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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The Wenches Tavern Two Towers Edition (Page 15)

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Author Topic: The Wenches Tavern Two Towers Edition
Toretha
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*stuffs snow down Human's shirt as she passes him up*
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Human
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*speaks to horse again*

Let's get her!

*horse kicks snow all over Toretha, then runs ahead*


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Toretha
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*speaks to mountain in front of Human*

*watches in satisfaction as the mountain dumps snow over both Human and his horse, burying them up to their necks, then continues on her way*


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Human
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*casts Fira and melts the snow*

You rotten little bugger!

*casts Blizzaga and showers Toretha with a mini-blizzard*


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Toretha
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Human! Don't use speciesal slurs! say FORMIC!

*lobs one last snow ball, then realizes that she's wasting time she could be using the get ahead of Human, and sets off at a gallop*


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Human
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*gallops off after toretha*

I love Damarian horses...

*speeds past Toretha*


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Toretha
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*laughs as Human falls into pit she's dug*

*gallops on*


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Human
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You sneak!

*calls to toretha's horse, calling it to him*


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Toretha
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*tells her horse not to go, and continues*

At least I don't try to subvert your horse!


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Human
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YOU tried to kill mine! Those pits are DANGEROUS!

*calls toretha's horse again, more urgently*


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Toretha
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*laughs while her horse ignores Human*

no, they're not! I put pillows in the bottom-see!


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Human
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Then GET ME OUTTA HERE!
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Toretha
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*sighs dramatically, wheels horse around gallops back and throws down rope*
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Human
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*climbs up, then watches as his horse jumps out*

Thanks, toretha!

*mounts up*

And the last one to the tree is an orc!

*gallops off*


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Toretha
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*hangs back and yells that the first one has to eat it*

*Gets off horse, runs to tree, then calls horse*

Ok-my horse is the orc, and you've got to eat it!


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Human
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*glares*

Yeah, right.

*draws Masamure*

Now, down cometh the tree.


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Toretha
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NO! DON"T DO IT! THERE"S SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! DON"T CUT YOURSELF DOWN! IT WILL BE OK! just put up the sword, we can talk about this...suicide is not the answer
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Human
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*glares*

Everyone confuses me with my namesake...EVERYONE. Stop doing it!


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Toretha
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*takes out pad and starts writing*

So, this confusion with another, this is that base of your wish to kill yourself?


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Human
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I will say it once. I will not say it again. I am NOT a piggy! Nor am I a pequenino! I am a human, (homo sapiens sapiens) named Human.
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Toretha
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and what is it, exactly, that made you wish to kill yourself? Was it speciesal cunfusion? Or fear that perhaps you were caught between being a human and being a tree? Were you teased as a child?
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Human
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*takes Masamure and cuts down the stupid FIR tree*

See? I'm still here! No suicide!


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Toretha
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*writes "becomes violent when questioned" on pad*

I think that fir's a bit to scrawny....


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Human
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Then WHY did you let me cut it down!

*casts Life2 on the tree and regenerates it*

I don't have enough MP to do that often!


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Toretha
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I didn't have time to stop you! You didn't ask me, did you? You just went ahead and chopped it down, too caught up in your own little tree-human identity crisis to think about whether or no the tree was the right one!
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Human
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Toretha...which one do you want?
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Toretha
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A pretty one. with nice braches, and properly filled out, with no gabs or dead parts. And big
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Human
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Just point it out, please? As you seem to think me too confused to be capable of rational though.
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Toretha
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You mean you're not?

*points to very large pretty tree*
that one


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Human
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*draws Masamure, and in one fluid motion, slices through the trunk*

Why isn't it falling? Oh, that's right...the sword.

*blows on the tree*

*CRASH*


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Toretha
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you almost hit my horse! Be more careful!

*grabs one end of tree and mounts*
you get the other side

good thing this is the internet, or this plan for carrying it would never work!


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Human
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*sheathes Masamure and ties the other end to his saddle*

Back to the Tavern! Giddap!


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Toretha
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*reins her horse down to a trot, lets go of her end of the tree, and watches contentedly as Human rides on carrying all of the tree*
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Human
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*gets pulled out of the saddle by the weight of the tree*

YOU [much damarian, japanese and yiddish cursing]!!!!


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Toretha
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yeah? well, I walk on your ancestors graves with dirty shoes on-SO THERE!
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Human
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Your father is a maker of dalguts, you half-northerner!
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Toretha
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*spontaneously turns into Thurra and glares at Human*

Better that than a (<insert something insulting here> )


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Human
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Oh YEAH? You...you...oh, let's just get this back to the Tavern! And this time _I_ get in back!
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Toretha
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I don't trust you in the back!
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Human
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I don't trust YOU in the back!
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Toretha
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parallel, then?
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Human
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Yes! Now, lets get back to the Tavern! I'm freezing my katanas off!
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Toretha
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OK

*rides quietly for a while, then suddenly jerks horse toward Human, using his grip on the tree to push him off the saddle*


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Human
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*unsheathes Masamure and slices Toretha's girths, causing her to fall off*

And I didn't hit the horse!


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Toretha
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I was riding bareback, so you couldn't have sliced my girths!

And lets hurry up and get back-stop playing around in the snow, you're holding us up


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Human
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*shakes Masamure at Toretha in impotent rage*

You...you...I'll get you for this, one day. But not until after Christmas. Come on!


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Toretha
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*laughs and heads back to tavern with Human*

sure you'll get me...


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Fael
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I have the ingredients for cookies anyone want to help meet me in the kitchen!

Let me know when Toretha and Human get back with the tree. Although the way they left it might take them forever.


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Vána
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I'll help with the cookies, Fael. What kind are we making?
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BannaOj
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Jumps into Fael's warm kitchen with her favorite snickerdoodle recipe
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