr 2005
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quote: Also, I think a lot of the time the "quiet, shy, but really good at heart" guy wants the really hot popular girl and doesn't get girls because he's not willing to go out with the girls that are in the same social strata with him.
This is exactly what I think. So many of the nice guys are obsessed with the girls who themselves are jerks. They can't see the cattiness and the snobbery of the popular girls, all they see is her beauty.
There are lots of nice (even attractive--although perhaps unconventionally attractive) girls out there for the nice guys--and plenty of those girls are probably pining for the nice guys.
I get really sick of "nice guys" who complain about there not being someone out there for them when they have supposedly "high" standards based on looks, when they're really ridiculously LOW standards where it counts.
posted
Is it my imagination, or has this topic popped up more frequently in the last year or so?
Confidence is attractive, regardless of who is projecting it. When "nice guys" whine about how girls like jerky guys, they don't mean ALL girls. They mean girls that fit their standard of "hot chick" (e.g., she must be blonde and short, or red-head and tall, and by no means must she have an ounce of superfluous fat on her...unless it's in her bra). If she's nice and able to hold a marginally intelligent conversation, that's a plus, but it's not absolutely necessary. I know someone who continually attempts to ask out girls he thinks are "cute" or "hot" rather than looking for girls who are intelligent, or nice, or who shares his interests, and he mopes, insisting
I agree with CT; if you think that being a nice guy is the reason you can't get a date, try NOT focusing on getting a date. Be confident, be yourself. Continue to be nice, but don't look for it to get you anywhere. Lead your life as if you're never ever going to date, and you're completely fine with that (and I don't just mean BEHAVE as if this were true, get yourself to believe it). Whether or not this'll get you a date...I don't know. But it will make you a happier person, and less inclined to whine about not having any dates.
Posts: 4077 | Registered: Jun 2003
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posted
This is just one of those topics that pops up now and then. I don't think it's been doing so any more frequently in the last year than it did before.
I do think that this one if the first such thread that has the distinction of having been started by a woman though.
With thanks to Enigmatic for helping me find it, let me just direct your attention to Randy Milholland's take on the subject. It's pretty much what a number of people have already said, of course, but it's funny.
The next strip continues the dialog, by the way.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
I NEVER got the Jerk Mystique. I never, ever fell for a jerk. As soon as the jerkiness surfaced, I evaporated. Doesn't appeal to me at all, never has.
I'm weird. I never went for an alpha male... unless may be Ron counts. I mean, he was tall and strong and had a sort of fanclub that followed him around in college, but they were all of his year. He's also younger than me. Anyway, he was thought of as cool for his brains as well as his looks, and he wasn't a jock type.
I think, on the whole, I was always attracted to submissive men, which was a whole bunch of frustrating. Because of the clingy worshipfulness (which is fun for a VERY short time, I admit, though I could never bring myself to really abuse such situations).
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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quote:I NEVER got the Jerk Mystique. I never, ever fell for a jerk. As soon as the jerkiness surfaced, I evaporated. Doesn't appeal to me at all, never has.
quote: For whatever reason, many girls like to find a messed up jerk and try to "fix" him, instead of going for a guy that's already stable.
[derail] This remembers me of JK Rowling telling what she thought about girls sending her love letters for Draco Malfoy. [/derail]
Posts: 3526 | Registered: Oct 2001
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posted
I still say it has to be projecting an air of self-confidence, perhaps coupled with the ability to actually stand on your own. I am a nerd (I'm on Hatrack aren't I?), I am shy at heart, anti-social, and I often struggle with nearly-crippling bouts of low self-esteem. Despite all this I have never (and I don't think this is bragging, simply telling the truth) had any difficulty getting a girlfriend, no matter what her social strata may be.
If you have low self-esteem and are shy, cover it up and look like a confident, charming, interesting person. If you go out into social situations and look scared and dull, of course nobody will talk to you. People, no matter their sex, are not usually interested in whiny, uninteresting, shy people. Once you get to know someone and feel completely comfortable with each other, it will be more ok for you to show your insecurities and failings. Chances are, by that point, the other person will know about them anyway.
If you are a guy or a girl and you have low self-esteem and an abundancy of shyness that is holding you back socially or romantically, change. Just go out and act more confident. Get up and have those conversations that you always imagine in your head. It probably won't go as badly as you fear. People like to talk, in general. Talking leads to a relationship, whether as friends or romantically. At the risk of sounding like a Nike spokeman, Just do it.
Okay. I'd say no. Even leaving aside the fact that I don't believe "friends with benefits" works, and the fact that I don't believe in having sex outside a committed relationship, why would I have sex with someone I'm not sexually attracted to? I'm not going to just hop into bed with any girl who asks, even if she is good looking.
quote:Being a Nice Guy (or, more accurately, a Nice Person) should be a goal in and of itself. When you start crabbing about how you didn't get what you expected for being a NG, then -- by definition -- you were never a NG.
Self-improvement has been my goal for many years. I have worked to get rid of my less savory traits and become a decent and just person in the tradition of, say, Marcus Aurelius. And I do it for my own benefit, and for the benefit of everyone around me. Not to pick up chicks.
Yes, I would suffer incredible depression if I learned that I had to spend the rest of my life without a woman because I'm not the kind of man women look for. But that's outweighed by the damage I feel would be done to . . . well, I don't really know if I believe in souls, so let's just say the damage that would be done to myself . . . if I ever succeeded in getting a woman by acting like something I'm not. Whether that something is a Nice Guy or a Jerk, if I have to use deception to get a woman, then a woman is not worth having.
Posts: 1814 | Registered: Jul 2004
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quote: why would I have sex with someone I'm not sexually attracted to? I'm not going to just hop into bed with any girl who asks, even if she is good looking.
The stereotype is that *all* (heterosexual) males are sexually attracted to good-looking girls, regardless of anything. Good on ya for not fitting the mold. Posts: 7050 | Registered: Feb 2004
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quote: Being a Nice Guy (or, more accurately, a Nice Person) should be a goal in and of itself. When you start crabbing about how you didn't get what you expected for being a NG, then -- by definition -- you were never a NG.
I don't buy this, either.
Posts: 13123 | Registered: Feb 2002
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(Actually, they whine about it plenty, but they also tend to be girls who in general have a hard time getting a date for whatever reason. In other words, they aren't the same girls that guys are wishing they could get lucky with.)
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