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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » The monkey's paw -- a game (Page 10)

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Author Topic: The monkey's paw -- a game
Vadon
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To answer both of your wishes...

You are now an oscar myer weiner, however Vwiggin's kids eat you, causing them to be well-adjusted, but become amish. They are the most well-adjusted and healthy people I've met.

I wish Donny Osmand would stop haunting me... He's creepy!

[ October 05, 2004, 08:32 PM: Message edited by: Vadon ]

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Annie
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Donny Osmond stops haunting you because... you are Donny Osmond! You burst forth into song: "I closed my eyes - pulled back the curtain. To see for certain what I thought I knewww...."

I wish I had more pickles.

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sarcasticmuppet
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Granted, but they're possessed pickles inhabited by the ghost of Donny Osmond. They burst forth into song: "I closed my eyes - pulled back the curtain. To see for certain what I thought I knewww...."

I wish I had a wicked awesome sense of humor.

[ October 05, 2004, 10:53 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]

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Defenestraitor
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Your sense of humor is so powerfully awesome... that you lose all your other senses. Having lost touch with the outside world, your awesome sense of humor has nowhere to go... except to make fun of you and your pathetically sad situation... for the rest of your life.

I wish I could have debated in Edwards' place.

[ October 05, 2004, 11:33 PM: Message edited by: Defenestraitor ]

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Kwea
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You do, but Kerry still loses.

I wish I didn't have to go to a crappy job tomorow.

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Defenestraitor
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Your crappy job comes to you. And it's family day! Better make sandwiches.

I wish Kerry won't lose the election

(man! somebody's gonna have a field day with this one)

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Jess N
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Kerry wins the election but then swears this was the wrong election, wrong place, wrong time.

I wish I had more time in the day.

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Defenestraitor
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Granted! You have an extra hour each day... by living on Mars, briefly, until you asphyxiate.

I wish Cheney would b!tchslap Bush.

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Jess N
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Granted! But when the Secret Service jump his ass, they realize it's John Kerry in disguise. Kerry spends the rest of his days at Guantanamo...

I wish for Definestraitor to have the best day ever!

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Turgan
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GRANTED! Unfortunately, that would have been YOUR day, and as you can see, being bitten by seven rattle snakes at once isn't in any way shap form or fashion considered good.

I wish it wasn't raining. I need to get that ditch dug.

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Noemon
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Granted. It isn't raining. In fact, thanks to a shift in global climate patterns, it will never rain in your area of the country ever again.

I wish that US researchers would discover a cheap, clean, abundant, renewable source of energy.

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Defenestraitor
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Granted! Today's headline "5 US scientists hold world hostage for renewable energy source - demand $100 trillion"

I wish I had better reception in this darn room

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Turgan
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(Noemon... it isn't SUPPOSED to rain where i live. You just granted me a wish and it turned out EXACTLY the way i wanted it. LOLOLOL!!!)

Granted, unforunatley, this is the ONLY room you get great reception in.

I wish Lullaby didn't turn out to be so... so..... stupid.

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Noemon
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What, do you live in the Atacama desert or something?
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Turgan
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close.. San Angelo.
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Noemon
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Well, you beat the genie, so it looks like you've won. [Smile]
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mr_porteiro_head
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That's it. Time to shut down hatrack.

Way to go. [Grumble]

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Turgan
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what?
Beat the genie?
What the hell are you talking about?
ANSWER MY WISH, DARN IT!!!!!!!!

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Noemon
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Naaah, you already tricked the Genie into granting you exactly what you were after. The genie is busy packing up his booth, at the moment.
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Noemon
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But okay, for old times sake--granted. Lullabye is brilliant. Utterly brilliant. Your failure to appreciate it reflects only on you, not on the glory that is Lullabye (of course, this begs the question "what is Lullabye", but that's a whole different thing).

I wish...for the Genie to return to his booth and resume this thread.

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Katarain
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And as my debut in this thread...

Wish is granted.... Sort of. As the one who freed the genie, you have to take his place and be stuck in the wish thread forever!! MUHAHAHAHA!

I wish I had a credit card with unlimited credit that never had to be paid back.

Edit: Well, technically, that would be Turgan, but you have to do it because you made the wish. You take his place.

[ October 06, 2004, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: Katarain ]

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Noemon
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Hey, I'm not the one who freed the genie--that was Turgan.

[Edit]Oh, sure, edit your post and make me look like a moron![/Edit]

[ October 06, 2004, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: Noemon ]

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Katarain
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Yeah... I caught that in my edit. I'm deeply saddened by it... [Frown]

-Katarain

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Katarain
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But... but.... I edited as fast as I could! Really!!
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MEC
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Granted, however, people get jealous and kill you for it.

I wish for a slice of pizza.

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Katarain
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Granted, but it's a small slice and cold and all of the toppings have slipped off of it and the guy who hands it to you has a cold and just sneezed.

I wish I wasn't dead.

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Noemon
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You now have a delicous tasting slice of pepperoni and mushroom pizza, with extra botulism.

