posted
Granted. Your mother has moved in with you, and has taken it upon herself to rouse you from bed at 6 AM every morning, after which she promptly makes your bed for you. Today is no exception.
I wish that it were an hour earlier than it is.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted. It is... But then it "is" an hour earlier than it is, so it has to be an hour ealier than that, and... Uh oh. I don't think we're supposed to move that way in the fourth dimension. Certainly not so quickly...
I wish Microsoft could build an OS that actually did what end users wanted it to.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted! Now he eats your neighbors' plants. And they would like a word with you . . .
I wish my allergies would be cured, with no side effects. (And to be clear, death and dismemberment are side effects, so don't get cute. )
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted your allergies are cured. Now, instead, you've got mine. And I'm allergic to DNA.
I wish someone would bring me a whole tureen of chicken soup. A lovely big tureen shaped like a tulip with ladybugs hanging off the sides as cups.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted. A whole tureen of chicken soup. A lovely big tureen, shaped like a tulip, with ladybugs hanging off the sides as cups, as requested.
The soupbowl-sized ladybugs don't look like they're going to be content hanging on the side of the tureen for much longer, let alone being used as cups, though.
I wish toothpaste was entirely edible and wholesome.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: And I'm allergic to DNA.
I would think that would be fatal, but you seem to be alive, if not entirely well . . .
You'd think. My body attacks it's own cell nuclei. What kind of a dumb idea is that? Bodies can be soooo dumb!
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted. Your Outlook inbox is now showing very bright colours and everytime you log in, you are greeted by a cheery voice wishing you a good day. Unfortunately all this is caused by a virus that, unbeknownst to you, adds vicious sneers at the bottom of all your outgoing messages.
I wish that it will be a white Christmas.
Posts: 1100 | Registered: Apr 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted! You, and everyone else, can now fax objects. Unfortunately for you, the first generation of object faxers don't have any sort of safety mechanism built into them to prevent the faxing of unwanted objects. Terrorists fax ticking time bombs to every fax machine in the country, plunging the US into a level of chaos you'll never be aware of, seeing as how you saw the "incoming object" light start flashing and went of to see what was being sent to you.
I wish that the free coffee in the breakroom tasted like real coffee.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted. The coffee now tastes as if you were eating raw coffee beans. I hope you don't mind the borderline lethal caffeine content... But, mmmmmm... Crunchy!
I wish my company would buy me lunch every day.
Posts: 3486 | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged |
posted
Your guitar playing is hauntingly evocative, and has a beauty that seems to transcend material reality. Unfortunately, you develop an allergy to both nylon and steel, and are unable to play for more than a few moments before your fingers become a mass of blisters and weeping hives.
I wish I was a neutron bomb.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted; it's only available in Japan, and its headache-inducing qualities are such that it's strictly forbidden for import. But it dies a quick and ignominious death once again, anyway.
I wish media companies and pirates could come to an accord that didn't leave paying consumers getting shafted.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted. Pirates and media company executives met at a reasonably priced Honda Accord to discuss their plans to roam the streets in their new Accord, robbing people.
I wish I had a new Beanie.
Posts: 1287 | Registered: Apr 2006
| IP: Logged |
posted
You have a new Beanie. However, no one mentions or compliments you on your new Beanie because it turns out that your old Beanie was the only notable thing about you, and without it, you are the most unremarkable, most easily overlooked, blandest smudge on the face of existence.
I wish the maintenance department would salt the sidewalks adequately.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted! Your mayor vowed when he was campaigning that keeping the city's sidewalks adequately salted would be his administration's top priority, and he has been meticulously careful about keeping his promise. Unfortunately, the budgetary pool that funds sidewalk salting is miniscule. Using funds from a different pool, the mayor hires a contractor to tear out all of the city's sidewalks, save those of the block on which he lives. That block's sidewalks remain clear and passable all winter.
I wish that the stew that I made last night were slightly less tomato-y.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted! Your stew is now absolute 100% tomato rather than the less than pure "tomato-y." Fortunately you are not serving it to a group of puritans from the 1500's.
I wish the broken string on my guitar would replace itself.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted. The guitar replaces its own string, and then decides it wants nothing further to do with you and your string-breaking ways, and runs away.
I wish my neighbor was less exuberant in his use of fireworks.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted. You awaken from your mysterious coma on a Sunday, to find that 20 years have passed. Your children are grown and no longer recognize you. You are known in the tabloids as "Porter van Winkle".
I wish I had a live-in maid to clean up after me and run errands.
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted! There are no more tabloids anywhere in the supermarket. Instead, they're filling your house. And I think that's one of their "reporters" peering in your bedroom window . . .
I wish I had enough time to do everything I need to get done.
Posts: 32919 | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
Your blog has been very useful for an underground terrorrist cell. The comments section has served the purpose of being an untracable point to announce their first major attack! and umm ... if I were you I'd get out of town, the FBI are getting suspicious.
I wish there were more fun fluff threads here like this one.
Posts: 856 | Registered: Jun 2007
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted. There are thousands. And dobies. Good luck ever finding the ones you were participating in. And if you do, they'll move so fast that your additions will be irrelevant by the time you hit 'Add Reply'.
I wish all the bad drivers would move to another state.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
| IP: Logged |
posted
Granted. You are grabbed from the street, pulled into an inconspicious van with tinted windows. You are escorted by some burly men into a dark, dank dungeon, where you are tied to the rack and stretched a bit until you give them the answers they want.
I wish I had a rabbit and a hat and a bat.
Posts: 1100 | Registered: Apr 2008
| IP: Logged |
posted
You got it, dude. As you might expect, local variations to the laws of physics had some odd side effects. You find that whenever you try to go uphill to enjoy some sun, you end up head down in a snow bank.
I wish my workplace offered napping facilities.
Posts: 4287 | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged |
The napping facilities are a major sucess. So much so that some co-workers have decided to create a napping club and you gladly join. But the leaders of the club havd mysterios ideas, on how to sleep forever and dream joyous visions that never end. The plan fails and you all die.
I wish that I had a magic pencil that would give me A's on all my finals.
Posts: 856 | Registered: Jun 2007
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
)
![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
