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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The monkey's paw -- a game (Page 28)

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Author Topic: The monkey's paw -- a game
steven
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quote:
Originally posted by Tante Shvester:


I wish I were a little taller.

How interesting.

On an unrelated note, I wish I was a baller.

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Bob_Scopatz
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quote:
I wish plastics were more biodegradable.
Granted, of course, you can't read this because your monitor is a puddle of goo. Nor can you respond because your fingers have pushed through the spongy mass that was your keyboard. Yuck!


I wish my posts would say what I meant, not what I wrote.

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happymann
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Granted. But it's in a language that only two old ladies in the Yukon understand. And they're going to die soon.

I wish I could finish up my training in half the time.

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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted, unfortunately among the lessons you skipped were some vital safety instructions and you have somehow managed to incinerate your boss's classic automobile collection.


I wish I had a classic automobile collection.

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BlackBlade
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Granted! Unfortunately you've inadvertently stolen Sir Elton John and Rowen Atkinson's collections! Sir Elton beats you over the head with an umbrella, and Mr. Bean stands over you fretting but not really doing anything but being Mr. Bean.

I wish planes were banned and replaced by airships.

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Raventhief
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Granted, unfortunately the airships are made out of cotton candy, and they have a maximum load of 2.6 grams.

I wish I could make the audition for "Lion in Winter" in two weeks.

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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by BlackBlade:
I wish planes were banned and replaced by airships.

Been reading the Thursday Next books?
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Tante Shvester
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quote:
Originally posted by Raventhief:
I wish I could make the audition for "Lion in Winter" in two weeks.

Granted. You still didn't get cast, however. And you overheard the director making some uncalled for and hurtful remarks about your audition performance, which led to you having a genuine crisis of confidence in yourself, which is making you so peevish and mopey that you got into a spat with your sweetheart, so instead of having a wonderfully romantic birthday celebration, you are home alone all evening moping.

I wish my favorite fattening foods were not so fattening.

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AGNK
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quote:


I wish my favorite fattening foods were not so fattening.

Scientist in Brazil have found a way to remove fat from most products and replace it with something not hear as unhealthy, but keeping the taste identical. Human flesh. Have fun eating grandma!

I wish I had a Kindle.

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Sterling
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You have a Kindle, with fancy engraving and a beautiful shiny case inlaid with precious minerals. All of which makes you accessory to a theft with a value that comes in just above the petty larceny mark, as your state-sponsored attorney informs you.

I wish the next summer blockbuster wouldn't be devoid of intelligence in its script.

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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
quote:
Originally posted by BlackBlade:
I wish planes were banned and replaced by airships.

Been reading the Thursday Next books?
Can't say that I have, should I?
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Amilia
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Yes. They're a ton of fun. And take place in an alternate universe where planes never really developed and travel is by airship. And gravity tunnels.
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Uprooted
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The script for the next summer blockbuster will be so highly intelligent that you will not be able to understand it--in fact, no one will. But no one will want to admit that they are not bright enough to understand a summer blockbuster, thus ensuring its blockbuster status.

I wish the chiropractor could adjust my shoulder effectively without causing me any pain.

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Raventhief
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Granted! Unfortunately this process involves deadening all the nerves on one side of your body. You are now paralyzed on the left side.

I wish I didn't throw up every time I exercise without carboloading first. (stupid blood sugar grumble grumble)

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Glenn Arnold
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Granted, but you're still nauseated, and now you're sweaty and constipated as well.

I wish I had time to post here and read "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" before bedtime.

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anonymous
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Granted, but since hatrack is a notorious time-sink, you end up spending all of that time on hatrack anyway.

I wish I had the self-discipline to go to bed on time.

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Noemon
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Granted! You go to bed precisely on time, and quickly slip into a deep, restful slumber. Unfortunately, your sleep is so deep that you fail to wake up to the crackle of flames from the electrical fire that started about 15 minutes after you dozed off.

I wish I had the self-discipline to go to bed on time.

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steven
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You do, but you sleep so soundly that you sleep through the knocking on your door by 15 hot cheerleaders wanting to come inside and snuggle in the bed with you.

I wish I had a better instinct about who is lying.

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Glenn Arnold
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Granted. But just now it occurs to you why your significant other has been spending a lot of time "bowling" lately.

I wish I could stop this dang coughing.

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Sterling
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The new coughing which takes its place requires far harsher language to describe accurately.

I wish there was a good Chinese restaurant in town.

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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by Sterling:
The new coughing which takes its place requires far harsher language to describe accurately.

I don't even need this thread for that. [Razz]


quote:
Originally posted by Sterling:
I wish there was a good Chinese restaurant in town.

Granted! It is, in fact, SO good that you cannot stop eating there. Morning, noon, and night, you can be found pounding back orange chicken, egg rolls, and broccoli beef . . . . until you develop a severe soy allergy. The doctor says even one bite more of Chinese food will kill you. Not to mention Thai. And have you checked out the soy content in most pre-packaged foods?


I wish my respiratory allergies would go away, permanently.

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Sterling
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Your respiratory allergies go away permanently. It's stage one of the complete collapse of your immune system.

I wish I were proficient at riding a unicycle.

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Mike
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Granted. You are now superbly skilled at riding your unicycle. Unfortunately soon after trying out your new skills for the first time, a freak accident (a stray meteor, in fact) causes the crank to fuse to the fork, rendering it unridable. You sustain no injuries beyond a bruised knee, but you soon discover that your new skills do not transfer in the slightest to other unicycles.

I wish this cold would go away in time for me to get a good night's sleep.

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Raventhief
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Granted! You get a good night's sleep. The night is May 3rd. 2014. Have fun until then!

