posted
Granted! A judge legislating from the bench of course decides on a whim to legally change your name to "Everything" lets all pray your last name is not "Reeks"
I wish I could wake up to find all my debt and bills paid in full.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
Granted! The first thing you hear is a squirrel asking if everyone is ready for the attack on AutumnWind (I assume this is your real name). The second,and last thing you hear is "Yes."
I wish more good things would happen to more people.
Edit: Blast! Too late. ok:
Granted! Unfortunately you are single for much more than 3 months due to the incredibly itchy and superhumanly funky VD epedimic that somehow started with you. Thanks a lot!
now... I wish more good things would happen to more people.
Posts: 2596 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Granted! You are drowned in ice-cold water. Your body parts are transplanted into others, and countless lives are saved. They never find out that you were still alive and sentient during the operation, becuse your tongue is frozen. You die a miserably gruesome death.
I wish I knew how to dobie.
Posts: 1594 | Registered: Apr 2006
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there's a thread somewhere called "Hey Newbies look in here" or something like that. You might want to check it out.
also, abbreviations of swear words are against the terms of use here, and also offensive (as are the actual swear words).
There's an edit function should you care to fix that... Thanks!
===================================
FTOAS: You can dobie as well as anyone. Sadly, that's not very good and nobody thinks it's very funny anymore.
I wish the people who edited things took the time to understand the intended audience and the purpose of the piece they are editing.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Sadly, most don't. And won't. That's just life. In your mind, though, wish granted... and everything's perfect... and you're dead... by yourself... in the Edit Room. Hope you're up for some editing.
I still wish I knew what my wish were... and that it would do some good.
Posts: 1355 | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
You know what your wish was, you know that it would do some good, but you wasted your wish wishing for this knowledge and are now blocked forever from realizing your dreams. You find yourself wishing you could forget.
I wish I could master RPG without having to actually know anything or spend time studying it.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Failing to clarify your acronym, you have become a master of rocket-propelled grenades. Your sudden acquisition of these skills has local and national law enforcement very curious...
I wish I slept soundly for eight hours every night.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
Your wish is granted. Combined with the new physiological law, that “the percentage of sound sleep is about 33.3% of the total amount of sleep”, you now sleep all the time, and the rest of 66.6% is awfully frustrating.
I wish everybody knew and understood themselves better.
Posts: 1154 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Your wish has been granted. Everybody is now fascinated by the inner workings of their own persona and has become completely self-absorbed. This means no more human interaction, no new offspring and ultimately the end of humanity.
I wish I knew how to keep my answers concise.
Posts: 993 | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Your wish is granted. You now answer all questions with a simple "yes" or "no". You are so pleased with your new ability that your vocabulary gets reduced to those only two words. (You can use those two words as a binary-code in order to represent any letter/digit/symbol, but you can only code the necessary parts to build the same two words only ("Y-E-S" and "N-O"), as your "speech", even in binary-code has to be concise. So you can, but obviously won't use it, for it is less concise than a straight "yes/no".) It is now impossible for you to answer any questions that begin with "Why../When../Where../Who../How.." or communicate any of your original ideas to the others.
I wish people weren't so self-absorbed anymore.
Posts: 1154 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Your wish is granted. People no longer care about anything that purports to their own persona. In stead they spend all their time gawking at other people, wondering what makes them so perfect. They all ask each other very intimate questions, but nobody ever answers anyone, since that would mean probing into their personal thoughts. This way nothing ever gets done and once more the human race is doomed...
I wish that I could save the world.
Posts: 993 | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Your wish is granted. A weird situation presents itself where the whole existence of the world depends on you. So you, and only you, can save it, at a very precise moment. But when the moment comes, you are so pleased and concerned with your wish being granted that you fail to chose to save the world and the world is utterly destroyed. And you are the only one to blame for everything.
I wish people could maintain a good equilibrium between "knowing and understanding themselves better" and "not being so self-absorbed".
Posts: 1154 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
You do. In billions of plastic zip-lock baggies. Storage, and a means of cataloguing everything, are problems, but hey, you've got all the time in the world, and no distractions.
I wish I hadn't broken my eyeglasses.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Your wish is granted. You are now in an alternate Universe where time was re-winded before the moment of your falling over your eyeglasses. When the moment of your fall comes, they don't break, but instead they penetrate into your skull and transform your brain tissue into “veggie soup”. Alas, the eyeglasses are safe and sound!
I wish you had answered my wish in the previous post.
Posts: 1154 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Your wish is granted. The public is now forever torn between self-interest and altruism. Indecision becomes the norm and major problems (such as fossil fuel situation/global warming/possible WWIII) go unheeded, leaving humanity moving on a downward spiral once again.
I wish I could be more optimistic about the fate of humankind.
Posts: 993 | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Granted, you feel your jadedness washing away as you are filled with joy over the remarkable potential of man. As you cross the street marveling at all that humanity has, and soon will accomplish, you are plowed down by a drunk driver. On the plus side, you get to experience the miracles of modern medicine.
I wish my favorite yellow tie hadn't worn out.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
Your wish is granted. Your favourite yellow tie remains in perfect condition for ever, which allows you to wear it more and more often. As a result, you find out that your wife has left you, you are jobless and no one wants to have anything to do with you anymore, because it is the most annoying yellow tie in the whole Universe...