I wish I could decide wether to excercise by going to the gym tonight, or by going rollerblading.

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Noemon
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Granted. You are now a living brain, floating in a nutrient rich saline solution in a mad scientist's lab. Barring accidents you'll outlive everyone you've ever known, but you're condemned to a lifetime of being bored (literally) out of your skull.
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Katarain
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Wish granted. You will decide to go rollerblading and a wheel will break causing you to run into a freezing cold river. This will likely surprise you wherever you live.

I wish I had found this entertaining little thread sooner.

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mr_porteiro_head
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You found it when it was on the first page, and then you killed it. Way to go. [No No]

I wish I had a Carl's Jr. Bacon Chicken Guacamole burger.

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sarcasticmuppet
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Granted. You choke on it and die.

I wish I wouldn't get nervous at my audition tonight.

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Noemon
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You don't! Before the audition, you get so rip-roaring drunk that when you stumble out onto the stage you have absolutely no idea where you are. After falling to your knees and vomiting on the shoes of the person before whom you were to audition you pass out. You did all of this with an almost blissful self confidence.

I wish that that MOTO would return to hatrack and tell us how her life has been going in the 4 years or so since she last posted.

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mr_porteiro_head
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SM -- what are you auditioning for?
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Defenestraitor
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Granted, Noemon! MOTO comes back and lets everyone know her life has been splendid... after her vile hatred of you forced her to leave the forum 4 years ago.

I wish I knew who MOTO was.

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Katarain
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I just keep on thinking "Hello Moto" from those commercials...
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Bob_Scopatz
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Granted, but now you spend your days pining for MOTO and so your life is sadly derailed and nothing ever feels "right" again.

I wish that the tape wouldn't flop back onto the roll and stick to itself!

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Polio
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It doesn't-- but it's double-sided tape and it sticks to everything but the roll and you just can't get it off!

I wish I had proper sleeping habits.

Edit: I need more sleep and consequently spelled "roll" wrong.

[ October 06, 2004, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: Polio ]

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Anthro
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You find yourself sleeping deeply eight hours a day. However, this eight hour period comes at inconvenient times, and most people are offended if you fall asleep while they're talking to you.

I wish there were less hoity-toity subdivisions and more neighborhoods like the nice little town I grew up in.

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Polio
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There are now more nice little neighborhoods where people all use words like "hoity-toity". Unfortunately, they are referred to as senior citizens' homes and you are too young to be admitted.

I wish I had pizza. GOOD pizza.

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Bob_Scopatz
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You have truly excellent pizza. Unfortunately, it's your last day on a Roman holiday and you may never be able to afford to go back for another Quattro Frommagio from that little bistro tucked away near the Fora Romani. It sours you on regular pizza for ever.

I wish I had a really good data-aware graphics package.

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docmagik
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Granted. Unfortunately, it's aware of a lot of other stuff, too, and it just used your internet connection to pirate 2001 and it LOVED it.

I wish everyone would just accept that I'm always right.

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rivka
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Granted, sire! Unfortunately, the universe is now in irreconcilable paradox. *POOF*


I would wish that people would use the subjunctive properly, but Annie already did that a page back . . . so, I wish I had read this thread soon enough that I could have wished that everyone use the subjunctive properly.

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Turgan
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GRANTED! Unfortunately, al those people need to do now is learn how to spoke properly. Spake properly.... speaked properly... whatever...

I wish i had gotten more sleep.

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AbeLinclon
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wish granted but now you will sleep forever.

I wish I had a full ride to the college of my choice...

[ October 11, 2004, 09:18 AM: Message edited by: AbeLinclon ]

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Sopwith
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And a greyhound bus appears at your doorstep tomorrow! Here's your ticket, free of charge.

I wish I had some nice beach front property in Malibu.

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Scott R
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Granted! Then the earthquake and Pacific hurricane season hits with full force, and your beachfront property becomes sea floor property.

I wish that all my laundry was done.

[ October 11, 2004, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: Scott R ]

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AbeLinclon
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You are transported 1,000 years into the future where Malibu is a chep location. you own all the beach front homes but the ocean no longer exists. Instead it's a landfill...

I wish Christopher Reeves hadn't died.

Edit this was meant for two posts up^

[ October 11, 2004, 09:23 AM: Message edited by: AbeLinclon ]

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katharina
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Scott: Granted! The sock, cheese and broccoli casserole is coming out of the oven as we speak.

AbeLincoln: (hmm...I'm not sure I can make a joke of this.) Granted. Unfortunately, this causes a rift in the space/time continuum and the director of the next Superman movie is declared to be Vincent Gallo.

I wish I could figure out the least ornerous place to stay for Christmas.

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Megan
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You figure it out. It's the Bahamas...but you can't go, because you have family obligations.

I wish I would stop making mistakes.

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Scott R
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Granted! You're now God, and have to worry about every single little thing you do, and how that will reflect on you for aeons to come.

I wish that I had a pair of shoes that did not make my feet sweat.

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