And, hi Mike!

I wish I didn't randomly wake up at 4 in the morning on a semi-regular basis.

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Tante Shvester
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Granted. You now wake up at a quarter to four on a semi-regular basis.

I wish I knew what was in the Mysterious Box.

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Mr. Y
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Granted. You are locked inside the Mysterious Box with no chance of getting out. On the plus side, you now have plenty of time to take an inventory of everything that is inside there with you.

I wish that there will be a small amount of mail tomorrow.

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Mike
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Granted. You will receive two envelopes in the mail tomorrow: one will be laced with anthrax and the other will be an IRS audit.

(Hi Eric!)

I wish for every thread on the front page of the forum to be a fluff thread.

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Glenn Arnold
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Granted.

I wish I knew about "Flood Control" before I grated your wish

Edit: granted

[ January 09, 2010, 03:50 PM: Message edited by: Glenn Arnold ]

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dabbler
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(I was wondering if Raventhief was the Raventhief I knew) (Er Hi Eric!)
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anonymous
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You have to make a wish, Glenn!
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Glenn Arnold
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(I did, now let's see if anyone can grant it)
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The Rabbit
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Granted. You jump back in time to a few seconds before you grant that wish but find you are a) helpless to change anything and b) now unable to control your random travel through time.

I wish Glenn would delete all those fluff threads.

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Mike
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Granted: I just talked him into it, during one of his random travels into the present. Unfortunately in doing so, he inadvertently triggered a bug in the forum software that caused every even-numbered member's account to be deleted. Oops!

(Hi suneun! [Wave] )

I wish I were eating a strawberry shortcake with fresh organic strawberries.

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Glenn Arnold
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Granted, Except that since we haven't actually spoken yet, you discover that you are actually eating strawberry shortcake with fresh organic strawberries in an alternate future, in which you never talked me into anything.(Actually, Rabbit did, but it didn't take much talking)

I wish people could just take a joke.

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ludosti
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Granted. Someone takes a joke book from the library and sets fire to it.

I wish that I could sleep for a solid 8 hours every night.

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Sterling
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Granted. You can- but it requires a medication with numerous long lasting, unpleasant side effects that can't be taken within four hours of alcohol or chocolate and which the slightest overdose of can kill you.

I wish the prize I won would come in the mail already.

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Tante Shvester
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Granted. It came, but was delivered to the wrong address. Your neighbors enjoyed it, though. Not that they'd ever admit that to you.

I wish my feet didn't get so cold in the wintertime.

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Dan_Frank
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Granted. After the thresher accident, you never had to worry about your feet getting cold in wintertime again! Never had to worry about your legs getting cold, either!

Now if only your house had wheelchair access. It's getting pretty cold out here...

I wish my girlfriend would be home from her trip already!

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The Rabbit
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Granted, she's home but she's avoiding you because she met another guy and is trying to figure out how to dump you without making a scene.

I wish this headache would go away.

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BlackBlade
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Granted! Your headache leaves, and settles just a little bit to the right of your stomach, becoming appendicitis.

I wish I had a Bengal kitten, and a German Shepherd puppy, and that they both got on just fine.

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Sterling
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One day the German Shepherd knocks the legs out from under you shortly before the Bengal tiger drives its fangs into the back of your neck, and it occurs to you that sometimes "getting on just fine" is another word for "conspiring".

I wish the jam in the fridge hadn't gone moldy.

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The Rabbit
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Granted, rather than growing mold, it grew Clostridium botulinum, which landed you and the entire family in intensive care.

I wish I'd finished all my grading.

quote:
Granted! Your headache leaves, and settles just a little bit to the right of your stomach, becoming appendicitis.
Hah, I had my appendix out when I was 6 just to avoid that kind of problem. I win!!
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Uprooted
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Granted - but you made a mistake entering the grades; every student received the wrong grade and the whole thing has escalated into an administative nightmare.

I sure wish I weren't allergic to apples.

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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by The Rabbit:
Hah, I had my appendix out when I was 6 just to avoid that kind of problem. I win!!

Which makes your appendicitis all the more freaky. This is the Monkey Paw we are talking about, you can't juke the Monkey paw.

那你的盲腸炎更多奇怪。  我們再關於談猴子手A 292; 你不能躲避猴子手。

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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by Uprooted:
I sure wish I weren't allergic to apples.

You weren't! For about 5 minutes last Tuesday. Sadly, you completely missed that window and it will never come again.


I wish I had a job that paid more.

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Noemon
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Your new job pays a Canadian half penny more per year than did your previous job. Unfortuantely, the hours are longer, the benefits worse, and the work worlds more stressful than your old job. In addition, that extra half penny per year kicks you into a higher tax bracket, with the result that your actual income is reduced by a few thousand dollars per year.

I wish that the hand lotion container I keep at my desk at work were full. Of hand lotion.

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Raventhief
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Granted! Unfortunately, it's full because the night janitor stole the container and refilled it. And didn't return it.

I wish I were allowed to go to the gym in the morning during this free week trial thing.

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Tante Shvester
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Granted! Since you are no longer gainfully employed, nothing is stopping you. And the price fits your new budget, too!

I wish the crazy cat lady I share an office with wasn't such a pill.

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Mr. Y
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Granted! In stead of a pill, she is now a cloud of smoke that curiously stays in one place, refusing to dissipate. The milieu of your office is now hazardous to your physical health, where before only your mental health was at risk.

I wish that my piles (of old newspapers*) were gone.

*I deliberately left that description out. I apologize for being gross.

[ January 14, 2010, 03:06 AM: Message edited by: Mr. Y ]

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Uprooted
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Not touching that one w/ a ten-foot pole.

Hmm, even that sounds bad.

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