I wish I could see how “could maintain a good equilibrium” can lead to “forever torn between” …
Posts: 1154 | Registered: Oct 2005
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posted
Your wish is granted. You'll be able to understand that the equilibrium you requested isn't a fixed thing, but instead something that floats somewhere between both extremes. Yet now you are incapable of ever reaching that point.
I wish that this game could go on forever.
Posts: 993 | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Granted: Now you and I are forced to sit at our respective computers all the time just in case someone else does not post just so we can keep the game going. We can only take brief restroom breaks while the other person posts. On my end, I lose my job, my husband leaves me and takes my daughter and I die from scurvy and malnutrition (which would kill me first medicos?).
I wish I were a morning person so I could get to work on time.
Posts: 1319 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
(The sheer endless posting in this neverending game would cause me to lose my job as well, plus it'll make my fingers grow in weird shapes, kinda resembling a monkey's paw.)
Granted: You can now only be awake between 0:00 hours and noon. Unfortunately this doesn't increase the time frame in which you can be productive, since everybody else is still sleeping in.
I wish I could type faster.
Posts: 993 | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Granted. It now causes *horrible*--room-clearingly horrible--breath. It's so bad that people pretty much have to bleach their mouths to make the scent bearable. Coffee sales plummet, severly damaging the economies of key Central American economies. The affected countries collapse into civil war. The unrest spreads, and soon every country from the tip of Patagonia to the Rio Grande is in chaos. Seeing the opportunity, various terror organizations set up shop in the region. The US is forced to abandon Iraq and Afghanistan in order to deal with the threat in its backyard, and Iran takes advantage of the situation, choosing to make a land grab rather than simply pulling strings. Iraqi Kurds, alarmed by this action, declare an independent Kurdish state in what was Northern Iraq. Turkey, alarmed by this, invades the territory, and itself plunges into chaos as Turkish Kurds begin a guerilla war against their own country.
It all goes downhill from there. Soon skies across the globe are darkened by the smoke of burning cities, and within a decade New Zealand is the only place on earth that can make any claim to civilization.
All in all, New Zealand historians agree, it would have been better if coffee's effect on breath had remained the same.
I wish that I hadn't kept being interrupted by work, and had been able to get my response written more quickly.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Granted. Time rewinds, you're fired, no one will ever hire you again, and now you will never be interrupted by work and so all of your responses are written much more quickly.
I wish that this thread didn't twist any posted wishes.
Posts: 283 | Registered: Jul 2006
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posted
Granted. She does very well, getting along charmingly with the handsome, debonaire, and infatuated new interviewer. She lets you know she got the job, while on her way to Las Vegas with the interviewer.
I wish work was over for the day.
Posts: 11895 | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
Granted. He answers it all the time, even when it's not ringing. He thinks it's asking him questions. Frankly, we're all a little worried about Alex. Sad, really.
I wish the baby's room was ready.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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posted
The temperature in your apartment is precisely seventy-six degrees fahrenheit. However, between the fire raging beneath you and the enormous liquid helium spill above you, this state of affairs is likely to be short-lived, indeed.
I wish I could find more good authors without reading so much dreck.
Posts: 3826 | Registered: May 2005
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posted
"Good" is such a subjective thing when it comes to fiction, isn't it? With a wave of the genie's hand, your tastes change completely, and you find yourself almost quivering in anticipation of getting your hands on the next Dan Brown book. It may be a little while before he gets another one written, you know, but at least you have a stack of those really great Lilian Jackson Braun novels to tide you over. And if you get through those, there's always the pile of Dragonlance novels waiting to be tackled.
As you pick up The Cat Who Talked Turkey from the top of the stack, you marvel at how strange it was that you didn't recognize what a good author Braun was before your encounter with the genie.
On my desk, there are three papers bound together with a blue rubberized paperclip. I wish that the paperclip were a slightly darker shade of blue.
Posts: 16059 | Registered: Aug 2000
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posted
Granted, the paperclip is just slightly darker! Or, at least, it looks that way to you. Little do you know that this is the first sign of a degenerative eye disease that will slowly darken your vision until all you see is deep, deep blue.
I wish my front garden was weeded.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
ShaZam! Your garden is fully weeded. Every weed you can think of is represented. As a bonus, the weeds are going to spread quickly to the rest of your property, and the entire neighborhood.
I wish I didn't have to wait a minute to post after dkw posts.
Posts: 22497 | Registered: Sep 2000
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Granted! All of the weeds are removed from your front yard. Along with all other plants, dirt, sticks, etc, leaving only an asphault (sp?) slab with yellow lines. (You didn't get the memo? We're putting a parking lot there...)
I wish I could juggle 5 clubs.
Posts: 354 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Granted: The 5 clubs you are currently juggling are the 10, jack, queen, king, and ace of clubs as you are playing in the World Poker Tournament. Unfortunately you are not very good at poker and do not realize that this is a pretty decent hand so you fold, losing all your money. It costs $10,000 to enter the tournament, which was all the money you had so now you can't pay the rent and you get evicted and they repo your car. Happy juggling!
posted
Granted! Your coworker goes to your boss and admits that there has been emnity between the both of you in regards to the new opening in the chief garbage sorter position. Your coworker advises your boss to give you the position. Your boss does, but is so impressed by the humility of your coworker he promotes him to be his chief aid, thus giving your coworker a 40% pay raise, free housing, insurance, dental healthcare, and a new car.
I wish this stupid phlegm build up in my throat/nasal cavity would go away FOREVER! The phelgm in my stomach cavity can stay.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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