posted
I love to be asked out. I know it's hard - that's the point. It makes me feel like I'm worth the effort, and him not wanting to ask me out makes me feel like I'm NOT worth the effort. Why should I ask someone out who can't be bothered to try for me? It can't be too hard - I'm friendly, visible, and non-scary as long no one gets too fresh without my permission.
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posted
Well, it helps me be socially active. Before when I used to put women up, and think they were out of reach, it was pointless to date.
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posted
Example, by the way, of my hypersensitivity to possessiveness:
A guy I'd been seeing for over a month asked me not to sleep in a guy friend's bed when I went over to his house.
I didn't SAY anything about it to him, but I got pretty "He's trying to CONTROL me!" over it. Especially since we hadn't really talked about if we were "together" or not, in which case, my default assumption is "not."
Edit to add: If we'd decided we were together before that, I wouldn't have been freaked out at all. But I had a really, really, really horrible experience with a possessive guy, and now I'm scared to death of that sort of thing happening to me again. So if we haven't explicitly stated that we're together, um, I will sometimes exercise my single status to its fullest extent.
quote:A guy I'd been seeing for over a month asked me not to sleep in a guy friend's bed when I went over to his house.
I didn't SAY anything about it to him, but I got pretty "He's trying to CONTROL me!" over it. Especially since we hadn't really talked about if we were "together" or not, in which case, my default assumption is "not."
P, sounds more like the problem was a lack of communication, rather than hypersensitivity to the possibility of seeming possessive.
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quote:Conversely, kat, you are saying that the guys aren't worth your effort.
Too nervous/passive/scared/unready to ask me out, even if I'm friendly and interested? They're not.
Not that they are unworthy people, but that the resultant relationship probably wouldn't be worth the effort it would take to start and continue it.
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I'm stepping out of the fray. People like this guy generally aren't going to change their opinion, regardless of the number of intelligent women that confront them.
(By the way, I'm VERY proud of myself at the relative lack of snark I'm including in this post. I've written and deleted a number of things. )
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quote:Originally posted by katharina: Too nervous/passive/scared/unready to ask me out, even if I'm friendly and interested? They're not.
Not that they are unworthy people, but that the resultant relationship probably wouldn't be worth the effort it would take to start and continue it.
A relationship consists of two people, why should any one side have to start anything? I think that's dumb.
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posted
Again, the same could then be said about you. If you are "[t]oo nervous/passive/scared/unready to ask [them] out, even if [they are] friendly and interested", then why would you be worth their effort.
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quote:Too nervous/passive/scared to ask me out, even if I'm friendly and interested? They're not.
See my above post about guys being complete idiots about noticing signals like these.
I like guys who are sensitive enough to get them. If he can't notice that I obviously like him, I suspect he wouldn't notice other things about me either. I'd spend the entire time either lonely or on the bullhorn. No thank you; that doesn't sound like fun at all.
Squicky: I'm worth the effort. Posts: 26077 | Registered: Mar 2000
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quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: P, sounds more like the problem was a lack of communication, rather than hypersensitivity to the possibility of seeming possessive.
I'm sure that was a part of it as well. I mean, rationally, it makes perfect sense to me that someone I'd been seeing for a while wouldn't want me to go sleep in another man's bed. To my logical mind, that doesn't seem excessive at all. Of course, it also makes logical sense to me that (since he had a couple weeks prior made the statement that he wasn't my boyfriend) whether he made the request or not, I didn't really have an obligation to fulfill it.
But to the rest of me, it's like, "DANGER! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON!" in the sort of way that makes me want to run far, far away.
quote:Too nervous/passive/scared to ask me out, even if I'm friendly and interested? They're not.
See my above post about guys being complete idiots about noticing signals like these.
I like guys who are sensitive enough to get them. If he can't notice that I obviously like him, I suspect he wouldn't notice other things about me either. I'd spend the entire time either lonely or on the bullhorn. No thank you; that doesn't sound like fun at all.
Case in point. "If he can't notice that I like him." If you can't read my mind then I won't date you. It's a stupid and dumb game, yet almost ALL women play them. I call women on it, and they can't see it most of the time, then they profoundly state that they are 'smarter' than I am, when I know why they do the very thing that they can't figure out.
