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Your ponytail makes you look as awesome as Steven Seagal. The present, fifty-odd pounds overweight version. All right, perhaps only "awesome" in the glacial sense.
I wish pseudoepherdrine couldn't be used to make crystal meth.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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The laws of physics change, almost imperceptibly. The only observable difference is that pseudoephedrine can no longer be used to make crystal meth. Well, at first that's the only observable difference. It's only when the first person to take "post change" pseudoephedrine dies that it's discovered that residual traces of the drug left behind in the body result in reanimation, and a relentless hunger for human nerve tissue. The zombies, strangely enough, produce pseudoephedrine in their rotting salivary glands, and as a result their bites transmit undeath to their victims. A zombie plague is unleashed upon the earth, all because you wanted an effective and easily purchased decongestant.
I wish that I were fluent in Thai as well as English.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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Granted... you write a concise, insightful essay. Unfortunately your teacher finds out you plagiarised the whole thing and now you have to write a 5000 word essay defending the ethical grounds on which you decided to cheat.
I wish that I was more able to act upon my feelings.
Posts: 993 | Registered: Jul 2006
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And it is so! Your feelings are now so irrevocably connected to your actions that you cannot help but act on them! Fortunately you are not the violent type, on the downside your anger coping mechanism is to simply stop doing everything and count to 20. This situation plays out horribly upon first entering the freeway and having some speeding maniac cut you off. You slam on your breaks and start counting to 20 but only make it to 8 because the cars behind you start honking at you forcing you to reset the count. It's hours later that a policeman finally reaches you and decides you are a meth head and hauls you off to jail where you are ultimately found to be insane an committed to an asylum. Being their obviously displeases you and so all you can do is count to 20 on an endless loop. Since you now cannot eat or drink or sleep you die in a tragic yet very hilarious fashion. But don't despair, the moment you feel like dying rather then rotting in an asylum you promptly commit suicide.
I wish my cat could somehow supplement my income so that I can catch up on my bills this month.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Granted! Mao Mao finds her way outside and enters a life of petty crime, sneaking into houses and stealing money. You do well, until she brings home a stack of counterfeited bills that you unwittingly spend. You'll have a lot fewer bills in prison.
I wish that my property was fenced, so that I don't have to build any more.
Posts: 1269 | Registered: Jun 2005
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Granted. Your nerves are deadened and you are never aware of the awful truth until it's too late and the screw has twisted its way all the way through your skull and into your brain!
I wish I'd worked harder yesterday and didn't have to work this evening.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Granted! You file for taxes on the 1st of the new year. Christmas shopping is completed on the 26th of the year. You refuse to buy a house or a car until you have all the money up front, and you can forget anybody borrowing money from you as you immediately ask for the money back if they have not previously set a payback date. All in all you are seen as alittle eccentric but nothing more. At least nobody asked you to help construct the great wall of China.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Granted! Two turkeys run up to you and place themselves on either side of your body, squeezing you in tightly. They won't leave and their incessant noise will slowly make you lose your senses.
I wish that my watch would start working again.
Posts: 993 | Registered: Jul 2006
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quote:Originally posted by BlackBlade: Granted! You file for taxes on the 1st of the new year. Christmas shopping is completed on the 26th of the year. You refuse to buy a house or a car until you have all the money up front, and you can forget anybody borrowing money from you as you immediately ask for the money back if they have not previously set a payback date. All in all you are seen as alittle eccentric but nothing more. At least nobody asked you to help construct the great wall of China.
I wish I could unwish the wish I'll make in the next post by my hand in this thread
Of course, now you're stuck in a time loop.
I wish it wasn't such a slow day at work.
Posts: 993 | Registered: Jul 2006
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Granted. All your days are slow, not just today at work. Your leisure time is slow too. You are acutely aware of every single passing moment. Brushing your teeth takes an eternity. In your mind, your favorite sit come lasts as long as the extended version of all three Lord of the Rings movies. You die, slowly, of boredom.
I wish I had a pony.
Posts: 36 | Registered: Oct 2006
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Granted! You're favourite niece dies at only 24 years of age in a horrific car accident. Though it comes as bittersweet, you are granted her prize posession- a one-of-a-kind My Little Pony. It's current value is immesurable, and it is a coveted item among collectors around the world. It is fitting that you received it, as you bought it for her 4th birthday party oh so long ago.
After receiving it, you carefully place it in a specially-designed box so that it comes to no harm and display it proudly. After everything is setup, you wander back into your office to check your email. You notice a recent email from your brother with the heading "RE: RE: RE: FW:FW:FW: .... !!111! LARGE COLLECTION OF RARE MY LITTLE PONIES FOUND IN ABANDONED WAREHOUSE!!!"
I wish I had a better paying job.
Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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Granted. Alas, like Alvin Smith, you are a fictional character, and not one so important that you can't be killed off when it becomes dramatically effective shortly after your introduction.
I wish the board would stop trying to forward us to a 404 error.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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The browser could not find the host server for the provided address.
* Did you make a mistake when typing the domain? (e.g. "ww.mozilla.org" instead of "www.mozilla.org") * Are you certain this domain address exists? Its registration may have expired. * Are you unable to browse other sites? Check your network connection and DNS server settings. * Is your computer or network protected by a firewall or proxy? Incorrect settings can interfere with Web browsing.
I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard, and, <and> I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any other weird surprises. You got it?
Posts: 1287 | Registered: Apr 2006
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Granted. You have a kitty. But...oh...unfortunately, you receive her because your young nephew mailed her to you... 2 months ago. uh oh. No scratches for you, but how will you get that smell out of your memory?
I wish my neighbor's dog would stop barking.
Posts: 36 | Registered: Oct 2006
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