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quote:I like guys who are sensitive enough to get them. If he can't notice that I obviously like him, I suspect he wouldn't notice other things about me either. I'd spend the entire time either lonely or on the bullhorn. No thank you; that doesn't sound like fun at all.
Some guys are really bad at interpreting signals.
Things that girls think are beyond obvious just barely penetrate the guys' radar.
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posted
Can you smell my fart? I saved it in a bottle when I farted thinking of you. It smells like love.
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quote:You know, you could just admit you have a double standard.
Oh, absolutely. However, I do not refrain from asking guys because I'm scared. I'm not scared of anything. (Plus, I'm happily dating Matt.) I do it because I like it when they like me enough to ask me out.
quote:If you can't read my mind then I won't date you.
Anyone who doesn't understand that [writing every day/sitting next to you in class constantly/calling often/compliments/eyes batting] means that asking me out would not be met with a no needs to gather some social skills before we would date anyway. I am not a training ground.
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posted
You just want your knight in shining armor, and your Knight couldn't ever be asked out by you. It's a contradiction of terms.
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posted
One thing I will say (as I've said in every one of these threads, whenever they've happened): When I was still single, I did ask guys out. Every single one was completely taken aback that I'd ask them out. I asked a couple of them (the ones who weren't embarassingly horrified) if they'd prefer girls not ask them out, and they said yes, they preferred to do the asking. When that happens a couple of times, you tend to stop doing the asking. Posts: 4077 | Registered: Jun 2003
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quote:One thing I will say (as I've said in every one of these threads, whenever they've happened): When I was still single, I did ask guys out. Every single one was completely taken aback that I'd ask them out. I asked a couple of them (the ones who weren't embarassingly horrified) if they'd prefer girls not ask them out, and they said yes, they preferred to do the asking. When that happens a couple of times, you tend to stop doing the asking.
The stench of chauvinism must have taken weeks to get out of your clothes!
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That makes a big difference. If you're very traditional or want someone who is, then you're much more likely to stick to the guy doing the asking and whatnot.
I think the only time a guy's thought I was being too forward was when I called him the day after getting his number. But I don't play that "wait X days" game, so quite honestly, if he was going to be freaked out by that, it wasn't going to work out, anyway.
posted
It's funny, thinking about it, one of the things I like about dating is making the girl I'm dating feel like a princess and I'll go to great lengths to achieve that effect. But on the other hand, I find girls who think that they are princesses who should only be sought after extremely unattractive
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posted
You'd rather he ask you out, it's traditional.
Here's the thing with women's lib movements. They didn't realize what would happen with every peice of the puzzle.
This is not a statement saying I think women should be slaves. This is a statement saying I know they didn't understand what was happening, and we are still dealing with the results of it.
I'm all for people being equal, but there still needs to be work done. Which is why I don't go around trying to read pheremones because I don't have ample antennae, I prefer to talk about things, and just get to know people. Megan: You're out of the game, and you still think you'd know more than someone in it? Times change missy.
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posted
Only one of them was really "traditional," but I'd had enough conversations with him that I really didn't think it was going to bother him too much. The others...well, I never had that impression before asking them out.
quote:The stench of chauvinism must have taken weeks to get out of your clothes!
Indeed.
Actually, I was determined to be confident by doing the asking out, in a manner as open and confident as I could muster. The rejections sort of took the wind out of my sails in that regard. Fortunately, though, I eventually met Jim, who thought me not only worth asking out, but worth driving 600 miles for a first date. So, it's all good.
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quote:Megan: You're out of the game, and you still think you'd know more than someone in it? Times change missy.
Missy? You're, what, 16? 17? You don't get to call me missy, kid.
And, yes, I'm married, so yes, I'm "out of the game," but I had experiences in the past that bore upon the conversation. I doubt things have changed all THAT much in the past seven years, even leaving aside all the conversations I've had with many single friends.
And, it's pretty clear to me from everything you say that many, many people here know much more than you do.
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posted
Folks, calm down. Chreese is obviously testing the idea that acting like a jerk will make the single Jatraqueras fall for him. It doesn't seem to be working too well so far, but you can't blame him for trying.
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